18 - 30 Month Plus Group

[[ci...]]

Green, thanks for the info on sleep. It is my worst sxs at this point. Helpful to know with more time it will resolve. So happy to hear you are doing so much better, and hopefully can put this chapter behind you soon.

 

Always, cindy

[[Si...]]

Thanks cindys, I follow when you post as well. 

 

Yep, it is by far the most disruptive and problematic symptom I have. The others, while unpleasant, would be much more manageable if not for the insomnia. I agree I can even handle the 3 or 4 hours ones much better than none. When that happens at least some sleep has been obtained. Plus the shear madness of sitting there for hours at night doing nothing trying to conserve energy for the next day. I'm right behind you nearing 19 months. I didn't really C/T but did stop at 1/4mg after going up and down with a really sloppy quick taper for about two weeks or so. I only took 15 within a two and a half week period and I was screwed from that. The remaining 10 that I took were trying to taper before I just said f it and made the 1/4 mg one my last one.

 

If you're interested, here's my sleep log I just compiled for the last few months. The beginning of July is missing as that's when it was started and then November is still on the dry erase board at home.

 

July

1 0

2

3

4

5

6

7

8 0

9 3

10 9

11 5

12 4.5

13 4–5

14 2–3

15 6–7

16 0

17 8

18 7–8

19 4–5

20 5–6

21 0

22 7–8

23 7

24 9

25 6.5

26 5

27 0

28 8

29 0

30 6

31 7.5

 

August

1 6

2 4–5

3 4–5

4 5–6

5 1–2

6 5

7 6.5

8 6–7

9 7

10 6

11 6

12 0

13 8.45

14 7

15 7.5

16 4

17 0

18 7.5

19 0–1

20 6.5

21 5

22 7

23 6.5

24 3–4

25 5–6

26 6

27 6

28 6

29 8

30 6

31 6

 

September

1 6

2 0–1

3 7.5

4 7–8

5 7

6 7–8

7 7–8

8 0–1

9 4–5

10 5–6

11 6–7

12 4

13 6–7

14 6

15 6

16 6

17 6

18 4–5

19 4–5

20 5

21 0

22 6–7

23 0

24 7–8

25 2

26 6.5

27 6–7

28 6

29 6

30 5–6

 

October

1 6

2 7–8

3 7–8

4 6

5 4.5–5

6 2

7 6–7

8 0–1

9 7–8

10 2

11 7

12 0

13 5

14 3–4

15 5

16 5

17 6–7

18 5.5

19 5–6

20 4–5

21 5–6

22 5

23 4

24 4–5

25 2

26 4

27 5

28 4–5

29 4–5

30 6

31 3–4

I agree, Sig, the insomnia is now the most disruptive issue I have.  I was really, really bad for a while, and other symptoms actually pushed insomnia to the back of the line.  Now that I've recovered as much as I have, the sleep disturbance is the most troublesome.  I spoke to an addiction counselor recently, one of the few that sees ppl trying to recover from benzos, one of the few who admits how bad it is to get off them, and she said sleep issues this far out are common and the brain is still trying to sort it all out, and that it will sort out eventually  Ing fo

  I began sleeping heavily probably in month 20+, still get sporadic sleepless nights, but more  frequent I'm getting deep, deep sleep, and feeling sleepy and lethargic even after nine hours. hang in there, the sleep will come

 

Thanks so much for the reassurance green! I really need it right now. I could handle most of the other symptoms if I could just sleep ok. I'm nearing month 19, so I'm really hoping for bug improvements in the sleep front soon. I did sleep 7 hours last night. Out at 11:30 wide awake at 6:30. Still tied, but much better than no sleep. Hope you continue to improve and the sleepless nights totally go away for you.

[[dr...]]

Siggy, I sleep like crap but for some reason it doesn't bother me as much as other stuff.  Every night I fall asleep exhausted in a instant and then I'm awake between 3:45-5ish.  It sucks.

 

I fly out in six hours.  Luckily my migraine and head symptoms are greatly reduced today. Had some very nervous anxiety earlier but who wouldn't when flying to a foreign country, getting married, meeting new family, etc....

 

All in all just trying to take it one day at a time.  Finish month 19 in two days.  Hoping 20 is better.

[[Si...]]

Yeah drew, I wish I could fall asleep easily. Usually it takes forever if I even do. Going the whole night without sleep over and over is just excruciating. Only ever had an unplanned fully sleepless night maybe twice in my adult life. And I can say those times happened because of binge drinking for a few days and then stopping. I had no idea how insane the insomnia could be. I just always relied on the fact that I would easily sleep every night. While I usually only typically got 6-½ hours during the work week, it was enough for me. Cup of coffee in the morning and occasionally one I the afternoon and I was good to go. Would usually sleep in a little longer on the weekend. Now all of that is ruined. It unbelievably depressing that 25 little pills ruined my life. I feel like I'll never get past this insomnia.

 

Sorry you have the early wake ups. Yours will probably get better with time. Good luck on your flight and congrats again on your wedding.

 

 

[[Ko...]]

Hi Green - Good to see your post. Thanks for the info on insomnia. Hope you're doing well and healing a lot.

 

Hi Drew - wanted to wish you a safe trip and a wonderful wedding. I hope you get a giant window to see you through.

 

Hi Ziggy - I'm still struggling with sleep too.  It's my worse symptom.  Last night my legs were stinging so bad I couldn't sleep.  They didn't stop hurting until 5pm and then I slept for a couple of hours. I will take sleep when it comes which is usually during the day. I know you can do that because you work. At least you get some during the night.  Everyone says it will get better, so keep the faith.

 

Sofa - thanks for keeping this thread going even though you're struggling. I can always use your positive responses.

 

I'm completing 2 years post taper on Dec. 2 and I wish I could report that I'm better. Im still suffering

With physical issues, but mentally I'm 95% healed. So I guess I do have some good news.

 

[[Si...]]

Hi Green - Good to see your post. Thanks for the info on insomnia. Hope you're doing well and healing a lot.

 

Hi Drew - wanted to wish you a safe trip and a wonderful wedding. I hope you get a giant window to see you through.

 

Hi Ziggy - I'm still struggling with sleep too.  It's my worse symptom.  Last night my legs were stinging so bad I couldn't sleep.  They didn't stop hurting until 5pm and then I slept for a couple of hours. I will take sleep when it comes which is usually during the day. I know you can do that because you work. At least you get some during the night.  Everyone says it will get better, so keep the faith.

 

Sofa - thanks for keeping this thread going even though you're struggling. I can always use your positive responses.

 

I'm completing 2 years post taper on Dec. 2 and I wish I could report that I'm better. Im still suffering

With physical issues, but mentally I'm 95% healed. So I guess I do have some good news.

 

Thanks Korbe! sorry to hear you're still having some problems and still suffering. I hate that burning stuff too! It's definitely worse when I don't sleep. Luckily I was able to fall asleep rather quickly last night after getting into bed at 12:00pm. Was wide awake at 4:30am and then maybe fell back asleep very briefly. My wife gets up for work at 5:30am, so all that noise keeps me up (her alarm, then the shower noise). I feel relatively ok this morning for only getting 4 - 5 hours though. I guess it's just great in comparison to getting none. I'm trying a few things to try and get me back on track. Taking my daily multi-vitamin more religiously. I was only taking it sporadically before. Taking Krill oil for the omega-3's. I just started that two days ago. It's suppose to help brain function and depression. Also got some Tart Cherry concentrate with Turmeric and Ginger. I'll have to see how it all goes as I just started this routine 2 days ago.

[[so...]]

Korbe,

 

I'm so happy your cognitive issues are 95% resolved.  That's real progress!  Now on to the burning issues and you'll be healed!  It's always something, until it's not.  I can't wait for that glorious day and it WILL COME FOR ALL OF US!

[[Te...]]

Hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving....sounds like everyone it taking problems day by day..

 

My needle and pins or maybe it's bug like feeling under my skin....has come to visit....all over body...just jumps around....want to itch but heck by the time I get to the spot to scratch its moved to another spot....I would love to climb out of my skin.....night time is always worse.....keep rubbing on lotion....grrrrrrr

 

I wonder if foods makes this symptom worse...I ate to much over the last week.....darn if this is pay back....

 

Hugs! TM

[[Si...]]

Hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving....sounds like everyone it taking problems day by day..

 

My needle and pins or maybe it's bug like feeling under my skin....has come to visit....all over body...just jumps around....want to itch but heck by the time I get to the spot to scratch its moved to another spot....I would love to climb out of my skin.....night time is always worse.....keep rubbing on lotion....grrrrrrr

 

I wonder if foods makes this symptom worse...I ate to much over the last week.....darn if this is pay back....

 

Hugs! TM

 

So sorry you're having some burning issues. I have that a lot too all over my body. Seems to move around, but mostly on my head and back. Have you tried a cold pack? It's helped me some, especially on my neck. We just never can tell what, if anything, causes all this garbage we go through.

[[Te...]]

Hi Siggy.....would you classify pins and needle feeling as burning....it's hard to describe but it's like tiny tingling pin poke feeling ....it's like my skin is moving from underneath at times....but darn I couldn't sleep the past few nights....I can tolerate it a little better during the day...

How would you describe your burning?

It will eventually stop....but I wish it would go away for good........grrrrr

Let me know if you thinking your sleeping gets better by something....

Trying to remember what you said about benedryl ?

 

Hugs!

TM

[[Si...]]

Hi Siggy.....would you classify pins and needle feeling as burning....it's hard to describe but it's like tiny tingling pin poke feeling ....it's like my skin is moving from underneath at times....but darn I couldn't sleep the past few nights....I can tolerate it a little better during the day...

How would you describe your burning?

It will eventually stop....but I wish it would go away for good........grrrrr

Let me know if you thinking your sleeping gets better by something....

Trying to remember what you said about benedryl ?

 

Hugs!

TM

 

Yes kind of both, but mostly burning. It's similar to the feeling you get when you have really cold wind blowing on you. Either that or as if I slathered some sports cream on myself. I do get the pins and needles, but not as much as the burning. I'll def let you know if the sleep improves any. I can't take Benadryl as it makes me hyper. Which is for sure not something I want.

[[Te...]]

Siggy...........wishing you sweet dreams tonight!

 

Hugs!

TM

[[so...]]

Siggy,

 

I second what TM said.  Sweet dreams!

[[Si...]]

Thanks y'all hopefully so. And to both of you too.

[[...]]

Hi Folks,

 

I've not posted for a while as I'm so wavy but I believe this will end (not soon enough). I actually thought today was going to be a better day, however it's just got worse. This could do with a counselling session I had this morning as it's stirred up all my feelings of loss around my sister and dad and Christmas looming, which is hard enough when just going through WD. I lkike my therapist and even though he has no idea about benzos, he doesn't dismiss what I'm going through. I do feel that he thinks I have a lot of grief issues, maybe. Maybe I'm just having a bad patch...... again.

Sleep, although I get some, is hit and miss. I think we are all tired beyond belief going through this for so long. I know I'm beaten up today, nubness and tingling and my neck is so sore (it's been worse). I just feel like having a big cry. I so want to enjoy the run up to and Christmas itself but today it doesn't feel possible as my head feels too full of concrete.

 

My Mum said to me today that she can tell I'm getting better......... need to keep reminding myself of this. Will be 20 months off in a week and that is the right side of healing. How strong are we?

 

Anyone else have burning, tingling palms?

Love to you all 

[[Si...]]

Hi Folks,

 

I've not posted for a while as I'm so wavy but I believe this will end (not soon enough). I actually thought today was going to be a better day, however it's just got worse. This could do with a counselling session I had this morning as it's stirred up all my feelings of loss around my sister and dad and Christmas looming, which is hard enough when just going through WD. I lkike my therapist and even though he has no idea about benzos, he doesn't dismiss what I'm going through. I do feel that he thinks I have a lot of grief issues, maybe. Maybe I'm just having a bad patch...... again.

Sleep, although I get some, is hit and miss. I think we are all tired beyond belief going through this for so long. I know I'm beaten up today, nubness and tingling and my neck is so sore (it's been worse). I just feel like having a big cry. I so want to enjoy the run up to and Christmas itself but today it doesn't feel possible as my head feels too full of concrete.

 

My Mum said to me today that she can tell I'm getting better......... need to keep reminding myself of this. Will be 20 months off in a week and that is the right side of healing. How strong are we?

 

Anyone else have burning, tingling palms?

Love to you all

 

Hi marj! I'm so sorry. I've been in a terrible place for almost 2 weeks now too. I'm approaching my 19 month mark soon. The insomnia is just tearing me apart. I barely got 2 hours last night and that's after only getting about 4-1/2 the night before. If I had only gotten 4-1/2 hours before benzos, I'd be falling asleep at work. Now I can't even get drowsy. It's absolutely insane. I still can't believe they did this to me. After only 1 month.

 

My wife says she sees improvements, but I definitely don't feel like it. If I could just get at least 5 hours a night, then I'd feel like I'm making progress. I really don't understand why I drop off to sleep so easy some nights and other nights it just won't happen. Will we ever get over this insomnia?

[[so...]]

Marj and Siggy,

 

I'm so sorry you both are suffering.  I'm back in acute again with the whole marching band of symptoms plus fever chills coursing through my whole body.  I feel so sick.  Sorry about the bummer post.  Please forgive me.

 

Has anyone else had these fever chills?  Yesterday I was so hopeful and feeling improvements.  Today is not good.

 

Healing days ahead for us all, Sofa

[[...]]

Don't apologize Sofa, you need to get it out and here is the place. Many, many times I have been hopeful, gone to bed and wham bam, another crap day. It can go the other way too where you are sure you are going to finally break and then it's better. I guess this is how it will be until we are out of this. I spoke to Ian Singleton from Bristol TP and he is never alarmed at anything I tell him I am suffering from, he has heard it all x1000's. He said I promise, cross my heart that you will get better and when you do it will be like a miracle and you will be so proud of yourself. He said it's disgusting what these drugs do to people and once we are addicted, everything has to repair and sometimes this can happen after very short term use and or very low doses. All very reassuring and he has 30 years of helping people.

 

:smitten:

[[Te...]]

Marj.....can I get Ian phone number from you.....he is not in US? Gosh how much was the call?

 

Just feeling sicker today....and yes to burning palms..and feet..my arms feel like there is burning liqiud inside them......this is scaring me.....my arms feel weak.....and burning inside them .....this is a new symptom ...at almost two years..and having a day where I think I should go to ER

 

My friends.....just dont get this mess...so many symptoms roaring there heads at me....

 

TM

[[dr...]]

Hi all from NZ!  I survived the flight with some anxiety but made it.  I've been on a wrldwind f a schedule w my wedding on Monday.  It's been nonstop crap like decision making and meeting new family.  Very stressful.  The good thing is I've had very littl anxiety or DR.  What I do have is terrible eye pain, sound sensitivity, and overall pain in brain from all the stimulation.  The fun thing is I know where I don't like it I can manage all the events starting Friday like this.  I'm also super emotional and feel like busting into tears at anything slightly happy or sad.  Hope everyone does a bit better soon. Thinking of you all. 

[[Si...]]

Hi all from NZ!  I survived the flight with some anxiety but made it.  I've been on a wrldwind f a schedule w my wedding on Monday.  It's been nonstop crap like decision making and meeting new family.  Very stressful.  The good thing is I've had very littl anxiety or DR.  What I do have is terrible eye pain, sound sensitivity, and overall pain in brain from all the stimulation.  The fun thing is I know where I don't like it I can manage all the events starting Friday like this.  I'm also super emotional and feel like busting into tears at anything slightly happy or sad.  Hope everyone does a bit better soon. Thinking of you all. 

 

Hey that's great! Glad the flight went somewhat smoothly. I'm sure that the constant distraction in a beautiful place like NZ helps. Good luck on the wedding. Let us know how it goes.

 

My sleep is still terrible. Went to bed at 11:30pm. Passed out somewhat easily, wide awake at 4:30am.

[[so...]]

Drew,

 

You sound great!  Like a "normal" person going through all once in a lifetime events!  So glad the anxiety isn't there anymore.  Have a great wedding and honeymoon! 

[[Te...]]

Drew....I wish you the best....on days ahead...enjoy....take lots of pictures to remember the moment

Hugs! TM

 

Sofa......how are you feeling?

 

TM

[[so...]]

TM,

 

Yesterday was a horror show from acute with racing heartbeat, heart palps, fever chills coursing through me for 16 hours straight, full body vibrations and terror, clutching my pillow all day in bed.

 

Today back to normal sh*tty.  What just happened?  What a roller coaster ride with a blindfold on!

 

And the anxiety needs to take a hike!  PLEASE!

 

How are you doing TM?

 

Love you, Sofa

[[Gr...]]

Hey, Korbe, I'm pretty much where you're at, 95% healed on the mental.  the physical, I still have quite a bit going on. 

 

I sleep, but still have the days and nights mixed up.  Still don't fall off until 4:30-5 a.m.  Have something of a schedule.  I set an alarm to be up by 1 p.m. I wake up tired, lethargic, no matter how many hours I've slept.  Low energy.  Mood is pretty stable as long as I don't rebel against my symptoms.  some days are better than others.  on a good day, I can get moving pretty quick as long as I get plenty of sleep.  If I have to wake up early, I feel so awful, and I end up having a miserable day. 

 

Shopping and cooking for the holiday set me back, I was exhausted for two days after.  I find it difficult to accomplish much.  I'm still very limited in how much I can do.  I get tired and pay a price if I overdo.

 

I'm in my 25th month.  The good news is the spectacular mental healing.  If I think about where I was two years ago, I'm so, so grateful to have my mind back.  I didn't realize how bad I was, until I wasn't anymore.

 

It's very frustrating to feel so shackled by the remaining physical stuff.  it's getting better, it just seems slow going.  but it's going, thank goodness, lol.

 

I need to spend less time on the site at this point in my healing, I'm trying to ignore symptoms and engage in living as best I can.  Love and miss you all!

 

PS  I have a lot of tight muscles.  feels like rigor in the neck going up into the scalp. it's very tight.  on bad days I can't turn my head.  it comes and goes.  also stiffness in the whole pelvic hip area.  no, we cannot make this up.