18 - 30 Month Plus Group

[[...]]

Jen

 

Thank you so much for your support, it means so much. What a treasure 

 

Snow would be nice, much preferable to masses of rain. And yes the friend, like my daughter has just said; do you really want her in your life? Quite honestly no, and her husband once made a pass at me ugh, I never told anyone until now, I can share it here, it's ok 

[[Sk...]]

Marj,  Don't get hung up on lost friendships...  If they are lost over this journey they were never real in the first place! 

 

Sending you a huge hug today

 

Marj, see it this way, it's not a lost friendship, it's decluttering your life. She actually did you a favor, in the long run, you don't need negative people that don't actually care for you, in your life, especially now.

 

I know it's easy for me to say, and that it still stings.

 

A big hug  marj, you don't seem to be getting many breaks.  You will get a break soon, though ! And then, you might do some unfriending of you own ! 

[[Te...]]

Can I please ask...what is the feeling of wanting to run....so do not know me

So super high on anxiety ....it's driving from so much pain....

Can not relax just want to leave my body

What is the called....idk.......does anyone ever feel like this?

Sorry it's been so very long since I've felt normal....but it's gotten worse since holidays

Hugs!

TM

Everyone ....I pray you all have a awesome New Year!

[[Wo...]]

Can I please ask...what is the feeling of wanting to run....so do not know me

So super high on anxiety ....it's driving from so much pain....

Can not relax just want to leave my body

What is the called....idk.......does anyone ever feel like this?

Sorry it's been so very long since I've felt normal....but it's gotten worse since holidays

Hugs!

TM

Everyone ....I pray you all have a awesome New Year!

 

I believe that's Akathisia TM. Or to a lesser degree it's restless legs syndrome. When I have night time anxiety I get RLS. During big waves it's full blown Akathisia. I think it's a pretty common thing for us. Horrible horrible feeling though.

[[Mi...]]

Yes Texas, That feeling hits me in a wave often...  You are not alone.  And one day I did actually run. I ran almost around the whole lake it was if I couldn't stop running! I really paid for it for a few days afterwards....  Haven't done it again!  Texas, don't beat yourself up! This chemical anxiety wanting to crawl out of your own skin/ not wanting to be in your own body/mind anymore is normal, IMO....  This journey this fight has been going on longer than we all anticipated. And it still can wave more than I ever imagined this far out!  It's a nightmare, to say the least.  And I know how this affects us on every level of existence.  Mentally, emotionally,physically,spiritually...  It really isn't fair. Dealing with all of the horror. In all honesty I would have had a hard time dealing with all of this stuff with a full working nervous system. Dealing with it without, it truly is the worst feeling in the world....

But, please try to remember just how strong you are.  We have all made it through the worst possible Sx. And we are all still here battling another day.  I know you have health fears like I do!  Like today my tummy started really going to town. Felt some sharp pains right in the middle under my rib cage.  I had to breathe right away and repeat, you have had this many many times nothing has ever ever happened to me when this pain comes.  I really had to fight with my own mind for quite awhile to keep from a full blown panic....  And, I did win the argument after awhile lol! 

 

Texas, you and I seem to kinda be at the same place right now, IMO.  FIGHTING, these health fears wondering if it's something else?  My stomach and heart palps get the best of me still. Add in the anxiety and wow it's an ordeal!    Has any of your Sx let up?    A lot of my mental stuff has....  The DR, cog fog, stoned feeling, vertigo, agoraphobia ect....

And during that time I was certain I had a brain tumor or had just completely lost my ever loving mind!  All of that stuff has been completely gone now for 2/3 months!

Idk, I am a baby and mainly stay on this thread when I log into BB. I just can't deal with the proacted board.  I am sure the people are very supportive and wonderful I just get so worked up reading some of the posts.  It's just not good for my mind right now....    But anyways where I was going with that,  it really seems like on this thread at least a lot of what we are all dealing with is the same for the most part.  It seems as if we have all made huge progress with the mental Sx and are now all pretty much experiencing a lot of physical and much anxiety from it all....  At least that's what I have gathered. 

 

WHAT DO YOU GUYS ALL THINK ABOUT THIS? 

Like I said I mainly stay on this thread but this seems pretty common doesn't it?  Do you all agree??.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Texas, hold strong we are going to get there!

 

Look at Drew, he didn't like the shopping mall not that long ago or drinks with buds!  He just flew around the world pretty much and got hitched!  I haven't been that brave lol! You all know how I like to be near a hospital!    But hey I go to the big bad grocery store now!  :laugh:

 

And I have no doubt when these crazy physical Sx quit kicking my *** I will get to that Ocean! 

 

 

Sending you hugs Texas!

[[Te...]]

No...Jen....my symptoms are at there worse....they just keep getting worse ....went to an holistic dentist that specializes in teeth and illnesses ....anyway he sys I have canidida yeast everywhere,high metals and mercury and herpes...going in on Monday to get allergy testing to metals

Dentist thinks root canal and implants are connected ....even though root canal is long gone....

Something from root canal made me sick ...then I jumped off clonazepam ...

He said to go on canadida diet....and gave me cilranto drops to detox metals....

Guess if not better in a few months he will open up extracted root canal site and do a dental DNA biospy for bacteria and other things.....

I know a lot is withdrawal but I still think something else is pulling me down.....maybe wrong

I pray its not my breast implants

Sending you hugs girl....thanks for the reply Jen and Nova....just tired of feeling have crazed ...this is not me ...the way I feel and think....and to hide my feelings is getting really hard

Of course...no one gets it...just needed to hear I'm no alone n these feelings after being so far out...

Hugs!

TM

[[Mi...]]

So sorry Texas,  are you still dealing with DR and all the mental sx also then?  I am sorry I assumed it was all really physical with you too! 

 

Glade you got into a new holistic dentist...

[[so...]]

TM,

 

I'm so sorry you are suffering from so many maladies on top of withdrawal.  I am holding you up and praying for you every day.  I'm happy that you may be getting to the real source of your pain finally.  Once the pain subsides, what's left of withdrawal won't be so debilitating.  I love you, TM.

 

Marj,

 

Bless you, sweetheart.  You have been battling this beast for a long time and you are going to push out into the sun in early 2016.  We are all going to rejoice with you when you write your success story in March.

 

Jenn,

 

Thank you for all your encouragement and reassurances on this thread.  Our little group will heal before the spring.  I know I'm further behind in my timeline, but there's hope for us all.

 

Love to all of you, Sofa

[[...]]

Thanks Sofa,

 

I'm a little better today, just exhausted and frustrated, like all of us I suppose. Wow, I hope I can write a success story in March. I said to my daughter today that when this is over, I will never complain about anything ever again. Hope you are doing ok this New Years eve, mine will be oh so quiet. 

[[Mi...]]

Marj,  I feel the same exact way, will never complain again after this is over! 

 

Sofa,  Thank you, for your kind words! 

 

TM, Drew, Siggy, and everyone Hope all is well. 

 

I am getting run over today with heart palps, stomach pains, and inner vibrations!  I guess I am in the soup as Nova would say!  Oh well it's definitely been worse..... 

Can't wait for this year to be over! Looking forward to more healing and many success story's in 2016!

 

 

 

[[...]]

Well dont think Ive gone this long without a break. Today horrible again. Went for a walk, took flowers to cemetry for my sis and dad,  just felt like crawling out of my skin. Came home did a meditation and ended up having a toxic nap and now my eyes have gone wonky. It makes me really angry sometimes, just frustrating. Not good I know, wish I could be more passive ugh.

 

How's everyone else started 2016?

 

[[dr...]]

I'm ok Marj.  Hope you feel better.  Pretty quiet New Years.  Had a few drinks and stayed up late.  Don't feel any worse than usual.  I decided to see how I'd do if I ate gluten.  After nine months off I ate some bread at lunch and don't feel any worse.  I'm not going to eat a ton of gluten now but I just don't like how restrictive it is.  I'll monitor it. 

[[Mi...]]

Hope you are feeling better Marj.

 

I am doing ok other than mild anxiety and a beyond bloated messed up belly! I have had mild to moderate anxiety through out this entire experience the only Sx that never fully goes away, ughh....  I am quite certain this will be my last Sx to leave me this year.

And yes it is going to leave this yr

 

All my physical Sx seem to come stay awhile leave then come back for awhile....  And they seem to like rotate...  Mainly stomach then heart palps then throat closing sensation then all over body pains and aches!  They seem to just go round and round!  Oh well it has been worse, 

 

Well, I am 23 months today! I woke up amazed by not only the mere fact of still dealing with all of this but by how very MUCH I had survived this past year!  And on some level I really couldn't believe I made it another year....  I know we are still going through a lot, so much more than anyone should have to go through in a entire life time really.  But, wow what we have been through and have all survived!  Don't anyone of you guys forget just how strong you are. And how far we have all made it.  Be proud of yourselves today. Even if you are in a wave right now and all you can do is just make it through minute to minute. You are doing it and it takes more courage than most people can imagine. That's how strong each and everyone of us are! 

 

Drew, I had my first glass of wine last night in 2 years.  Well I only had half of it and sipped on it for about 3 hours and drank 3 full bottles of water with in that 3 hour time frame, lol....  I didn't get real tipsy or anything but could definitely feel it.  It was very relaxing. Kinda weird how relaxed half a glass made me. Especially just tiny sips over 3 hours?  I didn't feel any affects from it today. Other than sleeping in until noon. 11 straight hours. I was a bit groggy at noon but could be from ALL the sleep? Anyways my naturopath gave me the ok last time I saw him. He said only wine and start super slow. Idk.  I was really hesitate. There are soooooo many different opinions on this subject. I guess we will see. It sure was wonderful. I just hope I didn't mess anything up...  It seems ever since all of this anything I ingest is such a anxiety.  Probiotics, Magnesium, vitamin D.  Tylenol, I mean it is just nuts isn't it?  Just like your bread lol! And honestly half the time idk if I am really reacting to it or if I get so nuts over it I just think I am.... 

 

 

[[St...]]

Hey so i'm just starting month 14 today and i'm as bad as i've ever been, i've had the flu now for a whole month, i know it's the proper flu and not just benzo flu because my whole family have had it, but where as they seem to have got rid of it within a couple of weeks i haven't. It's just lingering now, around my sinuses etc. 

 

Since getting the flu my cortisol surges have been off the scale, worse than acute in fact. I fall asleep at 10am and then like clock work at 4am i wake up 'rushing' and it's pot luck whether i'm able to get back to sleep or not. In recent weeks i've felt the cortisol surges particularly in my head where as before they were predominantly around my body, hands and feet etc. Having that rushy vibrating feeling going round my brain is pretty scary, it's so intense. It's like someone has put my head in a microwave, and it doesn't start to settle down until around mid-day. Just wanted to hear from any of you as to whether or not you feel/felt your cortisol surges in your head, and whether that was just a phase that passed.

 

I have high hopes for month 14! I don't know why all the other months have sucked :ticked off:

[[Mi...]]

I am sorry stuck indoors,

 

I am still dealing with inner vibrations.  I didn't know this was cortisol rushes.?   

Is that the technical word for inner vibrations??.

[[Sk...]]

Hey so i'm just starting month 14 today and i'm as bad as i've ever been, i've had the flu now for a whole month, i know it's the proper flu and not just benzo flu because my whole family have had it, but where as they seem to have got rid of it within a couple of weeks i haven't. It's just lingering now, around my sinuses etc. 

 

Since getting the flu my cortisol surges have been off the scale, worse than acute in fact. I fall asleep at 10am and then like clock work at 4am i wake up 'rushing' and it's pot luck whether i'm able to get back to sleep or not. In recent weeks i've felt the cortisol surges particularly in my head where as before they were predominantly around my body, hands and feet etc. Having that rushy vibrating feeling going round my brain is pretty scary, it's so intense. It's like someone has put my head in a microwave, and it doesn't start to settle down until around mid-day. Just wanted to hear from any of you as to whether or not you feel/felt your cortisol surges in your head, and whether that was just a phase that passed.

 

I have high hopes for month 14! I don't know why all the other months have sucked :ticked off:

 

Stuckindoors, so, vibrations are cortisol rushes ? And what exactly is a cortisol rush, can you explain it to me ? But the explanation, must be one you would give a  a 5 year old! 

 

Amazing that at 26 months out, I still had no idea !

 

 

[[so...]]

My cortisol rushes start every morning at 4am for 14 months.  Mine grab hold of my heart, with racing and palps.  Great way to start the day!

 

Love, Sofa

[[St...]]

Hey so i'm just starting month 14 today and i'm as bad as i've ever been, i've had the flu now for a whole month, i know it's the proper flu and not just benzo flu because my whole family have had it, but where as they seem to have got rid of it within a couple of weeks i haven't. It's just lingering now, around my sinuses etc. 

 

Since getting the flu my cortisol surges have been off the scale, worse than acute in fact. I fall asleep at 10am and then like clock work at 4am i wake up 'rushing' and it's pot luck whether i'm able to get back to sleep or not. In recent weeks i've felt the cortisol surges particularly in my head where as before they were predominantly around my body, hands and feet etc. Having that rushy vibrating feeling going round my brain is pretty scary, it's so intense. It's like someone has put my head in a microwave, and it doesn't start to settle down until around mid-day. Just wanted to hear from any of you as to whether or not you feel/felt your cortisol surges in your head, and whether that was just a phase that passed.

 

I have high hopes for month 14! I don't know why all the other months have sucked :ticked off:

 

Stuckindoors, so, vibrations are cortisol rushes ? And what exactly is a cortisol rush, can you explain it to me ? But the explanation, must be one you would give a  a 5 year old! 

 

Amazing that at 26 months out, I still had no idea !

 

I think you can have inner vibrations without having a 'cortisol rush' but intense inner vibrations that feels like battery acid coursing through your veins is how i would describe a proper 'cortisol rush'. I literally wake from my sleep rushing like i've just done cocaine of something, it's a really horrible feeling. There's no trigger it's just the same time every night like clockwork. But like i said what's made it worse is in recent weeks i've even felt the sensation in my head? My brain is pulsating, vibrating, with a horrible kind of energy, and it takes hours for it to pass :'( Anyone else had this sensation in their head?!?!

[[so...]]

I think my head whooshing would qualify.

 

Sofa

[[dr...]]

Hey so i'm just starting month 14 today and i'm as bad as i've ever been, i've had the flu now for a whole month, i know it's the proper flu and not just benzo flu because my whole family have had it, but where as they seem to have got rid of it within a couple of weeks i haven't. It's just lingering now, around my sinuses etc. 

 

Since getting the flu my cortisol surges have been off the scale, worse than acute in fact. I fall asleep at 10am and then like clock work at 4am i wake up 'rushing' and it's pot luck whether i'm able to get back to sleep or not. In recent weeks i've felt the cortisol surges particularly in my head where as before they were predominantly around my body, hands and feet etc. Having that rushy vibrating feeling going round my brain is pretty scary, it's so intense. It's like someone has put my head in a microwave, and it doesn't start to settle down until around mid-day. Just wanted to hear from any of you as to whether or not you feel/felt your cortisol surges in your head, and whether that was just a phase that passed.

 

I have high hopes for month 14! I don't know why all the other months have sucked :ticked off:

 

Stuckindoors, so, vibrations are cortisol rushes ? And what exactly is a cortisol rush, can you explain it to me ? But the explanation, must be one you would give a  a 5 year old! 

 

Amazing that at 26 months out, I still had no idea !

 

I think you can have inner vibrations without having a 'cortisol rush' but intense inner vibrations that feels like battery acid coursing through your veins is how i would describe a proper 'cortisol rush'. I literally wake from my sleep rushing like i've just done cocaine of something, it's a really horrible feeling. There's no trigger it's just the same time every night like clockwork. But like i said what's made it worse is in recent weeks i've even felt the sensation in my head? My brain is pulsating, vibrating, with a horrible kind of energy, and it takes hours for it to pass :'( Anyone else had this sensation in their head?!?!

 

I've had that in my head.  It scared the shit out of me. It first started about month 14 and slowed down about 18.  It has gotten much less and I haven't had it for a month or more

[[Wo...]]

I always thought of internal vibrations and cortisol rushes as separate things, but we all experience this stuff so differently. I thought cortisol rushes were that chemical rush you get that makes your heart race, and internal vibrations were actual vibrations inside your body. That's how they are for me at least. And I can have one without the other or together. For a while I thought the vibrations were just me feeling my heart beat, but it's not. They're separate. I still can't figure out what the hell is vibrating in my body at 18 months out!  I do have that waaaay less than last year though, so that's good.

[[dr...]]

To clarify I don't get the vibrations.  I was referring to the acid type rushes in my front left side of my brain.  It felt like a stake every time.  :'(

[[St...]]

Thanks Drew, i'm just starting month 14 so the timing would be spot on

 

Hey so i'm just starting month 14 today and i'm as bad as i've ever been, i've had the flu now for a whole month, i know it's the proper flu and not just benzo flu because my whole family have had it, but where as they seem to have got rid of it within a couple of weeks i haven't. It's just lingering now, around my sinuses etc. 

 

Since getting the flu my cortisol surges have been off the scale, worse than acute in fact. I fall asleep at 10am and then like clock work at 4am i wake up 'rushing' and it's pot luck whether i'm able to get back to sleep or not. In recent weeks i've felt the cortisol surges particularly in my head where as before they were predominantly around my body, hands and feet etc. Having that rushy vibrating feeling going round my brain is pretty scary, it's so intense. It's like someone has put my head in a microwave, and it doesn't start to settle down until around mid-day. Just wanted to hear from any of you as to whether or not you feel/felt your cortisol surges in your head, and whether that was just a phase that passed.

 

I have high hopes for month 14! I don't know why all the other months have sucked :ticked off:

 

Stuckindoors, so, vibrations are cortisol rushes ? And what exactly is a cortisol rush, can you explain it to me ? But the explanation, must be one you would give a  a 5 year old! 

 

Amazing that at 26 months out, I still had no idea !

 

I think you can have inner vibrations without having a 'cortisol rush' but intense inner vibrations that feels like battery acid coursing through your veins is how i would describe a proper 'cortisol rush'. I literally wake from my sleep rushing like i've just done cocaine of something, it's a really horrible feeling. There's no trigger it's just the same time every night like clockwork. But like i said what's made it worse is in recent weeks i've even felt the sensation in my head? My brain is pulsating, vibrating, with a horrible kind of energy, and it takes hours for it to pass :'( Anyone else had this sensation in their head?!?!

 

I've had that in my head.  It scared the shit out of me. It first started about month 14 and slowed down about 18.  It has gotten much less and I haven't had it for a month or more

[[Si...]]

Yeah I was having both too. For a while I was suddenly jerked awake between 4 and 4:30am like clockwork. That started subsiding about 5 or 6 weeks ago. Mostly have been able to sleep 7+ hours now. I do wake up a couple of times, but usually fall back asleep quickly.

[[so...]]

Thanks, Siggy.  I can't wait till this leaves me.  Have had it every morning since I jumped.