18 - 30 Month Plus Group

[[so...]]

Hi Buddies,

 

I'm 13 months and 1 week today.  This is the best day I've had in all my WD journey since I CT'd.  I've never had Windows, just a few dirty windshields with some tsunami waves thrown into the mix.  I hope and pray that I keep moving forward, even at a snail's pace. 

 

Jenn, it's hard to trust ourselves and this process because we just can't count on anything, good or bad.  The lack of predictability turns our knuckles white.  We are always waiting for the other shoe to drop.  Until this is over, all the therapy in the world would be lost on me.  You keep trying every day to hold on and I admire you for that.

 

TM, I believe your pain issues will all resolve eventually and then you can sort out whatever residual pain you have left with your dentist and some occasional ibuprofen.  You won't be in the kind of pain you are in now, the kind that takes your breath away.  And you won't have all the fear and anxiety that causes your pain to ramp up to unbearable levels.  You will make it, TM.  We won't stop holding you until you are out of the woods.

 

We will all heal.  We aren't going to be the only people who don't heal out of thousands who do.  We just need more time under our belts.

 

Love you all, Sofa

[[Te...]]

Thank you Sofa.....and great news about your good day....it's nice to hear good things....

 

Hugs!

TM

[[Mi...]]

Texas,  IMO this healing process hits you the hardest physically where you may have a weakness!  Mine is totally belly digestive issues!  I have had them all my life!  My daughter and I are celiac. I didn't know this until I had my gallbladder out in my 20s! I had lived my life with stomach issues! So I am pretty sure that's why most of my physical sxs are in my belly and digestive stuff!  I am not saying you have some kindof mouth disease ect... I personally do not think you do!  It just was a previous issue so it's really a weak spot getting attacked right now!  IMO!  And my experience! Believe me my stomach is way worse than it's ever been! Actually makes what I thought was horrible in my 20s look like a flippin picnic lol!  But it's my weak spot you could say!

 

I would try to hold on if you can Hold on a bit longer!  I truly believe this healing really affects us on such a deep level and attacks everything! Especially our weak areas!  And you have seen so many docs and dentists! I would hope one of them would have found something!  I truly believe these benzos make everything a million times worse!

 

[[Mi...]]

Sofa,

 

Congrats on your day!  Hang on to it!  Write down today in a journal or something so you have it if you need it in the future!  Or who knows maybe this will be your forever window! Either way relax and enjoy the peace!  It is the season for miracles isn't it?

[[Mi...]]

Texas, also have you ever seen a naturopath? I went to see mine today! I am sure they are like docs some fantastic some not! But mine has literally saved my life!  It helps also that he knows the real me very well! As I worked in his office in my 20s and he is a family friend so I have literally known him my entire life!  So he knows the pre benzo me! That helps a lot, lol! 

 

I asked him tonight about jaw pain ect... Didn't get real in depth but he said a coconut pull or grape seed oil pull once or twice a day may help with something like that? Idk have you ever tried anything like that? 

Also some acupuncture? Idk don't mean to pry! Or some essential oils! I used peppermint for pain. Maybe try some on the pressure points in the jaw area and up right where the jaw bone sits behind the ear that pressure point would be a good one! 

 

Just some ideas to try from my naturopath! 

[[Te...]]

Thanks Jen.

 

I do coconut pulling but I think I'll try pulling with something else...switching cant hurt....tried clove oil the other day it helped a little....don't know why I didn't try it yesterday...it was just sooooooo bad..

 

I feel my mouth issues are tight muscles and nerve issues...I've never in my life twitched its worse around mouth....heck neuorologist put a needle in my tongue to make sure muscles o.k.

 

My nerves and muscles in mouth and face are messed up.....but my next idea will be a naturopath...just don't know how to find a good one...

 

Is there something I should look for when looking for a naturopath...I get confused and overwhelmed at listings...

 

Hugs!

TM

 

[[Ro...]]

Texas mama your mouth just needs more time to heal. My mouth has burned and my cheeks, teeth, tongue and throat have all hurt for 2 years. Now its getting better. No doctor can help you or pill. I use ice bottles on my face and watch old movies. I also have talked to Jesus a lot.

[[...]]

I have the worst fatigue that I this is all I can post. I am going to get some fresh air and will post again if it improves.

 

Really want to keep this thread going 

[[Mi...]]

Day 18 omg! Even though I have survived worse this wave anxiety just won't let up!  My son missed his bus this morning had to drive him to school thought my heart was going to beat out of my flipping chest!  Not to mention I was driving through snow!  I so do not miss these anxiety days at all!  Its like I have almost forgot how to do this!  I had been doing so well since October! Well not super duper but my baseline had definitely went way up!  Oh how I hate this ANXIETY stuff!  I actually pulled out the old blood pressure monitor last night! Crap, I truly was hoping not to ever see him again!  And today I am on this kick of can my body handle all of this again? It's really a wretched morning guys!  I have been in a milder wave yes! But my 18 days? Idk I don't remember 18 days but who knows I don't remember much lol!  My mind is mixed, I feel like I am high today!  I have this enteral vibration going on! Chest pain- really hate this one!  Aches and pains everywhere! And yes therapist at noon! Ughhh..

 

  Oh when this is all over I am going to the Ocean!  And, planting my butt in the sand! Margarita in hand! Yep, and I just may never leave that spot!  I have never been to the Ocean! I think it's because part of me has always known once I get there I will never leave, lol!  I love the water it's where I can find my zen!  I have always lived close to a lake but can't wait to get to the Ocean! So jealous of you all that are wearing flip flops today! I just got out my winter boots!  If anyone is near the Ocean dip a toe for me! 

 

[[...]]

Well I think you did remarkably well to drive him to school as I CANNOT handle anything outside my normal routine. Stress in any shape or form is a massive no. In other words I would have had a melt down, so well done.

 

My fatigue improved after my walk only to be replaced by an over exaggerated stress response from a phone call to my Mother. Her negativity just pulled me down (I have enough of my own negativity) and then of course I feel guilty and my mind just can't handle these feelings. She wants to lean on me and I haven't got the strength at the moment. It makes me feel self absorbed. Wow this is so hard.

[[so...]]

Marj and Jenn,

 

I can't write much.  Feeling very down and out of it.  Xmas tree leaks all over the carpet and won't hold water.  It's always something.

 

Sofa

[[Mi...]]

Marj,  I can't believe your comment about your mom!  I truly said the exact same thing last night to my hubby about my mom!  EXACT!  I totally understand!  I used to be the one well who was the listener for everyone! Friends, sister, brother, grandma,mom, kiddos, hubby!  Idk why but anytime anyone had a problem my phone would ring! Honestly! I guess I was the go to person to solve issues!  But during this last two years or so forget it!  I know they don't fully understand but honestly some of the stuff they are negative about need help sorting through is so not a big deal! And I feel super bad to always! Especially because the stuff they have going on looks like a picnic in the park! 

 

But, I let this go just a couple months ago! I gave myself the permission to put me first! Because in all due respect you can't help someone if you are broken! And I totally am right now!  I don't honestly even remember the last time I answered my phone, lol! And, you know what it has been really wonderful!  I still am always here for my hubby and kids but then there is a huge line Drawn and no one else is welcome in, lol! 

 

I totally understand I am sure we all do!  Right now take care of you!  And it's totally ok to do so! 

[[dr...]]

Jen,

 

I'm twenty feet from the ocean in Fiji right now.  Reading a book in my covered hut. Beautiful morning here with a gentle warm breeze. 

 

I had a bad night. I had what I could best call a heart flutter or something and it was very hard to breathe.  Scared the shit out of me.  Even though it lasted less than ten seconds it sent me into panic. I left dinner and laid in bed. Hit me again but I didn't panic. Ugh. I had fats of a heart attack even though I've had two stress tests that came back fine.  Like an idiot I reverted to or habits and read dr Google. 

I think it may have been brought on by a very strenuous hill climb in humidity to get to a waterfall.  That was three days ago and my heart had palpitations since then. My ability to handle intense exercise is still bad.  Feel better so fat this am.  So frustrating getting thrown back into the madness.

[[be...]]

Hey guys, I'm still here. I know I haven't been around much but I just need this break.

As far as my symptoms go...they are all still with me. I am still having the nerve and muscle pain..but having longer windows...which I am so grateful for.

Some of my symptoms like the GI issues and anxiety have calmed way down...for the moment.

I would love to report that I'm doing much better but it's going to take a little more time...I'm hoping by the end of year three I will see better results in my healing.

I have been able to incorporate more foods into my diet and a little sugar...yippeeee.

 

I love and appreciate all of you and I will keep popping in with updates.

Merry Christmas and a Blessed New Year!!

 

Keep on the healing path.

 

[[so...]]

Beulah,

 

You sound wonderful!  You are really improving all the time.  I'm so happy for you!

 

Love, Sofa

[[Sk...]]

Hey guys, I'm still here. I know I haven't been around much but I just need this break.

As far as my symptoms go...they are all still with me. I am still having the nerve and muscle pain..but having longer windows...which I am so grateful for.

Some of my symptoms like the GI issues and anxiety have calmed way down...for the moment.

I would love to report that I'm doing much better but it's going to take a little more time...I'm hoping by the end of year three I will see better results in my healing.

I have been able to incorporate more foods into my diet and a little sugar...yippeeee.

 

I love and appreciate all of you and I will keep popping in with updates.

Merry Christmas and a Blessed New Year!!

 

Keep on the healing path.

 

Beulah, was wondering what had become of you !

 

You are sounding quite good ! 

[[so...]]

Hey Sky,

 

So happy you still check in.  How are you doing?

 

 

[[La...]]

Jen,

 

I'm twenty feet from the ocean in Fiji right now.  Reading a book in my covered hut. Beautiful morning here with a gentle warm breeze. 

 

I had a bad night. I had what I could best call a heart flutter or something and it was very hard to breathe.  Scared the shit out of me.  Even though it lasted less than ten seconds it sent me into panic. I left dinner and laid in bed. Hit me again but I didn't panic. Ugh. I had fats of a heart attack even though I've had two stress tests that came back fine.  Like an idiot I reverted to or habits and read dr Google. 

I think it may have been brought on by a very strenuous hill climb in humidity to get to a waterfall.  That was three days ago and my heart had palpitations since then. My ability to handle intense exercise is still bad.  Feel better so fat this am.  So frustrating getting thrown back into the madness.

 

Amazing Drew. Wish I were there. BTW, congrats on your wedding.

 

laser

[[so...]]

Hey Laser,

 

How are you doing these days?

 

Sofa

[[...]]

Day 18 omg! Even though I have survived worse this wave anxiety just won't let up!  My son missed his bus this morning had to drive him to school thought my heart was going to beat out of my flipping chest!  Not to mention I was driving through snow!  I so do not miss these anxiety days at all!  Its like I have almost forgot how to do this!  I had been doing so well since October! Well not super duper but my baseline had definitely went way up!  Oh how I hate this ANXIETY stuff!  I actually pulled out the old blood pressure monitor last night! Crap, I truly was hoping not to ever see him again!  And today I am on this kick of can my body handle all of this again? It's really a wretched morning guys!  I have been in a milder wave yes! But my 18 days? Idk I don't remember 18 days but who knows I don't remember much lol!  My mind is mixed, I feel like I am high today!  I have this enteral vibration going on! Chest pain- really hate this one!  Aches and pains everywhere! And yes therapist at noon! Ughhh..

 

  Oh when this is all over I am going to the Ocean!  And, planting my butt in the sand! Margarita in hand! Yep, and I just may never leave that spot!  I have never been to the Ocean! I think it's because part of me has always known once I get there I will never leave, lol!  I love the water it's where I can find my zen!  I have always lived close to a lake but can't wait to get to the Ocean! So jealous of you all that are wearing flip flops today! I just got out my winter boots!  If anyone is near the Ocean dip a toe for me! 

 

 

 

Yes this is a tricky one. I know that I absorb everyone elses negativity and it sends my mind racing all over the place. If it's one of my loved ones then whoa. My mum whom I love very much can be very pessamistic and i had to put some boundarys in place. Things improved and now I've sort of let my guard down, the pessamist has come out again. It's like my mind can't deal with all the things that are coming out of her mouth. it's enough with trying to keep my normal day to day living going having to deal with all these symptoms at the same time. one more thing and it's like insanity calling.

[[...]]

Hey guys, I'm still here. I know I haven't been around much but I just need this break.

As far as my symptoms go...they are all still with me. I am still having the nerve and muscle pain..but having longer windows...which I am so grateful for.

Some of my symptoms like the GI issues and anxiety have calmed way down...for the moment.

I would love to report that I'm doing much better but it's going to take a little more time...I'm hoping by the end of year three I will see better results in my healing.

I have been able to incorporate more foods into my diet and a little sugar...yippeeee.

 

I love and appreciate all of you and I will keep popping in with updates.

Merry Christmas and a Blessed New Year!!

 

Keep on the healing path.

 

 

Thank you for dropping in Beulah, really appreciate your update and you sound so much better. Any improvements are a god send. The only GI issues I have had are massive, bloated belly and recently occasional indigestion. I would have these any day over scary, racing mind.

 

Stay with us when you can 

[[Sk...]]

Hey Sky,

 

So happy you still check in.  How are you doing?

 

Still no landline, otherwise I would be here so much more !

 

Sofa, some days are better than others. I have just come out of a bad wave, hope it keeps till c hristmas, that would be nice, you know ?

 

I am visiting my mom on Saturday for the holidays, will see my dog, so I am looking forward to that.

 

And there,  I will have a LANDLINE ! YAY!

 

Speak soon, hang in there Sofa !

[[...]]

Hey guys, I'm still here. I know I haven't been around much but I just need this break.

As far as my symptoms go...they are all still with me. I am still having the nerve and muscle pain..but having longer windows...which I am so grateful for.

Some of my symptoms like the GI issues and anxiety have calmed way down...for the moment.

I would love to report that I'm doing much better but it's going to take a little more time...I'm hoping by the end of year three I will see better results in my healing.

I have been able to incorporate more foods into my diet and a little sugar...yippeeee.

 

I love and appreciate all of you and I will keep popping in with updates.

Merry Christmas and a Blessed New Year!!

 

Keep on the healing path.

 

Beulah, was wondering what had become of you !

 

You are sounding quite good ! 

 

Hi Sky,

 

Hope you are doing ok

 

This is a difficult time to be going through this. Never believed I would still be struggling another Christmas. I've been on my work Christmas lunch today and this morning though I would have to make my excuses as I envisaged panicking and having to leave the restaurant, you know, everything awful. Well I went and survived, had the best fake face ever, whilst having to keep breathing slowly and deeply. I can't say I enjoyed it but I pretended to. Spoke to Ian Singleton when I came back to work and he said, well done, that's another thing you have survived. He explained that not having any or hardly any joy is totally normal and that IT WILL RETURN. In his experience, most people recover within 2 years or a bit more. It is generally not linear (as we know) and is awful right up to the end and not everyone has windows and waves, infact a lot don't (I know I have brief times of easier, but mostly it's really uncomfortable). I'm struggling with head pressure again or it feels like my brain is being squeezed sometimes, again really, really common. My body is stiff (limbs mainly) and exhausted. He says no matter how much we feel we can't do it any more, we will AND WE WILL RECOVER. 

[[Te...]]

So the holidays are fast approaching so I gave in and ate half of a cupcake......now I feel worse....last year I could cheat some...but not now......just had a terrible night...muscles where cramping like every hour jumped from foot to legs, to tight back spasms to tight chest squeezing pain....I thought I was dying or something really bad is going on....I really feel I have some type of muscle disease...due to muscle tight and cramping....never had this prior to jumping...sorry but ive been tested twice in these last two years for ALS....and several other neuro diseases...but my muscles are getting tighter and tighter....it's hard to breath,eat,and really I can't cry my muscles behind nose get so tight I can't breath when crying

I'm afraid I'm not going to heal...due to no windows and I'm getting worse

I sound so negative...Im really sorry....I want healing...any little sign would help me push through this...but when I feel ths bad to make me think I'm going to die.....it's so not right...

Gosh a root canal took me down with clonazepam.....should make a song...how stupid it sounds but it's what happened....idk

TM

[[dr...]]

TM-we have to believe what Ian told Marj (always like the relay of your chats Marj).  He has seen thousands and every one of those people got better if they stayed off the drugs.  We are no different. 

I have the same thoughts that my complete exhaustion, trouble breathing, etc are some deadly heart thing they missed even though I've been thoroughly checked.  I know I wasn't like this before benzos so I have to take the attitude that it is the benzos. I also think that while I improved a lot it's still really sucks and this might be the best it gets.  Then I read the success stories and look at people ahead of me and almost everyone says the continue to improve.

 

Having another high anxiety day.  I leave here in five hours for 18 hours of travel.  Low and slow for me.  Taking it as it comes.