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Original Anxiety Is Returning


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I actually had a good day on Tuesday. Felt relatively normal all day. Even this morning I woke up feeling a little bit better than usual. Then I got to work and I am starting to feel so much anxiety around my students, sort of like how I was feeling before the benzos last school year. I have pain below my chest in my left ribs. Sweaty armpits. Weak legs. Lightheaded when trying to lecture. Every time a kids smiles I feel like they are laughing at me. After four periods, I felt like I was having an internal panic attack and couldn't get anything done. Then I crash into depression. I feel like some of these symptoms were going on pre benzos from September 2017 to Decemeber 2017. I understand why I went to the doctor for benzos now.
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[46...]

Sorry Boomboxboy, I know the feeling.

 

I had gotten completely free of anxiety, but then it could still get triggered by workplace stress from time to time. (My reason for taking Ativan in the first place.)

 

It takes a while for this to stop happening, but it really can go away. I had to learn to tell myself that nothing that happened at the office was ever as bad as what benzos did to me, which helped.

 

Your students probably are not laughing at you, but (like most small animals, hahaha) they may be sensing distress a little bit, and any change in their behavior is likely to register in a benzo-sensitized brain as a loud gong.

 

Also, if you had even one good day, try to remember that you’ll have more and more of those.  :thumbsup:

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You were taking Ativan because of workplace stress?

 

I just can't tell what's benzo related and what's not anymore. No idea how to decipher what my baseline was before the benzos. I know I was struggling at work with many of the symptoms I felt today. The biggest one being worried about whether kids were talking about me or laughing about me. I know that was going on pre benzo.

 

I have no idea if they are sensing distress or not. I feel like they wouldn't be unless they know what's going on from hearing around town. I just want to feel some level of normality again. When I get really anxious, it throws me into the worst depression. Been crying since I've been out of school.

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I’m sorry to hear this, You’re a school teacher so just wanna say thank you. But just gotta learn better coping mechanisms, stress is a natural feeling throughout ones life. We all just gotta learn to not resort to Benzo because we all know who that ends, stay strong and know your making a difference in those kids lives and yes kids being kids more than likely look at you but some looks maybe negative but some look to you as a role model and idol. I loved some of my teachers way back when
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Boombox I am so sorry to hear this. I felt the same way on my last day of work I felt like my co workers we're judging me and testing me thats when I knew I had to get the hell out and take a leave. Then the anxiety followed me to being in public I felt like everyone was staring at me from all angles. This added to my agoraphobia. It was a mix of anxiety and paranoia and depression. Have you ever thought about looking into a different career? Because I'm the type if I cant handle a job I leave without warning but my job that im still employed at (thank God) was and is amazing that's why Im holding onto it I have until august to come back. I feel like your job is adding to the withdrawal stress

 

P.s. as a semi recent highschool gradute in 2015 they probably arent laughing at you. Theyre probably whispering about "todays drama" or "who dates" or just day dreaming or simply bored. Most of the time if they're laughing too is probably something youre teaching or inside jokes about each other. But I know Ive never analyzed my teacher especially this late into the school year

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Nick, I agree. I should have developed better coping mechanisms like ten years ago when my career started. Instead I took ambien and Klonopin off and on for years. Such a stupid choice. But without the Klonopin, I was planning on quitting during year 2. Now I'm in year 9. I wish I could just stop caring about what they think of me. I have had confidence issues for years all the way back to my early childhood. I have been thinking about getting into another career for a while now and probably will next year. I just hope I can make it to June.

 

The worst part about it all is I was doing well and then work clearly triggered the anxiety and then the hard depression.

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My anxiety was triggered again today at work when kids were not reading when they were supposed to be. This happened at like 8 in the morning and I have been in a state of uncomfortable panic all day. At least I understand where the panic is coming from now. It is clear it is triggered by my job. This also happened on Wednesday. I coudln't calm down or relax the rest of the day. Is it time to just quit this job? Or is this withdrawal and will it pass?
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Can’t really tell you if you should quit your job, would say if you’re unhappy but truthfully aren’t we all unhappy with our jobs. But think what made you want to become a teacher in the first place? Was it to make a difference in kids lives or was it just a pay cheque to pay life’s bills? I’d never recommend leaving a job, you got family and responsibilities. I think that’s more of a family matter you should be having with your wife not asking a online community what they think?

 

But idk what grade level you teach but if it’s elementary than most kids don’t have the attention span or not mature enough to listen and if it’s middle or high school most kids don’t care enough to listen. That’s just reality. Think you need to find a neutral zone in your head at least so your workplace doesn’t cause you stress as much. Hang in there. Teachers are needed.

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But for the record you’re a teacher, you deal with kids, there will always be stress however yes I do think your mind is more affected by the medication, once the GABA starts regularly regulating in your brain causing your central nervous system to relax in normal situations then I def do believe that your stress level will decrease LOTS.
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I actually had a good day on Tuesday. Felt relatively normal all day. Even this morning I woke up feeling a little bit better than usual. Then I got to work and I am starting to feel so much anxiety around my students, sort of like how I was feeling before the benzos last school year. I have pain below my chest in my left ribs. Sweaty armpits. Weak legs. Lightheaded when trying to lecture. Every time a kids smiles I feel like they are laughing at me. After four periods, I felt like I was having an internal panic attack and couldn't get anything done. Then I crash into depression. I feel like some of these symptoms were going on pre benzos from September 2017 to Decemeber 2017. I understand why I went to the doctor for benzos now.

 

Hi boombox,

 

Yes, I can relate to what you are saying -- In taking a very long, detailed, and excruciating look at my past (as I have been forced to do because all my mind seems to be able to do whilst in w/d is to go BACKWARDS instead of stay in the present or look to the future), I realise that my anxiety was quite crippling at times, but now, whilst in w/d, I have absolutely no mental faculties to deal with it, and many of the coping mechanisms I once employed no longer work (some were clearly not the best coping mechanisms to boot, no doubt).

 

But, yes, I am with you  -- I can definitely see why I went on the benzo.  If I had it to do again, of course, I would not, but hindsight is always 20/20, as they say.  I also believe we have to remember it is quite easy to see the past through rose-coloured glasses, so to speak -- it is especially easy to do that whilst in w/d, but it is something many of us have done (myself included) before I ever took a benzodiazepine.  I think it is important we take a clear assessment of our past experiences, symptoms, coping mechanisms, and health before we begin to see our past selves in a honeymoon phase of sorts.

 

 

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Take long-term disability get a letter from your doctor stating you cannot work for 12 months because of anxiety and depression. You might have a long-term disability plan with your company you might have to do short term first then long-term.

 

I think I also am going to have to apply for disability.  I have only been working pt for going on a year now because all of the problems I have been having.  Had I know all of this was going to happen, I would have applied a very long time ago.  Alas

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