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Almost 8 months off now, and still getting worse, Is it me?


[ch...]

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Hello again

 

Just wanted to ask if this not getting better but worse is still normal? 

 

No breaks or windows,  I am really beginning to think it's me and that is it,

 

I am getting old and it's dementia or some other serious mental and physical deterioration

 

I don't understand this at all .

 

I know I had anxiety to start with and I was tried on sertraline, but that was 2017

 

Then they gave me  pregabalin but only took it a week, ,

 

I did try Mirtazapine  when still on valium for 1 week each time in May and July 2018 ,  but  otherwise only valium 4mgs  for 20 months including a long taper for 17 but interrupted by a hospital visit so back to 4mgs from 2.5mgs and tapered for another 14 months to zero.

 

Surely I should be better than this and not getting worse, 

 

Has anyone got worse without windows and got better ?

 

I am so filled with fear and terror every day and my ears are screaming , rumbling and hissing so very badly 

 

The numbness and prickling  never leaves me 

 

I am so desperate for some reassurance,  I am tired out with lack of sleep , and the stress of this going on endlessly

 

Oh for some hope that this will get better,

 

I try hard, watching my diet,  going for my walks,  with someone on the phone,

 

trying to sleep  as best I can , I am no longer able to distract , the way I could in my taper, and at a loss

 

 

I take no supplements or other drugs , don't drink alcohol  ( last drink March 2108) before taking valium

 

I don't smoke, I drink water , I  think it's reassurance I need that this really is withdrawal and it will go

 

I keep trying to find success stories where people struggled without windows through these months and even got worse but the did heal

 

Just some hope 

 

Thank for any help in advance

 

Jen

 

Sorry to keep posting,  just trying to get through

 

 

 

 

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Then be reassured: all your symptoms are symptoms of withdrawal. 8 months is still equivalent to just boarding the ride that is Benzo Withdrawal. Lots of twists and turns ahead. You're still in the acute faze, by the sounds of it. The length of time that healing takes varies from person to person. No two paths are alike though their are certain patterns. That said, just because you're sill in acute doesn't mean it won't start to ebb any day or even second now. This will pass. It all does. I'm very happy to hear you're not drinking or taking supplements, that only makes everything take longer. It sounds like you've got some great habits on board. You've done all you can in terms of active participation (you've come off). Now, with these healthy and smart habits, you live as much as you can day to day with the knowledge that what is Benzos passes. You're doing great!!

m

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Then be reassured: all your symptoms are symptoms of withdrawal. 8 months is still equivalent to just boarding the ride that is Benzo Withdrawal. Lots of twists and turns ahead. You're still in the acute faze, by the sounds of it. The length of time that healing takes varies from person to person. No two paths are alike though their are certain patterns. That said, just because you're sill in acute doesn't mean it won't start to ebb any day or even second now. This will pass. It all does. I'm very happy to hear you're not drinking or taking supplements, that only makes everything take longer. It sounds like you've got some great habits on board. You've done all you can in terms of active participation (you've come off). Now, with these healthy and smart habits, you live as much as you can day to day with the knowledge that what is Benzos passes. You're doing great!!

m

 

 

Oh thank you oh so much Marina, 

 

What a great and positive message or encouragement,  ,

 

Yes in terms of  benzo withdrawal I suppose 8 months is barely off the starting gate,  but oh the torture on the drug,  almost from the very start, then the taper,  trying to keep symptoms down which was impossible, and now this on top, it has added up to almost 2.5 years , It's a lot of intense  suffering with things increasing and no let  up ,

 

I  really do hope  some relief is on the way ,  I know it's about time and each of us is different,  for sure my reaction to the drug was bad, but that is in the past now and can't be changed

 

I am really glad you think I am doing the right things,  In truth I am too scared to do otherwise or how would I know what is causing what?

 

I fear it may be me getting old and not withdrawal , especially the lack of being able to read my books anymore or  watch tv,  , I think of the disease of older age, and it scares me

 

I had thought about trying omega 3 oil but even that worries me,

 

It is probably all  just another symptom , this fear it's something else, and I am wasting what time left to me  thinking time will fix me,

 

I am bound to feel that way a little at my grand age , but then I was quite well before this, except for anxiety ,

 

 

Thank you once again Marina ,

 

Jen 

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I am sorry you are suffering, chinchuck, but my understanding is that recovery takes time.  One of our members who has expertise in both medicine and pharmacology has posted that recovery can take 24 - 36 months for a significant number of individuals.
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This is withdrawal. That's a promise. You may have had some issues before but ask yourself whether it was anything like this? I am sure that the answer is "no". What has happened to you is the same as what has happened to everybody here in some form.

 

To me, you sound a lot more like the typical person going through these withdrawals than someone afflicted with the diseases of old age. Being a little older won't stop you from recovering but it might take a little longer on average. It's like how alcohol hangovers are more severe and last longer the older you get.

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I am sorry you are suffering, chinchuck, but my understanding is that recovery takes time.  One of our members who has expertise in both medicine and pharmacology has posted that recovery can take 24 - 36 months for a significant number of individuals.

 

 

 

I have heard many different time frames for healing, varying from Prof Ashton's original 6 months to 18 months, 

 

Bristol TP, find the average to be 18 months to 2 years for the many they have helped over the years, they have been going, 

 

I believe a Doctor in Canada  says 3-4 years, 

 

However it is all individual,  I guess mostly dependent on genetics and  the amount of damage done, which in one person may not be vast, even though they have take the drug for a long time,  , where others are damaged extremely fast and have a difficult recovery as there is so much damage done to them.

 

I just hope this is all withdrawal and I will get better at the very least,  though a full recovery would be wonderful and I would never ever take for granted the gift of  not suffering day after day , again , but rejoice in living the way we were born, without being chemically damaged , 

 

Thank you so  much for writing a message,

 

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This is withdrawal. That's a promise. You may have had some issues before but ask yourself whether it was anything like this? I am sure that the answer is "no". What has happened to you is the same as what has happened to everybody here in some form.

 

To me, you sound a lot more like the typical person going through these withdrawals than someone afflicted with the diseases of old age. Being a little older won't stop you from recovering but it might take a little longer on average. It's like how alcohol hangovers are more severe and last longer the older you get.

 

 

 

Thank you so much for your message ,

 

I do worry that something else is wrong and I am hoping against hope that in time I will heal when in reality I can't as  my brain is giving out ,

 

I know this drug and it's withdrawal can make us think all sorts of odd things and  a window would prove me wrong, but I don't seem to get them , so the doubt lingers

 

I really want to be well again to enjoy what time is given to me,  and hope that you are right ,

 

Maybe it will take a bit longer being older as you say, 

 

I really wish the Doctor had thought of that before giving me this at nearly 73, 

 

I will try to stay positive as best I can, 

 

I try to stay busy to distract from the waves of fear that still plague me, I don't know why it doesn't ease, 

 

It really is the hard to cope with ,

 

I would have thought this feeling would have eased by  now, even if other symptoms persisted

 

That is why I fear it's me and not withdrawal

 

Thank you once again

 

Jen

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Chinchuck, this is all most likely withdrawal but getting a clean bill off health by a doctor will make you feel better even if it’s just the relief from fearing something else is wrong. Have you been to rule out anything just in case as you wait to get better?
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Hi Jen, is there any one symptom that causes you more pain than the others maybe go back to GP see if that can be eased a bit. The Bristol centre said 1 year is early days and most don't recover until second year. I'm older , few years younger than you but it doesn't automatically mean you are getting dementia the drugs do strange things to your brain. I got lot worse after 6 months then again after taking the anti depressants. I've never had any Windows really thought would be improved by now, if you are really worried go back to your GP, sure it's withdrawal but eliminating other things might put your mind at rest. I'm finding it hard to be positive so you aren't alone in that , some of us find things harder than others, but do at least contact your GP. Take care X
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I wonder if you're trying to do too much in your attempts to keep busy and distract from your symptoms? At the peak of my suffering, I would just sit and do nothing except deep breathing exercises and glancing up at the clock for up to two hours at a time. No stimulation whatsoever. It didn't cure me but I think it helped to a degree.

 

Distraction is a very useful tool but too much stimulating activity is not the best. We're already overstimulated.

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I wonder if you're trying to do too much in your attempts to keep busy and distract from your symptoms? At the peak of my suffering, I would just sit and do nothing except deep breathing exercises and glancing up at the clock for up to two hours at a time. No stimulation whatsoever. It didn't cure me but I think it helped to a degree.

 

Distraction is a very useful tool but too much stimulating activity is not the best. We're already overstimulated.

 

 

It is possible  that I am doing to much but I seem to have lost the ability to watch tv or concentrate on reading, 

 

It looks as if you are early days off, , and doing well,

 

I do hope I start to pick up soon but think I am in for the long haul and trying hard to get through each day ,when time is now so very precious to me

 

Oh for a lovely long sleep

 

Oh to be able to catch up in the day on all the torment of the  night ,

 

When my life is back I will never let it slip away again at the Doctor's hands, 

 

My own fault for going there for anxiety when I should have gone running

 

Thank you for taking the time to send me a  message

 

Jen

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  • 2 weeks later...

Hi Jen,

Thank you for your post. I am so sorry for your suffering and appreciate the courage and tenacity it takes to endure this ride. What I relate to so much in your post is the fear that things will remain the same and the need for hope that things will and can get better. I am trying to stick around to give myself the chance ofor seeing improvements and I so truly hope and wish that you will gain some reprieve too. And soon.

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