18 - 30 Month Plus Group

[[Si...]]

Hi everyone,

 

Hope everyone is doing ok.

 

I was dozing off for a while last night after about 9:30pm. Stayed up to 11:30 to make sure I wouldn't have much problem falling asleep. Plus I just love that groggy sleepy feeling now since I almost never get to feel it. About 4:30am one of our cats decides he was to have a fight with a plastic bag and the bottom of the bed. Luckily I was able to fall back asleep for a little while until about 6am or a little after. Woke up with my usual headache, but today has been ok other than the depression that's always around now. Still always worried about if I'll sleep tonight or not. I hate that I have to worry about this now. I never had to worry about that before. Sleep is just something that always happened for me. Ugh!

[[Te...]]

Siggy......glad you slept ok last night.....I've been struggling big time today.........grrrrrrr

 

Wish there was a light at the end of the tunnel......wondering if my 24/7 mouth symptoms....is really benzo....or something from extracted root canal.....I had almost three years ago and three surgeries after the extraction......it's crazy....the tooth still feels as it there....pushing into my sinus cavity...where they pulled out from.....but te gums in that area......are burning so bad.....mouth is burning......really......this is revving up my anxiety.....so bad

Three years of this....before....jumping.....still going.....makes no sense .....I'm trying to stay busy but it's hard when my mouth is so painful.....

 

Sending you sweet dreams....for tonight........

TM

[[Si...]]

Oh no TX! I'm so sorry you're having mouth problems. I had to have a root canal a few months ago. I was in excruciating pain. Of course I didn't sleep at all the night before I went to have it done too. Strangely the procedure was ok. Occassionaly the tooth feels unnatural, but most of the time I don't notice it. Hope it starts feeling better for you soon. I do have burning in a lot of places, but never had it in my mouth (knock on wood). Does sucking on a piece of candy help at all?

[[Te...]]

No......candy doesn't really .....ice does some....but burning gum in extracted area is terrible....along with pressure.....I just dont ever get any relief.......some days it's manageable other days like today I would love just to crawl out of my body.....

Started laser treatments to see if will help....

Have big Thanksgiving plans?.....I'm getting together with family......wishing for a good day.....

Do you any physical pains?

 

TM

[[Si...]]

We're going to my wife's parents house. They're only about 20 minutes from us. I have bad head pressure and burning in different places. My body is worn out all the time too. Mostly from not sleeping. I have cotton mouth all the time now too no matter how much water I drink.

[[dr...]]

Siggy-try Nuuns for cotton mouth and thirst. Zero sugar and they work great. Amazon has them.

[[Si...]]

Thanks drew. Here I am wide awake again. Tried to sleep for the past three hours and just can't fall asleep at all. I have no idea what's causing this. I was doing relatively well for about a month (4-6 hours a night) and now just back into hell.

[[Te...]]

Siggy.....at least you had a great month.....I wonder if weather change has something to do with sleep pattern.....mine has gotten goofy again....I have strange dreams all night.....why ...what's with the dreams I'm up and  down all night...

 

Drew.....excited about upcoming wedding.....excited for you!

 

TM

[[Si...]]

Siggy.....at least you had a great month.....I wonder if weather change has something to do with sleep pattern.....mine has gotten goofy again....I have strange dreams all night.....why ...what's with the dreams I'm up and  down all night...

 

Drew.....excited about upcoming wedding.....excited for you!

 

TM

 

Yeah, no idea if the weather had anything to do with it. Generally I'd think the cooler weather would have helped some. The weather definitely fluctuates a lot here in Atlanta when the seasons change. Sorry you've gone goofy.

[[ci...]]

Siggy, I always follow your posts, and I so understand regarding your insomnia issues. At 20 months CT, insomnia is my worst issue. There is no pattern to my sleep schedule. I may or may not get 4-6 hours of broken sleep a few times a week, or no sleep a few times a week. My sleep has gotten worse over the past 6 months, But other sxs are resolving. I believe sleep will be the last issue to resolve. I can function ok on 3 hours of sleep, but nights of no sleep the next day is brutal.

 

Hang in there siggy, if it helps at all, I feel your pain.

 

Always, cindy

[[Si...]]

Thanks cindys, I follow when you post as well. 

 

Yep, it is by far the most disruptive and problematic symptom I have. The others, while unpleasant, would be much more manageable if not for the insomnia. I agree I can even handle the 3 or 4 hours ones much better than none. When that happens at least some sleep has been obtained. Plus the shear madness of sitting there for hours at night doing nothing trying to conserve energy for the next day. I'm right behind you nearing 19 months. I didn't really C/T but did stop at 1/4mg after going up and down with a really sloppy quick taper for about two weeks or so. I only took 15 within a two and a half week period and I was screwed from that. The remaining 10 that I took were trying to taper before I just said f it and made the 1/4 mg one my last one.

 

If you're interested, here's my sleep log I just compiled for the last few months. The beginning of July is missing as that's when it was started and then November is still on the dry erase board at home.

 

July

1 0

2

3

4

5

6

7

8 0

9 3

10 9

11 5

12 4.5

13 4–5

14 2–3

15 6–7

16 0

17 8

18 7–8

19 4–5

20 5–6

21 0

22 7–8

23 7

24 9

25 6.5

26 5

27 0

28 8

29 0

30 6

31 7.5

 

August

1 6

2 4–5

3 4–5

4 5–6

5 1–2

6 5

7 6.5

8 6–7

9 7

10 6

11 6

12 0

13 8.45

14 7

15 7.5

16 4

17 0

18 7.5

19 0–1

20 6.5

21 5

22 7

23 6.5

24 3–4

25 5–6

26 6

27 6

28 6

29 8

30 6

31 6

 

September

1 6

2 0–1

3 7.5

4 7–8

5 7

6 7–8

7 7–8

8 0–1

9 4–5

10 5–6

11 6–7

12 4

13 6–7

14 6

15 6

16 6

17 6

18 4–5

19 4–5

20 5

21 0

22 6–7

23 0

24 7–8

25 2

26 6.5

27 6–7

28 6

29 6

30 5–6

 

October

1 6

2 7–8

3 7–8

4 6

5 4.5–5

6 2

7 6–7

8 0–1

9 7–8

10 2

11 7

12 0

13 5

14 3–4

15 5

16 5

17 6–7

18 5.5

19 5–6

20 4–5

21 5–6

22 5

23 4

24 4–5

25 2

26 4

27 5

28 4–5

29 4–5

30 6

31 3–4

 

[[ci...]]

siggy, Our sleep patterns are so similar. Does it help you to track your sleep hours? I know Albie1 also had tracked his sleep hours on his blog. His sleep returned to normal by 3 years out. I stopped tracking my sleep hours, for me it was too discouraging. I do have a routine now, which helps me, if I can not fall asleep w/i 1 hours, I returned to my comfy recliner chair with a good book, after 3 hours of reading I can usually fall asleep for 3-4 hours. Not ideal but it works for now.

 

Hang in there siggy, the worst is behind us, we will get thru this.

 

Always, cindy

[[Mi...]]

Happy Thanksgiving to you All! 

 

I am so thankful for each and everyone one you today! I am sending you all healing hugs! 

I have been holding on to my higher baseline for the entire month so far! I am not 100% yet but I finally have hope that I will eventually get my life back! I will be 21 months off Dec. 1st and still doing ok!  Not great Not bad, I am truly just OK!  And I will take it! 

 

:smitten:    

[[Si...]]

I know some people were tracking their sleep and then stopped. I think it helps me maybe see some progress if I am making any at all. I have such a problem getting frustrated if I can't fall asleep within the first hour or hour and a half. I can count on one hand the amount of times I've been able to fall asleep at all if I don't fall asleep earlier at night. Hopefully we will be able to get back to a more normal pattern. I've tried the reading thing and all kinds of other things and nothing seems to help me fall asleep after the initial time I get in bed.

 

Jen glad you're doing much better! I'm hoping I'm in the cusp of making big improvements in the next few months. I'm about to hit 19 months, so only a few behind you.

[[...]]

Jen I am so pleased and encouraged to read this, especially as you had such a difficult time recentl. Great that you feel you are getting there. I think we know this thing may linger for a while to come, however progress is all that is needed to keep us goingOh yes and Happy Thangsgiving to the American BB's. 

 

Some more stress namely thinking my son may have got appendicitis this morning has me in a spin. He hasn't but it was enough to have me in that anxious, I'm going to go mad as I can't cope state. Cannot believe that I have been a Mum for 18 years, dealt with all sorts and the slightest little thing has me in a state. Just getting over the lost doggie and the dark woods and then this ugh.

 

We are stronger than we realise, even though we feel like jelly fish.

 

Siggy my sleep is crap too. I get some but not anywhere enough. Never had this problem before, it's rubbish.

[[Si...]]

Hi Marj sorry about your son. At least it's not aooendicitis. Had a good friend in college that had ® have emergency surgery for it. It came out of nowhere one day and rapidly got dangerous. Thanks for the thanksgiving wishes. Lots of food tonight. Hope you can stay relaxed today.

[[dr...]]

Happy thanksgiving all.

 

Great update Jen.  Hi Marj and Siggy.

 

I'm almost completed month 19 and it sucked. I keep track hy rating my days A-F and while I had 15 B days in Oct I only had 3 good days. I even had a toxic nap yesterday in which I awoke in one of the worst panic attacks in memory. I usually can self talk my way through them but I woke up in terror so I had no chance.  Of course it passed.  My therapist thinks it can have something to do with me leaving for my wedding in NZ on Saturday.  Add in finishing work for about a month and it's been stressful.  I'm just putting pressure on myself(even though I don't think I am) worrying about how I'll feel on this trip.  The funny thing is I've travelled during this process and I've done well(except for one ER visit last year ).  Oh well...guess I'm just processing it all.  Woke up w a bad headache and some pressure but I can manage.

[[Si...]]

Hi drew, I guess keeping track can sometimes let us down, but looking at good stretches also can help. I'm super depressed for some reason today. Mostly I think because after I've had a good night of sleep, hat the next night coukd be terrible.

 

I think the anticipation of your trip may be worse than when you actually are on your trip. Anyway, have a nice turkey day. We're heading to my in laws soon.

[[Si...]]

Had a terrible night last night. Was depressed most of the day and then of course couldn't fall asleep last night. Maybe light sleep, but not restorative. The burning was and is at a 10. I just know if I'm ever going to get better from this. I'm hanging by a thread. I just don't understand the insomnia. I slept great before ever taking this crap. Will I ever be normal again?

[[so...]]

Siggy,  I'm feeling the awful chemical anxiety after three days of cooking and then thanksgiving day.  I'm feeling this is permanent again.  We will heal eventually.

 

Drew, Sorry you got hit with the chemical anxiety too.  It's the pits.  You are going to be great traveling and getting married. You are strong and healing rapidly.  Setbacks just happen and they are temporary.

 

Marj, We always worry about our kids.  It sends us for loops these days, but we will get back to our normal selves soon.

 

Jen, I'm so happy for your healing.  Great times are right in front of you.

 

Love, Sofa

[[Si...]]

Thanks sofa. Been out with the wife shopping all day to distract myself. It isn't something I would have typically done before benzos. Not that I don't like hanging out with my wife. Feel like a zombie today. How's everyone else? Anyone heard from Nova or Coop?

[[so...]]

I read on Nova's blog that he and Coop and others in the original group are spending time on FB group they formed.  I miss them too.

[[Gr...]]

Thanks cindys, I follow when you post as well. 

 

Yep, it is by far the most disruptive and problematic symptom I have. The others, while unpleasant, would be much more manageable if not for the insomnia. I agree I can even handle the 3 or 4 hours ones much better than none. When that happens at least some sleep has been obtained. Plus the shear madness of sitting there for hours at night doing nothing trying to conserve energy for the next day. I'm right behind you nearing 19 months. I didn't really C/T but did stop at 1/4mg after going up and down with a really sloppy quick taper for about two weeks or so. I only took 15 within a two and a half week period and I was screwed from that. The remaining 10 that I took were trying to taper before I just said f it and made the 1/4 mg one my last one.

 

If you're interested, here's my sleep log I just compiled for the last few months. The beginning of July is missing as that's when it was started and then November is still on the dry erase board at home.

 

July

1 0

2

3

4

5

6

7

8 0

9 3

10 9

11 5

12 4.5

13 4–5

14 2–3

15 6–7

16 0

17 8

18 7–8

19 4–5

20 5–6

21 0

22 7–8

23 7

24 9

25 6.5

26 5

27 0

28 8

29 0

30 6

31 7.5

 

August

1 6

2 4–5

3 4–5

4 5–6

5 1–2

6 5

7 6.5

8 6–7

9 7

10 6

11 6

12 0

13 8.45

14 7

15 7.5

16 4

17 0

18 7.5

19 0–1

20 6.5

21 5

22 7

23 6.5

24 3–4

25 5–6

26 6

27 6

28 6

29 8

30 6

31 6

 

September

1 6

2 0–1

3 7.5

4 7–8

5 7

6 7–8

7 7–8

8 0–1

9 4–5

10 5–6

11 6–7

12 4

13 6–7

14 6

15 6

16 6

17 6

18 4–5

19 4–5

20 5

21 0

22 6–7

23 0

24 7–8

25 2

26 6.5

27 6–7

28 6

29 6

30 5–6

 

October

1 6

2 7–8

3 7–8

4 6

5 4.5–5

6 2

7 6–7

8 0–1

9 7–8

10 2

11 7

12 0

13 5

14 3–4

15 5

16 5

17 6–7

18 5.5

19 5–6

20 4–5

21 5–6

22 5

23 4

24 4–5

25 2

26 4

27 5

28 4–5

29 4–5

30 6

31 3–4

I agree, Sig, the insomnia is now the most disruptive issue I have.  I was really, really bad for a while, and other symptoms actually pushed insomnia to the back of the line.  Now that I've recovered as much as I have, the sleep disturbance is the most troublesome.  I spoke to an addiction counselor recently, one of the few that sees ppl trying to recover from benzos, one of the few who admits how bad it is to get off them, and she said sleep issues this far out are common and the brain is still trying to sort it all out, and that it will sort out eventually 

  I began sleeping heavily probably in month 20+, still get sporadic sleepless nights, but more frequent I'm getting deep, deep sleep, and feeling sleepy and lethargic even after nine hours. hang in there, the sleep will come

 

[[dr...]]

Hi green! 

 

[[so...]]

Hi Green!  It's so good to see you.  I'm so glad you are getting some sleep, even though it's not perfect. You sound like you're almost there!

 

Sofa