Looking for Buddies - LT High dose Xanax direct taper 1/2 way there!

[[Wo...]]

Thank you so much ladies! I appreciate your support more than you’ll ever know! MaryBeth I grew up as MaryBelle, my parents are the only ones who call me that anymore. Im just Mary now.  My nickname is also Mare. You really spoke to me when you were talking about that strong (Mare) not being in there for so long. I feel the exact same.....and I can’t wait for her to re-emerge one day! I’m sorry for all you are going through. You deserve such happiness. You have fought so hard for so long and are too kind of a person to not have complete happiness! I have no doubts with the strength you have you will do amazing after this poison is out of your system.

 

Laurie, thank you! You always have the best and nicest things to say to encourage a person. You always have the right words to lift each person up. It’s a super power of yours I swear! I’m so sorry about your toe. That hurts terribly! I hope you heal quickly!

 

Thinking of you all and hoping you are hanging in there and doing ok. My thoughts and prayers are with you all daily!

Sending hugs! 

Mary

 

P.S. I did get 9 hours of sleep last night which seems to help entirely today. I feel a little better. Amazing how sleep can help you function through it a little better!

[[Di...]]

Hi everyone,

Marybeth, glad you are doing better another week holding will probably help you alot.  It's great that you were able to get the party behind you and I hope you were able to enjoy it.

 

Wonderwoman, I'm sorry you are having a rough time I feel like I wait all day to hopefully feel better in the evening.  That's wonderful that you slept 9 hours sure helps out to get some good sleep.

 

Laurie, you've probably already tried this but what about soaking your foot in an Epsom salt bath?  I woke up this morning with my index finger swollen and sore, can't figure out why maybe ole Arthur, anyway I did the Epsom and it helped some.

 

Julia, how are you doing today?  Sure hope you feel better.

 

I'm ok had my usual gloom and doom morning but better now except for my normal afternoon headache.🤦‍♀️

 

Hugs to everyone ❤

[[se...]]

Debbie,

 

Thanks for the tip with the epsom salt!  I often wake with swollen joints as well.  I hope you feel better.  The gloom and doom hits everyone of us, there is no escaping it.  Hopefully this will pass soon and you can progress in you taper.

 

Hugs

[[Di...]]

Debbie,

 

Thanks for the tip with the epsom salt!  I often wake with swollen joints as well.  I hope you feel better.  The gloom and doom hits everyone of us, there is no escaping it.  Hopefully this will pass soon and you can progress in you taper.

 

Hugs

 

Laurie, thank you at least I'm not alone with gloom and doom but I'm so sorry that most others suffer from this too.

You're  welcome and be plentiful with the Epsom.  😊

Hugs ❤

[[to...]]

Hi everyone. I’m so sorry for you all that are hurting and suffering. You are all in my thoughts and prayers. You all seem amazing and I hate that such good people have to suffer with this crap! I too am not doing well. I was in such a beautiful window and then boom out of no where I was hit with the biggest wave of waves! I just feel crappy! Nauseous, insomnia, weakness, crying nonstop, anger, diarrhea, heartburn......just has nailed me. I’m holding my dose for now for a few days. I am so sick of this process and admire you all so much for the strength you all have! You are so brave to have come so far after so long. You all give me strength that I can keep moving forward, even when I feel like I can’t and am tapped out in reserves. I do DLMT and am taking 134ml out of 200ml. I have 66ml left. A measly 66! Yet it seems like a forever amount! 33% left to go, and I feel it’s so far off. I so hate complaining to you all as you have all suffered far worse than me, but you are where I can my strength and confidence back from. You are the inspiration that keeps me in the fight some days. I don’t post on here often but read all,of your posts daily. You all help me daily without even knowing you do probably. I don’t want to be a big whiner crybaby to you all but just need some encouragement if you all could spare some I’d be so grateful! Hugs to you all!

 

Hi Mary,

You are not a whinner crybaby - you are just like all of us here who are suffering and need to share how you are doing and need support and encouragement!  You are always welcome to vent here and that does not make you a crybaby!  You also mention that you have not had it as bad as some of us but let me say this - it does not matter who has it worse or better - we all suffer from this "benzo hell"  - my new saying lol - and we do not need to suffer alone.  You have come a long way - you have cut by 66% and that is amazing and you should be proud of yourself.  This is not easy no matter what the dose you are on or have been on to get off of.  It is hell and it just throws us these weird curve balls all the time.  I agree that holding is a good idea - you do not need to suffer any more than is absolutely necessary.

 

Yesterday the ladies here were giving me support and comfort and I appreciate it so much.  I only made a change in how I was dosing and it hit me.  Today is a little better but I am still not feeling great!  Plus I had alot of things I had to take care of today that I did not feel like doing but it was necessary.  I have been having trouble sleeping and that is not making me happy either. BUT- we will all get better and get off these drugs.  I understand how you feel about wanting to quit sometimes but I know that is NOT an option.  I have to keep going and get off this.  The longer I am on the xanax, the longer it will take to heal.

 

We all are here for you and want you to come here and post anytime you want.  You are missed when  you don't.  I am happy that you had a great window and you will again. 

 

Know that you are also in my thoughts and prayers.  You have helped me a lot and I appreciate you more than you know!  I hope you feel better soon and get into another window.  Be kind to yourself, you deserve that.

 

Love you lots lady!

Julia  :smitten:

[[to...]]

Hi ladies,

 

Marybeth, I too am glad you were able to endure the party.  There is no way I could be around 100 people right now.  I can hardly stand to go out at all.  I just do not feel like being around others is good for me at this point.  I get nervous and I can not stand riding in the car - I get really anxious - that is a issue I have that I seem to have a hard time getting past.  I am going to hold until next week - if I am not better - I will keep holding.  I am not into suffering and I do it enough without even making small changes.

 

Laurie- how is your toe?  I know that had to hurt like heck when you did it.  I hope your cut is going well.

 

Debbie - I understand the gloom and doom too - I am glad that it does not last too long when it hits and I hope your mornings will get better for you!!

 

WonderWoman - I am glad you got 9 hours sleep - funny how getting enough sleep makes things better.  I hope you are feeling better.

 

We will all get through this - it is great that we have each other and have a place to come to share what is going on when it is good or bad.  That is just part of this journey.  It is harder the lower we go in dose but at some point we will be off these drugs and enjoying our lives and won't have to think about benzo's every single day - multiple times a day!  That will be a gift I will not take for granted.  This has taught me that - appreciate all I have and live life day by day! 

 

Love you all!!!!

Julia  :hug: :smitten:

[[Di...]]

Julia,

I'm sorry you still aren't feeling well.  You are so right not having to ever think about benzos will be a gift and I can't wait.  I am so ready to live life again!  I keep praying that I will come out of this a much better and stronger Christian, wife, mother, nana, daughter, aunt, friend...  for some reason we were all chosen for this journey and what a trip.

 

Hugs ❤ feel better!

 

Ps we all need to have a virtual party when this is all over.

[[se...]]

Debbie,

 

I could not have said it better!!

 

Julia, you will get through this, we all will.  My toe is still killing me and it is black…ugh.  It will probably be a few weeks to heal.

 

My cut is going well so far, I usually do t feel the cut for about three days, so Wednesday may be a different story.  For now, I am doing well.

 

I am hoping you are all doing ok, each week that passes we get closer to the end.  I keep moving forward..

 

Hugs to all

[[Di...]]

Debbie,

 

I could not have said it better!!

 

Julia, you will get through this, we all will.  My toe is still killing me and it is black…ugh.  It will probably be a few weeks to heal.

 

My cut is going well so far, I usually do t feel the cut for about three days, so Wednesday may be a different story.  For now, I am doing well.

 

I am hoping you are all doing ok, each week that passes we get closer to the end.  I keep moving forward..

 

Hugs to all

 

  :smitten:

[[Lo...]]

 

 

Ps we all need to have a virtual party when this is all over.

 

On a lighter note..... So if my divorce goes through within.... lets say about 6 months after we all finish our taper and are on the road to complete healing.... I'm flipping taking some alimony money out and flying you all in so we can have a flat out CELEBRATION together!  Woo-Hoo! 

[[to...]]

Julia,

I'm sorry you still aren't feeling well.  You are so right not having to ever think about benzos will be a gift and I can't wait.  I am so ready to live life again!  I keep praying that I will come out of this a much better and stronger Christian, wife, mother, nana, daughter, aunt, friend...  for some reason we were all chosen for this journey and what a trip.

 

Hugs ❤ feel better!

 

Ps we all need to have a virtual party when this is all over.

 

I agree Debbie - You  and all of us will definitely be stronger and braver.  We will survive!  I do believe everything happens for a reason.  Why this happened to us, I do not know.  UGGG

 

Love you and I like the virtual party idea.  We could at least skype each other then.  lol

 

Hugs,

Julia

[[se...]]

I think that is a great idea!  Lori, does your husband know you are filing for a divorce yet?

[[to...]]

Debbie,

 

I could not have said it better!!

 

Julia, you will get through this, we all will.  My toe is still killing me and it is black…ugh.  It will probably be a few weeks to heal.

 

My cut is going well so far, I usually do t feel the cut for about three days, so Wednesday may be a different story.  For now, I am doing well.

 

I am hoping you are all doing ok, each week that passes we get closer to the end.  I keep moving forward..

 

Hugs to all

Hi Laurie - thanks for the encouragement.  I know it will get better but it is nice to hear that or read it. 

 

Sorry your toe is hurting.  I hope it heals quick. 

 

I am glad your cut is going well so far and hope it stays that way!

 

You are right, we will all get through this.  We are one day closer than we were yesterday! 

 

Love,

Julia 

[[to...]]

 

 

Ps we all need to have a virtual party when this is all over.

 

On a lighter note..... So if my divorce goes through within.... lets say about 6 months after we all finish our taper and are on the road to complete healing.... I'm flipping taking some alimony money out and flying you all in so we can have a flat out CELEBRATION together!  Woo-Hoo! 

 

Sounds great Marybeth, we are all ready and deserving of a celebration!!!

 

Love,

Julia 

[[Wo...]]

Hi everyone. I’m so sorry for you all that are hurting and suffering. You are all in my thoughts and prayers. You all seem amazing and I hate that such good people have to suffer with this crap! I too am not doing well. I was in such a beautiful window and then boom out of no where I was hit with the biggest wave of waves! I just feel crappy! Nauseous, insomnia, weakness, crying nonstop, anger, diarrhea, heartburn......just has nailed me. I’m holding my dose for now for a few days. I am so sick of this process and admire you all so much for the strength you all have! You are so brave to have come so far after so long. You all give me strength that I can keep moving forward, even when I feel like I can’t and am tapped out in reserves. I do DLMT and am taking 134ml out of 200ml. I have 66ml left. A measly 66! Yet it seems like a forever amount! 33% left to go, and I feel it’s so far off. I so hate complaining to you all as you have all suffered far worse than me, but you are where I can my strength and confidence back from. You are the inspiration that keeps me in the fight some days. I don’t post on here often but read all,of your posts daily. You all help me daily without even knowing you do probably. I don’t want to be a big whiner crybaby to you all but just need some encouragement if you all could spare some I’d be so grateful! Hugs to you all!

 

Hi Mary,

You are not a whinner crybaby - you are just like all of us here who are suffering and need to share how you are doing and need support and encouragement!  You are always welcome to vent here and that does not make you a crybaby!  You also mention that you have not had it as bad as some of us but let me say this - it does not matter who has it worse or better - we all suffer from this "benzo hell"  - my new saying lol - and we do not need to suffer alone.  You have come a long way - you have cut by 66% and that is amazing and you should be proud of yourself.  This is not easy no matter what the dose you are on or have been on to get off of.  It is hell and it just throws us these weird curve balls all the time.  I agree that holding is a good idea - you do not need to suffer any more than is absolutely necessary.

 

Yesterday the ladies here were giving me support and comfort and I appreciate it so much.  I only made a change in how I was dosing and it hit me.  Today is a little better but I am still not feeling great!  Plus I had alot of things I had to take care of today that I did not feel like doing but it was necessary.  I have been having trouble sleeping and that is not making me happy either. BUT- we will all get better and get off these drugs.  I understand how you feel about wanting to quit sometimes but I know that is NOT an option.  I have to keep going and get off this.  The longer I am on the xanax, the longer it will take to heal.

 

We all are here for you and want you to come here and post anytime you want.  You are missed when  you don't.  I am happy that you had a great window and you will again. 

 

Know that you are also in my thoughts and prayers.  You have helped me a lot and I appreciate you more than you know!  I hope you feel better soon and get into another window.  Be kind to yourself, you deserve that.

 

Love you lots lady!

Julia  :smitten:

 

 

 

Thank you so much Julia! You have been an amazing friend to me and such a light in these dark times! I am very fortunate to have found you all. You all have a special place in my heart! And I agree......a huge celebration is indeed what we should have when this all done for us! Count me in! 

 

Best wishes, hugs, and love to you all!

Mary

[[Di...]]

 

 

Ps we all need to have a virtual party when this is all over.

 

On a lighter note..... So if my divorce goes through within.... lets say about 6 months after we all finish our taper and are on the road to complete healing.... I'm flipping taking some alimony money out and flying you all in so we can have a flat out CELEBRATION together!  Woo-Hoo! 

 

Woohoo that would be so awesome...I have tears running!!!

[[Di...]]

Julia,

I'm sorry you still aren't feeling well.  You are so right not having to ever think about benzos will be a gift and I can't wait.  I am so ready to live life again!  I keep praying that I will come out of this a much better and stronger Christian, wife, mother, nana, daughter, aunt, friend...  for some reason we were all chosen for this journey and what a trip.

 

Hugs ❤ feel better!

 

Ps we all need to have a virtual party when this is all over.

 

I agree Debbie - You  and all of us will definitely be stronger and braver.  We will survive!  I do believe everything happens for a reason.  Why this happened to us, I do not know.  UGGG

 

Love you and I like the virtual party idea.  We could at least skype each other then.  lol

 

Hugs,

Julia

 

:smitten:

[[Di...]]

Hi everyone. I’m so sorry for you all that are hurting and suffering. You are all in my thoughts and prayers. You all seem amazing and I hate that such good people have to suffer with this crap! I too am not doing well. I was in such a beautiful window and then boom out of no where I was hit with the biggest wave of waves! I just feel crappy! Nauseous, insomnia, weakness, crying nonstop, anger, diarrhea, heartburn......just has nailed me. I’m holding my dose for now for a few days. I am so sick of this process and admire you all so much for the strength you all have! You are so brave to have come so far after so long. You all give me strength that I can keep moving forward, even when I feel like I can’t and am tapped out in reserves. I do DLMT and am taking 134ml out of 200ml. I have 66ml left. A measly 66! Yet it seems like a forever amount! 33% left to go, and I feel it’s so far off. I so hate complaining to you all as you have all suffered far worse than me, but you are where I can my strength and confidence back from. You are the inspiration that keeps me in the fight some days. I don’t post on here often but read all,of your posts daily. You all help me daily without even knowing you do probably. I don’t want to be a big whiner crybaby to you all but just need some encouragement if you all could spare some I’d be so grateful! Hugs to you all!

 

Hi Mary,

You are not a whinner crybaby - you are just like all of us here who are suffering and need to share how you are doing and need support and encouragement!  You are always welcome to vent here and that does not make you a crybaby!  You also mention that you have not had it as bad as some of us but let me say this - it does not matter who has it worse or better - we all suffer from this "benzo hell"  - my new saying lol - and we do not need to suffer alone.  You have come a long way - you have cut by 66% and that is amazing and you should be proud of yourself.  This is not easy no matter what the dose you are on or have been on to get off of.  It is hell and it just throws us these weird curve balls all the time.  I agree that holding is a good idea - you do not need to suffer any more than is absolutely necessary.

 

Yesterday the ladies here were giving me support and comfort and I appreciate it so much.  I only made a change in how I was dosing and it hit me.  Today is a little better but I am still not feeling great!  Plus I had alot of things I had to take care of today that I did not feel like doing but it was necessary.  I have been having trouble sleeping and that is not making me happy either. BUT- we will all get better and get off these drugs.  I understand how you feel about wanting to quit sometimes but I know that is NOT an option.  I have to keep going and get off this.  The longer I am on the xanax, the longer it will take to heal.

 

We all are here for you and want you to come here and post anytime you want.  You are missed when  you don't.  I am happy that you had a great window and you will again. 

 

Know that you are also in my thoughts and prayers.  You have helped me a lot and I appreciate you more than you know!  I hope you feel better soon and get into another window.  Be kind to yourself, you deserve that.

 

Love you lots lady!

Julia  :smitten:

 

 

 

Thank you so much Julia! You have been an amazing friend to me and such a light in these dark times! I am very fortunate to have found you all. You all have a special place in my heart! And I agree......a huge celebration is indeed what we should have when this all done for us! Count me in! 

 

Best wishes, hugs, and love to you all!

Mary

 

:smitten:

[[to...]]

Hi everyone. I’m so sorry for you all that are hurting and suffering. You are all in my thoughts and prayers. You all seem amazing and I hate that such good people have to suffer with this crap! I too am not doing well. I was in such a beautiful window and then boom out of no where I was hit with the biggest wave of waves! I just feel crappy! Nauseous, insomnia, weakness, crying nonstop, anger, diarrhea, heartburn......just has nailed me. I’m holding my dose for now for a few days. I am so sick of this process and admire you all so much for the strength you all have! You are so brave to have come so far after so long. You all give me strength that I can keep moving forward, even when I feel like I can’t and am tapped out in reserves. I do DLMT and am taking 134ml out of 200ml. I have 66ml left. A measly 66! Yet it seems like a forever amount! 33% left to go, and I feel it’s so far off. I so hate complaining to you all as you have all suffered far worse than me, but you are where I can my strength and confidence back from. You are the inspiration that keeps me in the fight some days. I don’t post on here often but read all,of your posts daily. You all help me daily without even knowing you do probably. I don’t want to be a big whiner crybaby to you all but just need some encouragement if you all could spare some I’d be so grateful! Hugs to you all!

 

Hi Mary,

You are not a whinner crybaby - you are just like all of us here who are suffering and need to share how you are doing and need support and encouragement!  You are always welcome to vent here and that does not make you a crybaby!  You also mention that you have not had it as bad as some of us but let me say this - it does not matter who has it worse or better - we all suffer from this "benzo hell"  - my new saying lol - and we do not need to suffer alone.  You have come a long way - you have cut by 66% and that is amazing and you should be proud of yourself.  This is not easy no matter what the dose you are on or have been on to get off of.  It is hell and it just throws us these weird curve balls all the time.  I agree that holding is a good idea - you do not need to suffer any more than is absolutely necessary.

 

Yesterday the ladies here were giving me support and comfort and I appreciate it so much.  I only made a change in how I was dosing and it hit me.  Today is a little better but I am still not feeling great!  Plus I had alot of things I had to take care of today that I did not feel like doing but it was necessary.  I have been having trouble sleeping and that is not making me happy either. BUT- we will all get better and get off these drugs.  I understand how you feel about wanting to quit sometimes but I know that is NOT an option.  I have to keep going and get off this.  The longer I am on the xanax, the longer it will take to heal.

 

We all are here for you and want you to come here and post anytime you want.  You are missed when  you don't.  I am happy that you had a great window and you will again. 

 

Know that you are also in my thoughts and prayers.  You have helped me a lot and I appreciate you more than you know!  I hope you feel better soon and get into another window.  Be kind to yourself, you deserve that.

 

Love you lots lady!

Julia  :smitten:

 

 

 

Thank you so much Julia! You have been an amazing friend to me and such a light in these dark times! I am very fortunate to have found you all. You all have a special place in my heart! And I agree......a huge celebration is indeed what we should have when this all done for us! Count me in! 

 

Best wishes, hugs, and love to you all!

Mary

Mary,

Thank you! You've been an amazing friend to me too!!  You've been through a lot taking care of your Mom and Dad and still tapering while you were doing it. I think you're doing great!!! Be kind to yourself as you deserve it and remember that with everything that's been going on, it might have just caught up with you. I hope you'll be able to get more rest!!

Love you!!!

Julia  : ♥️♥️♥️

[[to...]]

Hugs to you too Debbie!! To all of you wonderful ladies!!!♥️♥️♥️🙏🙏🙏

[[to...]]

Hi everyone,

How are you all today?  I hope you are feeling better!  I am doing ok.  Just hanging in there.  It has been another day of getting some things done that I need to do but do not feel like doing  I can not put them off as they are very important.  I have been a little off balance today and just going through the motions.  Almost one more day has passed - one more day closer to being benzo free!!! 

 

Laurie- I hope your cut is going well and that your toe is better.

 

Mary - I hope you feeling better today too!

 

Debbie - How are you doing today?  I hope you had a better morning.

 

Marybeth - I hope you have had another good day with Aidan!

 

Love to you all,

Julia  :smitten:

[[Di...]]

Hi everyone,

How are you all today?  I hope you are feeling better!  I am doing ok.  Just hanging in there.  It has been another day of getting some things done that I need to do but do not feel like doing  I can not put them off as they are very important.  I have been a little off balance today and just going through the motions.  Almost one more day has passed - one more day closer to being benzo free!!! 

 

Laurie- I hope your cut is going well and that your toe is better.

 

Mary - I hope you feeling better today too!

 

Debbie - How are you doing today?  I hope you had a better morning.

 

Marybeth - I hope you have had another good day with Aidan!

 

Love to you all,

Julia  :smitten:

 

Hi All,

 

Julia,

I know what you mean about not feeling like doing anything.  One of these days we will.  Same old morning then late afternoon benzo belly zapped me ugh.  Yes we are one day closer.

 

Love and hugs everyone ❤

 

 

[[Wo...]]

Hi everyone,

How are you all today?  I hope you are feeling better!  I am doing ok.  Just hanging in there.  It has been another day of getting some things done that I need to do but do not feel like doing  I can not put them off as they are very important.  I have been a little off balance today and just going through the motions.  Almost one more day has passed - one more day closer to being benzo free!!! 

 

Laurie- I hope your cut is going well and that your toe is better.

 

Mary - I hope you feeling better today too!

 

Debbie - How are you doing today?  I hope you had a better morning.

 

Marybeth - I hope you have had another good day with Aidan!

 

Love to you all,

Julia  :smitten:

 

Hi All,

 

Julia,

I know what you mean about not feeling like doing anything.  One of these days we will.  Same old morning then late afternoon benzo belly zapped me ugh.  Yes we are one day closer.

 

Love and hugs everyone ❤

 

 

Hi everyone,

How are you all today?  I hope you are feeling better!  I am doing ok.  Just hanging in there.  It has been another day of getting some things done that I need to do but do not feel like doing  I can not put them off as they are very important.  I have been a little off balance today and just going through the motions.  Almost one more day has passed - one more day closer to being benzo free!!! 

 

Laurie- I hope your cut is going well and that your toe is better.

 

Mary - I hope you feeling better today too!

 

Debbie - How are you doing today?  I hope you had a better morning.

 

Marybeth - I hope you have had another good day with Aidan!

 

Love to you all,

Julia  :smitten:

 

 

Hi everyone! I’ve had a better day today. I had 7 hrs sleep last night and I had to get up and go see my oldest son and take him something he needed. We had lunch and then I went to the carpet and tile store for we are remodeling our entire house......kitchen, laundry room, bathrooms, basement, and honestly I cannot believe I’ve been able to make these decisions with my taper and benzo brain. It’s been rough at times and trying and frustrating but I’ve done it. I hope I like it when it’s done! Lol 🤦‍♀️  My symptoms calmed down some but my benzo belly is still bothering me a little. I did take a milliliter out of today’s dose and tomorrow’s so we will see how it goes. I hope you are all staying strong and hanging in there. There’s lots of days I like to lay around and do nothing and some days that’s all I can do. We do what we have to do to battle through this! Sending much love and hugs to all you warriors!

 

Love, Mary

[[Wo...]]

P.S.  I have no idea how or what I did there with the quotes on my reply! Good grief! Lol 

[[to...]]

P.S.  I have no idea how or what I did there with the quotes on my reply! Good grief! Lol 

Hi Mary,

So glad today was better and I'm glad you were able to get some sleep.

Renovations are stressful so you've done great to renovate and taper at the same time!

I'm having a weird time- ears uncomfortable again and my nose is stopped up- strange. Plus just not feeling that good.

I think some of this is from changing my morning dose. I haven't been right since I did that Sunday. I'm uncomfortable enough that tonight I changed my pill box for the rest of the week back to what I had been doing with my first dose of the day being my highest of the day . I hope that helps.

It'll get better soon....

 

Love you!! Julia ♥️