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I develop a pattern where things get worser as times goes by. Help!!!


[Ho...]

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I am about to give up, feel so sick and it only gets worse as time goes by. The waves don’t let up and symptoms get stronger and stronger. I am so afraid that this is my status for the rest of my life. Is there anything I can do? So desperate and full of negative emotions right now. 23,75 monts out and it reach a point where I don’t want to fight anymore. Is a 2 year wave normal? I am so sick and tired of it. Even in my dreams I am experiencing withdrawal symptoms, it’s non-stop now. Unhuman and so sad  :-[.

 

I know there will be a moment that I am getting a break, but it’s so freaking bad right now. Please help me trough the day.

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HopeHope I know man how are you feeling right now, with the time we expect to get better and better but when this is not happening..... We are totally desperate it.

Last days I am watching videos in YouTube and saw so many videos from people who get better at last 30 months. They give us courage to do not give up! Probably you will be like them unfortunately or also like Baylissa you will wake up some morning better and that will be your corner and this morning can be tomorrow, you can never known. This will happen sooner or later buddy, the healed people don't lie us. I know how hard it is tight now after 2 years! Its need time but how much 1-2-3 years nobody knows!

 

Check this schedule my friend you have time to be healed !

 

http://www.benzosupport.org/recovery_times.htm

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Thanks Lexsant, this is the worst nightmare a human being can happen. I gave up all my expectations.

Yes, man I know. This is unbelievable torture. Unhumane. I was thinking that Cocaine and Heroine are very powerfull drugs but compared with that they are not. I haved jonkey buddies before and after they quit Cocaine/Heroine they was okay after couple months. But this is  years of torture!

I am thinking the same buddy every day maybe this is my status forever.

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[52...]
You are not alone hopehope. I feel the same 16 months off in a few days and no relief in sight. I am much sicker now than for a year ago. These waves are brutal. I got my first brutal wave in month 14. It lasted 6 weeks. Now it feels like I am going to suffer from.a new wave. In my last wave I thought I was gonna die because I felt my body and brain was giving up. My mental state is a mess. No coping strategies anymore, no energy left. I keep telling myself every day " I am not taking this anymore, I give up" but here I am day after day. Month after month and it seems like it will takes years too. But give up is is not an option. I have no other choice. Other heals, why wont we? We can do this with support and push it thru every day knowing it is and end to this. We will heal. I saw the post -Lexsant posted about time frame. I will hold on to that. I hope you will feel better soon and that you can write your success story this year :angel:
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Me too - suffering worse now at 18 months off than I was early last summer.  I was able to do a bit of light gardening for over an hour last spring but now I cant do anything - so weak, in pain, sleep deprived.  My brain will just not turn off and let me sleep, and even on nights I do sleep my fatigue is worse.  This is utter hell
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Thank you sundance, needed this one. But waves are with me since day 1. Actually I can’t believe I made it to 2 years in this state. Unbelievable. I am very negative today and hate me life right now.

But tommorow is another day.... may be a bit better.  :thumbsup: . Let’s stay focussed on the fact that we will heal!? Looking forward to your success story as well, one day

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Yes, this is Hell... but Guys, we are healing with every day we get through, so please do not give up. This is one of the most challenging times of our lives (probably the most...), because of the nature of this, the up/down/up/and-even-lower pattern, the length of time it takes, the lack of validation... it is not uncommon to still be struggling at 2 years out... I'm in the same boat at 21 months, no improvement yet...

 

...but Guys? Soon. It is happening and there will be a time when it becomes quite clear and undeniable  :thumbsup:

 

So hang in there, HopeHope and all of you. You have survived a HUGE chunk of this ordeal, surely nearing 2 years out, you are closer to the finish line than you are from the beginning!!! Get ready for something GOOD to finally happen. Because Happiness and Wellness aren't just privileges for others. It will come to all of us as well  :thumbsup:

 

Get ready  8)

 

Warm Hugs!

Julz xx

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[52...]

Yes, this is Hell... but Guys, we are healing with every day we get through, so please do not give up. This is one of the most challenging times of our lives (probably the most...), because of the nature of this, the up/down/up/and-even-lower pattern, the length of time it takes, the lack of validation... it is not uncommon to still be struggling at 2 years out... I'm in the same boat at 21 months, no improvement yet...

 

...but Guys? Soon. It is happening and there will be a time when it becomes quite clear and undeniable  :thumbsup:

 

So hang in there, HopeHope and all of you. You have survived a HUGE chunk of this ordeal, surely nearing 2 years out, you are closer to the finish line than you are from the beginning!!! Get ready for something GOOD to finally happen. Because Happiness and Wellness aren't just privileges for others. It will come to all of us as well  :thumbsup:

 

Get ready  8)

 

Warm Hugs!

Julz xx

 

" you are closer to the finish line than you are from the beginning!!"

Thats is so true! Love that quote!  Amazing Julz  :smitten:

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Yes, this is Hell... but Guys, we are healing with every day we get through, so please do not give up. This is one of the most challenging times of our lives (probably the most...), because of the nature of this, the up/down/up/and-even-lower pattern, the length of time it takes, the lack of validation... it is not uncommon to still be struggling at 2 years out... I'm in the same boat at 21 months, no improvement yet...

 

...but Guys? Soon. It is happening and there will be a time when it becomes quite clear and undeniable  :thumbsup:

 

So hang in there, HopeHope and all of you. You have survived a HUGE chunk of this ordeal, surely nearing 2 years out, you are closer to the finish line than you are from the beginning!!! Get ready for something GOOD to finally happen. Because Happiness and Wellness aren't just privileges for others. It will come to all of us as well  :thumbsup:

 

Get ready  8)

 

Warm Hugs!

Julz xx

 

" you are closer to the finish line than you are from the beginning!!"

Thats is so true! Love that quote!  Amazing Julz  :smitten:

 

I'm very glad this resonated with you, Sundanceshaman!  :thumbsup:

 

Another thought I like is the following: every day you have been through, you will NEVER have to go through it again, ever. Whether it's been 15 or 20 months, those are 15 or 20 months neither of us will EVER have to relive through again. NEVER!!! DONE!!!  :thumbsup: So that's huge achievement  :thumbsup:

 

I'll also add that Baylissa had an acute-like wave around 2 years out, one day in a wave, the next she was recovered! So a wave isn't always as bad news...

 

Keep going, Buddies!  :smitten:

 

Julz

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[52...]

Yes, this is Hell... but Guys, we are healing with every day we get through, so please do not give up. This is one of the most challenging times of our lives (probably the most...), because of the nature of this, the up/down/up/and-even-lower pattern, the length of time it takes, the lack of validation... it is not uncommon to still be struggling at 2 years out... I'm in the same boat at 21 months, no improvement yet...

 

...but Guys? Soon. It is happening and there will be a time when it becomes quite clear and undeniable  :thumbsup:

 

So hang in there, HopeHope and all of you. You have survived a HUGE chunk of this ordeal, surely nearing 2 years out, you are closer to the finish line than you are from the beginning!!! Get ready for something GOOD to finally happen. Because Happiness and Wellness aren't just privileges for others. It will come to all of us as well  :thumbsup:

 

Get ready  8)

 

Warm Hugs!

Julz xx

 

" you are closer to the finish line than you are from the beginning!!"

Thats is so true! Love that quote!  Amazing Julz  :smitten:

 

I'm very glad this resonated with you, Sundanceshaman!  :thumbsup:

 

Another thought I like is the following: every day you have been through, you will NEVER have to go through it again, ever. Whether it's been 15 or 20 months, those are 15 or 20 months neither of us will EVER have to relive through again. NEVER!!! DONE!!!  :thumbsup: So that's huge achievement  :thumbsup:

 

I'll also add that Baylissa had an acute-like wave around 2 years out, one day in a wave, the next she was recovered! So a wave isn't always as bad news...

 

Keep going, Buddies!  :smitten:

 

Julz

 

You have an amazing attitude Julz.  :thumbsup::smitten:

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Today I woke up badly with spasms and rigidity. Again bad thoughts I was very bad like every morning. But it is happen something strange for one hour every symphtom on me was vanished like fucking miracle.

I was laying in my bed and suddenly I jumped and go for a walk. What the heck...any SYMPHTOM free for whole hour. I was walking and crying quietly from relief and happiness in the park close to my house. I was full of energy like never before in my life I was alive. No musle pain, no spasms, no rigidity, no blurred vision, no bad thoughts, no depression, no sadness, no walking like dead corpe. Only energy and hunger for movement. I saw my face smiling in the mirror when I back home.

Unfortunately maybe I've walk too much and that was a trigger, so slowly my hour of window vanished. The wave was come back stronger with tiredness, spasms, rigidity, nervous, fears etc.etc.

It was amazing. After 6 months of suffering non stop I was haved an hour window. Unfortunately just one hour.

 

HopeHope I write you this to give you strength buddy. It is happening to me so it will be happening to you.

All of you here it was amazing I was like reborn for an hour!

In fact now I am in wave again!

Maybe our time is coming guys we was too much in this, we've claimed this mountain! Maybe we are close to the top! Probably tomorrow I will dying again brutally but I saw the live of normality and was amazing! Still crying a bit when I write this post. I want to give you hope my friends.  I think our time is coming.

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[52...]

Today I woke up badly with spasms and rigidity. Again bad thoughts I was very bad like every morning. But it is happen something strange for one hour every symphtom on me was vanished like fucking miracle.

I was laying in my bed and suddenly I jumped and go for a walk. What the heck...any SYMPHTOM free for whole hour. I was walking and crying quietly from relief and happiness in the park close to my house. I was full of energy like never before in my life I was alive. No musle pain, no spasms, no rigidity, no blurred vision, no bad thoughts, no depression, no sadness, no walking like dead corpe. Only energy and hunger for movement. I saw my face smiling in the mirror when I back home.

Unfortunately maybe I've walk too much and that was a trigger, so slowly my hour of window vanished. The wave was come back stronger with tiredness, spasms, rigidity, nervous, fears etc.etc.

It was amazing. After 6 months of suffering non stop I was haved an hour window. Unfortunately just one hour.

 

HopeHope I write you this to give you strength buddy. It is happening to me so it will be happening to you.

All of you here it was amazing I was like reborn for an hour!

In fact now I am in wave again!

Maybe our time is coming guys we was too much in this, we've claimed this mountain! Maybe we are close to the top! Probably tomorrow I will dying again brutally but I saw the live of normality and was amazing! Still crying a bit when I write this post. I want to give you hope my friends.  I think our time is coming.

 

Awesome Lexsant you needed that! :thumbsup:

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@Julz/Julia: your positivity is amazing!

 

@Lexsant: that’s fantastic, you deserved this. Windows are great, but most of the time not long lasting.

Yes unfortunately they dont last long.

Julz is right! Benzo withdrawal is like this movie JIGSAW. It is a damn horror game. Rollercoaster with Up and down, up and down. We will never know whats happening because its not linear.

Baylissa is damn right today I saw how everything can vanish like magic for minutes!

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