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Using half of my life


[Va...]

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Hi guys,

I have been on and off benzodiazepines for 10 - 15 years give or take, half of my life. I am currently on half of what I used to be on.

 

It started with temazepam (footies), I used to get them illegally as I didn't know I had childhood PTSD at that time. They made me feel normal as life was rough, I was 15 years old. I had been prescribed quetiapine, lithium and ciprimil (citalopram) via psychiatric professionals.

By 19 I had been getting Lorazapam monthly, swapping pot (weed) for monthly prescriptions and taking them accordingly to dose (sometimes binging). I had been on citalopram for years at this stage and starting self harming more than ever, I went without medications during and after my first child. I stopped self harming, got a job and had my baby. Life was ok.

 

When my second child was born, my city had a major natural disaster and my partner (now husband) 2 children and I left for a month to another city,  things were dark and my family (parents) are very selfish people I had minimal support.

 

I got diagnosed with type 2 bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder and depression. Prescribed 10mg temazepam daily (at night)

Epillim and PRN loraz.

 

I got a clinical psychologist who had worked with recovering addicts and victims of sexual assualt. I finally got the help I needed, I had been misdiagnosed for all these years, hooray I had answers. I have Complex PTSD and major depressive disorder which is treated via cognitive behavioral therapy and medication.

 

Suffered a nervous breakdown last year and got a Diazapam perscription. So it's up and down for me.

 

Nowadays I have told doctor I cannot be prescribed temazapam instead I get:

4 loraz PRN when required (friend shares 2 - 3 weekly with me) 1.5 mgs

4 Zopiclone per month 7.5mgs

Daily fluoxetine 20 mgs

30 Diazapam every 3 months 5mgs

CBD I acquire but doctor knows i use it.

 

I am addicted yet high functioning. Second year into a bachelors and a happy family.

 

My doctor is of no help as he doesn't understand anxiety and depression (he's a good doctor).

I want to taper my medication and be benzo free at least by next year. I watched a doco and seen this site, I am intrugued.

Thanks guys

 

 

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Hello Valarie64,

 

Welcome to Benzo Buddies! You have had a long and complicated medication history. I congratulate you for deciding to taper off the benzos and that you have developed tools to deal with the traumas you've experienced.

 

I would suggest you do some reading here before you start your taper. It is also important to be on a steady dose of benzos, preferably just one drug, when tapering. The central nervous system is very sensitive and any fluctuations can make the fragile system react negatively.

 

What is your daily dose of diazepam? That is what you'll need to determine first.  From that point, once you've read about the various taper plans, you can start a slow and sensible taper.  You mention using zopiclone 4 times a month, is this correct? If so, if it were me, I would simply stay off this medication.  Zopiclone is a Z drug and affects the nervous system in the same manner as a benzo.

 

I'll give you a link to the Planning Your Withdrawal Board. You can read about how other members plan their taper and ask questions and receive feedback from members. 

 

I'll also give you a link to the Ashton Manual. It is an excellent resource about benzos, tapering and withdrawal . The manual was written by Dr. Heather Ashton, an expert in the field.

 

You've come to the right place for support and information.  This is doable with a good taper plan.  Congratulations to you on your work towards your bachelor degree, good for you.  Let us know how we can help, we're here for you.

 

Planning Your Withdrawal (Taper Plans)

 

The Ashton Manual

 

pianogirl  :)

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