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Still struggling but functioning


[I ...]

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16 days away from a year off cold turkey from klonopin. I was going to wait until then to post but let's face it, I'm not going to heal 100 percent from here until then so here it goes. I'm so grateful for having found BB. If I wasn't persistent in finding out what was wrong with me, I might have probably just taken more meds like my doctor suggested and who knows how worse off I'd be right now. So thank you. This whole year has been horrendous as you all know. Plenty of symptoms have come and went and come back again. But the only difference from a year ago to now is that I am functioning. I can be a mom and a wife again. It's still difficult and I have some bad days (like today) but I am present. Windows and waves ,waves and windows what can I say, It's awful. I've always had them from the beginning. Couldn't figure out what was wrong with me. I'd feel good for 2 days then I'd feel bad for a few days, until I researched online and realized I was withdrawing from klonopin and zoloft. 4 weeks of use through me into hell. I try not to look back anymore and just move forward but sometimes thats hard. Still suffering with symptoms so I thought I'd list them just to give an idea of what a year off can look like for some of us. So here they are .....

1. Brain shaking when trying to nap

2. Internal vibration comes and goes. Not 24/7 anymore.

3. Body sways side to side internally. Weird feeling

4. Boaty feeling but not everyday anymore. Less intense.

5. Overall sick feeling at times but not everyday

6. Irregular body temperature. Hot feeling but not everyday.

7. Upper back pain. Spine area. Not everyday.

8. Anxiety but it's controlled.

9. Head pain. Not everyday.

10. Crying spells. Not everyday.

11. Fatigue. Not everyday.

I hope to someday heal from all of this especially the brain and body shaking. Everything else i can handle but the internal vibrating is the worse for me. But i have to say it is so much less intense than the beginning. My hope and faith comes and goes. I will be taking a break from BB for awhile to focus on myself and my family. Also I have to stay away from all of the negativity on this site. I'm so grateful to BB but some of the things on here are very scary especially to the new people. When I see someone post that is only months off suffering and someone replies that has been off 6 years and still suffering,  it's just so discouraging and makes people lose hope. No disrespect, I know we're all suffering but it just brings fear to someone who is fresh off of these drugs. So anyway,  good bye for now. I hope to someday come back 100 percent.

 

 

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I am so glad for the progress your body has made so far!

I know it's still not back to normal, but as a mom, I understand what it means to be able to be a mom again. So glad for you for that :smitten:

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(sorry hit post before done, haha)

And glad you can be a wife and function.

I am 13 months off and functional as well!

Best of luck to you as I believe we will continue to heal!

Have fun with your family ♥️

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