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I'm leaving benzo buddies.  There is nothing on here I haven't read or don't know at this point.  It seems you either heal significantly in the first 2 years or suffer indefinitely.

 

The longer you are in this the more you become aware.

 

I might back to write a success story.  I might not.

 

Take care everyone.

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All psychotropic meds (benzos, antidepressants, & antipsychotics) cause similair symptoms of tolerance and withdrawal. Some more than others. So do neuroleptics (Neurontin etc), sleeping pills, Reglan (dopamine antagonists) & alcohol. We don't know what one's medical history is. No one can give advice. You have to talk to your doctor. But, I'm just saying if you're on any of these drugs, you may still have symptoms. Pros & cons need to be considered, so do any other health issues one may have.

 

It took Baylissa Frederick 3 years to recover. Her book is "Recovery & Renewal". It took my mom a few years to get straightened out from her benzo issues too. She took them about 20 years. I haven't mentioned my mother on BB yet, but there's a story there too. Unfortunately, BB was not around or available to her. She started with benzos in the late 60's. A time when they first came out and doctors were DEFINITELY unaware of the dangers then, not to mention how sexiest some doctors were and they just wrote off women with a "crazy house wife" type of judgement. I knew she had some type of issues with the medication, but I was just a kid when she went through the worst of it. All she told me was that a pharmacist helped her taper off. She never went into detail. Unfortunately she passed from breast cancer at 70 and my benzo journey started right after her death. Well actually, partially because of her death. I never got to help her. She never got to help me. Because of the powers of God & the universe our time frames for this experience were not experienced together. But, I have a ton of hindsite about her as I go through it. I actually believe she had been watching over me "from above" and she helped to get me to realize that I needed to get off benzos.

 

It took her awhile, but she was able to live a full life. She traveled (By train. She could not fly due to fear - but who gives a crap. You can still have a full life and not fly). She did what she wanted and once in a while she'd have a bad day, maybe 1 or 2x a year she'd stay home for a couple days and rest up.

 

She still had a very good life. Some people take a few YEARS to get through the rough stuff, then the last symtoms still "fall by the wayside" as time go by.

 

Healing takes time.

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Perth: I have not journeyed this as long as you yet, so I will not even try to put myself in the same category. I am sorry you are still struggling. If you need time away from here -that is ok. Everyone's needs are their own. I hope when you recover you will take a min to drop us a line - bc you know how much it means. This process can be soooo discouraging.

 

fortitude: thanks for sharing about your mom...def a story of hope. I'm so sorry you have lost her. Thank you for referring to Baylissa's story ..a good reminder that this is definitely a marathon. Not what we want to hear time wise ...but at least know that there is a finish line!

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[1e...]

All psychotropic meds (benzos, antidepressants, & antipsychotics) cause similair symptoms of tolerance and withdrawal. Some more than others. So do neuroleptics (Neurontin etc), sleeping pills, Reglan (dopamine antagonists) & alcohol. We don't know what one's medical history is. No one can give advice. You have to talk to your doctor. But, I'm just saying if you're on any of these drugs, you may still have symptoms. Pros & cons need to be considered, so do any other health issues one may have.

 

It took Baylissa Frederick 3 years to recover. Her book is "Recovery & Renewal". It took my mom a few years to get straightened out from her benzo issues too. She took them about 20 years. I haven't mentioned my mother on BB yet, but there's a story there too. Unfortunately, BB was not around or available to her. She started with benzos in the late 60's. A time when they first came out and doctors were DEFINITELY unaware of the dangers then, not to mention how sexiest some doctors were and they just wrote off women with a "crazy house wife" type of judgement. I knew she had some type of issues with the medication, but I was just a kid when she went through the worst of it. All she told me was that a pharmacist helped her taper off. She never went into detail. Unfortunately she passed from breast cancer at 70 and my benzo journey started right after her death. Well actually, partially because of her death. I never got to help her. She never got to help me. Because of the powers of God & the universe our time frames for this experience were not experienced together. But, I have a ton of hindsite about her as I go through it. I actually believe she had been watching over me "from above" and she helped to get me to realize that I needed to get off benzos.

 

It took her awhile, but she was able to live a full life. She traveled (By train. She could not fly due to fear - but who gives a crap. You can still have a full life and not fly). She did what she wanted and once in a while she'd have a bad day, maybe 1 or 2x a year she'd stay home for a couple days and rest up.

 

She still had a very good life. Some people take a few YEARS to get through the rough stuff, then the last symtoms still "fall by the wayside" as time go by.

 

Healing takes time.

 

You are healed at 14 months.  This is exactly what my post is talking about. 

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Oh perth22, truly you are one of the good ones here. I want you to post here forever but I also want you to do what is best for you. Please know that I love you and admire you no matter what and you always have a friend in me. Gone but not forgotten, perth22, brilliant friend!
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Perth - I didn’t start seeing ANY progress until I got off all the other psych meds. This happened around 1.5 years where I realized I needed to wean off my other meds as well. Then I got pregnant. Around the 2 year mark I started seeing giant improvements. My physical symptoms all disappeared.

 

I have been getting stomach anxiety and palps when I drink caffeine....but seriously 2.5 years out and having large windows now.

 

Mentally my looping thoughts come and go.

They were sticky about a month ago and have really let up.

 

I’m 30 months out. My improvements started in March of this year.

Please don’t lose hope

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[1e...]

Perth - I didn’t start seeing ANY progress until I got off all the other psych meds. This happened around 1.5 years where I realized I needed to wean off my other meds as well. Then I got pregnant. Around the 2 year mark I started seeing giant improvements. My physical symptoms all disappeared.

 

I have been getting stomach anxiety and palps when I drink caffeine....but seriously 2.5 years out and having large windows now.

 

Mentally my looping thoughts come and go.

They were sticky about a month ago and have really let up.

 

I’m 30 months out. My improvements started in March of this year.

Please don’t lose hope

 

Meganz - can I ask what other meds  you were on? We're you put on them for benzo withdrawal? How long did you taper. Remeron seems to be the one that destroys people.

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I was on depakote, seroquel, Effexor and gabapentin.

I was on all of these while I was on K.

I CT’d K....then got off the rest over time.

I wonder if that’s why it took me so long to heal.

 

My psych doc polydrugged me for social anxiety

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I'm leaving benzo buddies.  There is nothing on here I haven't read or don't know at this point.  It seems you either heal significantly in the first 2 years or suffer indefinitely.

 

The longer you are in this the more you become aware.

 

I might back to write a success story.  I might not.

 

Take care everyone.

 

No evidence or scientific proof for this statement, Perth.

And you are not "in this" as long as I have been, right?

My god. It really gets on my nerves lately to still be here on bb as a recovered person or someone who can say life is great now. What can I say against such "as seems as if.." statements? Its personal interpretation, I get it, but to leave with this dooming statement is not good for members, who are still in wd and might read that. But okey, I get it, life can be frustrating when we are in withdrawal.

 

Perth, so many elder members, including me, have told you again and again about our experience, especially the ones like me who were polydrugged and are experienced in stopping and tapering al kinds of meds and the message was pretty clear that tapering Remeron DOES cause withdrawal. And that you might be in the middle of one on top of benzo withdrawal. We also mentioned the fact we felt much better after all meds were gone, and most of us, as far as I read your topics, said that you really cannot make any conclusion after 2 years and while being in wd from remeron.

You seem to be stuck in finding the negative in everything, like your statement about remeron being the one that "destroys people". It seems this, it seems that. But its always the worst.

I can assure you with each med I tapered I thought this would be the one to finally end my life and I also understand that a brain can only think in black when we suffer for a long time, but there comes a point you have to decide if you want to fall deeper and deeper into the doom or if you dont give in.

I mean, there were members, I still remember one particularly, who posted non stop that life was over and they would never recover and they got so much response, it was amazing, but still, no, nope, they were convinced the world was going to end, no one else could understand and they needed to reinstate or to take new meds and so on. And then, out of the nowhere.. -  healed. That happens as well. I have seen stories here, unbelievable.

All I want to say is - WE JUST DO NOT KNOW ANYTHING.

 

So keep that in mind, but as a hope giver. And I really hope that you will find something or someone to help you or get you what you need to feel better!!

 

Hug,

MArigold

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I'm leaving benzo buddies.  There is nothing on here I haven't read or don't know at this point.  It seems you either heal significantly in the first 2 years or suffer indefinitely.

 

The longer you are in this the more you become aware.

 

I might back to write a success story.  I might not.

 

Take care everyone.

 

No evidence or scientific proof for this statement, Perth.

And you are not "in this" as long as I have been, right?

My god. It really gets on my nerves lately to still be here on bb as a recovered person or someone who can say life is great now. What can I say against such "as seems as if.." statements? Its personal interpretation, I get it, but to leave with this dooming statement is not good for members, who are still in wd and might read that. But okey, I get it, life can be frustrating when we are in withdrawal.

 

Perth, so many elder members, including me, have told you again and again about our experience, especially the ones like me who were polydrugged and are experienced in stopping and tapering al kinds of meds and the message was pretty clear that tapering Remeron DOES cause withdrawal. And that you might be in the middle of one on top of benzo withdrawal. We also mentioned the fact we felt much better after all meds were gone, and most of us, as far as I read your topics, said that you really cannot make any conclusion after 2 years and while being in wd from remeron.

You seem to be stuck in finding the negative in everything, like your statement about remeron being the one that "destroys people". It seems this, it seems that. But its always the worst.

I can assure you with each med I tapered I thought this would be the one to finally end my life and I also understand that a brain can only think in black when we suffer for a long time, but there comes a point you have to decide if you want to fall deeper and deeper into the doom or if you dont give in.

I mean, there were members, I still remember one particularly, who posted non stop that life was over and they would never recover and they got so much response, it was amazing, but still, no, nope, they were convinced the world was going to end, no one else could understand and they needed to reinstate or to take new meds and so on. And then, out of the nowhere.. -  healed. That happens as well. I have seen stories here, unbelievable.

All I want to say is - WE JUST DO NOT KNOW ANYTHING.

 

So keep that in mind, but as a hope giver. And I really hope that you will find something or someone to help you or get you what you need to feel better!!

 

Hug,

MArigold

 

Hello Marigold, your signature is very detailed; is there a reason that you want off all medication, including the pill? Do you consider yourself healed? I ask this because now I am a firm believer that we do not need most medications in our body, especially synthetic hormones. I would think that for those still suffering benzo withdrawal, it may help to get off all medication. I am even at the point to where I do not take tylenol or ibuprofen for pain because it can come with stomach complications. I literally just go through all of the pain without any thing to help because of side effects. Your signature I believe is stating that you cold turkeyed? That is how I got off all of my medications because I didn't know any better and no one told me.

 

 

Hello Perth, I am new to BenzoBuddies, but I can understand your frustration and maybe you're saying that as long as you have been in withdrawals, you no longer need a site that identifies the symptoms? I have only been in withdrawal a month and I feel so done with all of this. Actually, I have been sick almost a year, because I was in withdrawal from Lamictal and Buspar, but was told by my psych that I was not in withdrawals and my "illness," meaning my depression, was just getting worse. From there, I was put on Seroquel and Xanax, all the time taking Ambien.

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[1e...]

Oh perth22, truly you are one of the good ones here. I want you to post here forever but I also want you to do what is best for you. Please know that I love you and admire you no matter what and you always have a friend in me. Gone but not forgotten, perth22, brilliant friend!

 

Not sure how to respond to this saracastic comment.

 

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I'm leaving benzo buddies.  There is nothing on here I haven't read or don't know at this point.  It seems you either heal significantly in the first 2 years or suffer indefinitely.

 

The longer you are in this the more you become aware.

 

I might back to write a success story.  I might not.

 

Take care everyone.

 

No evidence or scientific proof for this statement, Perth.

And you are not "in this" as long as I have been, right?

My god. It really gets on my nerves lately to still be here on bb as a recovered person or someone who can say life is great now. What can I say against such "as seems as if.." statements? Its personal interpretation, I get it, but to leave with this dooming statement is not good for members, who are still in wd and might read that. But okey, I get it, life can be frustrating when we are in withdrawal.

 

Perth, so many elder members, including me, have told you again and again about our experience, especially the ones like me who were polydrugged and are experienced in stopping and tapering al kinds of meds and the message was pretty clear that tapering Remeron DOES cause withdrawal. And that you might be in the middle of one on top of benzo withdrawal. We also mentioned the fact we felt much better after all meds were gone, and most of us, as far as I read your topics, said that you really cannot make any conclusion after 2 years and while being in wd from remeron.

You seem to be stuck in finding the negative in everything, like your statement about remeron being the one that "destroys people". It seems this, it seems that. But its always the worst.

I can assure you with each med I tapered I thought this would be the one to finally end my life and I also understand that a brain can only think in black when we suffer for a long time, but there comes a point you have to decide if you want to fall deeper and deeper into the doom or if you dont give in.

I mean, there were members, I still remember one particularly, who posted non stop that life was over and they would never recover and they got so much response, it was amazing, but still, no, nope, they were convinced the world was going to end, no one else could understand and they needed to reinstate or to take new meds and so on. And then, out of the nowhere.. -  healed. That happens as well. I have seen stories here, unbelievable.

All I want to say is - WE JUST DO NOT KNOW ANYTHING.

 

So keep that in mind, but as a hope giver. And I really hope that you will find something or someone to help you or get you what you need to feel better!!

 

Hug,

MArigold

 

Hello Marigold, your signature is very detailed; is there a reason that you want off all medication, including the pill? Do you consider yourself healed? I ask this because now I am a firm believer that we do not need most medications in our body, especially synthetic hormones. I would think that for those still suffering benzo withdrawal, it may help to get off all medication. I am even at the point to where I do not take tylenol or ibuprofen for pain because it can come with stomach complications. I literally just go through all of the pain without any thing to help because of side effects. Your signature I believe is stating that you cold turkeyed? That is how I got off all of my medications because I didn't know any better and no one told me.

 

 

 

I did not feel well under the meds and I was sure all the time that I was not mentally ill and that the pills made me more sick. Thats the reason I wanted to stop them. I stopped other meds like the birth control pill because I wanted to know what kind of human I am without any substance in my body which might have an impact on my health or personality.

I tapered all meds, but I did not know how to do it correctly and some meds were not available in a form or dosage you would have needed to taper. I did not CT, but some cases were near too tht.

I went as slow as I could and with Ativan I paused for months on a dosage.. but still I would have handled it differently today, of course. But its over, its okey for now. I am glad I am out of that hell. And I love myself now and I have full access to my strength..

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[1e...]

I'm leaving benzo buddies.  There is nothing on here I haven't read or don't know at this point.  It seems you either heal significantly in the first 2 years or suffer indefinitely.

 

The longer you are in this the more you become aware.

 

I might back to write a success story.  I might not.

 

Take care everyone.

 

No evidence or scientific proof for this statement, Perth.

And you are not "in this" as long as I have been, right?

My god. It really gets on my nerves lately to still be here on bb as a recovered person or someone who can say life is great now. What can I say against such "as seems as if.." statements? Its personal interpretation, I get it, but to leave with this dooming statement is not good for members, who are still in wd and might read that. But okey, I get it, life can be frustrating when we are in withdrawal.

 

Perth, so many elder members, including me, have told you again and again about our experience, especially the ones like me who were polydrugged and are experienced in stopping and tapering al kinds of meds and the message was pretty clear that tapering Remeron DOES cause withdrawal. And that you might be in the middle of one on top of benzo withdrawal. We also mentioned the fact we felt much better after all meds were gone, and most of us, as far as I read your topics, said that you really cannot make any conclusion after 2 years and while being in wd from remeron.

You seem to be stuck in finding the negative in everything, like your statement about remeron being the one that "destroys people". It seems this, it seems that. But its always the worst.

I can assure you with each med I tapered I thought this would be the one to finally end my life and I also understand that a brain can only think in black when we suffer for a long time, but there comes a point you have to decide if you want to fall deeper and deeper into the doom or if you dont give in.

I mean, there were members, I still remember one particularly, who posted non stop that life was over and they would never recover and they got so much response, it was amazing, but still, no, nope, they were convinced the world was going to end, no one else could understand and they needed to reinstate or to take new meds and so on. And then, out of the nowhere.. -  healed. That happens as well. I have seen stories here, unbelievable.

All I want to say is - WE JUST DO NOT KNOW ANYTHING.

 

So keep that in mind, but as a hope giver. And I really hope that you will find something or someone to help you or get you what you need to feel better!!

 

Hug,

MArigold

 

I'm suffering a hell that 99% of people on here will never experience.  You and others say you have these symptoms but just a quick search proves that isn't the case.  I've been at this for 19 months with 24/7 terror, racing thoughts and looping thoughts so fast all the time it feels like my head will literally explode from thoughts alone. I have 100s of other mental symptoms I can't even explain because I don't even know how to. Yes I am going through remeron brain damage as well.  My brain exploded from just 3.5 weeks on benzos.  I cant begin to describe the torture I have been in for 19 months straight every second of every day.  Every thought literally feels like a gunshot/firework going off in my brain but imagine feeling that 100,000,000 times a day.

 

Mental akathisia is the worst symptom of them all.  Racing thoughts, looping thoughts, earworms, ruminating etc.  I've had the pacing akathisia and it's no where near as bad as the mental and emotional stuff.  Having both at the same time is pure torture.

 

You said you could drive etc.  but if you are experienced what I am you would know it's not possible to do these things.

 

I know you are trying to help and support but I'm tired of hearing people telling me to keep going when they have no idea how bad and serious it can really get.  Meditation and all this other shit people are telling me to do doesn't work for what I am experiencing.  My brain is completely hijacked by evil.  I haven't had one second of distraction or peace and I'm loosing my mind and about to explode.

 

I'm 29 years old and my life is over.  I have 2 years of remeron to taper and then another 5-10 years to hopefully heal.  I'll be 40.  Can't have children or a wife because of PSSD for SSRIS. 

 

 

 

 

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Perth. I’m 27. I was CT’d off klonapin in 2018.

I do not have any memory of 2018.

 

I have to look back at pictures to see what 2018 was like. It was so physically painful that I can’t even remember. I could probably go back to old posts and read. But i do vaguely remember it took me hours to type anything on here or articulate words because I was just gone. Gone. I hallucinated and I was f’n DELUSIONAL. Like my brain was squash.

 

And then I hit the 1 year mark and my memory starts to come back. But all I remember is that I was NOT OK. I went to the ER probably 10+ times convinced my heart would give out. I was on 24/7 tremors. My ear pounding was relentless....I couldn’t even hear myself think. I felt like I’d been dipped in acid. I was tested for MS. There were WEEKS I laid in bed....so dizzy I could barely walk across my bedroom. Like someone had spun me in circles for hours.

 

 

Maybe my mental symptoms weren’t as relentless as yours Perth. But that’s because I was so delusional, in SO MUCH PAIN, that I couldn’t even think.

 

Now it took a long time for my physical symptoms to go away. Which is probably why I have recently noticed the mental ones. And they suck. But they will eventually go away too. You will be ok whether you like it or not. It’ll get better.

I had sleep paralysis, I would physically convulse, I was constantly ticking and tremoring, I wasn’t sleeping at all, I was scared of dying because my HR was always always 100+.

I hallucinated and tripped balls for an entire year Perth. I was CT’d from a daily dose of 4mg (sometimes more) of Klonapin for 8 years.

I TRIPPED BALLS.

 

 

You think we don’t get better????? I got better

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Meganz and Marigold thank you.

 

Perth: I know you are suffering but to say noon else is suffering like you is....not true. This is not a contest but lets put it in perspective please..

All last year I was in hell. Polydrugged with over 14 meds over a 7 month period. 12 sessions of ect which has left me with memory loss. My symptoms were unbelievable from all that. Horrendous nightmares every night for over a year. Lost mobility. Etc. Akasthesia out of this world while on a certain AD.

Then I found out benzos were a problem.

Now I'm in month 5 off of a rapid taper. i have some very very dark days. This journey is hell.

 

I hear your anger and your pain..but please do not be dismissive of others bc you cannot see your healing yet. Its hard to see it when we are hurting. 29 is young. Even if it takes till you are 40, many people start families at 40. I'm 45. I will have to start over in so many ways after this. We all grieve our losses in this. There are people on this forum in their 70's going through this crap. Can you imagine being 70 and tapering off of these meds?!! OMG.

My heart breaks for them.

 

Anyway..I do wish you well. I pray you get off all the meds and find life at its fullest. Bitterness can easily creep in. It will rob you in more ways than the meds. I learned that the hard way too - thats another story.

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Oh perth22, truly you are one of the good ones here. I want you to post here forever but I also want you to do what is best for you. Please know that I love you and admire you no matter what and you always have a friend in me. Gone but not forgotten, perth22, brilliant friend!

 

Not sure how to respond to this saracastic comment.

Please, I was not being saracastic. It's not been very long that we have both posted here but you have caught my eye. I can only apologise because I thought you already knew this. You will be missed and I am here for you. That's all I am saying.

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Are you still on the remeron you could well see improvement eventually once you stop it. I think anti depressants can be just as bad as benzo's, really screwed me up. Been off them just over 4 weeks, haven't had any real Windows, but last few days couple mornings did actually feel normal for about an hour didn't last but never had that in last 18 months. I'm nowhere near being better but not in tears all day last week or so.if the anti depressant is making things worse there is hope you could improve once you finally stop.
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Are you still on the remeron you could well see improvement eventually once you stop it. I think anti depressants can be just as bad as benzo's, really screwed me up. Been off them just over 4 weeks, haven't had any real Windows, but last few days couple mornings did actually feel normal for about an hour didn't last but never had that in last 18 months. I'm nowhere near being better but not in tears all day last week or so.if the anti depressant is making things worse there is hope you could improve once you finally stop.

 

Leann, I wondered if maybe I was the only one who reacted to antidepressants this way. The withdrawals or feelings of being on them was similar to what it feels like to be in benzo withdrawal. The only difference I notice is that I can feel how the benzo gets into my nervous system. I feel weak with vertigo from benzos, but antidepressants also had me feeling ill.

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[1e...]

Are you still on the remeron you could well see improvement eventually once you stop it. I think anti depressants can be just as bad as benzo's, really screwed me up. Been off them just over 4 weeks, haven't had any real Windows, but last few days couple mornings did actually feel normal for about an hour didn't last but never had that in last 18 months. I'm nowhere near being better but not in tears all day last week or so.if the anti depressant is making things worse there is hope you could improve once you finally stop.

 

I'm tapering the remeron but slowly. I can't afford years of antidepressant protracted withdrawals ontop of the benzo withdrawal.

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I hope you find some relief soon,I don't  actually feel any worse off citalopram than I did on it made me feel so awful, but sadly does seem take while to recover when they give you more drugs while in withdrawal. Hope things get better for you soon.
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Perth. You have written several times that no one suffers like you. And yes, there are those who feel better. But also much worse. I did a CT, polydrugged 25 years. And tolerance for several years. My life is a hell, and month 54. We have never met each other, and we can only describe our suffering in words. And sometimes it's hard to describe. So it is pointless to discuss. Respect and understanding are important, and to be nice. You wrote that you don't want to continue writing on this forum. So I hope you feel better soon.  :)
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Perth, truly I hope you're not leaving. I'm sorry that we don't seem to understand each other well. Please make no mistake, though, I think you're a really great guy. Honestly, what you've been through compared to most is extreme and you have my total respect.
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Are you still on the remeron you could well see improvement eventually once you stop it. I think anti depressants can be just as bad as benzo's, really screwed me up. Been off them just over 4 weeks, haven't had any real Windows, but last few days couple mornings did actually feel normal for about an hour didn't last but never had that in last 18 months. I'm nowhere near being better but not in tears all day last week or so.if the anti depressant is making things worse there is hope you could improve once you finally stop.

 

I'm tapering the remeron but slowly. I can't afford years of antidepressant protracted withdrawals ontop of the benzo withdrawal.

 

Who on earth can afford that?!

Who would make the decision to go through withdrawal on purpose or be okey with losing almost everything valid in life?

Really, sometimes your way to use words makes me upset. As if people like me who wandered through hell over years, were lucky, cause we could afford it.

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