Womp womp psych hospital

[[An...]]

Hello,

 

So my taper has ended in the acute mental hospital 2 days ago. Not ideal. Although it's not that terrible here. I was brought here by family for my 'withdrawal delusions' and nighttime terrors.

 

I'm at 0.06 mg ativan and have been holding. The pharmacist here and psych dr are patiently letting me taper here but would like to see me taper down here. Their diagnosis is that I am manic with delusions about ativan symptoms, and they want to go through withdrawal here to prove a point to myself that it's not that bad. I don't want to be on this drug anymore but I am scared to jump here. But maybe better here than at home.

 

There are other benzo people here. It's sad. I dont want to say too much but it's not a good thing to see.

 

They want me on 12.5 mg of seroquel.  I've taken 2 doses. Worried about movement disorder because of fahrs.

 

Sx... high heart rate. Bowel stuff. Brain zaps. Tremors. Burning skin.

 

I think i have to stop this med soon but worried about acute in front of psychiatric team.

 

My question I guess is if anyone has advice.

 

Thanks.

 

 

 

[[By...]]

I am SO SO sorry! I wound up in psyche twice and they were pretty much no help, switched my ADs, put me on gabapentin which I tried to get off and couldnt, Trazadone which stopped working, remeron which made me sick, they did get me stable on a generic brand of K but I'm still not tapering and still sick since my failed rapid taper and now I'm on ambien 

 

I suppose you can fake it as best you can to get out? then go back to your taper? Maybe?

 

Seroquel can help with sleep and 12.5 is a CRAZY low dose! It is safer in the hospital because they can be there if you seize or need any other meds I guess? I'm happy they let you have your phone at least, we werent allowed ours

[[mo...]]

I'm glad to see you are taking responsibilty

Movement disorder and pyrmamid sideeffect are rare with seroquel so i wouldnt worry about.

Looking at the other ppl suffering can be hard but i ignore it, You cant get dragged down by this.

You are not involitary so its up to you if you wanna leave. Well then only you can feel if you want this.

Try and take stuff u like from ur appartment like PC hobby equipment and make the room cozy.

Hope you get some positive help from this.

Where else would it be easier to show symptoms

 

Just my 2  cents

[[Da...]]

My advice is do not take the Seroquel. 1) Movement disorder side effects are not that rare and appear after an unpredictable amount of time. 2) The drug can create physical dependence and be difficult to stop  3) The drug increases the probability of mortality by anywhere from 100-200% (https://content.iospress.com/articles/journal-of-alzheimers-disease-reports/adr170042). It's crazy to give this drug to someone without a psychotic disorder for any amount of time. I don't know if you have had delusions prior to benzo withdrawal, but if you are getting burning skin, tremors and high heart rate already, I would stop the drug. They are horrible medications and psychiatrists routinely downplay their risks, which has led to them being the top selling drugs in North America and killed god knows how many people who would otherwise be alive.

 

BTW, sorry you are having such a difficult time. For me, I could not take any medication, or even supplement. All made things worse. I hope you find something safe that helps you.

 

Good luck and be well.

[[mo...]]

So all psychiatrist, hospitals and all medication do more harm than good??

I would watch it if i were you. You can send ppl on crazy trajectories with that kind of advice

[[Da...]]

Nope, some are good, but they are difficult to find. Did you read what she wrote? The psychiatrists said she has "delusions about Ativan symptoms". I have no idea what that means, but I kind of doubt they can see inside her nervous system at what is going on there. Often people develop IBS with "not that bad" bloating, but since the nerves there become hypersensitive with withdrawal, it is much more disturbing to the patient than you would expect. I suspect "delusions about symptoms" is their attempt to minimize withdrawal symptoms, which seems like standard psychiatrist tactic. Benzo withdrawal is distressing, and hypochondriasis is a known symptom. So really the "delusions" are likely just withdrawal. Also, hooking someone going through benzo withdrawal on a much more dangerous drug? That is just going to start a dangerous cycle of using one drug to get off another. The majority of psychiatry practices institutionalized abuse.  I would definitely consider labeling someone's distress about withdrawal symptoms as "delusional" to be abusive. I would also consider not giving informed consent about risky, addictive prescribed drugs abuse. They have always seemed more concerned with minimizing negative drug effects than the person's actual well-being, but of course that is just my experience and the majority of the people I've talked to. I don't know what Anxiousmama thinks, but I would be interested to hear.

[[Ca...]]

Hi Anxious...

I dont realy have advice for you, -just some thoughts, and well wishes...

 

A problem I see here is that they give you the additional meds, which have a fair chance of being problematic in the future, and are introduced to mask not cure, then you feel somewhat better...

This leads to them pulling out the Ativan even faster, but also will support their theory that its WD delusions..!! Then if there are problems later with the added meds, -It will likely be the supposed return of delusions and a push for additional meds..!! Im not saying dont take them, thats up to you, just beware the "psych game"...

 

There is some stuff here you might find interesting, -Some recent articles.. But I hesitate to link directly due to possible trigger potential, depending on your current position...

My aim is to help support your "validation"...

 

https://www.benzoinfo.com

 

I hope that despite their own possible "delusions", staff there can assist you in using this opportunity to its best advantage, be that total cessation, some reduction, or simply more stability...

 

My thoughts are with you as you find your way clear of benzos, and onwards to better health...

 

 

 

 

 

[Guest [so...]]

Well said DG, can't help but agree .

[[By...]]

Hi Anxious...

I dont realy have advice for you, -just some thoughts, and well wishes...

 

A problem I see here is that they give you the additional meds, which have a fair chance of being problematic in the future, and are introduced to mask not cure, then you feel somewhat better...

This leads to them pulling out the Ativan even faster, but also will support their theory that its WD delusions..!! Then if there are problems later with the added meds, -It will likely be the supposed return of delusions and a push for additional meds..!! Im not saying dont take them, thats up to you, just beware the "psych game"...

 

There is some stuff here you might find interesting, -Some recent articles.. But I hesitate to link directly due to possible trigger potential, depending on your current position...

My aim is to help support your "validation"...

 

https://www.benzoinfo.com

 

I hope that despite their own possible "delusions", staff there can assist you in using this opportunity to its best advantage, be that total cessation, some reduction, or simply more stability...

 

My thoughts are with you as you find your way clear of benzos, and onwards to better health...

 

 

Holy crap youre SO right...I didnt even think about that!

My doc likes to play the whole I need an antipsychotic because Im having delusions (yeah theyre withdrawal based!), thankfully no antipsychotic has worked for me, they all make me sick! And that I need to 'stop reading stuff on the internet', yeah well if I hadnt read benzobuddies I'd be dead now 

 

Fly you always have some pretty great posts

[[An...]]

Thank you everyone. This helps me in a hard time. Cant, I cant read that website... too triggering right now. And just being here is super triggering. So many 'unhealed' benzo cases walk these halls and are here long term, unfortunately. You are right though.

 

Yes. I'm very nervous about getting sick here and it being classified as somatic delusions, reinforcing their beliefs. Im here involuntarily. Unfortunately i only have so much power over my meds. The one thing is that keeps them from upping my seroquel dose is my brain calcification, which has a higher chance of movement disorders and other scary things. I'm realizing more and more what a serious situation I'm in and how sick I'm going to get.

 

I am getting sicker on the ativan and need to stop it and I'm stuck doing it with a psych dr to witness it. They want me to find a solutions to feel better to release me. Like group DBT or pottery class. My family is waiting for me to get better here, completely naive. Meanwhile I'm stumbling around with a HR of 110 and a trembling fear of draughts, touch, people, noise, paper, plastic, metal, being spoken to. If someone speaks to me i feel like I might faint. I cant figure out the forms. I don't know how much longer I can keep eating the ativan and I just want to stop it yesterday, because  I hope that I survive withdrawal here. I'm waiting until I see my kids tomorrow then jumping down.

 

The other patients here are really brave. So much suffering and struggle. I dont know if I'm as strong as they are.

[[Da...]]

Thank you everyone. This helps me in a hard time. Cant, I cant read that website... too triggering right now. And just being here is super triggering. So many 'unhealed' benzo cases walk these halls and are here long term, unfortunately. You are right though.

 

Yes. I'm very nervous about getting sick here and it being classified as somatic delusions, reinforcing their beliefs. Im here involuntarily. Unfortunately i only have so much power over my meds. The one thing is that keeps them from upping my seroquel dose is my brain calcification, which has a higher chance of movement disorders and other scary things. I'm realizing more and more what a serious situation I'm in and how sick I'm going to get.

 

I am getting sicker on the ativan and need to stop it and I'm stuck doing it with a psych dr to witness it. They want me to find a solutions to feel better to release me. Like group DBT or pottery class. My family is waiting for me to get better here, completely naive. Meanwhile I'm stumbling around with a HR of 110 and a trembling fear of draughts, touch, people, noise, paper, plastic, metal, being spoken to. If someone speaks to me i feel like I might faint. I cant figure out the forms. I don't know how much longer I can keep eating the ativan and I just want to stop it yesterday, because  I hope that I survive withdrawal here. I'm waiting until I see my kids tomorrow then jumping down.

 

The other patients here are really brave. So much suffering and struggle. I dont know if I'm as strong as they are.

 

Don't let anyone tell you you're not strong, least of all yourself. You're about to find out that you're much stronger than you thought. Everyone feels terrible in withdrawal. It may be that you feel especially terrible, but as long as you keep eating, moving around a bit, and taking care of yourself, you'll make it through. I know it's difficult to believe at this stage, but once you see some tangible progress (and you will), you'll begin to believe. I think it's great that you have your kids to motivate you.

 

I understand you may not want to talk about everything, but can I ask why you are there involuntarily? I think knowing that may help people give you more appropriate advice. I am still against the Seroquel, but obviously any decision is up to you and I hope you do whatever makes you feel best. I'd say the most important thing is to listen to your body. If something makes you feel terrible and they are saying these are just "delusions" or some version of hypochondria, you have to remember that they really have no way of knowing that. Telling someone that the bad reaction they are having to a drug is just a "delusion" - even if it is a small dose - is incredibly irresponsible. Especially for a drug like Seroquel, where adverse reactions are not uncommon. No doctor has any way of telling you whether some pain you feel is real or not, so I hope you can find the strength to be your own best advocate. I know it is scary.

[[An...]]

Im here involuntarily bc I told my family I am dying a lot, not sleeping, waking them up in night terrors and admitted suicide ideation. They called a helpline and a police officer brought me to the hospital. I was admitted for observation for delusions regarding ativan. Possibly manic.

[[So...]]

AnxiousMama -

 

I hope you are OK today. Are you still in the hospital? How are they handling your medication and dosing amounts?

[[Da...]]

Im here involuntarily bc I told my family I am dying a lot, not sleeping, waking them up in night terrors and admitted suicide ideation. They called a helpline and a police officer brought me to the hospital. I was admitted for observation for delusions regarding ativan. Possibly manic.

 

Can you describe your delusions regarding Ativan? Do you think they are real? I hope you're not still considering suicide. I just noticed you have been tapering very fast. You would definitely experience some pretty extreme symptoms tapering at that pace, so most of your symptoms are very likely due to that. If you taper the rest very slowly, eventually you will stabilize. If you can stabilize your sleep and anxiety a bit before beginning to taper again, that would be great, but it may not be possible. Just remind yourself that these symptoms are likely almost entirely due to the rapid taper. They will pass if you can hold on. Have you ever tried supplements like tryptophan or glycine? These are sedating, anxiolytic amino acids that might help relieve some of the symptoms. They are certainly much safer than any psychiatric medication.

[[Da...]]

AnxiousMama,

 

I just read some of your older posts. You do seem to write much more coherently since you took the Seroquel. So there is that to consider. I know you're still experiencing quite a bit of distress. I think you should keep updating what you are doing with medication, symptoms etc. I can see why the psychiatrists would think you were doing better on the Seroquel if your writing is a reflection of your current state. I really hope you feel better soon, whatever you decide to do.

[[BA...]]

Hi anxiousmama.. Listen to the docs as sounds as if you are in a specialty facility versus e/d. They definitely have more experience. At .07/.06 you are almost free of the ativan. My w/d had bp about 170/110 as tapered too fast so could be same as your HR. Think mine was around 100 at the time but hard to remember.

 

In earlier post you said going stop reading this site as does trigger. I took your advice and does make a difference.

 

Hang in there. Once off the ativan will be one less factor and hopefully home soon.

 

Lots of support for you on this blog!

 

[[An...]]

Nope, some are good, but they are difficult to find. Did you read what she wrote? The psychiatrists said she has "delusions about Ativan symptoms". I have no idea what that means, but I kind of doubt they can see inside her nervous system at what is going on there. Often people develop IBS with "not that bad" bloating, but since the nerves there become hypersensitive with withdrawal, it is much more disturbing to the patient than you would expect. I suspect "delusions about symptoms" is their attempt to minimize withdrawal symptoms, which seems like standard psychiatrist tactic. Benzo withdrawal is distressing, and hypochondriasis is a known symptom. So really the "delusions" are likely just withdrawal. Also, hooking someone going through benzo withdrawal on a much more dangerous drug? That is just going to start a dangerous cycle of using one drug to get off another. The majority of psychiatry practices institutionalized abuse.  I would definitely consider labeling someone's distress about withdrawal symptoms as "delusional" to be abusive. I would also consider not giving informed consent about risky, addictive prescribed drugs abuse. They have always seemed more concerned with minimizing negative drug effects than the person's actual well-being, but of course that is just my experience and the majority of the people I've talked to. I don't know what Anxiousmama thinks, but I would be interested to hear.

 

Hi. Yes, they think im somatising my symptoms to some degree, but theres a young resident that believes me, I think. The psych concedes that some people have much more troubling symptoms. Ive been pushing back hard on every med they offer. They seem respectful of my choices so far. They are some kind people here, and want to help me through withdrawal here. I'm now at such a low dose of Ativan that I will be off next week. I think the Ativan makes me physically sick so I'm okay with my rapid taper.  I've stopped the Seroquel 6.25 as of tonight because I've had stomach pains and fever. Not sure if its the Ativan or Seroquel doing that.

 

They are hesitant to give me a beta blocker, but I have Tylenol and melatonin given, and I am waiting for my supplements to be approved by the pharmacist.

 

 

 

 

 

[[An...]]

AnxiousMama -

 

I hope you are OK today. Are you still in the hospital? How are they handling your medication and dosing amounts?

 

Hi,

 

thanks. Im still here, I'm feeling pretty lousy but my mom comes everyday. the nurse comes with my suspension and lets me dose how I want, every 4 hours. I'm now at 0.3 Ativan, I think. The nurse thinks its strange to take such a small dose. I see her notes "Unusual preoccupation with subclinical dose." I will be off soon. I'm getting a lot of symptoms and trying to keep it together with 2 roommates. I think that I will be hard hit because I am sensitive to these meds, they have seriously messed up my digestion already.

 

I appreciate all these messages.

[[An...]]

Im here involuntarily bc I told my family I am dying a lot, not sleeping, waking them up in night terrors and admitted suicide ideation. They called a helpline and a police officer brought me to the hospital. I was admitted for observation for delusions regarding ativan. Possibly manic.

 

Can you describe your delusions regarding Ativan? Do you think they are real? I hope you're not still considering suicide. I just noticed you have been tapering very fast. You would definitely experience some pretty extreme symptoms tapering at that pace, so most of your symptoms are very likely due to that. If you taper the rest very slowly, eventually you will stabilize. If you can stabilize your sleep and anxiety a bit before beginning to taper again, that would be great, but it may not be possible. Just remind yourself that these symptoms are likely almost entirely due to the rapid taper. They will pass if you can hold on. Have you ever tried supplements like tryptophan or glycine? These are sedating, anxiolytic amino acids that might help relieve some of the symptoms. They are certainly much safer than any psychiatric medication.

 

I do think my withdrawal symptoms are real. But I admit my own anxiety of being on these meds has made everything worse. I believe that I will be very very sick once I come off. Maybe dead. I feel like I'll be one of the worst cases, and its hopeless. That's what it feels like based on my symptoms and history. Dr and husband think i'm being paranoid, possibly mania induced by Lexapro.

 

 

[[An...]]

Hi anxiousmama.. Listen to the docs as sounds as if you are in a specialty facility versus e/d. They definitely have more experience. At .07/.06 you are almost free of the ativan. My w/d had bp about 170/110 as tapered too fast so could be same as your HR. Think mine was around 100 at the time but hard to remember.

 

In earlier post you said going stop reading this site as does trigger. I took your advice and does make a difference.

 

Hang in there. Once off the ativan will be one less factor and hopefully home soon.

 

Lots of support for you on this blog!

 

Thanks. I'm in Hamilton too... so I'm in a local hospital that specializes in mental health.

[[Da...]]

Im here involuntarily bc I told my family I am dying a lot, not sleeping, waking them up in night terrors and admitted suicide ideation. They called a helpline and a police officer brought me to the hospital. I was admitted for observation for delusions regarding ativan. Possibly manic.

 

Can you describe your delusions regarding Ativan? Do you think they are real? I hope you're not still considering suicide. I just noticed you have been tapering very fast. You would definitely experience some pretty extreme symptoms tapering at that pace, so most of your symptoms are very likely due to that. If you taper the rest very slowly, eventually you will stabilize. If you can stabilize your sleep and anxiety a bit before beginning to taper again, that would be great, but it may not be possible. Just remind yourself that these symptoms are likely almost entirely due to the rapid taper. They will pass if you can hold on. Have you ever tried supplements like tryptophan or glycine? These are sedating, anxiolytic amino acids that might help relieve some of the symptoms. They are certainly much safer than any psychiatric medication.

 

I do think my withdrawal symptoms are real. But I admit my own anxiety of being on these meds has made everything worse. I believe that I will be very very sick once I come off. Maybe dead. I feel like I'll be one of the worst cases, and its hopeless. That's what it feels like based on my symptoms and history. Dr and husband think i'm being paranoid, possibly mania induced by Lexapro.

 

It's actually not that unusual to have a firm belief you're going to die or that you will never heal, especially after a rapid taper like that, you must have some serious symptoms. I believed I was going to die and told everyone around me. I actually had a pretty good argument and no one could really prove me wrong, but I have improved significantly. There have been some pretty extreme cases on here who have gotten better. EastCoast, B Strong etc. B Strong had akathisia and was pacing something like 18 hours per day and sleeping 1-2 hours for quite awhile. But he is doing well now. You will get better even if you don't believe it. It is the withdrawal and symptoms that are making you so pessimistic. Doctors know so little about how these drugs work and what is actually happening that it is hard to believe anything they say, so most people have to prove it to themselves by actually improving, which will take time. Just take care of yourself, keep educating yourself, and you will be ok. I'm glad you've been firm about what drugs you will take. When you are in a vulnerable position, it's tempting to just surrender yourself to someone else's control. It's great that you have some people there on your side, doctors are not always happy when you are sick and won't take meds. Some cannot fathom the damage those drugs can cause and end up getting angry, which is frightening to someone in the depths of withdrawal. Sounds like you are in better control now. Do you feel that way?

 

I hope you improve shortly and are able to go home. Keep being tough

[[wa...]]

I second what Data Guy is saying.

 

When I made my too big cut and went into acute, my symptoms were through the roof. I ended up in the ER several times. The last of those visits, the doctor came in and had already read about my other recent ER visits. My complaint that day was difficulty breathing. I was desperate and afraid, and in tears. He came in and said to me,"We aren't going to find anything wrong with you. We admitted you, we will rule out the possibility that you are dying, and send you home. We won't be solving any mysteries today, except maybe to tell you that it is anxiety." He drew blood, gave me Ativan (I didn't know to say no at the time), and ddid a chest xray. They left me alone for 2 hours while we waited for the results. I hadn't slept in days, maybe a week. The Ativan almost felt like sleep, but it was no real relief. I laid there, alone, and waited.

 

Finally the doctor came in. He said, "You have pneumonia. And anxiety." He gave me an antibiotic and said I could go. No "I'm sorry", no "I was wrong".

 

That morning, before I went to the ER, I was driving around town, knowing that I had to do something,  but not knowing where to go. I was sobbing while I was driving, and couldn't breathe. My sister told me over the phone it was all in my head, that in needed help, that I should check into an inpatient hospital.

 

I truly thank god I didn't. The antibiotic helped wit my breathing. Time helped with everything else. It took another month before I started feeling remotely like me, but I did, and in time, with me very slowly tapering throughout, it all went away. All that is left is fluctuating tinnitus and muscle tension as I continue to taper. Gone is the tachycardia, the rocketing BP, the dizziness, the hyperacusis, the anxiety, the insomnia, the list goes on and on. Anxiousmama, I WATCHED THEM FALL AWAY ONE BY ONE, AND SO WILL YOU.

 

Have faith in yourself, in what you know, in your intuition, and in your strength. You most certainly did taper too fast. And you will learn from it. All the people who stubbornly refuse to believe you? You will never be able to prove them wrong. You must accept the things you cannot change. But your life is your own, not theirs. And the day WILL COME when YOU will know you were right. It did for me.

[[za...]]

My dear, we all believed the same when we were in the acute phase. This is the wd voice telling you lies. Believe that you will be fine and happy, raising your kids and being part of their life. Do NOT believe the voice that it's telling that you won't be fine.

[[BA...]]

Agree with zack55. You are in a credible treatment facility vs FD/ER. Listen to the docs. Sometimes on the blog it appears people are dispensing treatment protocols based on their experience while your treaters have all the info and can better track progress.

I like you think that the site can trigger things and am minimizing the time I sign on and mostly to check and see how you are doing.

Hang in there. You can do it. I think zack55 is right on. Listen to the positive voice and not the drug.

[[An...]]

Agree with zack55. You are in a credible treatment facility vs FD/ER. Listen to the docs. Sometimes on the blog it appears people are dispensing treatment protocols based on their experience while your treaters have all the info and can better track progress.

I like you think that the site can trigger things and am minimizing the time I sign on and mostly to check and see how you are doing.

Hang in there. You can do it. I think zack55 is right on. Listen to the positive voice and not the drug.

 

Thanks BAC and Zack for checking in. I wait for messages. I appreciate you checking in on me. I'm really scared here but the nurses and doctors think I'll only be in acute a few weeks. I am being offered Seroquel and benedryl, Tylenol and melatonin But have a bad feeling about all of this. I wish I could go back 2 months and not tapered at all. I just want to go back in time.