Looking for Buddies - LT High dose Xanax direct taper 1/2 way there!

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Hi all,

I hope everyone is having a good day!  I have been a little off today but not bad- so I will take it as a win for today!!!

 

Had insomnia last night and was awake until after 5 am. I ended up sleeping in.

 

Love and hugs and prayers ,

Julia  :smitten:

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Julia,  I’m sorry you had a rough night, hopefully  tonight is different.  I’m glad you were able to sleep in.

 

Your one day closer, so YES it is a win in my book.

 

Hugs..

[[Di...]]

Hi Julia,

Sorry you had trouble sleeping that always impacts your day. 

Today wasn't as good as yesterday I've had a headache and muscle tightness in my shoulders but I've felt worse.

Hope you sleep well tonight. 💤

I'm still waiting on the sun.  😁

Hugs ❤

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Hi ladies,

 

Thanks. I hope I'll be able to sleep better tonight too.

 

I'm sorry your having headache and muscle tightness Debbie. Hopefully it'll get better by tomorrow. I hope the sun will be out soon. Calling for rain off and on for the next 10 days. Yuck - but we do need rain.

 

I hope you're doing better too Laurie!!🙏

 

We're all one day closer so it's a win for us all - Yah!!!!

 

Love and hugs,

Julia ♥️

 

[[Di...]]

Hi ladies,

 

Thanks. I hope I'll be able to sleep better tonight too.

 

I'm sorry your having headache and muscle tightness Debbie. Hopefully it'll get better by tomorrow. I hope the sun will be out soon. Calling for rain off and on for the next 10 days. Yuck - but we do need rain.

 

I hope you're doing better too Laurie!!🙏

 

We're all one day closer so it's a win for us all - Yah!!!!

 

Love and hugs,

Julia ♥️

 

Julia you are so right!

Hugs ❤

[[Di...]]

Laurie are you feeling better?

Hugs ❤

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Hello Diane,

 

Yes, I am doing better.  Neck is still a bit sore but nothing like it was two days ago.  This is such a wired symptom.

 

How about you, where are you at with your taper?

[[Di...]]

Hello Diane,

 

Yes, I am doing better.  Neck is still a bit sore but nothing like it was two days ago.  This is such a wired symptom.

 

How about you, where are you at with your taper?

 

Hi Laurie

So glad your neck is better I've had that off and on during this whole ordeal.  Hope yours goes and doesn't come back.

I'm at .551mg having a little anxiety this morning hopefully it will get better as the day goes on.

Hugs ❤

[[ba...]]

Lori

 

You are the best person to decide what to do as of say, this month.  I think what you really want is validation. You don't have to justify anything. You have it. I trust you to know what to do and deal with it well enough, even in your wd state.

 

My concern, and I'm sure yours, is how long divorce takes, how difficult it is, and how much stress is involved. Do you live in an equal property state?  Most divorces are contentious, and it sounds like yours will be, probably even ugly. Your going to have to put on a suit of badass to not be continuously impacted by the attempts to demean you. Even with a relatively mentally sound spouse, divorce can bring out the ugly.

 

I am sure that is why you wanted to finish your taper. The downside is that once you finish it, there is the recovery period. As a mod, I have observed it often takes about 18 months, less than that is rare. And 2 years is common. It is usually very difficult as well, as the brain is finally able to undergo some serious healing in. However, due to the extensive benzo damage, it takes time and one still experiences wd symptoms.

 

So between a rock and a hard place.  I am confident you already have a good idea of which way to go. Coming back refreshed  and very aware of the tension, being back in the land of eggshells is giving you a fresh perspective. And, you are angry. Don't blame you.

 

My only input is that I do not make major decisions when my emotions are running high. If I am having a good spell, I make plans that later I can't enjoy because I am in a wave. I tend to overextend when I am happy (usually after lots of good yoga or biking, when I get a dopamine boost.)

 

When I am angry, hurt or having benzo brain, I also wait.

 

I am a very decisive person, but have learned that I need to hold out until I am "Neutral."

 

This is because of the wd, I am not emotionally or functionally consistent.

 

You did this with the snafu in here. When you felt hurt and upset, you  gave yourself some time.

 

On a personal note, I have zero tolerance for any person whom triggers me to be consistently angry, hurt, offended or upset. I don't have the emotional reserves to use what little bit of healthy emotion I have on drama. I take the responsibility for those negative feelings, btw. I have no problem saying the person I am now is not willing to deal with this. So what. Don't care. Maybe I will be a bigger person down the road that I am not affected, but I am not that person now. I have removed a few people from my life through this process. No regrets.

 

-baddove

 

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Hey Marybeth,

So sorry you are having to deal with all this.  I say just do what your heart tells you too.  You are smart and strong and you will find a way to deal with whatever comes. 

 

It is so hard but I agree that making a decision that is so life changing should be done when you are not angry or upset, it is hard for you I know as those emotions are a constant in your situation!  They would be for me!

 

I will write more later.

 

Love you and you are in my thoughts and prayers.

 

Love,

Julia 

 

[[se...]]

Hello Everyone,

 

Marybeth, I’m so sorry you are in constant emotional distress, given what you have written I would be in the same mindset.  I can certainly see why you wanted to be done with the taper prior to going through the divorce.  There is no guarantee that you will be symptom free, so I think I would just follow you heart.  The fact you want to be part of a birthday celebration for him tells me there is a part of you that still really cares.  Is there a chance you could ask him to sit down and talk some of this through.  You may not agree and that’s ok, you may just agree to end it amicably for the sake of your children. 

 

Either way, you know you have support here.  Take care..

 

 

 

 

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Marybeth let me just say I know you are going to be ok, you really are.  You and I are the same age, I know from what you have written you are making the best choice.  You have waited and now it is time to put yourself first.  It’s not easy but it is necessary.

 

Can you imagine the woman you will be after the divorce and discontinuance of the Xanax, unstoppable!

 

We love you here, vent anytime.  Hugs

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Marybeth let me just say I know you are going to be ok, you really are.  You and I are the same age, I know from what you have written you are making the best choice.  You have waited and now it is time to put yourself first.  It’s not easy but it is necessary.

 

Can you imagine the woman you will be after the divorce and discontinuance of the Xanax, unstoppable!

 

We love you here, vent anytime.  Hugs

 

I agree 100% !!!  Well said Laurie!!

 

Love and hugs,

Julia 

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Marybeth I am so sorry it sounds like you have tried your best now you have to take care of yourself.  Getting away from that stressful situation will be the best thing for you.

Hugs and prayers ❤

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Thank you all! 

 

Funny thing... I felt HORRIBLE today.. muscle stuff was out of control!  I forced myself to go to the store with my son.  I just needed to get out of the house.  It was the first time I've been in a supermarket in 2 years. 

 

By the time I was inside the supermarket, every single symptoms disappeared!  I'm talking gone!  I felt normal!  I didn't even notice at first.  It was bizarre.  My son and I were laughing about some things while going up and down the isles and just like that, I turned to him and said, "Aidan, everything is gone!  I feel great!" I was shocked.  He said, "Mom, I do not doubt the taper having a huge impact on your life and health, but I have to wonder if so much of it is Dad and being in that house!... The mind can do crazy things!"

I know that he's right.  I just didn't realize the degree of it!  Bizarre... in a good way.

 

So, it was a good few hours!  LOL!

 

MB

 

Hi MB,

I am glad you had a good few hours.  It is funny how sometimes our situations - people, places, things, makes us worse - or in other cases - makes us better!

 

I am glad you had a great experience and that you got to spend some time with Aidan laughing and talking.  I know that was wonderful for you!

 

Love you,

Julia 

 

 

[[Di...]]

Marybeth how wonderful...here's hoping you have many more times like today! ❤❤❤

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Hello all,

 

I was thinking about everyone and was hoping you all are having a decent day.

 

How is everyone doing?  I am doing ok.  Had an issue last night for a brief time but it went away thank goodness, the chest tightness/pain and pain in my left arm - I think it was anxiety but I do not know.  I do know it was from xanax/tapering as I have had this so many times in the last couple years.  Had not had it lately so I guess it wanted to let me know it is still around.  I know it is the xanax but I still get scared. 

 

Take care and let me know how all are doing.

 

Love and hugs,

Julia 

[[ba...]]

Julia,

 

I just went through 4 or 5 days of extreme pain in my left side, my left arm, wrist and scapula. I could not believe how much it hurt. My wrist was so bad, I put a brace on it.  This was nothing like exercise pain.

 

I finally went to my gym and got a hydro massage. Pain almost gone.

 

The left side always acts up, no matter the symptom, the right not as much. This was new. I have never had that much pain.

 

Anyway, go find a hydro massage. Fortunately, my gym has one. 15 minutes, and almost gone, went back next day, gone.

 

-good luck

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Thanks Baddove,

 

That is interesting.  Usually the arm and chest tightness comes and lasts a couple days and then is gone.  This time it was only around for a couple hours and then went away.  I chalk it up to xanax. 

 

I am sorry you had such pain and am glad it is better for you now.

 

Julia

[[Di...]]

Hi all...today has gone pretty well.

 

Thinking about everyone ❤

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Hi all...today has gone pretty well.

 

Thinking about everyone ❤

 

:smitten: :smitten:

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Debbie, so glad you are well!  I am dosing down again tomorrow, how about you Julia?

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Debbie, so glad you are well!  I am dosing down again tomorrow, how about you Julia?

 

Hi Laurie,

I had decided not to dose down again tomorrow but I keep thinking about it.  I made a cut last Sunday and have done ok but I had a couple issues yesterday and have been off on and off some this week.  I was thinking of waiting until next Sunday and cut - what do you all think?  I want to make a cut - I am just scared that it is too soon.  If I make a cut it will be .0312 like last week.

 

Suggestions?

 

Thanks.

Love and hugs,

Julia

Julia

[[Di...]]

Debbie, so glad you are well!  I am dosing down again tomorrow, how about you Julia?

 

Laurie you are getting closer that is so awesome!

❤

[[Di...]]

Debbie, so glad you are well!  I am dosing down again tomorrow, how about you Julia?

 

Hi Laurie,

I had decided not to dose down again tomorrow but I keep thinking about it.  I made a cut last Sunday and have done ok but I had a couple issues yesterday and have been off on and off some this week.  I was thinking of waiting until next Sunday and cut - what do you all think?  I want to make a cut - I am just scared that it is too soon.  If I make a cut it will be .0312 like last week.

 

Julia how about waiting a couple more days to cut?  Just to give yourself a little more time to feel better.  I know the stress thinking about making a cut  causes uneasiness.

❤

❤

 

Suggestions?

 

Thanks.

Love and hugs,

Julia

Julia