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Nostalgia-A Love Story


[Al...]

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You all know "her" name. For many years "we" were a dysfunctional couple. I knew all that time that "she" was malicious and destructive. But "she" was also funny, comforting and charming. I self indulged in "her" beauty and I choose ecstasy over reason. Until one cold November night when "she" abandoned me in an hospital emergency room. The consequences were gruesome. I am a broken man ever since. But I still couldn't let go. I wasn't only addicted to "her", I was genuinely in love."She" made all my problems vanish into thin air. Without "her" there was no fun in my life anymore and reality felt like a nightmare. Despite all the scars "she" left on me, I still wanted "her" back into my life.

 

But that's impossible. "She" is not real. "She" was a desperate illusion of deliverance from my overwhelming personal problems. "She" was just a placebo.

 

I took the firm decision to let go of my toxic illusions two months ago. I even made some remarkable progress. But every single night "she" sneaks into my dreams with "her" seductive charm to vividly remind me of the good times "we" had together and my reason has no power over my dreams and nostalgia wins unchallenged.

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It must be very hard to have to battle the dependency of benzos as well as the addiction to them. It's almost like two separate issues. For me, it's a very different feeling. I can't wait to never, ever have to take another benzo again. I hate the smell of them, the taste of them. I hate having to cut them and swallow them. I can't wait to never have to see them again. I guess that is the difference with physical dependance. But, hopefully as you heal, those feelings of longing for the drug will fade. Keep going forward if you can!  :)
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If you are suffering with addiction, you could listen to some online aa meetings. I am a recovering alcholic and many with other addictions go to meetings too. They are very helpful. They have zoom meetings, fb groups, utube meetings.
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She literally has you spellbound.

Eventually you will be able to look back on her as someone  you once loved.

You will find better things and better people to love.

 

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