18 - 30 Month Plus Group

[[...]]

Hey, Korbe, I'm pretty much where you're at, 95% healed on the mental.  the physical, I still have quite a bit going on. 

 

I sleep, but still have the days and nights mixed up.  Still don't fall off until 4:30-5 a.m.  Have something of a schedule.  I set an alarm to be up by 1 p.m. I wake up tired, lethargic, no matter how many hours I've slept.  Low energy.  Mood is pretty stable as long as I don't rebel against my symptoms.  some days are better than others.  on a good day, I can get moving pretty quick as long as I get plenty of sleep.  If I have to wake up early, I feel so awful, and I end up having a miserable day. 

 

Shopping and cooking for the holiday set me back, I was exhausted for two days after.  I find it difficult to accomplish much.  I'm still very limited in how much I can do.  I get tired and pay a price if I overdo.

 

I'm in my 25th month.  The good news is the spectacular mental healing.  If I think about where I was two years ago, I'm so, so grateful to have my mind back.  I didn't realize how bad I was, until I wasn't anymore.

 

It's very frustrating to feel so shackled by the remaining physical stuff.  it's getting better, it just seems slow going.  but it's going, thank goodness, lol.

 

I need to spend less time on the site at this point in my healing, I'm trying to ignore symptoms and engage in living as best I can.  Love and miss you all!

 

PS  I have a lot of tight muscles.  feels like rigor in the neck going up into the scalp. it's very tight.  on bad days I can't turn my head.  it comes and goes.  also stiffness in the whole pelvic hip area.  no, we cannot make this up.

 

 

It's so good to hear from you Green and I'm really pleased you are making progress. Yes it is slow beyond belief and the rigor is hideous especially the neck ugh. I did yoga today and I used to be so supple, OMG I was like the tin man. We are healing though and trying to ignore symptoms is a good sign 

[[Si...]]

Had a terrible time sleeping last night of course, what's new. Went to bed at 11:30pm and was awake forever. I decided that no matter what I was just going to stay there as calm as I could be. I barely moved the whole night too. I must have fallen asleep for a little while, but not really sure. My wife can confirm that I am snoring at some points, but I just feel like I'm awake. She gave me a massage last night with some aromatic oils and said I was snoring near the end, but I have absolutely no memory of being asleep at all. I feel tired, but at least it's not as bad as when I get 0 hours.

[[Te...]]

Sorry Siggy....I didn't sleep very well either....the prickly bugs crawling on skin...was enough to make me cry....but didn't put me to sleep I fell alep around 1:30 up at 3:30 with Hank my bulldog....fell back to slep at 4:00 or 4:30...got up at 5:30....to get my daughter up at 6:00... Cut at least the bug crawling think is not as bad today......

Have you ever tried sleepy time tea?

 

Hugs! TM

[[Si...]]

Sorry Siggy....I didn't sleep very well either....the prickly bugs crawling on skin...was enough to make me cry....but didn't put me to sleep I fell alep around 1:30 up at 3:30 with Hank my bulldog....fell back to slep at 4:00 or 4:30...got up at 5:30....to get my daughter up at 6:00... Cut at least the bug crawling think is not as bad today......

Have you ever tried sleepy time tea?

 

Hugs! TM

 

Sorry you had a rough one too! I occasionally have the bug crawling feeling. Usually in my face. I have a short beard too, which probably doesn't help with that. Yes I've tried a few of the teas. Generally that don't phase my insomnia at all. How about you, any luck with those?

[[Te...]]

Yes.....some but it's delayed reaction....drink it and about a hour later feel less anxiety ....and sometimes sleep follows...

 

Somedays ....time goes....so darn slow.....when not feeling well.....

 

Sweet dreams!

 

TM

[[ca...]]

Hi guys! I posted this on the post withdrawal board but didnt get replies.  Maybe no one can relate but this is what i wrote.  Hoping i can get feedback here:

 

Anyone experience this at 20 months out?  It's improved a lot but i still feel the initial fear when i know im going to be alone.  Will this stay with me till im completely healed?  I thought my mind would be use to withdrawal now and realize that being alone doesnt equal me dropping dead. But it still clings onto that fear.  Ugh i never would have predicted it would still be here.  I have moments where i can completely forget my surroundings but my mind will snap back to the present moment and realize im alone in the house or somewhere.

[[...]]

Hi Castillo, I can relate to this. It comes and goes. I have always been a home girl who loves my own company as well as the company of others too. I still feel afraid and I don't know what it's all about. I do think that fear is very common in WD. This is definately not my true personality, however being traumatized for so long, no wonder we feel like this. Our brains are firering all over the place at the moment and the slightest thing can send me all over. It will go eventually, not soon enough though. I have fear today, mostly as my brain feels numb and blocked and it scares the living daylights out of me. I also feel quite angry which I hate too.

 

I am just about 20 months too. We have come this far so will go the whole hog to a bright and promising future.

[[so...]]

Marj,

 

I so identify with everything you just said.

 

Love you, Sofa

[[Si...]]

I don't have a lot of fear of being alone, but I do like when my wife is around to make me feel better.

 

My day has been ok so far. Some symptoms have been kind of edges in and out all day long. I slept relatively well last night. Went to bed at 11:30pm. Fell asleep rather quickly. Wide awake at 5am. While I'd like to sleep more than that, if I could do it every night like that, I could handle this whole ordeal a lot better.

[[ca...]]

Thx guys!  I was feeling a bit like an anomaly as this doesnt seem like a common symptom among most people.  Maybe i'm just a big baby . If i was able to be alone then i can at least enjoy my time at home.  Im afraid out there and fear in here. 

 

Marj-  ues we hav come so far!! We can taste victory can't we??? This certainly has been a traumatic journey and that is why i always wonder do we wake up feeling okay one day or do we hv to work thru the trauma.

 

Siggy-  oh god the sleep issues.  I keep waking up an hour in with weird body vibrations and then sleeping just a couple hours after that.  It comes and it goes like everything else.  I think i would also do better if sleep was better.

 

 

[[Te...]]

Ok....I'm just revved up with anxiety crap.....gosh will this ever end.....and I'm willing to share my bugs....I have plenty under my skin and on top to share with you all.....

 

Oh.....I have plenty days...I hate to be alone.....but I have a special needs son who is 24...so he is always at home.....but sadly not much of a talker.....but it's nice not to be alone....but ten I have days where I don't want to be near a sole.....so who knows......

 

Hugs! TM

[[ci...]]

Hi All, just dropping in, seeing I have a lot in common with you all at 20 months CT. Insomnia is my worst issue, usually awaken with intense burning and nerve pain , vibrations and night sweats. My sleep is broken sleep 4-5 hours 3-4 nights a week and then 0 sleep 3 nights a week, But since I have my rational mind back, it is easier to deal with the insomnia.

 

The nights of 0 sleep, the following days are brutal.

 

As I always tell myself, how I feel today is not how we will feel 3-6 months from now.

[[St...]]

A week ago i started getting acid reflux which i've never had before in my life, after about three or four days i started getting a sore throat (without any other cold/flu symptoms), this then caused a persistent nasty bitter taste in my mouth but then last night around 2am i was woken with a REALLY sharp pain in the left side of my chest, i have had panic attacks before and regular chest pain but this felt different, it was like a had pulled a muscle really badly (but i hadn't) the pain lasted about 15 minutes and was worsened if i tried to move. I honestly thought i was having a heart attack, but i didn't appear to have any of the other symptoms related to heart attacks.

 

After a bit of time on Google i've stumbled across GERD? Does anyone on here have any history with that and if so any thoughts or advice? I've read that GERD can definitely lead to chest pain, i'm particularly keen to hear from anyone that has had chest pain as a result of GERD. Finally if it is indeed GERD should i write it off as just another benzo withdrawal induced symptom that will pass or do i need to look at treating it? I'm not a big fan of pharmaceuticals so would be interested to hear of any non pharmaceutical treatment plans. I already live on a vegan diet so other than certain fruits/vegetables high with high acidity i don't think there's much i need to be avoiding.

 

Thanks for you thoughts

[[Te...]]

Stuck indoors,

I have gerd or weird muscle spasms in throat and stomach...I watch my diet....I've had a swallow test done which showed spasms....suppose to have a scope done but just plain scared of procedure right now....but Ive tried many over the counter meds ...apple cidar vinegar nothing has helped I'm also confused....I have a weird taste in my mouth 24/7 started before I jumped but I feel it's an infection from tooth extraction that happened...cause that's when taste started....I get this methol gas like thing that comes up throat a lot.....so I wonder if it's some type of reflex

I feel as LNG as I'm in this high anxiety overdrive state it will keep my reflex symptoms high..

Apple cidar vinegar has helped many...Im trying aloe vera now...I'll let you know how it works

But yes it can cause sharp chest pains......so sorry

Hugs!

TM

[[Si...]]

Cindys yep seems your sleep pattern is very similar to mine. A few good days, a few bad and a couple of terrible ones. When I do wake from sleep I have bad headaches, neck aches and burning everywhere. Do you have depression after you sleep well? For some reason I do.

 

Stuck GERD can definetly cause chest pains. If you go back in this forum and read some of coop's posts she had a lot of issues with that. She finally went to a doctor and she found out she had a hernia. I'd say just say wait a while and see if it was just a fluke. I also had panic attacks that lead to the Lorazepam because of costochondritis. I didn't know what it was and thought I was having heart problems. Wish I knew what that was before taking the benzo.

 

 

I actually slept pretty good last night. Got really exhausted tired around 11:30pm. Went to bed at 11:40. Fell asleep quickly. Woke up sometime in the middle of the night, but no idea when as I didn't look at the clock. Fell back asleep. Woke up at 6am. Fell back asleep and then up for good at 7:30am.

 

Hope everyone else is doing ok today.

[[Te...]]

Does anyone ever have a warm burning sensation running inside arms and legs...I'm having this feeling along with slight weakness in arms and legs.....my poor body...

 

Cindy.....can burning sensation happen inside arms or legs....or is burning feeling strictly on skin..this sensation is weird...it feels more like its an internal warm burning fluid in arms and legs...any thoughts? Are you still working?

 

 

Hugs!

TM

 

 

[[ci...]]

Stuck indoors, I have the acid reflux, comes and goes, never had it before WD.  I take tums, the acid reflux is just one of the dozens sxs I have that comes and goes, never stays too long.

 

siggy, I never have the depression after a good nights' sleep, it happens only occasionally after a night of no sleep. But it does not last long, just a glimpse and it's gone. Very weird.

 

Texasmama, my burning sensations are everywhere, limbs, torso, back, head, privates, eyes, my left hand feels like a road rash burn, my limbs feel like a deep sunburn pain....it is very strange sensation, but not near as painful as it was during acute, now it is more just annoying, and it keeps me from sleeping. I was not abe to work my first year of WD, but returned to work after 12 months, but I am fortunate my job is flexible, I work from home 2-3 days a week and travel 2 -3 days a week, but I can control my own schedule. It is  a challenge tho...especially on nights with no sleep and having to travel the next day it is brutal.

 

It seems so many BBs have seen a lot of improvement by that 24 months, I am holding out praying that is the case.

[[Si...]]

I usually wake up with a headache too. The depression I thinks comes from not knowing if I won't get another good night for a few days or not. I use to never worry about sleep as it always just happened easily before taking this garbage. Going to work is certainly hard after not sleeping. I occasionally work from home, np but only do it when it's dire. They don't like me to do it. I went back to work about 4 days after jumping. That was really hard to do. Im just hoping this sleep stuff improves soon since it's so debilitating.

[[ci...]]

siggy, Insomnia is brutal, but I know w/o a doubt it will resolve, our CNS was altered by these drugs and again it is just going to take time for the "readjustment" to a normal sleep. But it will happen. For now, I can most of the time "accept" that I may not sleep tonight but I know eventually I will. It is not always easy with acceptance but it helps. Also having Faith that I will be ok and faith that I will heal. I have never lost hope about healing.

 

So my friend, try acceptance, and have faith you will heal.

[[Si...]]

Thanks cindys. My big issue now too is that was basically recovered from months 5-10. I was sleeping perfectly fine like I did before benzos. Then I got the flu and have been terrible since then. I'm trying to have hope that it will get better.

 

Luckily I was really tired again last night. Went to bed at 12pm and fell asleep rather quickly. Woke up sometime in the night, fell easily back to sleep. Woke up for good at 6am.

 

TX the burning stuff is one of my top symptoms. It doesn't bother me as much as the insomnia and and head stuff.

[[Ko...]]

Hi Buddies,

 

I'm now in the first week of my 25th month. Symptoms still continue with burning lower legs which keeps me from sleeping, stinging and aching feet. Huge extended Benzo belly that I hope will get smaller when I'm able to diet and exercise - I've gained 40lbs. It's awful and will take a lot of time and effort for me to get back to normal. I'm Also boaty or walking on a trampoline 24-7. My sleep is weird, usually can fall Asleep about 6am then I wake every two hours until 3 pm. Hate losing my whole day, but I think sleep is more important for healing.  I've pretty much stayed the same For the last 3 months give or take a few odd aches & pains. Can't wait for these to start to subside.

 

Stuck - FYI, a lot of people have developed acid reflux during withdrawal. I think it eventually goes away. Some buy Prilosec over the counter and take that for a short time, like a month. Those work very well.

 

Ziggy - I was glad to read that you had some improvements in your sleep. I know it will continue to improve as time goes by. Stay positive.

 

Texas - haven't had the warm burning inside my arms or legs. Sounds awful, but I'm sure it's another withdrawal symptom. I hope you can find something to soothe it.

 

Cindy - I'm sorry you're having burning all over your body. It's a terrible symptom and nothing really helps. Hot or cold showers may give some short relief. Some have used Epsom salt in a hot bath. I only have it on my legs and it's worse at night. I can't imagine having that all over, my heart goes out to you. Hope it gives a way soon.

[[Si...]]

Hi Korbe, sorry you have the burning. It's pretty common though. I have it all over. It if course moves around and sometimes is stronger and sometimes weaker. It doesn't bother me as much as some of the other symptoms. Not that I like it. The worst really is the insomnia. I think the weight will come off easily once you're back to feeling better.

 

I went to bad at 12pm last night. Again not terribly hard to fall asleep. Was wide awake at 3am though, which sucks but it's better than nothing. I may have fallen back asleep briefly, as I vaguely remember a dream. Getting now to get ready for work. Ugh!

[[sa...]]

Checking in....

 

I'm a week into month 25 and my waves from month 24 continue. Crushing nausea, a feeling of being electrocution and ear ringing continue to be my worst symptoms. I figured that I'd be better by now or at least improving. No change in the past five months, which is scary. I'm realizing now that this could go on for a long time and that terrifies me. I hope God hears our prayers and sends us all some healing soon. This is too much to expect a human being to take.

 

I have now lost all the weight I had gained in May / June, so I'm back to -40 pounds. I really need this nausea to disappear. It's near impossible to be at work like this. Family has had it with me. There is no compassion for someone suffering this disease. Such a lonesome journey.

 

Prayers to everyone.

-Tom

[[so...]]

Hi Buddies,

I have terrible chemical anxiety today.  I'm filled with horror.  Does this pass?  God help me. I've never felt like this before.  Please someone tell me this goes away.

 

Siggy, Korbe, TM, Sas, Cindys....I'm praying for you all and anyone I missed. My mind is so messed up.  I'm sorry.

[[...]]

Sofa it will pass, it always does. I am in the same boat today and telling myself this. I think we are all stressed out as we have Christmas coming again and still feeling horrible for yet another one. Our brains are working to sort themselves out, mine is frying at the moment.

 

Nice to see everyone checking in. Just wish it was to say how much better you are all feeling. Maybe not feeling it but it is happening. We need more time.

 

I'll be 20 months soon and cannot believe this is still going on as I'm sure all of you are and yes it is so exhausting. I was so depressed at the weekend and that is one symptom I cannot cope with. Never thought I would make it to work today. I did but it's been soooo hard. Oh to feel comfortable in your own skin again sounds like paradise.

 

I used to love this time of year; getting ready for Christmas, wrapping presents with carols on. I would do anything to get that back, again more time.

 

Not only is my brain frying today but my muscles are burning and tight ugh.

 

On a positive, I made 2 Christmas cakes yesterday. I really did not want to but made myself as I had promised a friend of my Mum that i would make one for her. You would think I would be proud of myself and feel better. Nope