Please help. Need urgent advice.

[[Be...]]

Shucks.

I'm surprised I'm still here too.

My wife wants me out, but I've got nowhere to go, no way of supporting myself, so stuck here - no friends left and no support.

Nobody understands.

What the hell do we do?!

 

During the summer I did move out, and moved between various relative's homes. It was miserable and they all got burnt out by it in the end.

It is just so relentless.

 

 

[[Be...]]

These videos are good, tho be warned they are not exactly upbeat.

Ian is the guy I spoke to. He knows his shit like no one else in my experience.

 

http://cepuk.org/withdrawal-advisers/

[Guest [Le...]]

What I would do is order the pills online from the place you ordered it before. Then updose slowly until you feel better and then hold for about a month. Once you stabilize you can start cutting your dosage very slowly.

 

Hi maverick40,

 

This is good advice, if you are able to get something safe with which to stabilise.

 

However, if you are somehow railroaded into a quick taper or CT from your current dose, please don't presume that your situation will end up as a worst-case scenario. Many members here have had their use of benzos ended abruptly, and some from very high doses, and went on to heal at a good rate, sometimes faster than others who did slow tapers. The path out of benzo dependence is completely unpredictable.

 

Each story you read here is only one person's story, so please don't be discouraged when you read a scary one, as it just as likely could turn out far better for you.

 

I had to jump from Ativan at the equivalent of 5mg of Valium, having reached a point where I was so acutely sick that I could hardly walk to the bathroom, never mind leave the house - yet, from what I read here on BB, my subsequent progress has proved to be no worse than what I have read from many members who were able to taper over a longer period.

 

While I, too, have been on a hellish journey for the past year-and-a-half, it has been possible to get to the other side - so please try to keep your hope alive. 

  Leslie 

[[ma...]]

Hi and thanks for the reply.

I'm in a similar position. Bed-ridden and can't leave the house.

I'm terrified.

I need to ask you - what happened when you jumped?

Were you thrown into acute? Did you have any seizures?

And how long were you taking benzos for?

Still confused about what to do. Terrified to make another cut as I'm incapacitated as it is...

[[Be...]]

Good luck, man. Stay cool.

[Guest [Le...]]

Hi and thanks for the reply.

I'm in a similar position. Bed-ridden and can't leave the house.

I'm terrified.

I need to ask you - what happened when you jumped?

Were you thrown into acute? Did you have any seizures?

And how long were you taking benzos for?

Still confused about what to do. Terrified to make another cut as I'm incapacitated as it is...

 

Took 2mg Ativan for over 5 years, going up to 4mg at the very end.

 

I tapered rapidly down to 0.5mg rapidly, under medical supervision. Was given gabapentin to prevent seizures (and I didn't have any). Before jumping I was such a mess that I nearly ended up in the ER a few times because my heart was beating out of my chest, and I could not sleep at all.

 

By the time I cut from 0.62mg to 0.5mg, the Ativan was revving me up each time I took it. Then I tried NOT taking it, and as bad is that was, it was better than taking it. So I tried that for a few days, thinking if things got any worse, I'd take it again. As sick as I was, it was better than how sick the Ativan had begun making me - so I never took another one again.

 

That was five months ago, today. (yippee)

 

I was already deeply in acute, so jumping just changed the pattern of symptoms, and one by one they have been disappearing. Still have some bad ones left, but I expect they will go eventually to - just a matter of time. 

 

Before I jumped I had become so agoraphobic that I could not leave, and had even become terrified of my own living room. The agoraphobia was one of the first things to go. I was never agoraphobic in my life until acute benzo WD, and haven't been since.

 

As sick as I still was after the jump, I did not get much worse (some symptoms stopped immediately, and some new ones appeared), and my being incapacitated ended rapidly. Not to say it was easy, but at least I was soon able to get around without being driven.

 

Hope this info helps - wishing you the best!

 

[[Be...]]

I don't want to confuse things here but I think you would need to think very carefully about jumping from 6mg if you're already a mess. I know just how sick you can get from V reduction. There is no way of knowing how you'd react to a jump but it's risky. It might be so bad you have to reinstate.

 

I honestly think you need to stabilise, on whatever dose that takes,  and then cut very very slowly.

[[ma...]]

Thanks guys, but no worries.

I can't go on like this anymore knowing what I have to face - possibly years of more hell when I'm in sheer hell anyway.

I've got no support, am completely incapacitated have lost everything, and am so confused about my taper I can't even think anymore.

I think I'm done...

[[Be...]]

Then go back to your original source and 40mgs. Get your life back.

I bitterly regret not just staying on the pills and trying to get off. I lost the lot.

If you weren't having problems on 40mg, it's worth a shot. If things are that desperate and I know exactly where you are. You've nothing to lose.

[[ma...]]

I was not okay on 40mgs.

And besides, I cannot updose because I can't get any from anywhere.

I'm just expected to 'get on with it' or 'go see a psychologist' from all and sundry who have no clue whatsoever.

I'm sick and tired of everything.

I'm done.

[[Be...]]

Apologies, I thought you weren't having symptoms on 40.

I'm sorry, man.

 

[[Be...]]

Did you phone the helpline?

 

[[Be...]]

They have no magic wand but they absolutely know their shit.

[[ma...]]

No. There's nothing anyone can do.

I'm not allowed to updose after a lethal taper bestowed on me.

I'm stuck with it.

I have a wife and a 6 year old boy and I'm so sick, I just don't care anymore.

I have a massive terrifying phobia of people - and I literally am unable to perform the simplest task.

What's the point?

WTF

[[Be...]]

What was happening to you at 40mg? I'm just trying to work out if you hit tolerance really quickly.

[[ma...]]

Thanks.

I think the crux of the issue is that since the age 19 I've had the most severe, extreme, ridiculous anxiety disorder (and depression) due to child abuse and then diving head-long into heavy pot smoking, and other drugs, I guess to smother the pain. I've not been the same person since.

It got progressively worse and worse over the years until last year where I literally just couldn't stand it anymore and bought some valium online. Biggest mistake of my life. I didn't have a clue about the dangers, nor how to take it, and was popping 10mgs whenever I faced a challenging social situation. So over the course of 9 months, I guess on worst days I was taking up to 40mgs in a day, but never a regular dose. I noticed the anxiety getting even worse, and researched online and obviously became horrified at what I'd done. But to be tapered straight down to 10mgs by a Psych and then forced to come completely off in 10 weeks was/is a recipe for disaster. If I'd known then what I know now, there's no way in hell I would have agreed to it. But now I am in proper hell. But to be honest, even without this valium experience, my anxiety disorder was so extreme that there was no way I would have been able to work anyway. This is not just the valium - it's the pre-existing nightmare i was going through, too. It's a mixture of the two, that's why I'm so crestfallen. I've spent thousands over the years trying to find a 'cure' for hellish anxiety, but to no avail. Hence reaching out for valium. I just can't see a way back. I used to be such a confident, funny as hell, talented guy when I was young, always starring in the school plays, and touring in bands etc. These days I am just a shell. I'm absolutely beyond gutted. Sorry for the rant, I'm just so utterly broken, shattered and lost. I don't even recognise myself anymore. I've lost everything.

[[ma...]]

Just to measure how my pre-existing anxiety disorder was, I recall having to take 30mgs of valium just to take my boy swimming in the summer of 2015, and I was STILL massively anxious. I'm sure you'll agree that's utterly ridiculous. I do believe I may possess the worst, most extreme anxiety disorder in the history of the world. I'm surprised I've made it this far. Hence reaching out for valium. Hence this hell.

[[Be...]]

Rant away. That's what this place is for.

I've lost everything too.

It's a truly evil poison. I'm sorry, I wish I could help in some way.

[[ma...]]

Well, thanks for reading my rant.

I'm sorry too, Dude.

But like I said, I'm pretty convinced even before valium - I'm not sure I wouda' made it anyway.

Unlike you, I wasn't sound as a pound before all this madness began.

I need a miracle.

I wonder if they exist these days?

[[Be...]]

The bitter irony is that for some people, treating anxiety with Valium is like pouring petrol on a fire to put it out.

Hang in and keep posting. Others will want to help.

All I can say is that I am amazed I'm still here. But I still am. I'm not going to give you a lot of platitudes about why you should. You're obviously an intelligent man, who just happens to find himself in one of the toughest places it is possible to be. And WD really is as bad as anything can get.

People have made it out before, and from worse. It can be done.

[[ma...]]

Thanks.

I'm just beyond terrified. I've been stuck on 6mgs for 7 months and getting massively ill to the point where I can't even describe it in words. It's not anxiety, it's not terror, it's some kind of purgatory beyond hell in the depths - with a tonne of symptoms - all the while I'm still tapering! I'm not even in full withdrawals yet! God only knows what awaits me...From what I read on here I appear to be a massively extreme case and far, far worse than others who are even in full withdrawals - all the while I still have 6mgs of hell-poison in my body each day. I'm too sick to keep taking this stuff, but too sick to handle another cut. What the hell do I do? So much conflicting advice I haven't a clue anymore. I can't even think.

[[be...]]

this is what I would do

 

1. Order the pills from the place you got them before

2. Updose slowly until you feel better

3. Hold for about a month

4. Once you stabilize taper down 5% every 2 weeks

 

I was in a similar situation a few months ago. I had severe symptoms due to rapid tapering so I went back to my original dose. I still felt sick but a lot better than before.

 

I suffered from anxiety disorders all my life and used benzos to self medicate as well. Once I will be poison free I will be getting therapy for the abuse and trauma that caused all this mess.

 

I know you can't think clearly right now so I will repeat it again. You need to updose slowly and start over. Order the pills and stabilize. At this point what do you have to lose?

[[ma...]]

Thanks, but I'm worried about ordering them online again as I've been advised that you just never know what's in them, or even if it's safe stuff to have.

Also, I've been told the longer you're on benzos, the harder and worse the ride is to recover.

I appear to be stuck between a rock and a hard place. I don't think I'll make it currently, but then what if I updose and the subsequent taper/withdrawals are even worse? And what if the stuff online aint legit? My Psych and my GP won't allow me to updose after this savage taper I was put against my will.

I can't make a decision either way, but all the while I'm suffering terribly and bed-ridden.

[[be...]]

I would order from the same place you ordered before. Chances are you will get the same stuff as you ordered before. If it worked before then it might work again.

 

What you are experiencing right now is severe withdrawal symptoms due to rapid tapering. You have a choice. You can keep suffering or try to get relief. Updosing should bring relief but you need to do it slowly because your nervous system is hypersensitive.

 

You want to get stabilize first before you start tapering again. It may take longer but it will be easier if you do it slowly. The slower you taper the more time you give your nervous system to recover.

 

The medical system has no clue how to deal with benzo withdrawal. Instead of properly tapering you down slowly they make it worse by rapid tapering. You are basically left to do it on your own but this forum is a good resource for support and advice.

 

The people here were hurt by the medical system like you and are trying to figure their way back to life. Everyone has a different experience but the common theme is that they tapered too quickly and are recovering successfully by tapering slowly. I suggest you read some of the success stories so you can see that there is hope.

 

 

[[li...]]

I would try to hold where you are at and ride it out. Something similar happened to me. I'm not going to sugar coat it. It took 4-5 months for those super intense symptoms to subside . You feeling worse probably isn't from the Valium, its that your body is freaking out.

I would talk to the Doc and say that this is ruining your life and that you need to hold until you feel better. Good luck. When I was in that awful place it truly was a nightmare. You will get through it, and you will feel much better.