Why am I not getting better

[[Ic...]]

Perth, Marigold has offered really great advice. You're tapering an antidepressant which can be why you don't feel well yet. Also, you're having withdrawals from smoking; your body has A LOT to get used to right now. Get rid of the idea that you're different from others. I took Lamictal for three months and didn't even hit therapeutic doses before I got really sick. Doctors can't explain why I react to all meds this way and why it begins with having 24/7 excruciating stomach pain that I kid you not lasted for eight months! I have been sick for an entire year BUT I was bounced around from one benzo and antipsychotic to another during that time and kindled Ambien at least twice. It is going to take awhile for me to heal. I am also withdrawing from energy drink abuse, so again, it will take time. Even though I have been miserable for a year, I have to remember that I am technically only 1 month and 25 days free. Don't get so down that you give up. Hate this situation so much that you're not willing to go down without a fight. It was not consensual that I took these pills. Not only did I tell both my therapist and psych that I was scared, but no one told me the dangers of these drugs; they all insisted that after one week of quitting, the drug would leave my body and I would be back to normal. I ended up having to teach them about these drugs while paying each of them 70 bucks a session. I am angry enough not to lie down and beg for my life. I'm going to fight first.

[[Ic...]]

I've noticed that the people who seem to suffer the most are the people who really want things to be simple. It's up and down, side to side, not a very obvious pattern. When you think you've learned something, it is soon contradicted. It just makes sense to accept that things are not as simple as we would like but hey, that's life. You're all warriers.

Well thats not true! Its not easy to accept torture. Dont say that ppl who suffer the most is the one that "complains" about their w/d. This makes me upset! You dont know what hell there are in.

Never judge!  I am really sick and just try to survive every day. This is a fact and its true! Benzo w/d can be pure torture and a thin line between life and death for someone.

You are still on benzo. Say this after a long time like me...33 months off and severe sick

I still think it's true... sorry

 

I didn't see what you said as being harsh or rude at all and I don't understand why it was taken that way. You're not saying that the suffering is more in terms of pain but that when we become overwhelmed by the process, we inflict more emotional pain on ourselves. Also, no where did you say anything about people complaining, so I'm not sure why that was critiqued. But, you're right. I was soooo miserable and crying when I found out that this was not linear healing. Once, I accepted the process..and even its outcome, I started smiling more and eating healthier.

[Guest [su...]]

I've noticed that the people who seem to suffer the most are the people who really want things to be simple. It's up and down, side to side, not a very obvious pattern. When you think you've learned something, it is soon contradicted. It just makes sense to accept that things are not as simple as we would like but hey, that's life. You're all warriers.

Well thats not true! Its not easy to accept torture. Dont say that ppl who suffer the most is the one that "complains" about their w/d. This makes me upset! You dont know what hell there are in.

Never judge!  I am really sick and just try to survive every day. This is a fact and its true! Benzo w/d can be pure torture and a thin line between life and death for someone.

You are still on benzo. Say this after a long time like me...33 months off and severe sick

I still think it's true... sorry

 

I didn't see what you said as being harsh or rude at all and I don't understand why it was taken that way. You're not saying that the suffering is more in terms of pain but that when we become overwhelmed by the process, we inflict more emotional pain on ourselves. Also, no where did you say anything about people complaining, so I'm not sure why that was critiqued. But, you're right. I was soooo miserable and crying when I found out that this was not linear healing. Once, I accepted the process..and even its outcome, I started smiling more and eating healthier.

Thats good for you but suffering has NOTHING to do with hiw simple or not life can be or not be

Say that ppl who suffer the most are the one that think w/d would be simple or easy...

.

Well.... My suffering and many with me has or had have a brutal time with severe symptoms in my case 33 months and still in acute. So bad that I wanna die most of the time. Its not easy to smile and accept this when it is a matter of life and death.

Dont judge ppl that has a really hard time in w/d. Walk in their shoes same way same path same history and same suffering then you can judge.

For me the post sounds like ppl who suffer really bad "complains" bc they think its not simple?!

Be glad you can smile and accept many of us cant that.

Not when I have to survive minute by minute. Every day for years.

Just saying...

 

 

[Guest [pe...]]

I agree with you Sundanceshaman.  There is a level to this that unless you experienced it you have no idea how bad it can really be. The reason why some of us post so much is because we are literally surivivng second to second.  Theres a big different between a couple months off and 18+ months off.  The longer it goes on the harder it is to keep alive and keep hope and fighting. Having your whole mind destroyed where your scared of your own thoughts (even normal) thoughts is something I wouldn't wish upon anyone.

[Guest [su...]]

I agree with you Sundanceshaman.  There is a level to this that unless you experienced it you have no idea how bad it can really be. The reason why some of us post so much is because we are literally surivivng second to second.  Theres a big different between a couple months off and 18+ months off.  The longer it goes on the harder it is to keep alive and keep hope and fighting. Having your whole mind destroyed where your scared of your own thoughts (even normal) thoughts is something I wouldn't wish upon anyone.

Agree. I am.there too. This is my life. Or life? I exist. I breath...

[Guest [pe...]]

I agree with you Sundanceshaman.  There is a level to this that unless you experienced it you have no idea how bad it can really be. The reason why some of us post so much is because we are literally surivivng second to second.  Theres a big different between a couple months off and 18+ months off.  The longer it goes on the harder it is to keep alive and keep hope and fighting. Having your whole mind destroyed where your scared of your own thoughts (even normal) thoughts is something I wouldn't wish upon anyone.

Agree. I am.there too. This is my life. Or life? I exist. I breath...

 

Sundanceshaman - you said you had a window a few months ago.  What symtoms went away during the window?

[[Ic...]]

I've noticed that the people who seem to suffer the most are the people who really want things to be simple. It's up and down, side to side, not a very obvious pattern. When you think you've learned something, it is soon contradicted. It just makes sense to accept that things are not as simple as we would like but hey, that's life. You're all warriers.

Well thats not true! Its not easy to accept torture. Dont say that ppl who suffer the most is the one that "complains" about their w/d. This makes me upset! You dont know what hell there are in.

Never judge!  I am really sick and just try to survive every day. This is a fact and its true! Benzo w/d can be pure torture and a thin line between life and death for someone.

You are still on benzo. Say this after a long time like me...33 months off and severe sick

I still think it's true... sorry

 

I didn't see what you said as being harsh or rude at all and I don't understand why it was taken that way. You're not saying that the suffering is more in terms of pain but that when we become overwhelmed by the process, we inflict more emotional pain on ourselves. Also, no where did you say anything about people complaining, so I'm not sure why that was critiqued. But, you're right. I was soooo miserable and crying when I found out that this was not linear healing. Once, I accepted the process..and even its outcome, I started smiling more and eating healthier.

Thats good for you but suffering has NOTHING to do with hiw simple or not life can be or not be

Say that ppl who suffer the most are the one that think w/d would be simple or easy...

.

Well.... My suffering and many with me has or had have a brutal time with severe symptoms in my case 33 months and still in acute. So bad that I wanna die most of the time. Its not easy to smile and accept this when it is a matter of life and death.

Dont judge ppl that has a really hard time in w/d. Walk in their shoes same way same path same history and same suffering then you can judge.

For me the post sounds like ppl who suffer really bad "complains" bc they think its not simple?!

Be glad you can smile and accept many of us cant that.

Not when I have to survive minute by minute. Every day for years.

Just saying...

 

I am sorry, I never meant what I said to be taken as arrogant or harsh. I was only responding to clarify what Diaz said, because this poster is genuinely sincere and kind, and I feel that the original post was misinterpreted. Diaz has responded to a lot of Perth's posts trying to be encouraging. You're right, there are some suffering more than others. In no way were either of us saying to get over it. I didn't say to stop complaining, but that Diaz's post was criticized for saying to stop complaining, which was never said by either of us. In fact, BB is all about venting our symptoms and I saw in another post where Diaz asked Perth to stay on the forum and vent. But, I don't want either of you to give up or to do something irrational to end the pain. I have seen stories on here from people who didn't gradually get better, but got better in one day. Perth is young, so I would like to believe that the brain is not fried. From my experience, BB, and research (well..Google), until you're completely off all medication, the symptoms may not let up (Pamster has an experience with this). I have been sick a whole year. Excruciating stomach pain which no one else on BB has experienced. But, it wasn't until I stopped ALL drugs, including energy drinks, that I got windows. I have only been "clean" for a month and 25 days, so it it would be unrealistic for me to say "I have been sick a whole year!" I have to wait at the least three months.

 

Again, please do not think I was being harsh or judgmental. Thank you though for bringing it to my attention; I will be more careful with my tone and words from now on. We are here to help both of you. No one is saying that you're complaining too much.

[Guest [su...]]

I agree with you Sundanceshaman.  There is a level to this that unless you experienced it you have no idea how bad it can really be. The reason why some of us post so much is because we are literally surivivng second to second.  Theres a big different between a couple months off and 18+ months off.  The longer it goes on the harder it is to keep alive and keep hope and fighting. Having your whole mind destroyed where your scared of your own thoughts (even normal) thoughts is something I wouldn't wish upon anyone.

Agree. I am.there too. This is my life. Or life? I exist. I breath...

 

Sundanceshaman - you said you had a window a few months ago.  What symtoms went away during the window?

None just less severe. Or much less. I am never free from my symptoms

[Guest [su...]]

I've noticed that the people who seem to suffer the most are the people who really want things to be simple. It's up and down, side to side, not a very obvious pattern. When you think you've learned something, it is soon contradicted. It just makes sense to accept that things are not as simple as we would like but hey, that's life. You're all warriers.

Well thats not true! Its not easy to accept torture. Dont say that ppl who suffer the most is the one that "complains" about their w/d. This makes me upset! You dont know what hell there are in.

Never judge!  I am really sick and just try to survive every day. This is a fact and its true! Benzo w/d can be pure torture and a thin line between life and death for someone.

You are still on benzo. Say this after a long time like me...33 months off and severe sick

I still think it's true... sorry

 

I didn't see what you said as being harsh or rude at all and I don't understand why it was taken that way. You're not saying that the suffering is more in terms of pain but that when we become overwhelmed by the process, we inflict more emotional pain on ourselves. Also, no where did you say anything about people complaining, so I'm not sure why that was critiqued. But, you're right. I was soooo miserable and crying when I found out that this was not linear healing. Once, I accepted the process..and even its outcome, I started smiling more and eating healthier.

Thats good for you but suffering has NOTHING to do with hiw simple or not life can be or not be

Say that ppl who suffer the most are the one that think w/d would be simple or easy...

.

Well.... My suffering and many with me has or had have a brutal time with severe symptoms in my case 33 months and still in acute. So bad that I wanna die most of the time. Its not easy to smile and accept this when it is a matter of life and death.

Dont judge ppl that has a really hard time in w/d. Walk in their shoes same way same path same history and same suffering then you can judge.

For me the post sounds like ppl who suffer really bad "complains" bc they think its not simple?!

Be glad you can smile and accept many of us cant that.

Not when I have to survive minute by minute. Every day for years.

Just saying...

 

I am sorry, I never meant what I said to be taken as arrogant or harsh. I was only responding to clarify what Diaz said, because this poster is genuinely sincere and kind, and I feel that the original post was misinterpreted. Diaz has responded to a lot of Perth's posts trying to be encouraging. You're right, there are some suffering more than others. In no way were either of us saying to get over it. I didn't say to stop complaining, but that Diaz's post was criticized for saying to stop complaining, which was never said by either of us. In fact, BB is all about venting our symptoms and I saw in another post where Diaz asked Perth to stay on the forum and vent. But, I don't want either of you to give up or to do something irrational to end the pain. I have seen stories on here from people who didn't gradually get better, but got better in one day. Perth is young, so I would like to believe that the brain is not fried. From my experience, BB, and research (well..Google), until you're completely off all medication, the symptoms may not let up (Pamster has an experience with this). I have been sick a whole year. Excruciating stomach pain which no one else on BB has experienced. But, it wasn't until I stopped ALL drugs, including energy drinks, that I got windows. I have only been "clean" for a month and 25 days, so it it would be unrealistic for me to say "I have been sick a whole year!" I have to wait at the least three months.

 

Again, please do not think I was being harsh or judgmental. Thank you though for bringing it to my attention; I will be more careful with my tone and words from now on. We are here to help both of you. No one is saying that you're complaining too much.

Thank ypu for your post. This about medicines.  I am not on medicines. I only have beta blockers for really high blood pressure and I must take that or I will have a stroke or heart attack. I have not taken any AD for over 8 years  my seroquel  is gone since 14 months. Ppl can suffer really bad without any use of other medicines. I eat healthy I eat only strict lchf no sugar I sleep 8-10 hours.

Some suffer anyway. I have visibal damage in my brain seen on MRI and EEG. Other here on benzo buddies have it too. Baylissa talks about this damage in the brains white matter mass i benzo caused. I have a million neurologic symptoms and all is from brain damage. I was on benzo for 3.5 years. Horrible. I read storues in the protracted group. Ppl over 18 months w/d and still suffering. The group has posts witness about w/d still there 10 years off. I think some dosent heal at all. The w/d like in my case is over this was left from it. Permanent damage.

Needed to vent. 

Sundance

 

[Guest [su...]]

I agree with you Sundanceshaman.  There is a level to this that unless you experienced it you have no idea how bad it can really be. The reason why some of us post so much is because we are literally surivivng second to second.  Theres a big different between a couple months off and 18+ months off.  The longer it goes on the harder it is to keep alive and keep hope and fighting. Having your whole mind destroyed where your scared of your own thoughts (even normal) thoughts is something I wouldn't wish upon anyone.

Agree. I am.there too. This is my life. Or life? I exist. I breath...

 

Sundanceshaman - you said you had a window a few months ago.  What symtoms went away during the window?

When I have a window my symptoms just get less intense. They are always there. The one in my sign. My thoughts then was not looping but still freaking me out the urge to act out on thoughts.

I have not had one hour without symptoms since may 2017 when i was forced to go CT. So it is 38 months now. Not strange I feel exhausted. My tolerance w/d started december 2016. 

[[di...]]

I didn't see what you said as being harsh or rude at all and I don't understand why it was taken that way. You're not saying that the suffering is more in terms of pain but that when we become overwhelmed by the process, we inflict more emotional pain on ourselves. Also, no where did you say anything about people complaining, so I'm not sure why that was critiqued. But, you're right. I was soooo miserable and crying when I found out that this was not linear healing. Once, I accepted the process..and even its outcome, I started smiling more and eating healthier.

Thanks for being kind. Sorry that you got a bit of a backlash for seeing my point of view.

 

The bolded part is exactly the point I wanted to make but you said it better. I'm perhaps rustling some jimmies because I'm not backing down and conceding the point. From what I'm reading, I think I'm supposed to hold my hands up and admit that I haven't known suffering like it and therefore can't comment. The thing is, I do understand something about it. I don't want to concede the debate because it's not good to leave this type of thing unchallenged.

 

Acceptance isn't about tricking yourself into thinking things are better than they are. I used to think something like this so maybe it helps to state that this isn't what it's about. Things clicked for me after I dragged myself out of a cycle of negativity. I realised that what I was doing was repeating how bad things were like a mantra and in doing so, I was contributing to how bad things were. I don't think I made some stupid mistake that needed correcting. I think I had to go through that crap to come out the other side.

 

I don't believe that anything I can say right now will help in the moment. What I am hoping is that in the future, when there might be a few more positive signs, perhaps this post and others like it will help people to change gears. Because I think that it's a shame sometimes when these psychological defects creep in as a result of physical withdrawal but stick around after the physical side clears up. Positive thinking is a powerful thing when you can muster it.

[[Ic...]]

I've noticed that the people who seem to suffer the most are the people who really want things to be simple. It's up and down, side to side, not a very obvious pattern. When you think you've learned something, it is soon contradicted. It just makes sense to accept that things are not as simple as we would like but hey, that's life. You're all warriers.

Well thats not true! Its not easy to accept torture. Dont say that ppl who suffer the most is the one that "complains" about their w/d. This makes me upset! You dont know what hell there are in.

Never judge!  I am really sick and just try to survive every day. This is a fact and its true! Benzo w/d can be pure torture and a thin line between life and death for someone.

You are still on benzo. Say this after a long time like me...33 months off and severe sick

I still think it's true... sorry

 

I didn't see what you said as being harsh or rude at all and I don't understand why it was taken that way. You're not saying that the suffering is more in terms of pain but that when we become overwhelmed by the process, we inflict more emotional pain on ourselves. Also, no where did you say anything about people complaining, so I'm not sure why that was critiqued. But, you're right. I was soooo miserable and crying when I found out that this was not linear healing. Once, I accepted the process..and even its outcome, I started smiling more and eating healthier.

Thats good for you but suffering has NOTHING to do with hiw simple or not life can be or not be

Say that ppl who suffer the most are the one that think w/d would be simple or easy...

.

Well.... My suffering and many with me has or had have a brutal time with severe symptoms in my case 33 months and still in acute. So bad that I wanna die most of the time. Its not easy to smile and accept this when it is a matter of life and death.

Dont judge ppl that has a really hard time in w/d. Walk in their shoes same way same path same history and same suffering then you can judge.

For me the post sounds like ppl who suffer really bad "complains" bc they think its not simple?!

Be glad you can smile and accept many of us cant that.

Not when I have to survive minute by minute. Every day for years.

Just saying...

 

I am sorry, I never meant what I said to be taken as arrogant or harsh. I was only responding to clarify what Diaz said, because this poster is genuinely sincere and kind, and I feel that the original post was misinterpreted. Diaz has responded to a lot of Perth's posts trying to be encouraging. You're right, there are some suffering more than others. In no way were either of us saying to get over it. I didn't say to stop complaining, but that Diaz's post was criticized for saying to stop complaining, which was never said by either of us. In fact, BB is all about venting our symptoms and I saw in another post where Diaz asked Perth to stay on the forum and vent. But, I don't want either of you to give up or to do something irrational to end the pain. I have seen stories on here from people who didn't gradually get better, but got better in one day. Perth is young, so I would like to believe that the brain is not fried. From my experience, BB, and research (well..Google), until you're completely off all medication, the symptoms may not let up (Pamster has an experience with this). I have been sick a whole year. Excruciating stomach pain which no one else on BB has experienced. But, it wasn't until I stopped ALL drugs, including energy drinks, that I got windows. I have only been "clean" for a month and 25 days, so it it would be unrealistic for me to say "I have been sick a whole year!" I have to wait at the least three months.

 

Again, please do not think I was being harsh or judgmental. Thank you though for bringing it to my attention; I will be more careful with my tone and words from now on. We are here to help both of you. No one is saying that you're complaining too much.

Thank ypu for your post. This about medicines.  I am not on medicines. I only have beta blockers for really high blood pressure and I must take that or I will have a stroke or heart attack. I have not taken any AD for over 8 years  my seroquel  is gone since 14 months. Ppl can suffer really bad without any use of other medicines. I eat healthy I eat only strict lchf no sugar I sleep 8-10 hours.

Some suffer anyway. I have visibal damage in my brain seen on MRI and EEG. Other here on benzo buddies have it too. Baylissa talks about this damage in the brains white matter mass i benzo caused. I have a million neurologic symptoms and all is from brain damage. I was on benzo for 3.5 years. Horrible. I read storues in the protracted group. Ppl over 18 months w/d and still suffering. The group has posts witness about w/d still there 10 years off. I think some dosent heal at all. The w/d like in my case is over this was left from it. Permanent damage.

Needed to vent. 

Sundance

 

Sundance, I have noticed a lot of people who experience worsening symptoms, especially depression, were at one time on Seroquel; what do you think about that? I have seen several articles where doctors are telling psychs to stop prescribing it for sleep. Apparently, it is so potent that it should only be given to those severally psychotic. When I was on it, I became tongue tied with ticks. One time when I took my nightly dose, I threw up everything and nearly passed out. I thought I was dying and needed to go to the ER. It was a horrible experience. After that, I never took it again.

[Guest [su...]]

I've noticed that the people who seem to suffer the most are the people who really want things to be simple. It's up and down, side to side, not a very obvious pattern. When you think you've learned something, it is soon contradicted. It just makes sense to accept that things are not as simple as we would like but hey, that's life. You're all warriers.

Well thats not true! Its not easy to accept torture. Dont say that ppl who suffer the most is the one that "complains" about their w/d. This makes me upset! You dont know what hell there are in.

Never judge!  I am really sick and just try to survive every day. This is a fact and its true! Benzo w/d can be pure torture and a thin line between life and death for someone.

You are still on benzo. Say this after a long time like me...33 months off and severe sick

I still think it's true... sorry

 

I didn't see what you said as being harsh or rude at all and I don't understand why it was taken that way. You're not saying that the suffering is more in terms of pain but that when we become overwhelmed by the process, we inflict more emotional pain on ourselves. Also, no where did you say anything about people complaining, so I'm not sure why that was critiqued. But, you're right. I was soooo miserable and crying when I found out that this was not linear healing. Once, I accepted the process..and even its outcome, I started smiling more and eating healthier.

Thats good for you but suffering has NOTHING to do with hiw simple or not life can be or not be

Say that ppl who suffer the most are the one that think w/d would be simple or easy...

.

Well.... My suffering and many with me has or had have a brutal time with severe symptoms in my case 33 months and still in acute. So bad that I wanna die most of the time. Its not easy to smile and accept this when it is a matter of life and death.

Dont judge ppl that has a really hard time in w/d. Walk in their shoes same way same path same history and same suffering then you can judge.

For me the post sounds like ppl who suffer really bad "complains" bc they think its not simple?!

Be glad you can smile and accept many of us cant that.

Not when I have to survive minute by minute. Every day for years.

Just saying...

 

I am sorry, I never meant what I said to be taken as arrogant or harsh. I was only responding to clarify what Diaz said, because this poster is genuinely sincere and kind, and I feel that the original post was misinterpreted. Diaz has responded to a lot of Perth's posts trying to be encouraging. You're right, there are some suffering more than others. In no way were either of us saying to get over it. I didn't say to stop complaining, but that Diaz's post was criticized for saying to stop complaining, which was never said by either of us. In fact, BB is all about venting our symptoms and I saw in another post where Diaz asked Perth to stay on the forum and vent. But, I don't want either of you to give up or to do something irrational to end the pain. I have seen stories on here from people who didn't gradually get better, but got better in one day. Perth is young, so I would like to believe that the brain is not fried. From my experience, BB, and research (well..Google), until you're completely off all medication, the symptoms may not let up (Pamster has an experience with this). I have been sick a whole year. Excruciating stomach pain which no one else on BB has experienced. But, it wasn't until I stopped ALL drugs, including energy drinks, that I got windows. I have only been "clean" for a month and 25 days, so it it would be unrealistic for me to say "I have been sick a whole year!" I have to wait at the least three months.

 

Again, please do not think I was being harsh or judgmental. Thank you though for bringing it to my attention; I will be more careful with my tone and words from now on. We are here to help both of you. No one is saying that you're complaining too much.

Thank ypu for your post. This about medicines.  I am not on medicines. I only have beta blockers for really high blood pressure and I must take that or I will have a stroke or heart attack. I have not taken any AD for over 8 years  my seroquel  is gone since 14 months. Ppl can suffer really bad without any use of other medicines. I eat healthy I eat only strict lchf no sugar I sleep 8-10 hours.

Some suffer anyway. I have visibal damage in my brain seen on MRI and EEG. Other here on benzo buddies have it too. Baylissa talks about this damage in the brains white matter mass i benzo caused. I have a million neurologic symptoms and all is from brain damage. I was on benzo for 3.5 years. Horrible. I read storues in the protracted group. Ppl over 18 months w/d and still suffering. The group has posts witness about w/d still there 10 years off. I think some dosent heal at all. The w/d like in my case is over this was left from it. Permanent damage.

Needed to vent. 

Sundance

 

Sundance, I have noticed a lot of people who experience worsening symptoms, especially depression, were at one time on Seroquel; what do you think about that? I have seen several articles where doctors are telling psychs to stop prescribing it for sleep. Apparently, it is so potent that it should only be given to those severally psychotic. When I was on it, I became tongue tied with ticks. One time when I took my nightly dose, I threw up everything and nearly passed out. I thought I was dying and needed to go to the ER. It was a horrible experience. After that, I never took it again.

I have not taken seroquel since may 2019.  Yes i know i got it for what they thought was a psychosis and for sleep and as a mood stabilzer. I had not a psychosis it was severe DR DP.

I know it is a really potent drug and shoumd not be given for amykind of other use.