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People who experienced paranoia - what was your most outrageous thought?


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I know this is one of the most sensitive topics but I thought that maybe it's worth discussing because it seems to be common in withdrawal. Please also add if the paranoid thoughts are still there o have left you.

 

My thoughts are mostly attached to childhood fears. I had a phobia of everything paranormal and during sleepless nights I've been scared of ghosts and aliens. I also had a difficult relationship with my mom as she never admitted to snooping in my things when it was very obvious. I think this has given birth to thoughts of being hated by my family and friends, and being spied on and my meds being tampered with.

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Wow, I can totally relate. My parents know things about me from snooping and sneaking that they should never have been able to find out. Most of it not that bad, "just" a gross invasion of my privacy, leaving me feeling grubby in the same way that a rape victim might feel dirty but to what I assume is a much lesser extent. No admission of guilt but like with you, it's really really obvious.

 

I had some episodes of psychosis which definitely led to some outrageous thoughts but perhaps not of the kind you're getting at. Maybe the closest I have had that compares to what you're getting at is thinking my parents wanted me dead. I still can't quite understand how decent people can behave in such a tactless, insensitive and often just downright harmful manner. It was very clear that I was in a terrible way and they pushed and pushed regardless. I still can't make sense of it. I'm still hurting deeply, wondering what the hell could motivate people to behave so consistently terrible. But I'm not jumping to wild conclusions like them wanting me dead.

 

I'm sorry you've had to deal with this but I'm glad that you are lucid enough to recognise these thoughts for what they are.

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When I was just at the tail end of my taper, we moved into a new place, and once we moved, I became convinced that it was haunted.  I started thinking that the people who sold us the house were actually ghosts and still living here and even at one point, entertained the idea that perhaps the whole town was full of ghosts. 
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Last year i went down to the hospital to see if I needed sectioning as my intrusive thoughts got the worse of me and made me go into a form of psychosis. Lucky enough the nurse there was lovely and saw that it was my bento tapering and said no this can be a part of it, I said I feel I am going mad but she said no your not mad, just tapering off benzo's which as we all know is a f***ing nightmare.

I all of a sudden got intrusive thoughts of killing my mum, its crazy I love her so much and it really hurt me and made me start questioning who I was, the thoughts scared me so much that I said to my parents I didn't want to live with them as I couldn't coupe with it. It drove me up the wall to why is this happening, its the worst thought I have ever had and my anxiety was loving it. Lucky my parents are so supportive and the thought slowly went away. I still have that thought every so often, when I am tapering off the diazepam, but meditation helps and I just try to let my thoughts pass good or bad. Seems that anxiety wants to grab hold of any bad thought and thats it, feeding time.  :(

 

I feel so ashamed I have put my parents through and feel bad writing this cos it makes me out to look like a nutter, but as we know benzo's can do some horrible things to our heads but its a battle I will win and get through.

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Wow, I can totally relate. My parents know things about me from snooping and sneaking that they should never have been able to find out. Most of it not that bad, "just" a gross invasion of my privacy, leaving me feeling grubby in the same way that a rape victim might feel dirty but to what I assume is a much lesser extent. No admission of guilt but like with you, it's really really obvious.

 

I had some episodes of psychosis which definitely led to some outrageous thoughts but perhaps not of the kind you're getting at. Maybe the closest I have had that compares to what you're getting at is thinking my parents wanted me dead. I still can't quite understand how decent people can behave in such a tactless, insensitive and often just downright harmful manner. It was very clear that I was in a terrible way and they pushed and pushed regardless. I still can't make sense of it. I'm still hurting deeply, wondering what the hell could motivate people to behave so consistently terrible. But I'm not jumping to wild conclusions like them wanting me dead.

 

I'm sorry you've had to deal with this but I'm glad that you are lucid enough to recognise these thoughts for what they are.

 

I'm so sorry. Parents should be the people supporting us through this. Like a rock that doesn't waver. I'm quite sure my mom actually tampered with my liquid diazepam. The first day I put it in the fridge in the common area, it got sediment in the bottom. Sent it to a lab straight away and they said it's diluted with water. I know I didn't dilute it (unless I got a fugue episode, which has never happened in my life) and I know there was no sediment when I opened the box. The only people with access are me and my family. This living situation doesn't seem healthy at all.

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When I was just at the tail end of my taper, we moved into a new place, and once we moved, I became convinced that it was haunted.  I started thinking that the people who sold us the house were actually ghosts and still living here and even at one point, entertained the idea that perhaps the whole town was full of ghosts.

 

This thought is not foreign to me. As I mentioned, I have childhood fears of the paranormal. Has you paranoia subsided with time?

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Last year i went down to the hospital to see if I needed sectioning as my intrusive thoughts got the worse of me and made me go into a form of psychosis. Lucky enough the nurse there was lovely and saw that it was my bento tapering and said no this can be a part of it, I said I feel I am going mad but she said no your not mad, just tapering off benzo's which as we all know is a f***ing nightmare.

I all of a sudden got intrusive thoughts of killing my mum, its crazy I love her so much and it really hurt me and made me start questioning who I was, the thoughts scared me so much that I said to my parents I didn't want to live with them as I couldn't coupe with it. It drove me up the wall to why is this happening, its the worst thought I have ever had and my anxiety was loving it. Lucky my parents are so supportive and the thought slowly went away. I still have that thought every so often, when I am tapering off the diazepam, but meditation helps and I just try to let my thoughts pass good or bad. Seems that anxiety wants to grab hold of any bad thought and thats it, feeding time.  :(

 

I feel so ashamed I have put my parents through and feel bad writing this cos it makes me out to look like a nutter, but as we know benzo's can do some horrible things to our heads but its a battle I will win and get through.

 

I'm so sorry. This is actually my most disturbing thought, too. The bad thing is that me and my mom have a strained relationship, so my brain jus tells me 'you hate her and you want to hurt her'. It's the most mind-fucking thing because part of it is true and part of it isn't. Meditation also helped m for a while but I feel something got me this February. I've never had violent intrusive thoughts like this before. I don't know if I've reached the peak of tolerance withdrawal or maybe it's my hormones. I've no idea.

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Ghosts is a big one for me. Also thinking people are spying on me through hidden cameras in my home and my phone and computer. And thinking someone is hiding in my loft comes around fairly often.
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Ghosts is a big one for me. Also thinking people are spying on me through hidden cameras in my home and my phone and computer. And thinking someone is hiding in my loft comes around fairly often.

 

I think it's like a mix of phobias and hypervigilance? And yes, can relate to the 'being watched' thing, too. I sometimes get the uneasy feeling of not being 'alone', if it makes sense.

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Last year i went down to the hospital to see if I needed sectioning as my intrusive thoughts got the worse of me and made me go into a form of psychosis. Lucky enough the nurse there was lovely and saw that it was my bento tapering and said no this can be a part of it, I said I feel I am going mad but she said no your not mad, just tapering off benzo's which as we all know is a f***ing nightmare.

I all of a sudden got intrusive thoughts of killing my mum, its crazy I love her so much and it really hurt me and made me start questioning who I was, the thoughts scared me so much that I said to my parents I didn't want to live with them as I couldn't coupe with it. It drove me up the wall to why is this happening, its the worst thought I have ever had and my anxiety was loving it. Lucky my parents are so supportive and the thought slowly went away. I still have that thought every so often, when I am tapering off the diazepam, but meditation helps and I just try to let my thoughts pass good or bad. Seems that anxiety wants to grab hold of any bad thought and thats it, feeding time.  :(

 

I feel so ashamed I have put my parents through and feel bad writing this cos it makes me out to look like a nutter, but as we know benzo's can do some horrible things to our heads but its a battle I will win and get through.

 

I'm so sorry. This is actually my most disturbing thought, too. The bad thing is that me and my mom have a strained relationship, so my brain jus tells me 'you hate her and you want to hurt her'. It's the most mind-fucking thing because part of it is true and part of it isn't. Meditation also helped m for a while but I feel something got me this February. I've never had violent intrusive thoughts like this before. I don't know if I've reached the peak of tolerance withdrawal or maybe it's my hormones. I've no idea.

 

yeah I am a placid person, lol never had a fight in my life. So thoughts like this scared the crap out of me. Meditation does help. Are you still meditating? I use Headspace app, find it helps. Sorry you had these thoughts too over time hopefully things will get better  :thumbsup:

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I also have another one at the moment where I don't want to get in a car on the motorway. Had intrusive thoughts of looking at the door handle and throwing myself out of the moving car, that scares the crap to of me and I have had a few panic attacks in the car whilst someone is driving. I have to sit in the back with the child locks on, makes me feel safer, although I still have the thought but think I can't get out anyways in the back of the car.
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Last year i went down to the hospital to see if I needed sectioning as my intrusive thoughts got the worse of me and made me go into a form of psychosis. Lucky enough the nurse there was lovely and saw that it was my bento tapering and said no this can be a part of it, I said I feel I am going mad but she said no your not mad, just tapering off benzo's which as we all know is a f***ing nightmare.

I all of a sudden got intrusive thoughts of killing my mum, its crazy I love her so much and it really hurt me and made me start questioning who I was, the thoughts scared me so much that I said to my parents I didn't want to live with them as I couldn't coupe with it. It drove me up the wall to why is this happening, its the worst thought I have ever had and my anxiety was loving it. Lucky my parents are so supportive and the thought slowly went away. I still have that thought every so often, when I am tapering off the diazepam, but meditation helps and I just try to let my thoughts pass good or bad. Seems that anxiety wants to grab hold of any bad thought and thats it, feeding time.  :(

 

I feel so ashamed I have put my parents through and feel bad writing this cos it makes me out to look like a nutter, but as we know benzo's can do some horrible things to our heads but its a battle I will win and get through.

 

I'm so sorry. This is actually my most disturbing thought, too. The bad thing is that me and my mom have a strained relationship, so my brain jus tells me 'you hate her and you want to hurt her'. It's the most mind-fucking thing because part of it is true and part of it isn't. Meditation also helped m for a while but I feel something got me this February. I've never had violent intrusive thoughts like this before. I don't know if I've reached the peak of tolerance withdrawal or maybe it's my hormones. I've no idea.

 

yeah I am a placid person, lol never had a fight in my life. So thoughts like this scared the crap out of me. Meditation does help. Are you still meditating? I use Headspace app, find it helps. Sorry you had these thoughts too over time hopefully things will get better  :thumbsup:

 

I try very small things like gratefulness (although it's forced right now), imagining my body healing, visualizing white light, etc before sleep.

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I also have another one at the moment where I don't want to get in a car on the motorway. Had intrusive thoughts of looking at the door handle and throwing myself out of the moving car, that scares the crap to of me and I have had a few panic attacks in the car whilst someone is driving. I have to sit in the back with the child locks on, makes me feel safer, although I still have the thought but think I can't get out anyways in the back of the car.

 

I know I'm saying 'yes' to everything posted here, but I had that too. When my akathisia flares up I want to vomit when I have to get into a car. Driving used to make it easier until the 'just slam into the wall' thought came along.

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I'm fully convinced benzo wd amplifies any insecurity or unresolved issue by like a million. Its not you..its just your damaged brain. Be kind to yourselves as regular you would not be having these thoughts:)
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What sucked for me was that the shrink I was seeing and who prescribed the benzo's checked the box on my disability form as being suspicous and/or paranoid.  Well at the time I was being abused at work by my boss and others.  Who wouldn't be afraid and suspicious of someone who's abusing them?  That was an untrue statement saying I was paranoid of the mean evil people at work who were always yelling at me.
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I'm fully convinced benzo wd amplifies any insecurity or unresolved issue by like a million. Its not you..its just your damaged brain. Be kind to yourselves as regular you would not be having these thoughts:)

 

definitely agree with you, never had intrusive thoughts like it before  :thumbsup:

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