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I feel too old and too tired to survive , It's too much for me


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Hi All

I am tired out and beaten by this ,

I don't understand why I have been hit this hard with no windows and only getting worse as the days elapse

I try to do my very best to heal but I am sinking and lost, 

I really don't think I will make it through and I want to so very much

7.5 months post taper and I thought I might get a little break at least but no

I really do hope something improves soon because I am really struggling and all for 4mgs of valium that didn't work for me anyway

This isn't the way my last few years should be ,

What else can I do now but pray that some miracle will happen,

Thank you all for the great support you have been

 

Jen 

 

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Jen, you will survive and in time you will thrive again. No problem, we will always support you.

 

You are so very kind and always write supportive messages, 

 

Thank you so much

 

I am so tired out and worn down , so very tired

 

Jen

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:smitten:    :hug:    :smitten:

 

I understand that you're having a hard time, and I'm so sorry. Send PM if you want, it can never be too much. Sometimes I feel bad, and can't write a reply. But I'm here.

 

Anna

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Hi Jen. I believe that things will get better eventually. Don't give up. You don't know if the best of your life could happen after this nightmare is over. I know you're in hell but remember as long as there's a roof over your head, food in the fridge and time ahead to heal, statistics say that you will most likely get much better. Please hang in there. Sending a big hug 😘😘
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Jen,

 

I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling so badly. Please don't give up. I'm 4 days post valium and I feel terrible. But I keep reminding myself that the bad feelings are what healing feels like. It gets worse before it gets better. We can't give up. These drugs already took enough from us. We can't let them win. It's okay to be tired. Let yourself be tired, and let yourself rest. But don't give up. You can do this.

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:smitten:    :hug:    :smitten:

 

I understand that you're having a hard time, and I'm so sorry. Send PM if you want, it can never be too much. Sometimes I feel bad, and can't write a reply. But I'm here.

 

Anna

 

 

Thank you for your kind off Anna ,  I am not sure how to keep going, this way , It's too profound, ,

 

Jen

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Hi Jen

I feel for you. These drugs are so evil... but you will recover, you will heal.

SG

 

Thank you SG,

 

I do hope you are right but in truth I feel worse each passing day, 

 

I start thinking it's something else, but because of my age and the virus I cannot go the hospital without putting myself at great risk and my son who has severe disabilities as well ,

 

If only I were granted a window,  some sleep , something,

 

I need a break from this and there isn't one day or night now.

 

If I know of someone who was like me but got better it would help I think

 

Jen 

 

 

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Hi Jen. I believe that things will get better eventually. Don't give up. You don't know if the best of your life could happen after this nightmare is over. I know you're in hell but remember as long as there's a roof over your head, food in the fridge and time ahead to heal, statistics say that you will most likely get much better. Please hang in there. Sending a big hug 😘😘

 

 

Thank you vali

 

 

I do hope you are right, I am such torment,  My ears are too bad to keep enduring but what can I do?

 

The fear never leaves me alone and I hardly sleep, I am oh so tired ,and I am vibrating inside,

 

Numbness all over and  my hands feel weak, This really is too much for any one, 

 

I start thinking it's a brain tumour, 

 

All this from a drug withdrawal , just 4mgs slow taper,  it seems impossible

 

I don't know what I can do any more

 

I do my very best and torment goes on

 

Nothing left to fight this with now ,

 

Jen

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[81...]

:smitten: we are one of the older ones and we must do this Jen.

There is no other options.

You can always DM if you wants too

Sundance

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Yes it's withdrawal Jen. Remember I'm "just" coming off 5 and it's taking forever. It's the drugs. It's not a tumor. A friend's son died of brain tumor. The symptoms are very different. This is withdrawal.
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Jen,

 

I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling so badly. Please don't give up. I'm 4 days post valium and I feel terrible. But I keep reminding myself that the bad feelings are what healing feels like. It gets worse before it gets better. We can't give up. These drugs already took enough from us. We can't let them win. It's okay to be tired. Let yourself be tired, and let yourself rest. But don't give up. You can do this.

 

 

Thank you for your kind thought and congratulations in getting free, 

 

I am struggling so very much through this , and really truly need rest,

 

I am not getting proper sleep and trying to cope with such awful severe symptoms, 

 

I so want to be well again but for now I would take this racket in my ears and my head easing off

 

Just so beaten ,

 

I  wish you a smooth journey forward ,  as it can be for many

 

Jen

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Praying for you every day, Jen! Please hang on! I believe you will get better. 🙏❤️

 

 

 

Thank you Sandy ,

 

Your prayers are much appreciated

 

I do hope you are doing well

 

Jen

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Jen, you might have another 15 or 20 yrs of ok life.

My granny was 96 before she couldn’t look after herself and her home.

You really aren’t an old woman, you look very young for your age.

My mother is the same age as you and looks like an old woman - you don’t!

 

Hopefully this will not last longer that a couple of years and you can learn other ways to help your anxiety like rigorous meditation etc and then you can get in with enjoying your life.

 

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[81...]

Yes it's withdrawal Jen. Remember I'm "just" coming off 5 and it's taking forever. It's the drugs. It's not a tumor. A friend's son died of brain tumor. The symptoms are very different. This is withdrawal.

I have to answer to this. I was also told from everbody this is w/d that I over reacted and that my tests like MRI  should came out clear. But they didnt. Jen knows I have a brain tumor cause a hell of tinnitus in my case. And other neurologic symptoms. The symptoms are not diffrent for me. What kind of symptoms a brain tumor cause is depend on the location. Mine is located to my hearing and balance nerve in the brain near the brainstem abd cerebellum. My symptoms are just more intense in my case balance and hearing and tinnitus.

Not everything is w/d and i dont say that to scared everyone. I say that bc not everything is w/d and we can not say w/d anout everything happening in the brain or body and this is the truth. I also have brain damage from over flow of glutamate. It can cause brutal timnitus. Its seen on MRI and EEG

Not every one with a brain tumor dies. That is a fact! Many tumors like mine is benign. My tumor is very rare it is 1/100.000 that gets this and it is 6% of all brain tumors that is a schwannoma tumor.

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Yes it's withdrawal Jen. Remember I'm "just" coming off 5 and it's taking forever. It's the drugs. It's not a tumor. A friend's son died of brain tumor. The symptoms are very different. This is withdrawal.

I have to answer to this. I was also told from everbody this is w/d that I over reacted and that my tests like MRI  should came out clear. But they didnt. Jen knows I have a brain tumor cause a hell of tinnitus in my case. And other neurologic symptoms. The symptoms are not diffrent for me. What kind of symptoms a brain tumor cause is depend on the location. Mine is located to my hearing and balance nerve in the brain near the brainstem abd cerebellum. My symptoms are just more intense in my case balance and hearing and tinnitus.

Not everything is w/d and i dont say that to scared everyone. I say that bc not everything is w/d and we can not say w/d anout everything happening in the brain or body and this is the truth. I also have brain damage from over flow of glutamate. It can cause brutal timnitus. Its seen on MRI and EEG

Not every one with a brain tumor dies. That is a fact! Many tumors like mine is benign. My tumor is very rare it is 1/100.000 that gets this and it is 6% of all brain tumors that is a schwannoma tumor.

 

 

 

Yes I worry about this, as the tinnitus is so very severe,  I have neuro symptoms too so I am concerned, 

 

It really is hard to differentiate between what is what, 

 

I don't know the cause, as my symptoms are listed as withdrawal and they started in withdrawal but it doesn 't make it so,

 

It could be and excess of glutamate of course, but whatever it's so unbearable

 

I will wait and see what the say when ENT contact me,  I am not eager to go the hospital at this time ,being so run down and 75 years old, ,

 

I know I am not improving, and do not seem to be recovering as others considering the low dose and long taper, 

 

I just want to well again really, but feel so beaten at the moment, 

 

Thank you for the message , 

 

Jen

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Jen. I know. Here also 24 hours internal vibrations. I can not sleep. Tis is nightmare?

 

 

Yes it really is a nightmare I long to wake up from Yollie, and not too long from now,  please let it be

 

Jen

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[81...]

Yes it's withdrawal Jen. Remember I'm "just" coming off 5 and it's taking forever. It's the drugs. It's not a tumor. A friend's son died of brain tumor. The symptoms are very different. This is withdrawal.

I have to answer to this. I was also told from everbody this is w/d that I over reacted and that my tests like MRI  should came out clear. But they didnt. Jen knows I have a brain tumor cause a hell of tinnitus in my case. And other neurologic symptoms. The symptoms are not diffrent for me. What kind of symptoms a brain tumor cause is depend on the location. Mine is located to my hearing and balance nerve in the brain near the brainstem abd cerebellum. My symptoms are just more intense in my case balance and hearing and tinnitus.

Not everything is w/d and i dont say that to scared everyone. I say that bc not everything is w/d and we can not say w/d anout everything happening in the brain or body and this is the truth. I also have brain damage from over flow of glutamate. It can cause brutal timnitus. Its seen on MRI and EEG

Not every one with a brain tumor dies. That is a fact! Many tumors like mine is benign. My tumor is very rare it is 1/100.000 that gets this and it is 6% of all brain tumors that is a schwannoma tumor.

 

 

 

Yes I worry about this, as the tinnitus is so very severe,  I have neuro symptoms too so I am concerned, 

 

It really is hard to differentiate between what is what, 

 

I don't know the cause, as my symptoms are listed as withdrawal and they started in withdrawal but it doesn 't make it so,

 

It could be and excess of glutamate of course, but whatever it's so unbearable

 

I will wait and see what the say when ENT contact me,  I am not eager to go the hospital at this time ,being so run down and 75 years old, ,

 

I know I am not improving, and do not seem to be recovering as others considering the low dose and long taper, 

 

I just want to well again really, but feel so beaten at the moment, 

 

Thank you for the message , 

 

Jen

Jen. I know your worries about a brain tumor. I was so convinced it was something else going on bc my w/d became so much worse. And my doc order some tests to calm me down. And she was suprised over my testresults. Docs just saying anxiety overreact hypocondria etc. Maybe a MRI can calm you down and really get the answer that this is w/d.

But you are still in early w/d and tinnitus is a very common symptom and even numbness.

Many ppl on bb can report on tinnitus.    

 

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I am very worried , you are right, and as you say, it's early days, 

 

This all started in withdrawal so likely that is what it is, but I seem to be getting progressively worse and that doesn't seem right

 

Those I have spoken to say that I have very common symptoms of withdrawal or that  it would be some strange coincidence that these symptoms all started during  tapering and withdrawal ,

 

However to me they seem so severe for a small dose and a long taper, 

 

As I have read that salt can increase tinnitus I am going to cut down, and last night I did eat a half a large bag of potato chips,  sea salted

 

So high histamine and high salt, 

 

I read this and wondered if this might have made me worse, but then it would not expain the numbness and the head pressure etc,  ,

 

In the meantime, if you’re enjoying an evening TV program, munching down the chips and wondering why your ears are ringing so loud, it may be the chips. Try a banana or some dried apricots, both foods low in sodium and high iIn the meantime, if you’re enjoying an evening TV program, munching down the chips and wondering why your ears are ringing so loud, it may be the chips. Try a banana or some dried apricots, both foods low in sodium and high in potassium

 

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Jen, you might have another 15 or 20 yrs of ok life.

My granny was 96 before she couldn’t look after herself and her home.

You really aren’t an old woman, you look very young for your age.

My mother is the same age as you and looks like an old woman - you don’t!

 

Hopefully this will not last longer that a couple of years and you can learn other ways to help your anxiety like rigorous meditation etc and then you can get in with enjoying your life.

 

 

 

Thank you so much for you kind message  Ajusta,

 

I do hope  this really is all withdrawal and it will  disappear,  but it's so intense and I am tired out

 

I really have so little left to give this , and do not understand why it is all so severe after the care I took when tapering

 

I am hoping sleep comes tonight and I wake to find the noise reduced, and a more positive feeling in place

 

Thank you once again

 

Jen

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Hi Jen

Please don't give up! Remember we are here for you...

The depression from benzo withdrawal can be so strong that we sometimes lose hope.

Re your symptoms, maybe a brain MRI scan could help you rule out brain tumour? (I had one down after I jumped and it came back negative.)

SG

 

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