The Painful Illusions of a Sick Mind

[[Al...]]

It's the same brutal struggle each morning. The fight between anxiety and logic takes epic proportions. My altered instincts vividly remind me of all the possible dangers I will face if I'll leave the house. My logic strongly opposes the instincts: all those dangers are highly improbable, most of them are pure paranoia. The battle's outcome is decided by negative motivation: if I don't leave the house I'll loose my job. But I NEVER regret leaving my "safety zone", even if negative motivation is the reason and not my courage. Because only at work the logic wins. It's the only place where I feel useful and appreciated. And only there my healing feels like an unquestionable certitude. But it's all an illusion, a foolish fantasy, and for the rest of the day, my fear and anxiety wins unchallenged.