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Discouraged and frusrated... My findings.


[cr...]

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I'm getting really discouraged as pass the 15 month mark. BB says the average recovery time is 6 to 18 months. I'm not any better than when i jumped. In fact, im worse due to all the set backs. I would have been better off continuing to take benzos. Perhaps switching over to a longer half life benzo wouldve been smarter than trying to jump before I was ready. At this point, everything seems like a pointless waste of time. And I have no point of refrence that benzo withdrawal isnt actually permanent brain damage. Except a brief window in month 5 where I felt good enough to bathe myself, bum a meal off my parents, and excercise for 10 minutes, before sulking back to my bedroom. On my best days I managed to make it to the grocery store with my wife. Far short of going back to college and working a part time job like i used to.

 

Now that I think about everything, I'm somewhat frustrated with this site. Im thankful it exists and dont want to point fingers, but many members believe you heal on the way down. This is clearly nonsense because all hell breaks loose a few weeks post jump. I was misled into believing i would be okay as long as I slow tapered.... that withdrawal would end once I jumped... regardless of my decisions post jump. So long as I was sober right? Wrong. For example: the supplement and other medication section made me think those things are okay since they're not a benzo. This obviously isn't the case. Not only do supplements and other prescriptions prevent healing, they make the withdrawal syndrome worse. This eventually causes a persons central nervous system to become even more sensitized. The end result is someone ending up on the floor, with a massive headache, and everything spinning for reasons unbeknowst to them. Usually because someone is told them weed, or magnesium supplements, or non addicting prescription sedatives like hydroxyzine help.

 

I suppose all this is understandable cus were just grasping at straws, desperate, cus benzo withdrawal can literally kill you. And doctors flat out deny benzo withdrawal exists unless you walk in there with scientific proof and tell them how to do their job.

 

Ive been sick for so long. I'm exhausted after battling alcohol use in 2015, alcohol withdrawal, panic disorder, and benzo use in 2016, interdose withdrawal and tapering in 2017, post acute in 2018... And now protracted in 2019. The fact that I need to spend another 15 months battling this just for the chance that I MIGHT heal is discouraging. If not down right impossible. Its enough to ask a benzo user to go through 1 withdrawal. I feel like I've gone through 3. I'm going to be doubling the average recovery time... And thats if I'm lucky. Ive already put my time in. I dont think its fair that I havent healed. Im stuck in a state of nonrecovery. :'(

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Yeah, wall of text. Ive been trying to cook myself meals lately. That's my current goal. I took a walk today and it feels like everythings a hallucination. I dont think i can keep walking. Its a futile endeavor... You would think cbt would work after a while. Times probably the only healer. Ill try again next month.
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Wife is busy making bank. Shes got this nice corporate cyber security job. Spends all day there... I dont see her while the suns up. Dad's literally come down with the black plague or something. And my mom has back problems. So no walking buddies for another 2 weeks.
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I don´t have a walking buddy, either :(

Wish we could have some walks together! That would be so encouraging and supportive.

It´s too darn bad we all have such trouble getting out and about, or we could have one he!l of a meetup!  That would be so incredibly supportive! :smitten:

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I'm getting really discouraged as pass the 15 month mark. BB says the average recovery time is 6 to 18 months. I'm not any better than when i jumped. In fact, im worse due to all the set backs. I would have been better off continuing to take benzos. Perhaps switching over to a longer half life benzo wouldve been smarter than trying to jump before I was ready. At this point, everything seems like a pointless waste of time. And I have no point of refrence that benzo withdrawal isnt actually permanent brain damage. Except a brief window in month 5 where I felt good enough to bathe myself, bum a meal off my parents, and excercise for 10 minutes, before sulking back to my bedroom. On my best days I managed to make it to the grocery store with my wife. Far short of going back to college and working a part time job like i used to.

 

Now that I think about everything, I'm somewhat frustrated with this site. Im thankful it exists and dont want to point fingers, but many members believe you heal on the way down. This is clearly nonsense because all hell breaks loose a few weeks post jump. I was misled into believing i would be okay as long as I slow tapered.... that withdrawal would end once I jumped... regardless of my decisions post jump. So long as I was sober right? Wrong. For example: the supplement and other medication section made me think those things are okay since they're not a benzo. This obviously isn't the case. Not only do supplements and other prescriptions prevent healing, they make the withdrawal syndrome worse. This eventually causes a persons central nervous system to become even more sensitized. The end result is someone ending up on the floor, with a massive headache, and everything spinning for reasons unbeknowst to them. Usually because someone is told them weed, or magnesium supplements, or non addicting prescription sedatives like hydroxyzine help.

 

I suppose all this is understandable cus were just grasping at straws, desperate, cus benzo withdrawal can literally kill you. And doctors flat out deny benzo withdrawal exists unless you walk in there with scientific proof and tell them how to do their job.

 

Ive been sick for so long. I'm exhausted after battling alcohol use in 2015, alcohol withdrawal, panic disorder, and benzo use in 2016, interdose withdrawal and tapering in 2017, post acute in 2018... And now protracted in 2019. The fact that I need to spend another 15 months battling this just for the chance that I MIGHT heal is discouraging. If not down right impossible. Its enough to ask a benzo user to go through 1 withdrawal. I feel like I've gone through 3. I'm going to be doubling the average recovery time... And thats if I'm lucky. Ive already put my time in. I dont think its fair that I havent healed. Im stuck in a state of nonrecovery. :'(

I have been through all the same frustration in the past with certain dogmatic decrees on the forum. I decided people can say what they want and I will say what works or does not for me.

Most people can tolerate tumeric, I cannot. It send me into a wave. Point is don't give up on the forum you just have to realize there are no miracle cures that apply to everyone.

 

I have also wondered if the damage is permanent and in the past even stated publicly I thought it was. No one wanted to hear that, believe me. I'm not saying it is I was just frustrated. All we can do is keep trying to improve and be thankful we are not in the hospital or jail.

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I'm getting really discouraged as pass the 15 month mark. BB says the average recovery time is 6 to 18 months. I'm not any better than when i jumped. In fact, im worse due to all the set backs. I would have been better off continuing to take benzos. Perhaps switching over to a longer half life benzo wouldve been smarter than trying to jump before I was ready. At this point, everything seems like a pointless waste of time. And I have no point of refrence that benzo withdrawal isnt actually permanent brain damage. Except a brief window in month 5 where I felt good enough to bathe myself, bum a meal off my parents, and excercise for 10 minutes, before sulking back to my bedroom. On my best days I managed to make it to the grocery store with my wife. Far short of going back to college and working a part time job like i used to.

 

Now that I think about everything, I'm somewhat frustrated with this site. Im thankful it exists and dont want to point fingers, but many members believe you heal on the way down. This is clearly nonsense because all hell breaks loose a few weeks post jump. I was misled into believing i would be okay as long as I slow tapered.... that withdrawal would end once I jumped... regardless of my decisions post jump. So long as I was sober right? Wrong. For example: the supplement and other medication section made me think those things are okay since they're not a benzo. This obviously isn't the case. Not only do supplements and other prescriptions prevent healing, they make the withdrawal syndrome worse. This eventually causes a persons central nervous system to become even more sensitized. The end result is someone ending up on the floor, with a massive headache, and everything spinning for reasons unbeknowst to them. Usually because someone is told them weed, or magnesium supplements, or non addicting prescription sedatives like hydroxyzine help.

 

I suppose all this is understandable cus were just grasping at straws, desperate, cus benzo withdrawal can literally kill you. And doctors flat out deny benzo withdrawal exists unless you walk in there with scientific proof and tell them how to do their job.

 

Ive been sick for so long. I'm exhausted after battling alcohol use in 2015, alcohol withdrawal, panic disorder, and benzo use in 2016, interdose withdrawal and tapering in 2017, post acute in 2018... And now protracted in 2019. The fact that I need to spend another 15 months battling this just for the chance that I MIGHT heal is discouraging. If not down right impossible. Its enough to ask a benzo user to go through 1 withdrawal. I feel like I've gone through 3. I'm going to be doubling the average recovery time... And thats if I'm lucky. Ive already put my time in. I dont think its fair that I havent healed. Im stuck in a state of nonrecovery. :'(

I have been through all the same frustration in the past with certain dogmatic decrees on the forum. I decided people can say what they want and I will say what works or does not for me.

Most people can tolerate tumeric, I cannot. It send me into a wave. Point is don't give up on the forum you just have to realize there are no miracle cures that apply to everyone.

 

I have also wondered if the damage is permanent and in the past even stated publicly I thought it was. No one wanted to hear that, believe me. I'm not saying it is I was just frustrated. All we can do is keep trying to improve and be thankful we are not in the hospital or jail.

 

Amongtheliving are you still symptomatic?

 

 

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I'm getting really discouraged as pass the 15 month mark. BB says the average recovery time is 6 to 18 months. I'm not any better than when i jumped. In fact, im worse due to all the set backs. I would have been better off continuing to take benzos. Perhaps switching over to a longer half life benzo wouldve been smarter than trying to jump before I was ready. At this point, everything seems like a pointless waste of time. And I have no point of refrence that benzo withdrawal isnt actually permanent brain damage. Except a brief window in month 5 where I felt good enough to bathe myself, bum a meal off my parents, and excercise for 10 minutes, before sulking back to my bedroom. On my best days I managed to make it to the grocery store with my wife. Far short of going back to college and working a part time job like i used to.

 

Now that I think about everything, I'm somewhat frustrated with this site. Im thankful it exists and dont want to point fingers, but many members believe you heal on the way down. This is clearly nonsense because all hell breaks loose a few weeks post jump. I was misled into believing i would be okay as long as I slow tapered.... that withdrawal would end once I jumped... regardless of my decisions post jump. So long as I was sober right? Wrong. For example: the supplement and other medication section made me think those things are okay since they're not a benzo. This obviously isn't the case. Not only do supplements and other prescriptions prevent healing, they make the withdrawal syndrome worse. This eventually causes a persons central nervous system to become even more sensitized. The end result is someone ending up on the floor, with a massive headache, and everything spinning for reasons unbeknowst to them. Usually because someone is told them weed, or magnesium supplements, or non addicting prescription sedatives like hydroxyzine help.

 

I suppose all this is understandable cus were just grasping at straws, desperate, cus benzo withdrawal can literally kill you. And doctors flat out deny benzo withdrawal exists unless you walk in there with scientific proof and tell them how to do their job.

 

Ive been sick for so long. I'm exhausted after battling alcohol use in 2015, alcohol withdrawal, panic disorder, and benzo use in 2016, interdose withdrawal and tapering in 2017, post acute in 2018... And now protracted in 2019. The fact that I need to spend another 15 months battling this just for the chance that I MIGHT heal is discouraging. If not down right impossible. Its enough to ask a benzo user to go through 1 withdrawal. I feel like I've gone through 3. I'm going to be doubling the average recovery time... And thats if I'm lucky. Ive already put my time in. I dont think its fair that I havent healed. Im stuck in a state of nonrecovery. :'(

I have been through all the same frustration in the past with certain dogmatic decrees on the forum. I decided people can say what they want and I will say what works or does not for me.

Most people can tolerate tumeric, I cannot. It send me into a wave. Point is don't give up on the forum you just have to realize there are no miracle cures that apply to everyone.

 

I have also wondered if the damage is permanent and in the past even stated publicly I thought it was. No one wanted to hear that, believe me. I'm not saying it is I was just frustrated. All we can do is keep trying to improve and be thankful we are not in the hospital or jail.

 

Amongtheliving are you still symptomatic?

Some. I don't want to disturb you because my experience may not be yours. Of course I do wonder how much is benzo and how much is my natural anxiety and the massive stress of extra responsibilities that I took on coincidentally around the same time I got off the drugs.

 

Also, very importantly, my windows over the last 3 years have been big and usually the waves are relatively small. But I can assure you, at least in my case, those incredibly debilitating, weird symptoms that are in acute have been gone for 3 or 4 years.

 

My biggest problem in the last few years has been health anxiety (which existed before benzos). Some of the health problems have been real and some were imagined and others I exaggerated in my mind, but the effect on me mentally and physically was real in all instances.

If I didn't have health anxiety, I might be able to say I am completely healed.

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I'm getting really discouraged as pass the 15 month mark. BB says the average recovery time is 6 to 18 months. I'm not any better than when i jumped. In fact, im worse due to all the set backs. I would have been better off continuing to take benzos. Perhaps switching over to a longer half life benzo wouldve been smarter than trying to jump before I was ready. At this point, everything seems like a pointless waste of time. And I have no point of refrence that benzo withdrawal isnt actually permanent brain damage. Except a brief window in month 5 where I felt good enough to bathe myself, bum a meal off my parents, and excercise for 10 minutes, before sulking back to my bedroom. On my best days I managed to make it to the grocery store with my wife. Far short of going back to college and working a part time job like i used to.

 

Now that I think about everything, I'm somewhat frustrated with this site. Im thankful it exists and dont want to point fingers, but many members believe you heal on the way down. This is clearly nonsense because all hell breaks loose a few weeks post jump. I was misled into believing i would be okay as long as I slow tapered.... that withdrawal would end once I jumped... regardless of my decisions post jump. So long as I was sober right? Wrong. For example: the supplement and other medication section made me think those things are okay since they're not a benzo. This obviously isn't the case. Not only do supplements and other prescriptions prevent healing, they make the withdrawal syndrome worse. This eventually causes a persons central nervous system to become even more sensitized. The end result is someone ending up on the floor, with a massive headache, and everything spinning for reasons unbeknowst to them. Usually because someone is told them weed, or magnesium supplements, or non addicting prescription sedatives like hydroxyzine help.

 

I suppose all this is understandable cus were just grasping at straws, desperate, cus benzo withdrawal can literally kill you. And doctors flat out deny benzo withdrawal exists unless you walk in there with scientific proof and tell them how to do their job.

 

Ive been sick for so long. I'm exhausted after battling alcohol use in 2015, alcohol withdrawal, panic disorder, and benzo use in 2016, interdose withdrawal and tapering in 2017, post acute in 2018... And now protracted in 2019. The fact that I need to spend another 15 months battling this just for the chance that I MIGHT heal is discouraging. If not down right impossible. Its enough to ask a benzo user to go through 1 withdrawal. I feel like I've gone through 3. I'm going to be doubling the average recovery time... And thats if I'm lucky. Ive already put my time in. I dont think its fair that I havent healed. Im stuck in a state of nonrecovery. :'(

I have been through all the same frustration in the past with certain dogmatic decrees on the forum. I decided people can say what they want and I will say what works or does not for me.

Most people can tolerate tumeric, I cannot. It send me into a wave. Point is don't give up on the forum you just have to realize there are no miracle cures that apply to everyone.

 

I have also wondered if the damage is permanent and in the past even stated publicly I thought it was. No one wanted to hear that, believe me. I'm not saying it is I was just frustrated. All we can do is keep trying to improve and be thankful we are not in the hospital or jail.

 

Amongtheliving are you still symptomatic?

Some. I don't want to disturb you because my experience may not be yours. Of course I do wonder how much is benzo and how much is my natural anxiety and the massive stress of extra responsibilities that I took on coincidentally around the same time I got off the drugs.

 

Also, very importantly, my windows over the last 3 years have been big and usually the waves are relatively small. But I can assure you, at least in my case, those incredibly debilitating, weird symptoms that are in acute have been gone for 3 or 4 years.

 

My biggest problem in the last few years has been health anxiety (which existed before benzos). Some of the health problems have been real and some were imagined and others I exaggerated in my mind, but the effect on me mentally and physically was real in all instances.

If I didn't have health anxiety, I might be able to say I am completely healed.

 

Thanks for explaining.  I never had health anxiety prior to this.  I didn´t care nor think much about my health at all.  So bizarre that I have it now.

But, when so much in the body and mind is out of whack, it is no wonder.

 

How is your sleep?

 

 

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Purple--

 

Sleep is usually pretty good. If my anxiety is intense and I let it get away from me then I can have some sleepless nights.

 

But insomnia was never a problem for me even in acute. I know a lot of people are destroyed by that symptom.

 

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Hey Crescent,

 

I appreciate that you are exhausted, at 15 months out, this is indeed a VERY frustrating journey, it challenges you to your core... so I get it that you need to vent. I know, it sucks. All of it.

 

But this is a forum, not a prescriptive website. Whatever people have say with regards to tapering and supplements, in the end, every member has to research the information discussed and take their own decisions. It is natural to look for guidance out of despair, but this is exactly what got us in this mess when we went to our doctors' and got prescribed some meds. We thought they were right and knew better than us, so we went with it. That's a good life lesson! Never give up power on your own life. Research things before you try them. That's the very same thing in withdrawal. Buddies should know not to write in prescriptive manners here, but you can't control such a huge forum. So you must never give up your own judgement. That is our power.

 

Now that you are where you are, instead of feeling sorry for the bad decisions you think you have been mislead into taking, look at it this way: you are where you are. Off meds, 15 months off. OK, you tried things to 'speed up healing', but now you have decided to let healing happen. You don't know that supplements will have set you back by any significant time, that's impossible to tell, even if you had a reaction, perhaps it was just that, a reaction... no hindering healing. Never mind what happened, that is now all in the past. What we have is our present, as well as a much brighter future now that we are free of all those chemicals messing with our brains.

 

Again, sorry for the 'tough love'... but I believe an empowered mindset makes this easier and more beneficial to go through. It will get easier  :thumbsup:

 

Julz

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Hey Crescent,

 

I appreciate that you are exhausted, at 15 months out, this is indeed a VERY frustrating journey, it challenges you to your core... so I get it that you need to vent. I know, it sucks. All of it.

 

But this is a forum, not a prescriptive website. Whatever people have say with regards to tapering and supplements, in the end, every member has to research the information discussed and take their own decisions. It is natural to look for guidance out of despair, but this is exactly what got us in this mess when we went to our doctors' and got prescribed some meds. We thought they were right and knew better than us, so we went with it. That's a good life lesson! Never give up power on your own life. Research things before you try them. That's the very same thing in withdrawal. Buddies should know not to write in prescriptive manners here, but you can't control such a huge forum. So you must never give up your own judgement. That is our power.

 

Now that you are where you are, instead of feeling sorry for the bad decisions you think you have been mislead into taking, look at it this way: you are where you are. Off meds, 15 months off. OK, you tried things to 'speed up healing', but now you have decided to let healing happen. You don't know that supplements will have set you back by any significant time, that's impossible to tell, even if you had a reaction, perhaps it was just that, a reaction... no hindering healing. Never mind what happened, that is now all in the past. What we have is our present, as well as a much brighter future now that we are free of all those chemicals messing with our brains.

 

Again, sorry for the 'tough love'... but I believe an empowered mindset makes this easier and more beneficial to go through. It will get easier  :thumbsup:

 

Julz

This

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