Tough love from my family

[[mo...]]

Davis,

 

I'm sorry you are going through this. My brothers are starting to look at me different. They talk to me differently I am the oldest of the family. My mother is the only one that understands what's going on. She has cancer I pray to god every day that she gets better. But because of that vicious disease. She understands what i'm going through. Unfortunately our issues are in the mental health category. I read online a few days ago that what we see as visual healing is much more effective then mental. Example: When we cut our hands we can see the progression of our healing. Over time our cut and wound starts to get better and eventually heals. The only thing I can say is that you are doing the right thing for yourself. You are getting better. You are healing every day. Do not let anyone. ANYONE sway your recovery in the direction that they see fit. You know your own body you feel your own body. You have your own emotions. They need to be educated based on this affliction in which we all have. I hope that this has given you some sort of solace. God bless!

 

[[Ru...]]

I understand Davis. I only think it could be causing the fatigue but you know your own body.

I hope you have some luck with your family 

[[Ru...]]

Photo bug.

 

I love Ian. He has dedicated his life to helping people come off benzos. I have telephoned him a few times and he is so kind and supportive. I just wish I lived near Bristol as he has a support group that meets weekly. I think it is the only one in the country.

 

There was another benzo support group run by an equally amazing man but he has passed on. I couldnt believe where his offices were...the end of my road!!!! HOw amazing would that have been? I so wish it was still open as it was a great support for people and he reads as such an incredible person. I would have also loved to have helped run his charity.

 

 

[[Ce...]]

I don't think the tough love thing is going work. They may not know that, but I know you do.

I am treated like a totally different person by my family. They would respect my opinion on things ask me to help with projects.

I was one of the first people they would come to for advice or just to talk.

Now just silence, I have reached out as much as I can. But I am treated like a broken person and a outcast.

Friends are gone. I wish it wasn't like this but what can you do. It is part of this and it has affected me deeply.

Broken is a hard place to live for now. I have hope for all of us. This will end.

 

Ditto on this! Sorry Davis to hear about this and your mom who you are close to walking out of Red Lobster must have been devastating...I would have been crushed. My mother is the only one in my family that supports me. She doesn't understand it all, but she supports me none the less.

 

I get the same treatment as silveralpha here. I feel like a total outcast or a blacksheep (same thing)...I don't think I'll ever get right with them again. They act as if this 'affliction' was a choice and I chose it over my family. My brother even put it in those exact words!! Jerk! 

[[Ce...]]

Get them to watch ian singletons videa about benzo withdrawal. Better still, get them to ring him at the Bristol tranquiliser Project. This is a UK help line but he is brilliant, articulate, intelligent and would put your family straight.

 

Tell them that if they are willing to spend ten minutes on the phone to him, then, you will not ask them for anything else out of them (I know you dont anyway!) Beg them to talk to him if you have to.

 

People have NO IDEA what we go through...none.

X

@Rubikscube:  I googled "Ian Singleton benzo" and watched his excellent primer on benzo addiction and withdrawal.  For relatives who are short on patience, these short video segments get to the point quickly and cover the essentials.  Thanks a lot for mentioning this resource:

 

http://cepuk.org/2014/01/15/ian-singleton-talks-about-the-withdrawal-process/

 

Thanks for the shre PB...I want to share this with the ones who DO support me. As for the others...they've already made up their minds, so I won't waste anymore of their time. This is such a hurt to top off this whole thing. OUCH!!

 

[[Ma...]]

I learned a BIG BIG thing in my last years:

 

STOP EXPLAINING YOURSELF.

 

Again and again I tried to discuss, to explain, to propose books, articles - but the truth is simple.

Stupid persons who judge JUST DONT WANT TO CHANGE THEIR MIND.

So I can stop to talk to them.

 

It is hard, again its a thing of acceptance and it hurts. But as long as I am hoping that I will be loved and understood - its stealing my time and strength.

When I had realized that, I started to cut bad relationships and go out into the world and SURPRISE SURPISE I found new friend so quickly that I was irritated because ... does this mean I am not a burden? And its easy to understand my "COMPLICATED SITUATION"

When I asked the "new people" in my life exactly these questions all had to lough or just did not understand what I was asking:-).

 

So, Davis and everyone else who is in that state,- you will connect to better people. Easily. There are so many people out there. You never know what experiences they have and what for them is important, or not! With my history I even feel that I am now more tolerant so that I can connect to people with whom I would perhaps not have some years before.

 

[[Da...]]

Hi, I really appreciate your response and it makes me feel a lot better. I never believed that my relationships with family members would become this complex. Like silveralpha said I'm the one that everyone came to for help and strength when they had problems. I always tried to be there for all of them. Now put the shoe on the other foot, it is scary. But in reality I believe in their own way they think they are somehow helping me. Nobody gets it. I talked to my mom and I had her watch then video of ian singleton. I told her to call him. I don't know if she did it yet but she apologized for the incident. It makes me feel better about everything.

 

I am so thankful for all of you guys. Thanks for being so supportive.

[[Vi...]]

I know what all of you are talking about. The hardest thing for me to cope with is the avoidance by family. You would think it's the multitude of withdrawal symptoms but I seem to conquer them easier than the family issue. Three months ago before cold turkey off K , I would have thought my siblings would stand by me through thick and thin. Ha! WTH was I thinking? They have literally cast me aside. They don't even try to understand what we are all going through. It seems that it's an inconvenience. Well I suppose we all need to move on with our lives a d healing. We all are going to heal and live full and productive lives again. If we have nothing else we definitely have each other!!!!!😊

[[ca...]]

It seems like most of our families have been the ones in need of "tough love" when it comes to understanding the terrible process of recovering from benzo poisoning.  My partner has had the support of his mom, though a lot of tough love was needed in the beginning to get her to understand.  In the end she came through and the three of us have muddled through this the best we can. 

 

Yesterday I had the idea to ask his other family members (the ones who have been nearly completely absent from our lives the last 4.5 years) to make a donation to the "As Prescribed" film instead of send a gift or money this Christmas.  It's just one more way to educate them and help get the bigger message out about benzos!  I sent them to this page--http://www.asprescribedfilm.com/donations.html--so all they have to do is write a check that specifies that the funds are for the "As Prescribed" film.  Being understood is the best gift we could get this Christmas  :'(

[[fr...]]

My family didn't believe me either...  for almost three years.  My husband was passive aggressive with me because he was mad at me for not working and thought I was faking my symptoms.  My daughter thought I was just exaggerating and that I needed to improve my self-talk.  My best friend, whom I helped with her recovery from alcohol, started avoiding me and finally dropped me.

 

It made me so dad-gummed mad and it gave me anger issues on top of all my other symptoms.  I wanted to scream at them:  So you'd rather think I'd become a colossal liar than think a medication could do this to me?  I was furious.  I'm 60 years old, and way too old to put up with being treated like they treated me.

 

I finally got my husband and daughter to believe me by printing out and making them read two online articles:  one from Baylissa Frederick, titled "Support for those in Withdrawal Who Struggle With Family & Friends Not Understanding"; and, the other is Dr. Jennifer Leigh's article titled "How to Support a Loved One With Benzo Withdrawal Syndrome".

 

At the three-year mark, my husband finally said he was sorry that he wasn't on board sooner and, when I was healed, my daughter finally said she was so sorry this happened to me.  I finally got validation, and it felt wonderful.  I do recommend those two articles.  I know other people mentioned them online, too, so I'm sorry if I'm repeating it here...  I only just found them a while back.  They explained what I couldn't find the words for, and reading them did get people to believe me. 

 

I want to tell you, too, that when you've recovered and people see the difference in you, they will finally believe you.  Now, when I tell someone about it in past tense, they say, "Oh honey, why didn't you tell me?...  You sweet thing".  It's like I finally got validation when I didn't need it anymore.  It sure is better late than never though. It was important to me that people believed me.  I needed support so desperately that I sought help at the church, and I confided in some old friends, and surprisingly I made some new friends.  I needed help, by gosh, and I kept looking for support until I found people who would show me some much-needed compassion.  I'm still friends with some of the ladies at the church...  thank God they believed me (plus, they were used to people who burst into tears for no apparent reason).  And, my old work friend proved to be an absolute angel, and I'll be forever grateful for her invaluable support.  Please keep reaching out for support, and I promise you will find people who understand and perhaps someone who's gone through the same thing.  I also tried going to AA and NA meetings, but I just didn't fit in there, but I kept looking, even though I was pretty neurotic at the time.  I'm still a little mad...  it colored my ability to share my experience and I was afraid that no one would believe me or, worse yet, they would think I was crazy or something...  it took me 3 years to get up the confidence to even tell my sister about it (she lives in a different state), and she was so compassionate and sympathetic that I cried with sheer relief that, at last, I didn't have to pretend to be well.  Pretending to be well was so hard.  (I notice that I keep saying 3 years here, but I'm including my year-long taper, but I sure could have used their help sooner.)

 

I hope you get the support from your family that you need and deserve.  Even if they don't believe you now, they will.  I'm fully recovered now, and everyone I tell now believes me, but not being support sure made it harder. 

 

I'll be thinking of you and wishing you well soon,

 

Freida

[[Ce...]]

I learned a BIG BIG thing in my last years:

 

STOP EXPLAINING YOURSELF.

 

Again and again I tried to discuss, to explain, to propose books, articles - but the truth is simple.

Stupid persons who judge JUST DONT WANT TO CHANGE THEIR MIND.

So I can stop to talk to them.

 

It is hard, again its a thing of acceptance and it hurts. But as long as I am hoping that I will be loved and understood - its stealing my time and strength.

When I had realized that, I started to cut bad relationships and go out into the world and SURPRISE SURPISE I found new friend so quickly that I was irritated because ... does this mean I am not a burden? And its easy to understand my "COMPLICATED SITUATION"

When I asked the "new people" in my life exactly these questions all had to lough or just did not understand what I was asking:-).

 

So, Davis and everyone else who is in that state,- you will connect to better people. Easily. There are so many people out there. You never know what experiences they have and what for them is important, or not! With my history I even feel that I am now more tolerant so that I can connect to people with whom I would perhaps not have some years before.

 

 

I love the way you explained this, Mari...STOP EXPLAINING YOURSELF!! Great way to think of this...I had to just stop, because I was wearing myself out. They don't want to change their minds and have already made the decision to judge both harshly and unfairly...forget it! Although it doesn't really help me to feel any better...I know it's more their loss than mine. But we have to try and let go of that so we can become healthier and stronger within ourselves.

[[er...]]

Hi Everyone, my family has decided to give me tough love. They want to confront me and tell me I can no longer be sick. It has been just over 1 year now. My mother, who I love dearly, invited me to red lobster then jumped down my throat and got mad and walked out. The thing that is killing me is I have not asked my family for anything. I have my own money I'm living off, it is money I set aside for retirement but I'm spending my own. I have not even asked for any kind of emotional support. And I try my best not to even discuss it with them, as little as I can get away with. Anyone else have a similar problem?

 

Hey Davis,

 

So sorry about this man.. My gf just rolls her eyes when I say something about w/d now, so basically, I try not to say much at all.. I think people just have a hard time conceiving of recovery from benzos, taking a long time.. So, when we're not "better" as people think we should be, they just revolt - because they can't "see" our injury, and of course the medical profession doesn't validate what we're going through either, so we must be headcases.. Just "snap out of it" (I think we all would if we could, don't they know this..?)

 

It's like telling a guy w/ a broken leg to go run a marathon..

 

Oh well, man, I just wanted to reach out and say, "I hear what you're saying.."  I'm glad you're doing a little better than you were and congratulations on making it a year!  I'm 9 months out today, and the cog fog is pretty tiresome, in addition to other symptoms.. I tapered off of this "risperdal" shit, that is an anti-psychotic I was put on a few years ago while in "tolerance w/d" and I'm feeling that w/d as well.. so it's one day at a time, and if people don't want to acknowledge what we're going through, that's on them..

 

eventually, when we're all better, I'm very sure that our relationships will improve dramatically, and it will be like this never happened.

 

Eric

[[Da...]]

Thanks again for responding. What I'm seeing in the great responses I got are that we all experience this. People have a hard time understanding what we are going through. It makes it so hard not to think the "I'm never going to get any better". They seem to ignore the entire past of I never need anything from anybody which has always been the case. Also the fact that anytime anyone of them had a problem I was there for them. Emotionally, financially whatever was going on I reached out. It is so difficult to accept. All we can do is move on. When I do get better I'm going to have to think twice about my relationships with family and remember how I feel today.

 

The one place I can go to get an understanding is here with you guys. I so appreciate everyone responding and telling me your experiences. It is very helpful.

[[lg...]]

I know how you feel. My wife does not believe I'm sick and rolls her eyes everytime I mention it. I believe I'm never going to get any better. It has been 14 months and I don't feel like I'm improving. I'm afraid she is going to divorce me. We don't sleep in the same bed anymore.

[[Ru...]]

Cepuk.org

 

You might like to show your family the video testimonials of people recovering from drugs.

 

The fifth video would be a good one to show.

 

x

[[Da...]]

Thanks rubikscube I will check that out.

[[Ru...]]

Sorry to harp on but you might like ot stress that you are one of the lucky ones. A person who has acutally worked out how dangerous these drugs are and will no longer be harmed by them. That even though you are giong through hell you feel fortunate to be informed and enlightened by the work of others and how you will not be falling into the prescritpion trap in the future and therefore in a better position than most (who will be guzzling statins and antidepressants etc etc).

If you throw a positive light on your dreadful circumstances your family might feel more encouraged and therefore be more supportive.

Try and help them to see that you are one of the fortunate ones.

A good book for them (and you) to read would be 'Anatomy of an Epidemic'. That should keep them quiet!

 

[[Ec...]]

I would say you're handling the situation pretty good. I think I would lose it if I went to an appointment with a psychiatrist who explained everything to my mom and she still didn't believe me. Stubborn family members who don't want to believe in withdrawal usually listen to Medical professionals.  You found a medical professional who understands withdrawal and she still doesn't believe it. I am honestly pretty shocked and saddened by this.

[[Da...]]

Hi Rubikscube- You are not harping on anyone I really appreciate your help. My mother is 76 years old and very stubborn. My family got together and decided there is nothing wrong with me and therefore it is time for me to be better. I started it by telling them it would probably take a year and I would be better, so as soon as the year was up they decided that it is in my head. Also two months into this my live in GF of 12 years moved out. They believe that has made me depressed or whatever. It is not right what they have decided and I just to stay clear of them until I am healed. Which is very sad I want them to stick by me and understand.