Doctor's appointment from hell !!!!!! HELP !!!!!!!

[[be...]]

You'll get there TR. just hold tight for the ride. We're all going to make it. You included. I'll put you in my prayers tonight. Always prayers for all. Just hang in there. Stay calm. Sweet dreams. B

[[br...]]

Hiya Benzo barb. Are you doing any better today. I did a small cut on my ativan three days ago and was up last night peeing on and off but mostly just getting the senstion that I needed to pee. So today I am not well, chest feels tight, tummy hurts etc. etc. same symptoms every bloody time I cut. Ironic because it is only a speck of the  0.5 pill. Just shows how powerful this stuff is.

[[be...]]

Hiya rabbit. Yes every cut is hell but at least we are on the path down. With luck being Ativan you might get over these sxs faster. I so wish I didn't start Valium. It's just wrong for me. Sxs galore and it's so prolonged. It's always hard to see the end of it all. Anyway, hang tight. These sxs you have now might be gone in a day or two. I sure hope so. Hugs. B

[[br...]]

I am reading so many posts where the people who were switched to valium are not doing well . I was a bit annoyed with Dr Madill at first because he insisted on keeping me on the ativan and tapering down on that. He said that valium was not for everyone and I would do better staying with ativan. I was pretty pissed at first because I regarded the Ashton Manual as the bible for withdrawal , but now I accept that he was right. I think my withdrawal Hell would be worse if he had done what I wanted.

[[be...]]

My doctor didn't want me on Valium either. Not a fan of the " A bible" at all. But I was so upset and persistent I guess he felt he'd give me a go at it. Now I'm just waiting for his I told you so. Except he wouldn't say that. So many regrets. So prolonged. So sick of being sick. Well rabbit we'll get there. I have faith. B

[[Be...]]

It's amazing that you guys all have doctors who are buying into tapering properly. Not one of the four doctors I've encountered on this hell road have been remotely aware of what's involved. In so called benzo enlightened UK.

[[br...]]

We Will Do This. We have courage and determination. I think constantly of the quotes from Winston Churchill that he made in the war years. I love 'We will never give up. We will never surrender'.

[[be...]]

Hear! Hear! BR. Never surrender! B 

[[2t...]]

It's amazing that you guys all have doctors who are buying into tapering properly. Not one of the four doctors I've encountered on this hell road have been remotely aware of what's involved. In so called benzo enlightened UK.

 

Do the doctors you are seeing know how to navigate the web.

Seems to me if they can't at least check things out how do they expect to help you.

[[To...]]

It's amazing that you guys all have doctors who are buying into tapering properly. Not one of the four doctors I've encountered on this hell road have been remotely aware of what's involved. In so called benzo enlightened UK.

 

Do the doctors you are seeing know how to navigate the web.

Seems to me if they can't at least check things out how do they expect to help you.

 

Checking things out ? Let me tell you about that. Last time I went up there I asked her about Ativan (Lorazepam) and Klonopine and that it might be better for me to taper off with those than Valium. Guess what ? She didn't know what Lorazepam was, she thought it was the same as Lormetazepam lol and she didn't know what Klonopine was either ... So she finally had to look it up on the internet and I said her the brand name in my country for Ativan was Temesta. About the Klonopine I bet it will take me another visite to explain that one to her and that it can be used as a cross over drug for withdrawing from benzo's. I've been in bed all day and night yesterday and sure as hell wasn't sleeping much but I didn't want to get up, I was so exhausted. I've been tortured all day and night with anxiety, fear and worrying about my situation. I feel even worse now today. I don't understand how this could have become such a problem. I just wanted some sleep back in the fall of last year and here I am again. Now she wants me to do a 50% cut of all my benzo's !!! I should have gone for the Valium and let her prescribe me some so I could taper off but I already asked for the other benzo's because of my tolerance to Valium. She came late 20 minutes for our appointment and there was just no time to explain about anything and she rushed through the whole visite in 10 minutes. Even if she prescribed me the Valium she would have never gave me enough to do a sensible taper. I'm on my wits end here. I can't find one bit of peace or rest in this whole situation. I keep worrying sick and being in bed that long only makes it worse. Why can't these people just cooperate and at least show up on time so I can explain more about the situation. I feel like I'm trapped here. She wants me to do a 50 % cut in this condition !!!!!

[[To...]]

If I were you I would try again to have a non combative discussion. Take the ashton manual to her again and make your case very calmly why you want to get of the benzos and why you think that this is the best way. Apologize to her for the previous visit from Hell.

 

You may or may not have more side effects because of your previous taper. The important thing is to get started and keep on even if it means finding another doctor.

 

All my discussions are "non combative". As a matter of fact I think they are a little bit too "non combative". I mean if only you knew how much tolerance and patience I had with these people and now this doctor is giving me the impression that I am a drug seeker and seems like she doesn't believe a word of what I'm telling her anymore. I'm getting so sick of it, now I need to go find another doctor.     

[[br...]]

I agree. I had to give up on my first doctor. I was very polite and non-combative. I even took the ashton manual too him. Three useless visits later I gave up on him and found another doctor who not only understood the total mess I was but was able to get me on a good withdrawal program. It's Hell at times, but I am getting there and feel better about having at least started the long journey back.

[[He...]]

I think a careful choice of words may be helpful here. "Non-combative" is definitely a way in which we want to approach our doctors. I didn't get the impression that TR was combative toward his doc. I think he tried to give a lot of information in a short period of time, felt pressured, and probably came across as confused which may have raised red flags in the doctor's mind. It's really a shell game talking to uneducated doctors who also frequently have enormous egos.

 

Having said that, I just want to mention that I personally refuse to treat doctors like grand poobahs of this issue. And some of them just can't get past that with their egos. Had a psych nurse who said she would help me through a taper, thought we'd made progress, brought her Ashton stuff and she said she'd read it, but because of her "superiors" and the BS system she's working in, she dropped me at the last minute and continued to insist that c/t rehab with other drugs "to make me feel comfortable" was "the safest way to do this". She dropped me because I confronted her on sending benzo folks to this. She also never answered my question about protracted w/d sx from c/t detox and seemed to forget that I told her repeatedly that I could not take time off, that I have to work. This hypocrite also spoke out of both sides of her mouth: threatening me that a long taper would cause brain damage and at another time saying that the brain heals from benzo use in spite of a "difficult" c/t period.

 

TR, sorry to hear you are suffering so much. Hope you pick one benzo and give yourself time to stabilize on that one if you can. And will be hoping that you can either reengage with your doctor with adequate time or be able to find another doc with whom you can work. Aloha, HM

[[Ce...]]

I think a careful choice of words may be helpful here. "Non-combative" is definitely a way in which we want to approach our doctors. I didn't get the impression that TR was combative toward his doc. I think he tried to give a lot of information in a short period of time, felt pressured, and probably came across as confused which may have raised red flags in the doctor's mind. It's really a shell game talking to uneducated doctors who also frequently have enormous egos.

 

Having said that, I just want to mention that I personally refuse to treat doctors like grand poobahs of this issue. And some of them just can't get past that with their egos. Had a psych nurse who said she would help me through a taper, thought we'd made progress, brought her Ashton stuff and she said she'd read it, but because of her "superiors" and the BS system she's working in, she dropped me at the last minute and continued to insist that c/t rehab with other drugs "to make me feel comfortable" was "the safest way to do this". She dropped me because I confronted her on sending benzo folks to this. She also never answered my question about protracted w/d sx from c/t detox and seemed to forget that I told her repeatedly that I could not take time off, that I have to work. This hypocrite also spoke out of both sides of her mouth: threatening me that a long taper would cause brain damage and at another time saying that the brain heals from benzo use in spite of a "difficult" c/t period.

 

TR, sorry to hear you are suffering so much. Hope you pick one benzo and give yourself time to stabilize on that one if you can. And will be hoping that you can either reengage with your doctor with adequate time or be able to find another doc with whom you can work. Aloha, HM

 

Bingo! That's just it! The pressure felt can make a person feel very uneasy and confuse a person...we have to remember ( although difficult) WE are paying these people for a service. THEY work for us. If it weren't for our 'time consuming, inconveniences', where would they be? I apologize to the mods, if they consider this doctor bashing, I consider it truth telling and amongst those who understand is the place to do it.

[[so...]]

I've been reading this thread with interest and I'm sending positive vibes your way, TR. No advice, just support.

 

I'm fascinated by the idea that some are able to get meds "on credit"! Here in the USA, prescriptions from Walgreens or CVS, they will not even allow you to fill a prescription written by your doctor even a day early. My doctor wrote me an extra Ativan prescription a couple of years ago so I'd have extra if I ever had to miss an appointment. They would NOT fill it. I had to throw it away. The pharmacists have more control than the docs themselves. That blew my mind that they would disregard my doctor's written instructions. If only they had disregarded his original prescription, I wouldn't be in this situation! Lol

[[Ce...]]

I've been reading this thread with interest and I'm sending positive vibes your way, TR. No advice, just support.

 

I'm fascinated by the idea that some are able to get meds "on credit"! Here in the USA, prescriptions from Walgreens or CVS, they will not even allow you to fill a prescription written by your doctor even a day early. My doctor wrote me an extra Ativan prescription a couple of years ago so I'd have extra if I ever had to miss an appointment. They would NOT fill it. I had to throw it away. The pharmacists have more control than the docs themselves. That blew my mind that they would disregard my doctor's written instructions. If only they had disregarded his original prescription, I wouldn't be in this situation! Lol

^So true S&P^ I often wonder what gives the pharmacist the right to dictate to me about how, when and what I can or cannot have. Sometimes it's insurance issues, but other times I was told....'we can't fill until 1 day early due to'... and get this....'store courtesy' . If that isn't messed up!! I dealt with the same ones you mentioned both of them do this, so I'm assuming they all do. Except for some....after reading this thread I really wonder, why are they so strict where I am?? 

[[To...]]

I think a careful choice of words may be helpful here. "Non-combative" is definitely a way in which we want to approach our doctors. I didn't get the impression that TR was combative toward his doc. I think he tried to give a lot of information in a short period of time, felt pressured, and probably came across as confused which may have raised red flags in the doctor's mind. It's really a shell game talking to uneducated doctors who also frequently have enormous egos.

 

Having said that, I just want to mention that I personally refuse to treat doctors like grand poobahs of this issue. And some of them just can't get past that with their egos. Had a psych nurse who said she would help me through a taper, thought we'd made progress, brought her Ashton stuff and she said she'd read it, but because of her "superiors" and the BS system she's working in, she dropped me at the last minute and continued to insist that c/t rehab with other drugs "to make me feel comfortable" was "the safest way to do this". She dropped me because I confronted her on sending benzo folks to this. She also never answered my question about protracted w/d sx from c/t detox and seemed to forget that I told her repeatedly that I could not take time off, that I have to work. This hypocrite also spoke out of both sides of her mouth: threatening me that a long taper would cause brain damage and at another time saying that the brain heals from benzo use in spite of a "difficult" c/t period.

 

TR, sorry to hear you are suffering so much. Hope you pick one benzo and give yourself time to stabilize on that one if you can. And will be hoping that you can either reengage with your doctor with adequate time or be able to find another doc with whom you can work. Aloha, HM

 

Bingo! That's just it! The pressure felt can make a person feel very uneasy and confuse a person...we have to remember ( although difficult) WE are paying these people for a service. THEY work for us. If it weren't for our 'time consuming, inconveniences', where would they be? I apologize to the mods, if they consider this doctor bashing, I consider it truth telling and amongst those who understand is the place to do it.

 

 

Thanks all guys.

 

 

Reading those sentences in bold and looking back at the situation that's exactly how it must have happened and what went down.   

 

Also because of the benzo withdrawal I seem to have lost all kind of communication skills face to face, it's already hard sometimes to write it down in here or per email let alone talking to a doctor straight on face to face explaining my situation in such a short time frame. I could hardly express myself in there. Thank you Healingme. It's like some angels whispered in your ear about how it really went down up there.  :'(

 

I've tried to be honest and as straightforward and polite and non combative as I possibly could from day #1 with any doctor and it seems like with this one the more I'm being open and honest about every single detail, the more she starts questioning me and making it appear like I'm not telling her the truth. She looks at me like I'm lying and not speaking the truth. She totally misunderstands my situation and I'm being honest as can be. It makes me think I'm being too honest to communicate with these people but I simply can't lie about anything. I have done this open, honest and straight forward approach with my doctor from day 1 but it seems like it only backfires. I can not explain to you guys how frustrating this gets and how it pisses me off ...  It's so unfair.   

[[Ce...]]

^You don't have to explain, TR. Been there, done that. ^ It's extremely frustrating. I'm frustrated to this day with these people! 

[[To...]]

I think a careful choice of words may be helpful here. "Non-combative" is definitely a way in which we want to approach our doctors. I didn't get the impression that TR was combative toward his doc. I think he tried to give a lot of information in a short period of time, felt pressured, and probably came across as confused which may have raised red flags in the doctor's mind. It's really a shell game talking to uneducated doctors who also frequently have enormous egos.

 

Having said that, I just want to mention that I personally refuse to treat doctors like grand poobahs of this issue. And some of them just can't get past that with their egos. Had a psych nurse who said she would help me through a taper, thought we'd made progress, brought her Ashton stuff and she said she'd read it, but because of her "superiors" and the BS system she's working in, she dropped me at the last minute and continued to insist that c/t rehab with other drugs "to make me feel comfortable" was "the safest way to do this". She dropped me because I confronted her on sending benzo folks to this. She also never answered my question about protracted w/d sx from c/t detox and seemed to forget that I told her repeatedly that I could not take time off, that I have to work. This hypocrite also spoke out of both sides of her mouth: threatening me that a long taper would cause brain damage and at another time saying that the brain heals from benzo use in spite of a "difficult" c/t period.

 

TR, sorry to hear you are suffering so much. Hope you pick one benzo and give yourself time to stabilize on that one if you can. And will be hoping that you can either reengage with your doctor with adequate time or be able to find another doc with whom you can work. Aloha, HM

 

Bingo! That's just it! The pressure felt can make a person feel very uneasy and confuse a person...we have to remember ( although difficult) WE are paying these people for a service. THEY work for us. If it weren't for our 'time consuming, inconveniences', where would they be? I apologize to the mods, if they consider this doctor bashing, I consider it truth telling and amongst those who understand is the place to do it.

 

 

Thanks CeCe, I agree with this totally.

 

 

I've been reading this thread with interest and I'm sending positive vibes your way, TR. No advice, just support.

I'm fascinated by the idea that some are able to get meds "on credit"! Here in the USA, prescriptions from Walgreens or CVS, they will not even allow you to fill a prescription written by your doctor even a day early. My doctor wrote me an extra Ativan prescription a couple of years ago so I'd have extra if I ever had to miss an appointment. They would NOT fill it. I had to throw it away. The pharmacists have more control than the docs themselves. That blew my mind that they would disregard my doctor's written instructions. If only they had disregarded his original prescription, I wouldn't be in this situation! Lol

 

 

Thanks solaceandpeace ! I could sure use some positive vibes and support right now ...   

 

The doctors sure as hell won't send them let alone give us support or even pray ...  lol I can't believe I just wrote this and this actually crossed my mind ... A doctor that would send you positive vibes, give you support and pray for you ...   

[[li...]]

I think a careful choice of words may be helpful here. "Non-combative" is definitely a way in which we want to approach our doctors. I didn't get the impression that TR was combative toward his doc. I think he tried to give a lot of information in a short period of time, felt pressured, and probably came across as confused which may have raised red flags in the doctor's mind. It's really a shell game talking to uneducated doctors who also frequently have enormous egos.

 

Having said that, I just want to mention that I personally refuse to treat doctors like grand poobahs of this issue. And some of them just can't get past that with their egos. Had a psych nurse who said she would help me through a taper, thought we'd made progress, brought her Ashton stuff and she said she'd read it, but because of her "superiors" and the BS system she's working in, she dropped me at the last minute and continued to insist that c/t rehab with other drugs "to make me feel comfortable" was "the safest way to do this". She dropped me because I confronted her on sending benzo folks to this. She also never answered my question about protracted w/d sx from c/t detox and seemed to forget that I told her repeatedly that I could not take time off, that I have to work. This hypocrite also spoke out of both sides of her mouth: threatening me that a long taper would cause brain damage and at another time saying that the brain heals from benzo use in spite of a "difficult" c/t period.

 

TR, sorry to hear you are suffering so much. Hope you pick one benzo and give yourself time to stabilize on that one if you can. And will be hoping that you can either reengage with your doctor with adequate time or be able to find another doc with whom you can work. Aloha, HM

 

Bingo! That's just it! The pressure felt can make a person feel very uneasy and confuse a person...we have to remember ( although difficult) WE are paying these people for a service. THEY work for us. If it weren't for our 'time consuming, inconveniences', where would they be? I apologize to the mods, if they consider this doctor bashing, I consider it truth telling and amongst those who understand is the place to do it.

 

Oh, it's not everywhere like that ...

In some places, it's all a government regulated scheme and the docs get their money regardless of what they do ... the GPs anyway. The GPs work for the government (or should I say insurance companies, which is pretty much the same thing), the specialists work for themselves are their collegues ...

 

In my experience, you need to talk to a doctor (especially a GP) as if he's a little child. Talk slowly, use simple words, be careful about his/her attention span, keep in mind that the things you tell them will be used to form a diagnosis. Forget about having a normal conversation ...

Assume he/she will make up his mind in the first minute ...

Well, that's in case the GP is a gatekeeper anyway ...

[[Ce...]]

^^I would think compassion, understanding and empathy would be a given in this field. Stupid me just assumed it was a part of their personality or something. I really get that there are good doctors out there, I just can't understand why they're so scarce around here. It's way too expensive, not to mention energy draining to go out and try new doctors all the time. Plus it feels 'shady' to do that. It makes me feel sneaky...even though I know in my heart that I'm just looking for a good fit between doctor and me. We have to click in order to make the relationship work. And for me to get better. False accusations and being judged as an addict...where does that ever get anyone??

 

[[To...]]

^^I would think compassion, understanding and empathy would be a given in this field. Stupid me just assumed it was a part of their personality or something. I really get that there are good doctors out there, I just can't understand why they're so scarce around here. It's way too expensive, not to mention energy draining to go out and try new doctors all the time. Plus it feels 'shady' to do that. It makes me feel sneaky...even though I know in my heart that I'm just looking for a good fit between doctor and me. We have to click in order to make the relationship work. And for me too get better. False accusations and being judged as an addict...where does that ever get anyone??

 

:thumbsup:

[[so...]]

So true S&P^ I often wonder what gives the pharmacist the right to dictate to me about how, when and what I can or cannot have. Sometimes it's insurance issues, but other times I was told....'we can't fill until 1 day early due to'... and get this....'store courtesy' . If that isn't messed up!! I dealt with the same ones you mentioned both of them do this, so I'm assuming they all do. Except for some....after reading this thread I really wonder, why are they so strict where I am??

 

I wonder if those who get around it are going to smaller pharmacies that are less regulated than the corporate ones we go to. That's the only thing I can think of. I think it's just completely insane for a pharmacist to disregard a doctor's written order.

 

Thanks solaceandpeace ! I could sure use some positive vibes and support right now ...   

 

The doctors sure as hell won't send them let alone give us support or even pray ...  lol I can't believe I just wrote this and this actually crossed my mind ... A doctor that would send you positive vibes, give you support and pray for you ...   

 

When all is said and done and you don't need benzo prescriptions written anymore, it might be wise to try some different docs until you find one who actually is compassionate. I've got one who was pretty stern on the taper timeline but he is very supportive and caring in general, which is frankly a brand new concept to me. I had a lot of bad doctors prior to this. I actually switched to a different health system (we have two main ones here, Henry Ford and Beaumont) and the difference was massive. Even at the hospital, they were so nice! I actually felt safe. And I've been terrified of all doctors for years.

 

I can't wait to be off all the regulated stuff so I don't have to freak out about refills and whatnot. It's going to be a lot less anxiety, ironically! 

[[To...]]

Still a little bit hard to stomach all of this. It's been a week now. I'm currently taking 3 different benzo's a day and people in here say I should stabilize on one. But there's only one I can use during the day that won't make me feel tired. So I need to take another one for sleep. And I'm taking some Valium too that will soon run out because I'm in such a bad condition mentally I just can't stand it anymore, so I take 5 mg during the day. You could call this a taper plan from hell.   

 

Yesterday I even took some Zolpidem instead of the Ativan (Lorazepam) for sleep and it got me all amped up and anxious today. This is getting crazy. I've been thinking hard to go back on Valium regardless of how it makes me feel and taper down but if I would make another appointment with the doctor now she might think either I'm a drug seeker again or I'm losing it completely. I am feeling very confused to tell you all the truth. Feels like this whole thing is taking and getting the best of me and I can't think of anything else but withdrawal anymore 24/7 day and night. Even if I try to watch a movie it's all about withdrawal and how I'm supposed to get off if ever. I don't know how much of this insanity I can take anymore.

 

Even if she would be willing to prescribe me Valium she would just tell me to start at half of my dosage and make a 50% cut and start my taper off from there. I just can't do that at this point. I'm facing the biggest dilemma of my life here. I want to taper but at this point I'm so confused and I just want to hold until things get better. This is sheer hell. On top of it all there's the uncertainty about the freaking prescriptions that bothers me the most. I mean I know 2 doctors and none of these 2 will prescribe me half enough of what I would need to do a sensible taper. I'm betting my house on it my current doctor would send me home with a prescription for a 25 5 mg pills of Diazepam again. How am I supposed to do a slow steady and sensible taper with that ?? I'm on my wits end here. I don't know how much of this bull shit I can take anymore. Feels like I'm losing my mind over not making up a decision about my taper and thinking how to get Valium. This is utter madness ...

[[so...]]

Any chance your doc would take a look at the Ashton schedule for Valium and prescribe according to that? You could take all your other benzos to the doc and give them back to them for disposal as a gesture of your willpower and intent to quit. Valium did make me sleepy in the beginning but once I started cutting, that went away. You can avoid that entirely by taking your full dose at night.