Best of Both Worlds. Anyone tackling opiates as well?

[[si...]]

Yeah, opiates are my drug of choice, the last three or four years I took them I was crushing the tabs and injecting them to get a better rush. There was no way I could take them sparingly.

I still have dreams about how good it felt.

My down hill spiral was very steady and focused headed to the bottom.

Getting well every day was my only goal and nothing else mattered just getting the drugs in me to feel better.

[[Sh...]]

Being off the benzos is the biggy and you should be healed up completely from those pretty soon.  I'll never take another one again either.  They're just too dangerous and not worth the risk.  Opiates are a tough addiction.  I tried pretty much every drug under the sun and never had a problem with any of them, but then came opiates.  Like most people I started out popping pills and liked the feeling, but always wanted something stronger.  When I found heroin and the injecting process it was over.  So you just take opiates here and there?  I'll admit it's going to be tough for me when I get off of Suboxone not to relapse because it takes away cravings and blocks other opiates.  You can also take them a month or two after detoxing and it won't send you back to square one like benzos do.  And when you don't have a tolerance it's hard not to relapse because you get high so easily and don't have to worry about withdrawals, as long as you don't do them too often.  For the first 3 years I did heroin once a week at the very most and I can't lie, it was fun.  So I don't know what it takes to stay away from them.  When you have to for whatever reason it gives you some motivation, but when you take them sparingly they really do their job well.  That's how they were meant to be taken too.  Maybe it's not a super bad thing if you take them for pain once in a while.  You have to know when things start to get out of hand and you have to cool it though.

 

Shit man that's full on. You're doing well to hang in there. I don't even take opiates for pain anymore. It's more just the make me feel better to escape the constant shitness of benzo recovery. But for some reason now, when I take oxy I seem to go into tolerance straight away and get withdrawal from them. For example I just went 6 weeks with no oxy, and then took it twice last wk and now I've been slammed with oxy WD. It's bloody confusing.

[[bu...]]

My cousin started out on lortabs in 2008. My grandfather had heart surgery. I remember him taking a few of them then the bottle dissapeared with like 100 pills. Now he's on heroin. In 2008 he played for the university of maine as the starting qb. Now he's homeless. Its crazy. I know why he's doing it too. He lives for the rush. The rush of getting it and the rush of doing it. The process.. That's how i remember my addiction.. The process of getting drugs was exciting. I digress alot

 

It's crazy how quickly it escalates and takes you to places you never thought you'd be.  I hate to sound cavalier but I actually did a pretty good job moderating my usage for the first few years because I had a job and a lot to lose.  Once that was gone then the addiction got completely out of control.  I always had a prescription for Suboxone so I didn't have to have dope, and that's good because if you rely on heroin to stay well everyday it's a full time job and it costs a ton.  The whole process is an addiction.  The worst for me would be payday.  I'd get the paycheck.  Fight with myself whether to get high or not then finally give in.  Call the dude, go wait and finally get it.  Then try not to speed home because I'd be so damn excited.  And then the whole process of cooking up a shot can be highly addicting.  The rush can be pretty intense, but to be honest it's a little overwhelming for me.  It's cool to feel your body slow down get that wave that starts from your head and goes down to your legs, but you also get this pins and needles feeling that's kind of uncomfortable.  I feel so lucky to have moved on because a lot of people get really stuck.  I know a dude in his 60's still doing dope.  That's a bummer about your cousin.  Hopefully he'll get it together at some point.

[[Sh...]]

Yeah, opiates are my drug of choice, the last three or four years I took them I was crushing the tabs and injecting them to get a better rush. There was no way I could take them sparingly.

I still have dreams about how good it felt.

My down hill spiral was very steady and focused headed to the bottom.

Getting well every day was my only goal and nothing else mattered just getting the drugs in me to feel better.

 

As in you were taking opiates to feel better from benzo WD? Or did I miss read that?

[[bu...]]

Yeah, opiates are my drug of choice, the last three or four years I took them I was crushing the tabs and injecting them to get a better rush. There was no way I could take them sparingly.

I still have dreams about how good it felt.

My down hill spiral was very steady and focused headed to the bottom.

Getting well every day was my only goal and nothing else mattered just getting the drugs in me to feel better.

 

It's a struggle with opiates.  People always ask me if heroin really feels that good, and I tell them that nobody would do a drug that dangerous if it didn't feel awesome.  A lot of times I think once I get off of Suboxone I'll be able to moderate my usage and it won't be a big deal.  That's probably how every huge relapse starts though.  The bummer is I did have a good 3 year period where I regulated my usage pretty well so I always think I could just go back to how things were then.  Unfortunately with addiction I don't think that's the case.  You pick up where you left off.

[[bu...]]

Shit man that's full on. You're doing well to hang in there. I don't even take opiates for pain anymore. It's more just the make me feel better to escape the constant shitness of benzo recovery. But for some reason now, when I take oxy I seem to go into tolerance straight away and get withdrawal from them. For example I just went 6 weeks with no oxy, and then took it twice last wk and now I've been slammed with oxy WD. It's bloody confusing.

 

I think that kindling happens with opiates too.  Not to the degree of benzos but it does because I've known people that have kicked in jail countless times and they say it gets harder each time.

[[si...]]

No never took them to feel better from benzo wd, however I was in tolerance wd from the benzos and didn't know why the opiates weren't working anymore.

[[Sh...]]

Shit man that's full on. You're doing well to hang in there. I don't even take opiates for pain anymore. It's more just the make me feel better to escape the constant shitness of benzo recovery. But for some reason now, when I take oxy I seem to go into tolerance straight away and get withdrawal from them. For example I just went 6 weeks with no oxy, and then took it twice last wk and now I've been slammed with oxy WD. It's bloody confusing.

 

I think that kindling happens with opiates too.  Not to the degree of benzos but it does because I've known people that have kicked in jail countless times and they say it gets harder each time.

 

That might be what's happening. Although I don't feel as bad this time round. My problem is that once I get to about a month off I just forget the feeling of WD and taking pills becomes an option to me again.

[[of...]]

I still have dreams about buying subs and oxy 3 years later. I try to bury that as much as possible but its always there.. . That feeling that your in control and that all you have to do is pick up the phone and send a text.. Its crazy.. I was able to manage my addiction for 7 years. Then i started xanax and the sky fell on me . I thought i was sick from the suboxone so i quit. Now it turns out it was from the xanax.

 

Ill always be an addict. There will always be a part of me that wants to get high. Once you feel that you never forget it. I was the Lot manager of a car dealership at age 22 and had so much money. Blew so many thousands of dollars. Its crazy to reflect on that.. Honestly i had alot of fun. And now i'm paying for it i guess. Everything has a price

[[si...]]

Everything does come at a price and this has come at a very high price.

I also thought it was the opiates that were making me sick and quit them cold turkey 3.5 years ago.

Then the real problem reared it's ugly head. I was in tolerance from Klonopin.

Ironically I was given Klonopin years earlier to help with wd from Methadone.

If I only would have stuck out the wd from methadone and not gone on Klonopin, I would not be in this shape today.

I never craved Klonopin or tried to get high from it. It was just there to help me through the wd.

The doctor told me to keep taking the Klonopin and I kept getting sicker and sicker and went back on opiates. That was 14 years ago. He told me there was no way I could be addicted to Klonopin.

The only thing I crave now is my life back and have a calm day.

[[bu...]]

That might be what's happening. Although I don't feel as bad this time round. My problem is that once I get to about a month off I just forget the feeling of WD and taking pills becomes an option to me again.

 

That's how the monkey works!  I can't tell you how many people I know who have gone to jail and kicked heroin or other opiates cold turkey, and then they're out doing it all over again within a few weeks.  Your mind always thinks that you can regulate how much you use, which I think is addiction's greatest trick.  When I was chipping my golden rule was to never use more than twice a week.  If I could stick to that then things were usually alright, but that's IF I stuck to it! 

[[bu...]]

Everything does come at a price and this has come at a very high price.

I also thought it was the opiates that were making me sick and quit them cold turkey 3.5 years ago.

Then the real problem reared it's ugly head. I was in tolerance from Klonopin.

Ironically I was given Klonopin years earlier to help with wd from Methadone.

If I only would have stuck out the wd from methadone and not gone on Klonopin, I would not be in this shape today.

I never craved Klonopin or tried to get high from it. It was just there to help me through the wd.

The doctor told me to keep taking the Klonopin and I kept getting sicker and sicker and went back on opiates. That was 14 years ago. He told me there was no way I could be addicted to Klonopin.

The only thing I crave now is my life back and have a calm day.

 

The fact that a doctor actually told you that Klonopin isn't addictive shows how clueless the medical community is about benzos.  Methadone withdrawal is brutal in itself, so that's really a bummer you got a hooked on benzos right after.  I always tell people I'd give anything to have a normal day and to wake up feeling good in the morning.  It's not much to ask but something most people take for granted.  You'll get there soon enough.  I will too or die trying.

[[of...]]

Can you believe this shit...! Look up Contrave.. They've re-branded suboxone for weight loss.. They call it contrave.. Our world is Fucked

[[bu...]]

Can you believe this shit...! Look up Contrave.. They've re-branded suboxone for weight loss.. They call it contrave.. Our world is Fucked

 

Suboxone for weight loss?!    Since I've been on it I can shed a freaking pound.  Recently I got some bloodwork done and my testosterone level was 170, when the normal range is 300-1500.  When your levels are low it makes it really tough to lose weight.  Plus you can't work out since you feel so wiped out all the time.  I guess the only way you could lose weight on it is if you built a tolerance, went through withdrawals and didn't eat for a week or two.

[[of...]]

Lmao. The same thing happened when i was on it years ago. Free test was non existent. Now its 750.

 

How can they prescribe naloxone/bupe for weight loss? I guess if Im ever worried about using ill just tell my doc i need to lose some weight

[[bu...]]

Lmao. The same thing happened when i was on it years ago. Free test was non existent. Now its 750.

 

How can they prescribe naloxone/bupe for weight loss? I guess if Im ever worried about using ill just tell my doc i need to lose some weight

 

I forget, were you on Suboxone or some other opiate?  It sucks being 36 and feeling like a shot 90 yr old.  From what I've seen the drug is actually Bupropion (Wellbutrin) and Naltrexone.  That's still pretty weird to prescribe a psychotropic drug for weight loss, and why Naltrexone?  I would definitely do exercise and diet and go nowhere near that crap.

[[of...]]

Good call.. All i seen was bup and naltroxone..

 

Yeah.. I was on oxy around 4 - 80's a day for a year, combined with lortabs vike pretty much anything. Eventually went on sub, worked my way up to 24 mg then crashed. It stopped working.. Took 18 months to wean off and the last dose was december of '13. Its incredible how much time has passed since then.. I kindof just realized how long its been. Xanax taper ended march 26 of '14

[[Sh...]]

On the topic of naltrox....I was taking oxy mixed with it for a while. When I hit tolerance I decided to crush one up and snort it. I got sent straight to hell for 2 hours. I went into severe opiate withdrawal because of it. It was one of the worst experiences of my life. I went ice cold.

[[si...]]

A few years ago when I was on oxy, my testosterone was 85 and my free was 1.

I haven't had it checked lately.

I can't bring myself to go back to the doctor, after going through all of this.

I always had very good levels, so I hope it went back up.

[[bu...]]

Good call.. All i seen was bup and naltroxone..

 

Yeah.. I was on oxy around 4 - 80's a day for a year, combined with lortabs vike pretty much anything. Eventually went on sub, worked my way up to 24 mg then crashed. It stopped working.. Took 18 months to wean off and the last dose was december of '13. Its incredible how much time has passed since then.. I kindof just realized how long its been. Xanax taper ended march 26 of '14

 

It's insane how many off label things drugs are prescribed for.  Wellbutrin is a psychotropic and shouldn't be given to just anybody who's trying to lose weight.  How was it coming off of the Sub?  Some people say it's a nightmare, and others say it's a breeze.  I recently just dropped from 16 to 12mg.  So far it hasn't been too bad, but it's only been about 3 days. 

[[bu...]]

On the topic of naltrox....I was taking oxy mixed with it for a while. When I hit tolerance I decided to crush one up and snort it. I got sent straight to hell for 2 hours. I went into severe opiate withdrawal because of it. It was one of the worst experiences of my life. I went ice cold.

 

That sounds like a freaking nightmare!  What possessed you to take it while on Oxy?  Not sure if I mentioned it or not but when I went into rehab the doctor gave put me on Rivia, which is Naltrexone and some other drug.  I was off all opiates at the time, but it gave me insane anxiety because I guess it can block some of your own natural opiate like brain chemicals.  When I told the doctor I was having horrid anxiety he told me that could be one of the side effects and that I should try a lower dose.  I said no thanks, but thanks for not telling me that before I took the crap.

[[bu...]]

A few years ago when I was on oxy, my testosterone was 85 and my free was 1.

I haven't had it checked lately.

I can't bring myself to go back to the doctor, after going through all of this.

I always had very good levels, so I hope it went back up.

 

Damn, that's super low.  Mine is pretty low for a guy in his 30's, and I can't wait for it to be back to normal.  It's not just the sex drive but also energy, motivation, the ability to lose weight.

[[si...]]

I think low test may be the cause of some of my fatigue and depression, but I am afraid to take any hormone replacement in fear that it might make things worse. I just don't trust taking anything right now. I have too many other symptoms I would like to get better before I start taking any test.

[[bu...]]

I think low test may be the cause of some of my fatigue and depression, but I am afraid to take any hormone replacement in fear that it might make things worse. I just don't trust taking anything right now. I have too many other symptoms I would like to get better before I start taking any test.

 

Lately I've been getting testosterone shots every couple weeks and there haven't been any real side effects, and they make they me feel better.