The Easier Taper Support Group

[[Ju...]]

Please read my signature.  A long hold is healing, and then it is easy to reduce fast without symptoms.  That has been my experience.

[[Ol...]]

I always feel kind of guilty when I see this thread, like I don't deserve to belong to this group because my taper has not been easy but a girl can wish....

[[ga...]]

I've been through some hellish times, too, OliveKitty. I think of my taper as being easier because of my long hold. I think most of us get into messes before we figure out a taper that works for us and is easier. Now it's my goal to stay in this group and never go back to hell again.

 

Gard

[[Ro...]]

Good Day everyone,

i thought it was time to move this board to the top again so that people that need it can see it!

Things are still going well for me, slowly but surely i am lowering my dose, still toying with the idea of starting liquid titration, just haven't gotten around to it yet, and i figure if what i am doing is working for me at the moment there really is no need to add anything else!

I hope that everyone is having a good day and can continue in this journey as easily as possible

Cheers!!

[[He...]]

Hey Rosabell-

 

I was just thinking that I hadn’t seen a post from this group in a while!  I’m at the same dose that you are - doing .125 in the morning and .125 in the evening.  I split my dose a couple of weeks ago in preparation for DLMT.  I’m trying to avoid insomnia so I thought that I’d do the split and then go from there.  Had a couple of days of lower sleep but not many other sxs.  Which dose will you reduce first and are you going to zero with one and then the other?  I think that I’m going to do LT with one dose and keep the other as a pill.  I’m not sure if I want to do the evening dose first and get the insomnia bit out of the way.  What are you planning?

[[Ro...]]

Hello Heather,

 

I have always dropped my first daily dose first and then the nighttime dose, but in all honesty, i don't take my first dose until around 3/4pm and then take my next dose around 10:30pm. When i first started on it, i took my doses at 8am and 6pm, but have slowly brought them closer together. I do not have interdose symptoms, and have even forgotten to take my dose quite a few times (even though i know this is not a good thing) with no ill effects.

My tentative plan at the moment, though i know it can change, is to drop my first dose to .0625 in two weeks time, then if that goes well, drop my 2nd dose to .0625 in a month. Then in 6 weeks, stop my first dose and in 8 weeks stop my 2nd dose. So hopefully i will be done within two months. However, i do know that a plan like that is fairly ambitious and will definitely recalculate if things start to go sideways or i don't feel ready to do such cuts.

I count my lucky starts each and every day that i haven't gone through what many others here have had to deal with.

As far as the insomnia goes, personally i would get that out of the way first, but that is just my opinion, coming from someone who has never had an issue with insomnia, i take half of a Gravol and i'm out cold for a good 8 hours!

i think if you are worried about insomnia it is a really good idea to develop a regular sleep hygiene routine, i have always done this and literally fall asleep within minutes of my head hitting the pillow, i turn off ALL electronics, phone, TV, ipad etc at least one hour before i plan on going to sleep, have a hot cup of herbal tea and read a book and i go to bed at the same time every night. I also do not use my bed for anything other than sleeping or adult cuddles, so no TV in the bedroom, no laying in bed reading or anything like that, it kinda programs your body and brain to expect certain things at certain times and places.

of course there are exceptions to this, such as if i am out late with friends etc. but it is pretty much a nightly ritual!

[[Ju...]]

For insomnia during my taper, I take three-quarters of a 25-mg. Benadryl and 300 to 400 mg. of magnesium.  I am banking on Dr. Ashton's reassurance that sleep is better when you get off benzos.  My sleep has actually improved during the taper.  It was awful on 15 mg. Valium a day.  Went into withdrawal in the middle of the night.  This happened only after many years of taking 15 mg. Valium a day.

[[Gw...]]

I'm so glad people bumped this thread! Following!

 

My taper has been very difficult at times, but overall I think I'm having a relatively easy time, or at least as "easy" as can be expected after 10+ years of benzo use. Don't get me wrong, all the symptoms are there! They are manageable, though. Some days are better than others. I generally find that if I focus on the positive and stick to my self-care routines, my waves are less severe and my windows last longer. If I push myself too hard then I feel more ill. Of course I am still in the earlier part of the process, but I'm hopeful that I'll be able to maintain the balance and perspective I need to get through this.

 

Anybody else here feel this irrational guilt for not going through hell? Like somehow our rough days are less valid because others are going through worse? Of course I know that whole line of thinking is entirely unhelpful for me and for a support group, but feelings aren't always rational.

 

Anyway, I'm glad to hear from others who seem to be doing at least relatively okay. Here are 10 things going well for me right now because I've made a point of working them into my day-to-day routines. Since Day 1...

 

1. I have lowered my caffeine intake from 3+ cups of coffee per day to one small cup in the morning.

2. I have read a book a week.

3. I have exercised for at least 30 minutes (low-impact cardio like walking or the elliptical) five days a week.

4. I have gone outside for at least 30 minutes three days a week.

5. I have socialized outside of my home with people other than my husband at least once a week.

6. I have managed to keep working full time. I don't work outside normal office hours (thank you, doctor's note), but the trade-off is that I have only had to take a day or two of PTO so far.

7. I am eating more regularly and more healthily, at least 2, sometimes 3 meals a day.

8. I keep a journal that I write in every day.

9. I have refused to be ashamed of what I'm going through, and as a result I have rallied an unexpected amount of support from friends and family who seem to respect my openness about it.

10. During my windows, I sometimes feel better than I have since before the Valium. It's like waking up from a dream and remembering the world can actually be quite beautiful.

 

It's not all sunshine and rainbows and pink fuzzy bunnies. It's one of the hardest things I've done. But it's going well, all things considered, and it's awesome to have a thread sort of validating that. I know it will get harder before it gets easier, but I'm prepared and determined to stay positive.

 

Anybody else have a list of things (doesn't have to be 10) going well for them during their taper?

 

~ Gwinna

[[ga...]]

Juliana, I think my sleep is getting better the lower I get on my benzo, also. And I've also been able to reduce faster after my hold than before my hold. I think when a person gets really destabilized and their taper is awful, a long hold (more than 3 months) is worth a try. It definitely got me back on the right track.

 

Gard

[[ga...]]

Gwinna, I think my experience is similar to yours now. It's tough but it's manageable. Before my hold, when I tried to taper too fast, it was not. Since my hold, I've been better at pacing myself and my taper to keep it manageable. Since my taper I have

 

1. joined the Friends of the Library group and helped them rearrange the shelves.

2. gone through the training required by the local school district so I can volunteer there in the fall.

3. added regular MBSR meditations, nearly every day.

4. started doing gentle yoga again, something I hadn't done in years.

5. taken up scrapbooking, so now I have a winter hobby.

 

I still have unreasonable anxiety and irrational fears. Dealing with that a lot today but it was as stressful day. And I have sudden and often-long bouts of fatigue where I am just going along in slow motion. The MBSR has enabled me to accept all of that and get on with life, even if I am going very slowly.

 

Gard

[[Ha...]]

Gwinna and Gard – your lists are SO INSPIRATIONAL!!! Many items on your lists I must add to my “Happiness Practise”!! Like errr…exercising 30 minutes 5 days a week is just one (of many) I HAVE to begin doing!!

Okay here’s mine:

1. I meditate every day

2. I practise mindfulness every day

3. I have learned to be more patient with “challenging” people (including myself  )

4. I have learned not to waste my energy to negative situations

5. I practise acceptance, what will be, will be and let it go

6. I read challenging concepts hoping to form new neuro-pathways

7. Practising mathematics (another challenge for my not too mathematical brain)

8. I’m chipping away at things I’ve been putting off and decluttering my mind (and house)

9. Creating new areas in my garden and home (with a lot of help from my wonderful husband!)

10. I sing in the morning (when nobody’s around so their ears don’t bleed!); it really puts me in a good frame of mind

Harmonee

Oh...and if I wake at night with awful thoughts I don't beat myself up or get involved. I just tell myself they are just thoughts which trigger unhelpful emotions. Seems these "thoughts" don't like being "caught out" and dissipate 

 

[[Gw...]]

Gard,

 

Our experiences really are similar! I also tapered way too fast in the beginning and started feeling better once I slowed down. In the first few years of V use I tried c/t. Never again!  Now things are more stable, though like you I still struggle with anxiety and fatigue. It can be so frustrating to accept limitations on what I can handle, but I have to be honest with myself to keep my goals realistic and challenging. (When did leaving my house to socialize become a challenge? Yikes!) Yoga and meditation are on my to-do list for sure! I never really knew how to get started though.

 

Harmonee,

 

It sounds like you've been doing a lot of mental and emotional work. I admire that; it's on my plate as well. I miss my old therapist sometimes; I moved away and I believe she's retired now anyway. I'm not sure whether I'll go to the trouble of finding a new one, or keep working through things on my own. I love that you're practicing mathematics! I bought a jigsaw puzzle, but can't figure out where to set it up that would be safe from the 3 cats and the dog that run around our house and are allowed on all the furniture. 

 

Hang in there everybody. 

Gwinna

 

 

[[Ju...]]

The two inspirational lists are invaluable.

 

Thanks!

[[Gw...]]

The two inspirational lists are invaluable.

 

Thanks!

 

 

Gwinna

[[ga...]]

Hi Gwinna. I'm always encouraged to hear that someone was able to turn their taper around by slowing down. Makes me know I did the right thing by not trying to rush off.

 

Harmonee, I love your list! I'm impressed that you are doing brain challenges. I've just started playing scrabble on my tablet to try to sharpen my thinking. I don't think I'm up to math challenges, though.

 

As awful as this whole experience has been, when it's over, I think I will be grateful that the experience forced me to make some much-needed positive changes in my life. I would not have started doing guided meditations and incorporating mindfulness into my life if I hadn't been desperate. (Because I am not naturally a mindful kind of person. I'm a born worrier and a controller. Shhh! )

 

Gard

[[Ha...]]

Hi everyone!! When I read Gwinna and Gard's lists they so inspired me. I thought "what have you done?", reply thought "nothing much really". So I decided to write a list too. 'Unhelpful thought' wanted to resist, but 'Helpful thought' nudged me and said "perhaps I could come up with say 2 things". Once I began to write, it all tumbled out, and it was such a great feeling. I realized its so easy to get bogged down in what we can't or don't do, so why not focus on we can do? One point on Gwinna's list was "socialized outside of my home with people other than my husband at least once a week". 'Unhelpful thought' said "yeah, yeah (party pooper!) you can't do that!" In that moment a friend I've not heard from for about 2 years sent me a message asking did I want to catch up" To top it off she likes walking!!! 

I bought a jigsaw puzzle, but can't figure out where to set it up that would be safe from the 3 cats and the dog that run around our house and are allowed on all the furniture. 

 

Hi Gwinna 

 

I found this idea which may solve (lol, no pun intended) your jigsaw puzzle/kitty cat issue? [/url]https://youtu.be/MtUGKKmrZjA[/url]    :smitten:Harmonee

[[Ha...]]

Hi Gard  Thanks! 

As awful as this whole experience has been, when it's over, I think I will be grateful that the experience forced me to make some much-needed positive changes in my life. I would not have started doing guided meditations and incorporating mindfulness into my life if I hadn't been desperate. (Because I am not naturally a mindful kind of person.

Hope I don't come across too cheesy here! But as Viktor Frankl said, (which totally backs up what you were saying) "When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves." And.........

"Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom."    Harmonee

[[Gw...]]

Yessssss! That just might do it! 

 

Hi Gwinna 

 

I found this idea which may solve (lol, no pun intended) your jigsaw puzzle/kitty cat issue? [/url]https://youtu.be/MtUGKKmrZjA[/url]    :smitten:Harmonee

[[ga...]]

Love those quotes, Harmonee. I admit, though, when I was in benzo hell, the whole stimulus-response thing was not working for me at all. My brain was mush. Now that I am slower and lower, I can actually learn those very valuable lessons. It's a wonderful thing.

 

Gard

[[Ha...]]

Yessssss! That just might do it! 

Let us know how you go okay?    Harmonee

 

[[Ha...]]

..... I was in benzo hell, the whole stimulus-response thing was not working for me at all. My brain was mush. Now that I am slower and lower, I can actually learn those very valuable lessons. It's a wonderful thing

Completely understand  Lol, what you said brought me back to years ago (NOTHING like benzo hell, but I was sooooooooo depressed in my early 20's). I went into the post office everyday and the man behind the counter was so upbeat and "HAPPY". So much so, I seriously wanted to strangle him!! Lol, I happened to be on my way to see a therapist (for the depression, not the postman) who wanted me to take Zoloft, but I knew the depression was situational, not biological. I told him I had evil thoughts about the positive man in the post office. The therapist replied "I feel the same way when I go in there too, forget the Zoloft!!" BTW, one day I walked in and he (the postman) was unbelievably sad and I asked him if anything was wrong!! He told me he was taking very strong medication!!! With 20/20 hindsight, perhaps he had always been on benzos and/or ADs, and had reached tolerance or was going through benzo hell???

 

Anyway, what's wonderful is how far you've come!! I've a long way to go, but going in the right direction so far!

 

I know many have quoted a line out of Leonard Cohen's "Anthem", but I think it rings true  "There is a crack in everything - that's how the light gets in!"  Harmonee

[[ga...]]

..... I was in benzo hell, the whole stimulus-response thing was not working for me at all. My brain was mush. Now that I am slower and lower, I can actually learn those very valuable lessons. It's a wonderful thing

Completely understand  Lol, what you said brought me back to years ago (NOTHING like benzo hell, but I was sooooooooo depressed in my early 20's). I went into the post office everyday and the man behind the counter was so upbeat and "HAPPY". So much so, I seriously wanted to strangle him!!

Harmonee

 

Been there, too! 

[[Su...]]

Love this thread!  yes to turning a very problematic taper around with positive thoughts --holds 

And listening to supportive and positive people!

Not so chatty these days, but wanted to reply to you all!

This made my day 

:smitten:

SS

[[Gw...]]

Love this thread!  yes to turning a very problematic taper around with positive thoughts --holds 

And listening to supportive and positive people!

Not so chatty these days, but wanted to reply to you all!

This made my day 

:smitten:

SS

 

Awww! 

 

SS, you were one of the first people to really talk to me on here. I love how you manage to stay so cheerful. I hope you're feeling better!

 

Gwinna

[[Su...]]

Love this thread!  yes to turning a very problematic taper around with positive thoughts --holds 

And listening to supportive and positive people!

Not so chatty these days, but wanted to reply to you all!

This made my day 

:smitten:

SS

 

Awww! 

 

SS, you were one of the first people to really talk to me on here. I love how you manage to stay so cheerful. I hope you're feeling better!

 

Gwinna

Oh sweet Gwinna!

Trust me I have my days -- and how....

I've learned that what i focus on expands though... so i try to focus on the positive -- Without being annoyingly cheerful!  (I would've wanted to strangle that guy too  )

And I am half way through a 90 day soul saving hold...  holds are such a good tool for turning things around I've found.

SS