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Goodbye Benzobuddies


[Vi...]

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Man oh man have I been looking forward to write my success story. It's been 15 bumpy months, not gonna lie.

 

01. march last year I decided enough is enough with benzos after 10 years or more with benzos. I have used it as prescribed, but also recreational/self medicating. Got diazepam, nitrazepam and z-hypnotica from my MD and from a shrink and I supplied with on and off use of clonazepam from the black market. Sometimes xanax aswell but very rare as I didnt like it.

 

The moment that got me to realize that I had to quit was when I had a week long anxiety attack when I was visiting my brother and when I flew home and had to get oxygen. It was a combination of social anxiety and anxiety attack. I knew this was benzo related as I never have social anxiety and agoraphobia before I started using benzo. I have had benzo induced symptoms like that before as Ive been through withdrawal a few times over the years, but I have never had any problems going off it. Maybe a month or two with withdrawal. The kindle effect I guess. This time was different, I had acute and protracted for the first time. I was getting better last summer, but some stupid life choices sent me straight back to scratch (almost). Lesson learned I guess. 

 

I havent really had any waves until corona exploded. I felt really shit mentally so I decided to do some changes. I leased a car and moved to a place on the west coast of Norway where there isnt much people which is perfect as the introvert I am. Here my final stage of the healing process started. This was in the beginning of April. I went for daily walks in the mountains when the weather allowed it and focused on eating more healthy. I improved very fast from this point and in the beginning of May I started working from home again. I work 11 hours a day now and it's stressfull, and Im not gonna lie bad Im really proud of how I cope with the stress of what I do for work. I feel stronger mentally than Ive done in my adult life (Im 36 in a month). I think this is a result of the pain of benzo withdrawal.

 

I have droven to my home town a few times to visit family and friends. Been out eating in restaurants, went to a bar to play shuffleboard, been to the dentist and to the barber over the last two months. I even felt I could talk to women! ;) I couldnt even do this with benzos before.

 

Two weeks ago my tinnitus went totally away aswell.

 

I still have some work to do with my muscle strength. I used to walk hours after hours in the forest of mountain. Im not totally there yet. Also having a bit high resting heart rate, but it's getting better and my sleeping pattern isnt 100% yet. Im now working on the seroquel taper but Im going to take it very very slowly. Also going to keep alcohol consume at an absolute low for atleast another 6 months. Wine has always been a big passion of mine, but Im not going to take any chances. Had a few beers couple of a days ago with no problem but I know my brain need to be healed 110%!

 

Havent been the most active poster here but I have been lurking a lot. Probably won't be back after this week as I want to close this chapter of my life.

 

I send you all much love and wish you the best for the rest of your healing process. Life can be better even when it's at the darkest.

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I'm so happy for you Virre, thank you for letting us know about your recovery, reading new success stories makes my day!  :thumbsup:
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Congratulations! I am pleased you are ready to turn the page and start a new chapter of your life, benzo free and well.

 

pianogirl  :smitten:

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  • 1 month later...
Congratulations! And thank you so much for coming back to share your story with others here. It means a lot. I wish you all the best for whatever comes next!
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