The Easier Taper Support Group

[Guest [NM...]]

Thanks, Gwinna. I've always been sensitive to winter darkness. My doctor likes me to hold in the winter because of this. Funny, I actually like colder weather, but when the skies are gray for weeks on end, my energy just fades away.

 

How are you doing these days? Love to hear from those who walked off.

Gardie

 

I'm doing okay, but still very easily overwhelmed. Trying not to be too hard on myself and to stay patient. I can tell that I am healing, just struggling to re-integrate and stay positive. Love this thread for hope and encouragement.

 

Gwinna

Gwinna BLESS YOUR HEART!! I’m so happy for you and proud of you. You’re going to be fine. 😊

[Guest [NM...]]

Thanks to everyone!! I’m happy to say that I am trying to wake up from a deep sleep! I cried and smiled throughout this thread. My heart goes out to all. My mind isn’t working well ATM...I’m just reeling at what everyone has gone through. ♥️ Will have my one cup of coffee I can handle each day and carry on. Thank all who welcomed me. I feel a bond with you already. MUAH 💋 lol to all!!!

[[Gw...]]

Thanks to everyone!! I’m happy to say that I am trying to wake up from a deep sleep! I cried and smiled throughout this thread. My heart goes out to all. My mind isn’t working well ATM...I’m just reeling at what everyone has gone through. ♥️ Will have my one cup of coffee I can handle each day and carry on. Thank all who welcomed me. I feel a bond with you already. MUAH 💋 lol to all!!!

 

I clung to that one cup of coffee throughout all this, too! Now I'm to the point where I can sometimes have a little bit more. It isn't great for me, but the comfort of something 'normal' is worth it for me.

 

Gwinna

[[be...]]

Thanks to everyone!! I’m happy to say that I am trying to wake up from a deep sleep! I cried and smiled throughout this thread. My heart goes out to all. My mind isn’t working well ATM...I’m just reeling at what everyone has gone through. ♥️ Will have my one cup of coffee I can handle each day and carry on. Thank all who welcomed me. I feel a bond with you already. MUAH 💋 lol to all!!!

I am glad you found us, there are no accidents.

[Guest [NM...]]

Thanks to everyone!! I’m happy to say that I am trying to wake up from a deep sleep! I cried and smiled throughout this thread. My heart goes out to all. My mind isn’t working well ATM...I’m just reeling at what everyone has gone through. ♥️ Will have my one cup of coffee I can handle each day and carry on. Thank all who welcomed me. I feel a bond with you already. MUAH 💋 lol to all!!!

I am glad you found us, there are no accidents.

 

Yes. “There are no accidents.” 😊😊😊 Agree.

[[be...]]

Thanks, begood and Cant, for the reassurance.  I'm feeling a little bit better today - up and helping the husband with housework. Thanks for hanging in there with me through these ridiculous mood swings! I really am improving, and sooner or later I will figure out how to go easier on myself. Just kinda down lately. 

 

Hi NM, and welcome!  I'm glad to read that your taper has gone pretty smoothly and that your symptoms are minimal/manageable. You've got this!

 

Gwinna

We are in uncharted waters...and we are paving the way forward, the best we can each day. I think that your Brain is working on the areas you are having issues with...if you can think of your Brain healing those feeling centers that need tweaked...I have a loving relationship with My Brain, I talk to it all the time...and give it extra TLC...no I do not need a bed in a Mental Hospital lol...it has just been a way of coping. 💖 Peace and Healing.  

[Guest [NM...]]

 

I clung to that one cup of coffee throughout all this, too! Now I'm to the point where I can sometimes have a little bit more. It isn't great for me, but the comfort of something 'normal' is worth it for me.

 

Gwinna

 

I went caffeine free for the first part of this year. I was a caffeine freak. I also quit smoking-2 packs a day 5?weeks ago today. Besides some lingering psychological withdrawal stuff from the smoking, I feel soooo much better. My palpitations and rapid heart rate are gone. Before I quit, I also finally began walking. That’s been huge for me, the exercise. So good mentally and physically. My resting heart rate is way down to 69-75. I’m 57 years old by the way. So very thankful that I’m getting the chance to sort of start over after being on psychiatric drugs since I was 35 years old. Sigh. Lol I’m all over the place this morning! Still enjoying my cuppa! Trying to sort through and remember your stories. Begood and cantfly, I’ve read some of your blogs as well. I’m so emotional! 😭 We really are trailblazers in benzo withdrawals and it can be the loneliest experience! I’m feeling ALL THE FEELS!!! ❣️

[[be...]]

 

I clung to that one cup of coffee throughout all this, too! Now I'm to the point where I can sometimes have a little bit more. It isn't great for me, but the comfort of something 'normal' is worth it for me.

 

Gwinna

 

I went caffeine free for the first part of this year. I was a caffeine freak. I also quit smoking-2 packs a day 5?weeks ago today. Besides some lingering psychological withdrawal stuff from the smoking, I feel soooo much better. My palpitations and rapid heart rate are gone. Before I quit, I also finally began walking. That’s been huge for me, the exercise. So good mentally and physically. My resting heart rate is way down to 69-75. I’m 57 years old by the way. So very thankful that I’m getting the chance to sort of start over after being on psychiatric drugs since I was 35 years old. Sigh. Lol I’m all over the place this morning! Still enjoying my cuppa! Trying to sort through and remember your stories. Begood and cantfly, I’ve read some of your blogs as well. I’m so emotional! 😭 We really are trailblazers in benzo withdrawals and it can be the loneliest experience! I’m feeling ALL THE FEELS!!! ❣️

Feelings are good...just go with the flow... and getting involved is the best medicine...and you made the steps, it is easier with buddies near..

[Guest [NM...]]

Feelings are good. In addition to the regular withdrawal stuff, this past year has been a time of processing a lot of trauma too, both recent and from childhood on. I know that many people have been reliving sexual trauma after this whole Brett K debacle. Not trying to be politically charged here, but it’s true. It’s been difficult.

[[Gw...]]

NM, congratulations on quitting smoking!  WOW! That is a HUGE accomplishment! And you are so brave to work through trauma, it does seem to all go hand in hand, doesn't it? For as difficult as this whole experience can be, there's a ton of opportunities for personal growth.

 

Begood, you're so right about respecting our brains. I read a lot in the post-withdrawal part of the forum about "re-integration" as Cant puts it. It's a different type of struggle than acute withdrawal, because it's less about managing symptoms (which continue to improve, though mornings are still tough) and more about pushing myself to do more as I feel better (without overdoing it and getting discouraged). Pretty sure my windows and waves are happening in weeks/months instead of days/weeks now too, which is indicative of healing but makes it harder to appreciate in the moment. I just keep telling myself (and getting other Buddies to remind me) that it's all normal and will continue to get better.

 

I was on Valium for so long that in many ways I'm learning to deal with normal life stress for the first time now that I'm benzo-free. Everything was so blunted before...I read through some of my previous posts in this thread when I was feeling more hopeful and it was a helpful reminder to get back into some of my routines like journal writing, and maybe finally start yoga or meditation or something. I was doing better when I was more proactive, and that'll be my ticket to getting out of this current rut. Why wait to discover my new normal when I can be taking steps to sculpt it?

 

I really hope I'm not bringing the mood down here or frightening those who are still tapering. I just keep coming back to this thread because it makes me feel so much better!

 

Gwinna

[[be...]]

Feelings are good. In addition to the regular withdrawal stuff, this past year has been a time of processing a lot of trauma too, both recent and from childhood on. I know that many people have been reliving sexual trauma after this whole Brett K debacle. Not trying to be politically charged here, but it’s true. It’s been difficult.

I think we need to talk about things that bother us. I have a plog that I love here at BB, and it allows me to write down my thoughts and boy have I been writing for years now. Just a thought...you might like to do sometime.

[[be...]]

NM, congratulations on quitting smoking!  WOW! That is a HUGE accomplishment! And you are so brave to work through trauma, it does seem to all go hand in hand, doesn't it? For as difficult as this whole experience can be, there's a ton of opportunities for personal growth.

 

Begood, you're so right about respecting our brains. I read a lot in the post-withdrawal part of the forum about "re-integration" as Cant puts it. It's a different type of struggle than acute withdrawal, because it's less about managing symptoms (which continue to improve, though mornings are still tough) and more about pushing myself to do more as I feel better (without overdoing it and getting discouraged). Pretty sure my windows and waves are happening in weeks/months instead of days/weeks now too, which is indicative of healing but makes it harder to appreciate in the moment. I just keep telling myself (and getting other Buddies to remind me) that it's all normal and will continue to get better.

 

I was on Valium for so long that in many ways I'm learning to deal with normal life stress for the first time now that I'm benzo-free. Everything was so blunted before...I read through some of my previous posts in this thread when I was feeling more hopeful and it was a helpful reminder to get back into some of my routines like journal writing, and maybe finally start yoga or meditation or something. I was doing better when I was more proactive, and that'll be my ticket to getting out of this current rut. Why wait to discover my new normal when I can be taking steps to sculpt it?

 

I really hope I'm not bringing the mood down here or frightening those who are still tapering. I just keep coming back to this thread because it makes me feel so much better!

 

Gwinna

You are not bringing anyone down...you are being authentic and we need to learn from each other what could and does happen post walk off, Cant also has helped with this...really it is the only way we will know. Yes we will have to relearn some things, and I think some of the feelings is also the leftover Valium...in the body...that is pushing out, time and patience is the same now as when tapering. Don't worry, we look up to you and the others that have walked off.

[Guest [NM...]]

NM, congratulations on quitting smoking!  WOW! That is a HUGE accomplishment! And you are so brave to work through trauma, it does seem to all go hand in hand, doesn't it? For as difficult as this whole experience can be, there's a ton of opportunities for personal growth.

 

Begood, you're so right about respecting our brains. I read a lot in the post-withdrawal part of the forum about "re-integration" as Cant puts it. It's a different type of struggle than acute withdrawal, because it's less about managing symptoms (which continue to improve, though mornings are still tough) and more about pushing myself to do more as I feel better (without overdoing it and getting discouraged). Pretty sure my windows and waves are happening in weeks/months instead of days/weeks now too, which is indicative of healing but makes it harder to appreciate in the moment. I just keep telling myself (and getting other Buddies to remind me) that it's all normal and will continue to get better.

 

I was on Valium for so long that in many ways I'm learning to deal with normal life stress for the first time now that I'm benzo-free. Everything was so blunted before...I read through some of my previous posts in this thread when I was feeling more hopeful and it was a helpful reminder to get back into some of my routines like journal writing, and maybe finally start yoga or meditation or something. I was doing better when I was more proactive, and that'll be my ticket to getting out of this current rut. Why wait to discover my new normal when I can be taking steps to sculpt it?

 

I really hope I'm not bringing the mood down here or frightening those who are still tapering. I just keep coming back to this thread because it makes me feel so much better!

 

Gwinna

 

Yes & yes! But no on “bringing the mood down.”  I think many of us are now processing in a way we couldn’t or didn’t before. I never realized how much my mind and emotions were dampened by benzos and other psychiatric drugs that I couldn’t properly deal with old or newer trauma. For myself it has been a time of reflection and reintegration. In many aspects, my emotions were held hostage chemically for too many years. While it has been painful, it’s a necessity. Considering this time as an opportunity to deal with past experiences anew has been paramount. I just had no idea how basically INTOXICATED and mentally checked out and disconnected I’d been until I began to awaken. It’s a daunting task. All of this. 😊 But so worth any pain involved in this entire process. Here’s to being engaged in life again. Being present. Honoring my feelings. Being kind to myself. Being both horribly afraid and UNAFRAID. Honoring and connecting with others during lonely times, and this withdrawal process can be a really lonely place at times. It’s been a great opportunity to forge on with so many better coping skills.

[[Pe...]]

 

Morning, hope you had a good sleep, or a better sleep. 💖 Peace and Healing

 

Hi begood, sleep is about the same but it is sleep 

Wishing you a peaceful day 

You have a good attitude..that is so important. Accepting is one of the hardest things to do, but it is what will lessen many things for us.

 

BG I'm so grateful for your kindness.    Acceptance has been difficult for me but I'm finding that, somehow, it becomes simpler through this process. 

There's been such a ramp up to the tapering process altogether, on the heels of my son (our only child) leaving home for the Army, that I am just catching up to how I feel and being here on BB etc.  I'm no longer in complete overwhelm but life has been overwhelming this last year. I have been dumped on the sand by a massive wave full of jellyfish and find myself not only on an unfamiliar beach but also suddenly in caring company (to the left of the off limits beach bar and cabana).    I admit I sometimes don't know what to say here - I get to know people slowly although my desire is to dive in  Please forgive me if I sometimes seem halting in my text while I'm getting to know everyone and their experiences -- I care about the people on this thread and certainly the people who are having an extreme experience across the forum. 

 

I wanted to mention my animal totem is turtle    we carry our home on our back, thus everywhere is home.  I do occasionally shell up though, lol.  Probably a leftover from 9-11 and then 17 years of lorazepam. 

And in fact it is time for me to go measure out my p.m. dose, which frankly I'd love to go without.  I've had a really nice day today so far, and I hope everyone is feeling well and at ease. 💕💕  -PH

[[be...]]

 

Morning, hope you had a good sleep, or a better sleep. 💖 Peace and Healing

 

Hi begood, sleep is about the same but it is sleep 

Wishing you a peaceful day 

You have a good attitude..that is so important. Accepting is one of the hardest things to do, but it is what will lessen many things for us.

 

BG I'm so grateful for your kindness.    Acceptance has been difficult for me but I'm finding that, somehow, it becomes simpler through this process. 

There's been such a ramp up to the tapering process altogether, on the heels of my son (our only child) leaving home for the Army, that I am just catching up to how I feel and being here on BB etc.  I'm no longer in complete overwhelm but life has been overwhelming this last year. I have been dumped on the sand by a massive wave full of jellyfish and find myself not only on an unfamiliar beach but also suddenly in caring company (to the left of the off limits beach bar and cabana).    I admit I sometimes don't know what to say here - I get to know people slowly although my desire is to dive in  Please forgive me if I sometimes seem halting in my text while I'm getting to know everyone and their experiences -- I care about the people on this thread and certainly the people who are having an extreme experience across the forum. 

 

I wanted to mention my animal totem is turtle    we carry our home on our back, thus everywhere is home.  I do occasionally shell up though, lol.  Probably a leftover from 9-11 and then 17 years of lorazepam. 

And in fact it is time for me to go measure out my p.m. dose, which frankly I'd love to go without.  I've had a really nice day today so far, and I hope everyone is feeling well and at ease. 💕💕  -PH

No worries about what to say, just post as you can and what you feel. Most of us have life things we are dealing with...sometimes it all is so overwhelming...and then add in benzo tapering...but we are learning as we go. Stay strong. I love you know about the Animal Totem...a Friend Cando...taught us about it, and it is comforting. 💖 Peace and Healing.

[[ga...]]

I always feel awkward online, Peace. Guess it's cuz I didn't grow up with computers. Throw in benzo fog and it can take me a long time to post a simple paragraph. But it's OK. We're all in this together, right?

Gardie

[[be...]]

I always feel awkward online, Peace. Guess it's cuz I didn't grow up with computers. Throw in benzo fog and it can take me a long time to post a simple paragraph. But it's OK. We're all in this together, right?

Gardie

[[Ca...]]

Hi Cant. Good to see you dropping in. Our mighty turtle!

 

Good morning USA. As for the rest of the world....good whatevertimeitis.

 

I was naughty last night and stayed up late eating peanut butter cookies. I made them for my son. I should have given all of them to him! Next time I will. He's the one who's underweight, not me!

 

I will stick to cyber-cookies from now on. In fact, cyber-cookies for everybody!

 

NOOOO..!!

Dont eat the babies..!!

 

Hi Gard, BG... Everyone...

Just read some fantastic posts here... I think from each of you...

-Some I needed to hear today too.. 

Gwinna, Im still all over the place at times too, a few things in play here.. -Your doing well..

 

Im doing a lot of reading, -and as another buddy describes so well, I read, and react inside, but replies just dont want to come out in words...

 

My head just starts swiming in a fog... I feel very "hungover", and am resting lots... I fought it for a while, but I am accepting the healing time more now... which means lots of little naps..

There is a lot going on in my brain right now, I can feel it, and 90% of the time it is encouraging to know things are getting sorted out.. Sometimes the doubt creeps in... -as it can...

 

Having such a great group of Buddies walking beside us and sharing the load makes all the difference...!!

 

Best wishes to everyone...

 

 

[[Pe...]]

 

No worries about what to say, just post as you can and what you feel. Most of us have life things we are dealing with...sometimes it all is so overwhelming...and then add in benzo tapering...but we are learning as we go. Stay strong. I love you know about the Animal Totem...a Friend Cando...taught us about it, and it is comforting. 💖 Peace and Healing.

 

BG, this is such a wonderful group of buddies - I'm very happy to have found all of you. I believe it was Cant who called it a little island of love ❤️❤️  ...so true!

 

Gardener, (may I call you Gardie?)  I grew up typing forms in triplicate, lol.  So comp use + occasional fog and being somewhat technologically challenged to begin with is something I get.    I am currently figuring out how to BOLD something.   You are correct, we are all in this together!    I feel so fortunate 🌻 to be here with all of you.

 

NM, a belated but heartfelt CONGRATULATIONS on quitting smoking! as a smoker myself I know how mighty an accomplishment this is! 

 

Gwinna, you're not bringing anyone down.  I'm with you on learning for the first time to handle life stress, and the blunting.  You said, "Why wait to discover my new normal when I can be taking steps to sculpt it? "    I was so happy you said this, it inspired  me immensely and helped me remember a part of myself that is still there, but has only gone underground a little bit and temporarily. 

 

Cant, I'm glad you're taking the time to get the extra rest you need.  I hope today is a good one for you 🌷🌷🐢🐢

 

 

Good morning, everyone! 

[[be...]]

Hi Cant. Good to see you dropping in. Our mighty turtle!

 

Good morning USA. As for the rest of the world....good whatevertimeitis.

 

I was naughty last night and stayed up late eating peanut butter cookies. I made them for my son. I should have given all of them to him! Next time I will. He's the one who's underweight, not me!

 

I will stick to cyber-cookies from now on. In fact, cyber-cookies for everybody!

 

NOOOO..!!

Dont eat the babies..!!

 

Hi Gard, BG... Everyone...

Just read some fantastic posts here... I think from each of you...

-Some I needed to hear today too.. 

Gwinna, Im still all over the place at times too, a few things in play here.. -Your doing well..

 

Im doing a lot of reading, -and as another buddy describes so well, I read, and react inside, but replies just dont want to come out in words...

 

My head just starts swiming in a fog... I feel very "hungover", and am resting lots... I fought it for a while, but I am accepting the healing time more now... which means lots of little naps..

There is a lot going on in my brain right now, I can feel it, and 90% of the time it is encouraging to know things are getting sorted out.. Sometimes the doubt creeps in... -as it can...

 

Having such a great group of Buddies walking beside us and sharing the load makes all the difference...!!

 

Best wishes to everyone...

Too late...blame Gardie for the wonderful cookies. You said it all..."Accepting" it is when we fight...it gets out of control. I am betting on you to get through this and one day be happy in your New Life going forward. 💖 Peace and Healing.

[[be...]]

 

No worries about what to say, just post as you can and what you feel. Most of us have life things we are dealing with...sometimes it all is so overwhelming...and then add in benzo tapering...but we are learning as we go. Stay strong. I love you know about the Animal Totem...a Friend Cando...taught us about it, and it is comforting. 💖 Peace and Healing.

 

BG, this is such a wonderful group of buddies - I'm very happy to have found all of you. I believe it was Cant who called it a little island of love ❤️❤️  ...so true!

 

Gardener, (may I call you Gardie?)  I grew up typing forms in triplicate, lol.  So comp use + occasional fog and being somewhat technologically challenged to begin with is something I get.    I am currently figuring out how to BOLD something.   You are correct, we are all in this together!    I feel so fortunate 🌻 to be here with all of you.

 

NM, a belated but heartfelt CONGRATULATIONS on quitting smoking! as a smoker myself I know how mighty an accomplishment this is! 

 

Gwinna, you're not bringing anyone down.  I'm with you on learning for the first time to handle life stress, and the blunting.  You said, "Why wait to discover my new normal when I can be taking steps to sculpt it? "    I was so happy you said this, it inspired  me immensely and helped me remember a part of myself that is still there, but has only gone underground a little bit and temporarily. 

 

Cant, I'm glad you're taking the time to get the extra rest you need.  I hope today is a good one for you 🌷🌷🐢🐢

 

 

Good morning, everyone! 

Yes it is a great group, and I foresee more coming, glad that you found a place here to give you Hope and Support. It made my Heart swell about the Cookie.., your Hubby gave to you, such a simple loving gesture. 💖 Peace and Healing.

[[Pe...]]

Begood, that's so sweet you saw my cookie post 🍪

I truly believe it is the simplest things that make the world go around.  Pockets of Good everywhere

I slipped in the street once and hit the ground hard - started crying immediately. In front of my nose a hand appeared - someone who saw me go down and responded. 

I remember this fondly 

[Guest [NM...]]

♥️

[[be...]]

Begood, that's so sweet you saw my cookie post 🍪

I truly believe it is the simplest things that make the world go around.  Pockets of Good everywhere

I slipped in the street once and hit the ground hard - started crying immediately. In front of my nose a hand appeared - someone who saw me go down and responded. 

I remember this fondly 

[[Gw...]]

I just wanted to check in with some good news - this wave seems to finally be lifting! It feels so real (and so permanent) when it's overwhelming in the moment, but today my anxiety is much lower and I'm nowhere near as irritable or moody. I have more energy and motivation, I can focus better...I am so relieved! Withdrawal symptoms have been different since jumping so I've had trouble maintaining perspective. Thanks for cheering me up when I needed it!

 

How are all the lovely folks in this thread?

 

Gwinna