18 - 30 Month Plus Group

[[Sk...]]

Sorry you hit the ER Jen.  I've had weird skin things throughout this ordeal. I believe it is from the suppressed immune system. I had these gross pimply things and some grew to boils after I jumped.   The dr said people w hiv/suppressed immune stuff/drug users get them!  Wtf!!!  I am healthy.  I've also had several warts grow on my arms and back. All of it removed by a dermatologist and relatively harmless but yuck!  Sorry for the tmi.

 

Sofa-my rushes are completely gone unless I exercise.  Think it was around month 17-18.  I don't wake up feeling rested every morning but it's still awesome w no chemical anxiety/fear.  It'll stop/lessen soon for you.

 

Siggy-great news

 

I'm getting symptoms but most things except my eye problems are about 1/2 as bad as a few months ago.

 

Merry xmas all.

 

Merry xmas all.

 

You would think that after two years and two months of this, I would stop being surprised, but here I am, suprised once again ! I too have the things mentioned by Drew, only they weren't hight on my list of complaints, all considered.

 

Hope everybody spent a better Christmas Eve than expected and that you are having a tranquil Christmas day.

[[no...]]

Sorry you hit the ER Jen.  I've had weird skin things throughout this ordeal. I believe it is from the suppressed immune system. I had these gross pimply things and some grew to boils after I jumped.   The dr said people w hiv/suppressed immune stuff/drug users get them!  Wtf!!!  I am healthy.  I've also had several warts grow on my arms and back. All of it removed by a dermatologist and relatively harmless but yuck!  Sorry for the tmi.

 

Sofa-my rushes are completely gone unless I exercise.  Think it was around month 17-18.  I don't wake up feeling rested every morning but it's still awesome w no chemical anxiety/fear.  It'll stop/lessen soon for you.

 

Siggy-great news

 

I'm getting symptoms but most things except my eye problems are about 1/2 as bad as a few months ago.

 

Merry xmas all.

 

Merry xmas all.

 

You would think that after two years and two months of this, I would stop being surprised, but here I am, suprised once again ! I too have the things mentioned by Drew, only they weren't hight on my list of complaints, all considered.

 

Hope everybody spent a better Christmas Eve than expected and that you are having a tranquil Christmas day.

 

Hi SkyHD  Its toxins escaping from the body, my skin is also dreadful and the skin is the largest detox organ on the body  look up 'Healing crisis'' skin eruptions are very common, yuckky but good as the poisons are exiting 

 

 

Love Nova xxx  :smitten:

[[Si...]]

Thanks sofa. What I thought was a wave returning turns out to be a virus. I started feeling worse and worse yesterday. Head was absolutely killing me. Took my temperature and it was 100.8. Luckily I was able to fall asleep. It took forever though. Still feel kind of crappy today, but better than yesterday.

 

Nova, that's interesting about the turmeric and colloidal silver. I take turmeric with ginger and tart cherry.

 

Hope everyone else is ok today.

[[dr...]]

I'm in the soup big time today.  .  Woke up at 3am w head stuff and DR.  Fell back to sleep and woke up again in benzo hell.  Full on wave of body soreness, DR, racing heart, fear, etc...  I forgot as usual how bad this is.  A bit better now.  Hope all are doing better than me.

[[Mi...]]

THANKYOU ALL!  And Merry Christmas!

 

Drew, so sorry! I know how you feel.  Had a major panic attack at my parents house last night celebrating Christmas Eve!  That damn heart pounding thing just wouldn't let me go. Accompanied by air hunger ect.  It was really rough.  Trying to hold it together today. I put myself together pretty well for most of the day. Now driving to the in laws, 3 hours away with this horrible throat constricted feeling. I can usually pull out of it or ignore it better than I am doing now.  My benzo mind try's to tell me that maybe I am reacting to the antibiotic but I was just on it 8 wks ago so I am doing my best to kick these irrational fears. Hoping that's what they are?

I am doing so much better this time around! So far fingers crossed! No fever or vomitting ect...  Hopefully I caught it soon enough as last time was so so bad!

 

Siggy, sorry about the virus! 

 

Marj, Texas, Sofa, and everyone I hope you are having a relaxing evening! And Merry Christmas!

[[Te...]]

Ok.......not the best of day....had an anxiety attack on top of the normal anxiety I carry around

 

Sister n law......showed me symptoms of silicone breast implants....which I have due to breast cancer....my girls which I call my implants are not leaking.....just had a high tech ultrasound done two weeks ago everything was fine....so didn't think they could be the problem....right....well she did some research and had showed you can react to implants without them leaking.....darn....a lot of the symptoms are the same as benzo withdrawal symptoms....why would someone give me more crap to worry about.....after feeling like hell....cooked her family a huge meal....I know she meant well....but heck so now I'm in benzo withdrawal and allergic to implants....just have to get this off my chest....sorry

TM

 

[[Mi...]]

Texas,  IMO, you are dealing with benzo withdrawal! Your sx are exactly like all of ours.....  Deep breaths....  I am sure she meant well as no one who isn't going through this doesn't/can't even believe it.  So they think they are doing us all a favor by trying to diagnose us with something they can understand.....   

 

Did all of these sx start during your benzo use/withdrawal?  If yes than I would say it's the benzodiazepines 100%. IMO... 

 

You're doing great! This is a stressful time with it being the holidays and for us just another holiday/ reminder of where we are in this journey and where we aren't quite yet! But we are all getting there. And this will end and you will still have your implants and feel fantastic! IMO Ofcourse. 

 

Sending Hugs your way tonight!

 

Oh and I made the big trip and my throat didn't close lol! It's truly amazing what our minds can do to us isn't it, LOL!  So excited for this year to be over and total healing for us all in 2016!  Next year is going to be this threads year to full healing! We are all so close.

I left my little town this year for Christmas! I am NOT 5 miles or closer to a hospital, lol! And I am actually breathing! Wow who would have thought.... 

 

Drew got married!  Wow right? Got on a plane and all!

 

Siggy is getting some sleep! Yay

 

Sofa you are hanging tough battling through!  But got some good breaks every other day, for awhile!

 

Coop, is like 85% baseline,  Yay!

 

Marj, Texas, and I are battling the end of this anxiety and body pains, and lady's we ARE going to get there!

 

Nova, I hope is doing better! Sounded like he was on the last post he wrote!

 

We are ALL going to get there!  This coming year I just know it!

 

Night All!  Merry Christmas, and bring on the healing new year!

 

 

[[Mi...]]

I think it would be a great time this week before the New Year for us all to write down on here what sx are gone or better ect!

 

I think we could all use a bit of incouragement to continue the end of our journey!

I am going to bed now but will post mine sometime this wk before the new year!  Idk I think it would be just the extra help we may all need to finish this year strong look back for a quick moment and then charge forward into 2016! 

 

I know I would love to celebrate any progress we have made! If it's even a hour more of sleep to your DR is non existent!  And also I know I could use some incouragement going into another year!

 

So please post if you are up to it sometime this week! 

 

 

 

[[pa...]]

GONE

 

Sheer terror/anxiety/impending doom

Crying spells

Severe GI problems/nausea

Total insomnia

Hair falling out

Rapid heart rate

Foggy vision/sensitivity to light

Sensitivity to sound

LSD sensation

 

STILL AROUND

 

Decreased capacity to handle stress

Early waking (typically b/t 2-4 am)

Pin prick pupils whenever I'm in a wave

[[dr...]]

Gone or rare:

(Caveat of when in a wave they come back)

Early morning anxiety wake ups

DR

Toxic naps

Intrusive thoughts

Hip pain

Twitches

Burning skin

Panic attacks(down to maybe 1-2 month instead of one per day)

Fear of driving on highways

Visual auras-from 2 per month to not having one in over 70 days

Frequent urination

Neck like a vise

Toxic naps

Glutamate storms(what I call weird 45-1 hour waves)

Cortisol rushes

Bloating and bad tummy

Sinus and head pressure

 

Still have:

Inability to handle stress-includes normal conversations or making eye contact makes my brain hurt

Eye problems-pain, tiredness, other stuff hard to explain

Intolerance to exercise-if I overdo it my HR races for a day or two and adrenaline rushes come

Headaches-down from 4-5 week to 1 a week

Light sensitivity

Bad fatigue

Poor sleep-fall asleep fast but wake up early (usually 4-5am)

Heart palps and breathlessness

Anxiety

All over body soreness

 

All I can think of now 

 

 

 

 

 

[[Si...]]

Sorry you're getting hit again drew. At least you made it through most of the wedding and honeymoon.

 

I've taken a turn for the worse. The last few nights have taken me forever to get to sleep, but I should be thankful I have gotten some each night. Much better than not sleeping at all. This virus really has my stomach messed up. I've barely been able to eat any of the Christmas food. : ( my head still hurts and it's probably a combo of whatever this virus is plus benzo. My wife is sick too, but not nearly as bad as me. She has a stuffy nose, but I don't. Her stomach is jacked up, but nowhere near as bad as mine. Just sucks I was feeling so good until this hit.

[[Mi...]]

Wow Drew and Paper boat thanks for sharing and what is GONE, AMAZING!  Yay!

I know the remaining sx are a bummer BUT I am so impressed with the sx that are gone... Way to go guys!

 

I will share mine when I get home! Having Christmas with the in laws, got to go!  But thanks again, this just proves how much we have healed and I just know this coming year is going to be the one for all of us!  Thanks for the hope guys...

 

 

Siggy,  rest up! 

[[Mi...]]

Back home, yay!  I hope everyone had a peaceful Christmas!  I actually made the trip both ways with no panic attack.  Anxiety yes, but all and all it went better than the last trip so I will take it! 

This thread has been quiet hoping that is a very good sign and everyone is well

 

 

[[so...]]

Hey Buddies,

 

I am grateful that the following symptoms are gone:

 

Nausea

GI pain

Anal spasms

Vertigo

Cog fog

Akathisia (a biggie!)

RLS

Restless pacing

Air hunger

 

 

Still dealing with:

 

4am cortisol alarm

Chemical anxiety

Pulsatile tinnitus (but has decreased)

Heart palps

Tachycardia

Insomnia

Intrusive thoughts

Nightmares (I dream I'm in WD)

Fear of never healing

Drugged/drunk feeling

[[Wo...]]

Wow, it's great to see symptoms falling by the wayside. Thanks for sharing everybody. Most of the stuff I'm still dealing with is in my signature.

 

Siggy, I had the stomach virus too for a whole week. Good times!

 

Here's to more and more healing in 2016!

[[Si...]]

Wow, it's great to see symptoms falling by the wayside. Thanks for sharing everybody. Most of the stuff I'm still dealing with is in my signature.

 

Siggy, I had the stomach virus too for a whole week. Good times!

 

Here's to more and more healing in 2016!

 

Yeah it seems to be going around. Luckily I'm already off of work on vacation. It slowly improving. I've been taking some probiotics to see if it will help. Hopefully 2016 is a better year cause 2015 sucked!

[[Mi...]]

Sofa, thanks for sharing. And yay, Way to go!  It's so great to see the sx we all have battled and won and are no longer with us. 

I think this is just the thing we all need going into the new year! IMO! 

I know we are all fighting and what we have left really truly blows....  But, to just see how far we have all come is so wonderful.  I know every post I see with sx gone or much milder is just what I need to carry on into 2016! 

 

 

 

Siggy,  glade you are feeling better!  The stomach stuff went through my house as well! I don't know if I had it or not, lol!  I thought at first it was due to the antibiotics or a wave. Who knows??  Then my hubby and kiddos got something similar.  Whatever it was I survived it....

Rest up Sig

[[Mi...]]

Gone or Rare.  ( All bets are off during a big wave )

 

Rational mind is back for the most part

DR

DP

Vertigo

Cog fog

24/7 stoned feeling

No emotions

Air hunger

Insomnia usually get 8+ hours

Morning cortisol rushes

Sensitivity to light and sound

Toxic naps

Tremors

Stabbing stomach pains

Turning 50 shades of red/ skin on fire feeling

I am not scared to be alone during the day

Panic attacks aren't a daily occurrence anymore

Agoraphobia

Driving during the day in town is fine now

Crying spells

 

 

 

Sx Still in progress

 

Inability to handle any stress

Definitely not ready to get out everyday and work yet

Still not comfortable with a lot of plans, living the no plans plan!

leaving my town, still shell shocked and like to be close to a hospital at all times, as my physical Sx still scare me.

Health fears

Anxiety mild to crawl out of your own skin

Bloating and moderate GI pain....

Night time driving my vision gets blurred with the car lights

Also vision still isn't quite right

Heart palps and breathlessness, super hate this one! I have a fit bit HR.  It never goes over 100 but sure feels like my heart is beating HARD and fast!

Throat constricted feeling as if it's closing

Inner vibrations

All over soreness and body aches and pains mild to moderate

 

Daily fear,

And of course the never ending fear of will this ever completely end.

Idk if you would call this thought a intrusive thought but I worry about dying still everyday.

 

 

 

All and All, I can see I have come a really long way and truly believe that as I continue to heal and some of this physical stuff ramps down a bit I will be on my way to fully healed....  I think most of my anxiety and limitations I still have are all due to these health fears.  As my body is just doing its own thing right now and I do not react the best or really good at all to most of the bizarre things my heart and stomach due which spirals down to a not fun place...... Crazy place!

 

But my mental Sx have really improved.  I am excited to start the new year at 23 months off the poison!  My mental Sx have all pretty much been completely gone since my last big big  wave that brought me back to acute 3 months ago!  I have had smaller waves where the intensity of my remaining Sx become quite moderate but my mental Sx haven't returned during that time!  Yay!

 

 

 

HAPPY NEW YEAR ALL!  I would not  have made it this far with out the support of this thread, THANKYOU from the bottom of my heart!

 

And we are totally going to erase every remaining Sx this coming year! I am excited to read all of your success story's in 2016......

We are getting there even if it's baby steps we are healing!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[[Sk...]]

Hi Everybody,

 

I love the idea of writing a list of what has gone, what has improved and what still needs to be fixed.

 

I tried doing it, but it's too hard for me.

 

So, here is what I will do, I will write not about symptoms but about situations that have changed and see if I can do it.

 

Things I can do compared to 4 months ago

 

I can handle going to the hairdresser. Huge. Even before benzos, I really hated going to the hairdresser and it was a source of discomfort.

 

I can handle conversations with  groups of people better.

 

I can take a walk and I get less easily  tired.

 

My muscles in my legs are getting slightly better.

 

I can handle money a little better.

 

I can eat many more kinds of  food.

 

I can handle violence on TV better.

 

I can watch the news, finally !

 

I can read a book, I can watch a movie and be focused.

 

I can make jokes again and make people laugh.

 

Ok, this is all I can come up with.

 

As you can see, I was hit badly in the brain department.

 

Other symptoms, more physical ones, are still at the same level of four months ago, but so much better compared to a year ago.

 

Everybody, I wish you all a happier New Year. and you better believe it's going to be so much better.

 

I couldn't do this without you guys, reading your updates and your doubts, so thank you so much. :smitten:

 

  :oXo:

 

Happy New year !!!   :)

 

BTw, I turned 26 yesterday !! Wow!

 

 

 

 

 

 

[[be...]]

Drew got married!!!!  Big Congrats to you Drew

I have so much enjoyed your sense of humor and I know you will keep your wife cracking up.

 

Happy New to all of you!! 

[[...]]

Hi All,

 

I haven't posted as I continue to be in an awful wave. Managed to have a decent Xmas day and since then I have been pretty hopeless. Masses of anxiety, negative looping thoughts. A friend came over last night and we chatted whilst I was in a complete daze and spaced out. She is lovely though and understands. I am so sick of being miserable, I am usually a fun loving, yes really!!! Just been for a walk and come in and burst into tears I thought the walk would help. I went with my mother and probably that's why I'm so miserable, needless to say she wasn't particularly helpful to my crappy state. I have enough negativity for the whole village where I live, but I swear she is in benzo wd too!!!!

 

I cannot list what is what at this stage as everything right now feels worse especially the spaced out head. Hopefully I can do this in due course. I am on leave from work this week and struggling to get out of bed, does anyone else have this problem? Trouble is I just don't know what to do with myself, the structure of work helps even though it's really tough and my motivation is rather poor.

 

I'm sorry to be a moaning misery, I needed to get it out. I've just said to my daughter that at 20.5 months I thought I'd be better than this.

 

Hope you all had a good Christmas 

 

 

[[Sk...]]

Hi All,

 

I haven't posted as I continue to be in an awful wave. Managed to have a decent Xmas day and since then I have been pretty hopeless. Masses of anxiety, negative looping thoughts. A friend came over last night and we chatted whilst I was in a complete daze and spaced out. She is lovely though and understands. I am so sick of being miserable, I am usually a fun loving, yes really!!! Just been for a walk and come in and burst into tears I thought the walk would help. I went with my mother and probably that's why I'm so miserable, needless to say she wasn't particularly helpful to my crappy state. I have enough negativity for the whole village where I live, but I swear she is in benzo wd too!!!!

I cannot list what is what at this stage as everything right now feels worse especially the spaced out head. Hopefully I can do this in due course. I am on leave from work this week and struggling to get out of bed, does anyone else have this problem? Trouble is I just don't know what to do with myself, the structure of work helps even though it's really tough and my motivation is rather poor.

 

I'm sorry to be a moaning misery, I needed to get it out. I've just said to my daughter that at 20.5 months I thought I'd be better than this.

 

Hope you all had a good Christmas 

 

Marj, ignore your thoughts as much as you can now, you are in a wave. GreenIce has the exhaustion a lot, so don't worry, it's normal and really awful.

 

OF course you thought you'd be better at 20.5 ! What else ? Hang in there, the wave will pass and you will get a break... It's also the Christmas stress added to the mix.

 

A big hug. 

[[...]]

Hi All,

 

I haven't posted as I continue to be in an awful wave. Managed to have a decent Xmas day and since then I have been pretty hopeless. Masses of anxiety, negative looping thoughts. A friend came over last night and we chatted whilst I was in a complete daze and spaced out. She is lovely though and understands. I am so sick of being miserable, I am usually a fun loving, yes really!!! Just been for a walk and come in and burst into tears I thought the walk would help. I went with my mother and probably that's why I'm so miserable, needless to say she wasn't particularly helpful to my crappy state. I have enough negativity for the whole village where I live, but I swear she is in benzo wd too!!!!

I cannot list what is what at this stage as everything right now feels worse especially the spaced out head. Hopefully I can do this in due course. I am on leave from work this week and struggling to get out of bed, does anyone else have this problem? Trouble is I just don't know what to do with myself, the structure of work helps even though it's really tough and my motivation is rather poor.

 

I'm sorry to be a moaning misery, I needed to get it out. I've just said to my daughter that at 20.5 months I thought I'd be better than this.

 

Hope you all had a good Christmas 

 

Marj, ignore your thoughts as much as you can now, you are in a wave. GreenIce has the exhaustion a lot, so don't worry, it's normal and really awful.

 

OF course you thought you'd be better at 20.5 ! What else ? Hang in there, the wave will pass and you will get a break... It's also the Christmas stress added to the mix.

 

A big hug. 

 

 

 

Thanks Sky, you're a love.

 

I'm so thankful for my friends here, especially as I've just now discovered that someone who was a friend has un friended me on facebook and her daughter too. Seems you discover who really matters when in WD  :'(

[[Mi...]]

Marj,  So sorry you are dealing with a wave! I have to stay clear of my ma in a wave for sure! The negativity will swallow you...    My daughter stayed with my in laws over break and my son who is in HS, has been hanging with friends I think I have seen him for a total of 2 hours since Sunday, lol! So, I know exactly what you mean by staying in bed....    It's noon and I am still in bed sipping on coffee...  There is no one to get up for ect.... And the bed is just so nice.  I have had pretty bad Bloating and over all stomach pains and high anxiety.  But, I think Sky is right about the Christmas season. I think I was a little shell shocked ect....  From all the gatherings.  I think a walk sounds nice. Although trutching through the snow isn't as appealing, lol.      Marj, you will get through this wave.  I know the time frame gets tiring.  Keep trucking.  I truly believe that this coming year is this threads healing year.  It's gotta be right?  Look at all the Sx that have been posted as gone! We are all getting there......

 

 

Sky,  thanks for sharing/ posting.  I think it's amazing and just what we all need right now! 

[[Mi...]]

Marj,  Don't get hung up on lost friendships...  If they are lost over this journey they were never real in the first place! 

 

Sending you a huge hug today