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My Biggest Fear


[Al...]

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I began using benzos for my severe GAD after the antidepressants failed on me again and again. Anxiety was my prison. I was a social pariah. When I discovered Alprazolam, I felt liberated from that prison. For the very first time I became an overachiever at my job . Bewildered by my abilities, my colleagues began to respect me and to rely on me for some of the more difficult tasks. I absolutely loved that. I was fearless. I could achieve any goal. Then tolerance settled in and alprazolam didn't worked for me anymore. My freedom was nothing more than a very costly illusion. While I don't even remember the last time I felt good on benzos, the withdrawal symptoms are a "faithful" companion. Over the past 6 weeks I managed to gradually reduce my dosage by following the Asthon manual. But as unpleasant as it is, withdrawal doesn't scare me nowhere near as much as the idea that without any solution for my severe GAD, I'm destined to loose the respect of everyone around me and to become a pariah again.

 

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[34...]

I'd invite you to not accept defeat before the battle is fought.  You're clearly a talented, hard-working individual.  There's no reason for that to change.

 

Withdrawal and recovery is a time of much personal introspection for many people.  With the help of a good therapist, I remade parts of myself during my recovery.  Those were parts of my mind that were always second guessing and criticizing everything I did.  Those old voices are still there, but more powerful voices now prevail. 

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