18 - 30 Month Plus Group

[[Si...]]

Hi stuck, I had trouble with tv the first few months off. Especially anything scary or loud. Most of it is fine for me to watch. I still don't like scary stuff, which sucks because I use to love stuff like that.

[[so...]]

Stuck,

 

Oh my gosh!  I've set the ability to watch TV as my marker for improvement too!

 

Siggy,

 

I'm glad you could eventually watch TV again.  I'm alone all the time and can't do anything to pass the time but play the same word game on my Kindle and read BB all day.  The minutes ooze by like molasses.  I just want to be able to get through the day with the TV as a distraction from my symptoms.

 

I have at least two nights a week where I cannot fall asleep.  I took a Unisom doxy two nights ago and spent the entire next day in acute symptoms clutching my pillow with a racing heartbeat over 100.  Can't use the doxy anymore.  Now what?

 

When you can't sleep, Siggy, are you revved up or hurting?  I'm just flat out awake!

 

Love, Sofa

[[...]]

Dear 18-30 month Buddies....

    I am doing so much better at month 24....and all of you are going to continue healing too. ...I am consistently at an 85% baseline. I still have sx, but like Mrs, it is only a few that remain and when they appear it is on a mild to moderate intensity. ...I still battle health fear, but to a much lesser degree and the frequency, which used to be daily , is lessening. It may come and go throughout the day ....and on very good days I have none at all. From time to time I still have a little boatyness and/or nausea, but it is very manageable.....That's really about all that's left. ....

    In light of feeling so much better and closing up month 24 I am finding myself on the thread less and less. I see many new faces here....all supporting one another...I wI'll be for the most part leaving the thread. I will continue my Progress journal ( 'Looking Through The Windows....') and I will answer pms as I see them. ...I really want to take a break from.all things w/d as much as possible. My life is returning to me and I want to be truly present as I move forward in re-entry in year 3..  ...I hope to come back  in the future to the 6-12, 12-18 groups later if they are still active , to offer support .

    This is what I know....it's hard , really really hard....and it gets better ....no matter what you do or don't do. All of the tools we learn and use along the way, all of the comforts that we employ to ease our sx DO NOT make it go quicker or end  any sx ...what our tools and comforts do offer is the ability to survive this and keep going. Time truly is , not only the best healer....it is the single healer. Distraction and support are the best tools for getting through. As my friend Nova says, " It is what it is until it isnt"  ..My best advice is to meet each day on its own, do what your mind and body ask you to do on that day. Sometimes it's to push , sometimes it's to stay in bed , or cancel plans or seek support without apology....Despite fears and doubts to the contrary.....you will not be permenently stuck in any one state....it gets better....it just gets better...on its own regardless if you have spent 6 months in bed, or missed work for a year or lost touch with most of your family members. ...none of those things is forever. You will get better....and you will want to get out of bed....you will get better and want to go back to water, you will get better and reconnect with important relationships. Your biggest job in w/d is to get better.....and your life will come back

  I have met wonderful compassionate friends on this thread that started as a 6-12 month group. I could not have made it through without them . I was ready to reinstate at 6 months out. It is only because of the support I found here that I did not. ....Support one another, take turns with the give and take . Hold others up when you can. Share the positives, recognize and celebrate the positives. There were so many days in which I survived on the 'better day'  improvements of my friends here.....Stick together....

      I will post again at some place....Wishing everyone sunbreaks every day ....all the way to ' Healed'........coop

 

Coop so happy for u. I'll be two years in a few weeks and altough things are still dificult at times I've also seen great improvement. I've been consistently traveling since sept,at least two weeks out of each month. I did take a half an Advil (100mg) this weekend while in NY ,20 min later my world felt like it was coming to an end. Like you in the past, my health fear went zero to thinking my life would end while in some other state away from home. Half an Advil !  Never had an issue with Tylenol but since I  didn't have any I made the mistake. If that wouldn't have taken place I can say that the last couple of months have been rewarding.

 

You are so right, time, distraction and faith. We all get better but like we consistanly hear, it takes too much time.

 

All the best

 

 

[[Si...]]

Hi soda, when I can't sleep it's hmjyst like my mind feels like I drank two pots of coffee. I start feeling really crappy around 4am. Hearing the birds in the morning after not sleeping just really gets on my nerves. Now when I hear birds anywhere, it's what I think of. I started getting drowsy last night around 6:30pm. Was slightly dozing off the whole time until I went to bed at at 10:30pm. Woke up at 4:30am on the dot like has been happening most mornings now. Went back to sleep maybe after 30 minutes. Woke up again probably around 6:30 or 7. Are breakfast, but was still really lethargic. Hope we get sleep tonight.

 

Jrod! What's up man? Glad to hear from you. You're one of the first people I met on BB. Glad to hear you're doing better. Sucks that the Advil set you off. It's one of the few things I can take for relief. I just hit my 18 month mark. How are you sleeping now? Mine is still really up and down. I can go Dir stretches where I'll sleep every night, although some aren't that great. Then I'll hit a pattern of one night on one night off. I really hope my sleep normalizes soon. It's absolutely my worst symptom.

[[...]]

Hey sig

 

Yea it can take awhile but you have seen lots of improvements in the last 6 months !

 

Sleep with me is average to good. It did take some time. I'm dealing more with some mood swings and the mornings are still a bag of nuts.

 

I don't sign on very much anymore because of work travel and some improvements but there are days I still struggle with the blues and some anx. But that happens more when I have idle time. I still feel it when I'm swamped but don't have time to let it take over.

 

Hang in ur doing good and you'll be there before u know it

[[Si...]]

Thanks J! Yeah I know most people say that typically good progress in the 18-24 month range. I'm dealing with depression too. Mostly from not sleeping well and feeling like crap a lot of the time. I think part of it may be chemical too though as sometimes I'll have days where the depression just goes away. Then it will hit me out of nowhere. I try to keep myself busy too to keep my mind off it all.

[[...]]

Thanks J! Yeah I know most people say that typically good progress in the 18-24 month range. I'm dealing with depression too. Mostly from not sleeping well and feeling like crap a lot of the time. I think part of it may be chemical too though as sometimes I'll have days where the depression just goes away. Then it will hit me out of nowhere. I try to keep myself busy too to keep my mind off it all.

 

I know that ugly feeling well. Still deal with it but nowhere as the horrific dark crap I dealt with for well over a year. Now it's difficult and at times it's more than usual but I also think since I've had stretches of better , any bump or in some cases being slammed is much more discouraging than when I was in the bowels of the depression,anguish, desperation, anxiety. One thing I can say is that I never thought I could take as much as I have and even at a lesser degree I still continue too endure. We all can and we will continue as long as we need to.

 

Gobble gobble to all

[[mr...]]

Thanks J! Yeah I know most people say that typically good progress in the 18-24 month range. I'm dealing with depression too. Mostly from not sleeping well and feeling like crap a lot of the time. I think part of it may be chemical too though as sometimes I'll have days where the depression just goes away. Then it will hit me out of nowhere. I try to keep myself busy too to keep my mind off it all.

 

I know that ugly feeling well. Still deal with it but nowhere as the horrific dark crap I dealt with for well over a year. Now it's difficult and at times it's more than usual but I also think since I've had stretches of better , any bump or in some cases being slammed is much more discouraging than when I was in the bowels of the depression,anguish, desperation, anxiety. One thing I can say is that I never thought I could take as much as I have and even at a lesser degree I still continue too endure. We all can and we will continue as long as we need to.

 

Gobble gobble to all

 

Aww Jrod, I am so happy to read of this! You deserve to feel better

 

Mrs.

[[...]]

Thanks J! Yeah I know most people say that typically good progress in the 18-24 month range. I'm dealing with depression too. Mostly from not sleeping well and feeling like crap a lot of the time. I think part of it may be chemical too though as sometimes I'll have days where the depression just goes away. Then it will hit me out of nowhere. I try to keep myself busy too to keep my mind off it all.

 

I know that ugly feeling well. Still deal with it but nowhere as the horrific dark crap I dealt with for well over a year. Now it's difficult and at times it's more than usual but I also think since I've had stretches of better , any bump or in some cases being slammed is much more discouraging than when I was in the bowels of the depression,anguish, desperation, anxiety. One thing I can say is that I never thought I could take as much as I have and even at a lesser degree I still continue too endure. We all can and we will continue as long as we need to.

 

Gobble gobble to all

 

Aww Jrod, I am so happy to read of this! You deserve to feel better

 

Mrs.

 

Hey there Mrs

 

Hoping things continue looking up for you.

 

Thk you!

 

[[Si...]]

Thanks J, thought I may not sleep last night. Went to bed at 12pm. Took a while to fall asleep. I was determined not to get worked up about it. Maybe finally fell asleep around 12:45. Had my early morning wake up at 5:30am. Luckily was able I fall back asleep within 20-30 minutes. Woke back up around 8:30. That may be the most sleep I've gotten in a month or too. For some reason I'm still depressed though. I just can't get passed it. I know that feeling of making progress and then getting slammed again. It's a terrible feeling that ribs hope.

[[Be...]]

bump

[[Gr...]]

nice article

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Hope you guys are all well.  I just passed two years.  Actually had some bad days, like my usual milestone wave.  I get 'em, 12, 18, and now 24 months.  But I've had so, so much healing, esp. mental, cognitive, emotional.  the physical stuff is a work in progress.

 

I'm trying to not  spend time on the site.  My  thinking is that a watched pot never boils. and I'm at a place where I can't bear to talk about symptoms anymore. 

I'll stop in soon.  have a wonderful thanksgiving, all of you.

[[Si...]]

Thanks Green, I'm not doing great. I was doing better up until al week ago. My sleep has taken a huge step back. I have no idea what the hell is going on. Had another 0 sleep night last night.

[[...]]

Thanks Green, I'm not doing great. I was doing better up until al week ago. My sleep has taken a huge step back. I have no idea what the hell is going on. Had another 0 sleep night last night.

 

Sig

I went through the exact same cycle. Zero sleep one or two nights

straight then 6-10 hrs  I'd sleep from exhaustion. It's  a cycle that will eventually break. Be patient I know it's extremely taxing but the more you worry about ,will I be able to sleep tonight , the more we set ourselves up. I know you know all this but just wanted you to know I dealt with it well into 15-16 months with that same cycle. It went away gradually. I still have issues sleeping 3-4 days a month but I don't get frantic about it as I did while in the thick of it. It will pass. 

[[Si...]]

Thanks Green, I'm not doing great. I was doing better up until al week ago. My sleep has taken a huge step back. I have no idea what the hell is going on. Had another 0 sleep night last night.

 

Sig

I went through the exact same cycle. Zero sleep one or two nights

straight then 6-10 hrs  I'd sleep from exhaustion. It's  a cycle that will eventually break. Be patient I know it's extremely taxing but the more you worry about ,will I be able to sleep tonight , the more we set ourselves up. I know you know all this but just wanted you to know I dealt with it well into 15-16 months with that same cycle. It went away gradually. I still have issues sleeping 3-4 days a month but I don't get frantic about it as I did while in the thick of it. It will pass.

 

Thanks J!,

 

I'm just having a hard time dealing with it and going to work. My wife really is putting up with a lot too, which I feel REALLY bad about. I really don't even know what is w/d and what is just me being crazy now. She keeps telling me she sees that I'm slowly getting better, but I really don't see it. What really sucks is that I was feeling perfectly fine from months 5 – 10 until I got the flu. I have gone a few weeks where I was only having one sleepless night a week, but now it's just fluctuating all over the place. I had a stretch of about 20+ days in a row. Most of which were 4-6 hour nights, so very maintainable. I was even falling off to sleep almost immediately after getting into bed. That got screwed up 1 week ago out of nowhere. I was just starting to get some confidence back that maybe the sleep problems were starting to pass. Sorry for the rant. I just don't know what else to do.

[[...]]

Hi All,

 

This group has gone very quiet, myself included as I’ve tried to limit the time I give to wd. I really resent how this has taken over and affects my whole life for too long now. I am trying to live my life as normally as possible but I don’t recognize myself and I’m really angry about it.

 

I feel I’m being tested to the limit. On Saturday I said enough of wallowing around for half the day. Did my laundry and took my Mum’s dog out for a long walk. Felt better for it, took my daughter to work, did shopping and cooked, all feeling not great but managed. Sunday I decided to push again, however my disgusting neighbour decided to drill his house with a pneumatic drill which caused me to have a panic attack. I escaped by taking dog out again, lost the dog.  Truly awful experience as after an hour still no dog. By this time it was getting dark. Called my Mum and Son in total despair, it was now dark and my phone then died. I was then lost in the middle of the woods. Anyway I got out eventually, son found traumatized dog, so all ended ok, apart from I feel like I’m in a terrified state and will never recover. I am so tense and could not sleep last night even though exhausted from stumbling around trying to find my way out of the woods. That sigh of relief is just not there. My brain feels fried and can’t process what happened. All this from just trying to be normal!!!! So p!ssed off.

 

Siggy sorry about the sleep again, this is just BS.

 

Good to hear from you Green, often though of you 

[[dr...]]

Hi Green, Siggy, Marj, et al....

 

Marj-that is a terrible experience and it will take a few days for your CNS to recover.  Whenever I have that ultimate brain fry day it feels like I am stuck like that and it won't calm down.  It always does. 

 

I have been spending less and less time here as I don't really fear what I am experiencing except on rare days(like 1-2 times per week) where the chemical anxiety rears its head.  It doesn't stay as long and my headaches are way better.  I am almost two months without a visual migraine!  Still get scalp pain and all assorted crap but the fear dropped off and I can mostly manage now.  I find spending time on here jsut makes me focus on a process I can't change too much.  If anything, reading all the suffering makes it worse.  This place was a godsend for me but now it is a place of diminishing returns.  I suppose that is the natural progression on here and I should be happy with that.

 

I am leaving for my wedding in NZ on Saturday.  I will be travelling for 20 days.  I will manage whatever I need to manage and am trying not to worry about what has not happened yet.  I wish you all speedy healing.    :smitten:

 

 

[[ja...]]

What a nice post Drew, you are healing. Enjoy your beautiful wedding and your travels, and Congratulations!!!!

 

 

Love Jackie :smitten:

[[Te...]]

Drew....you said your not here as much....I'm so happy for you.....but can I ask when you don't suffer with the chemical anxiety ....do you still have physical symptoms....or do they vanish on good day?

 

TM

[[dr...]]

tm-I have physical stuff...but without the anxiety i can manage it.    Also, my debilitating headaches have greatly reduced which is huge.  Today was probably my worst day with chemical anxiety and panic in a few weeks....It was a terrible morning but I just tried my best to be one with it.  there is nothing I can do and at this point I know it will pass.  it always does.  It did although I am completely worn out and shell shocked for a bit.

[[...]]

Thanks Drew,

 

It's hard when something feels like it's knocked you for 6. Thanks for reminding me.

 

I often think of your up coming wedding and root or you to feel good and to enjoy it. Funny when we've never met, but I really care and fingers are crossed or you and your missus . You are sounding really good 

 

[[Te...]]

I do have some days where physical stuff is there but not as bad....but when I don't have the chemical stuff.....I can get so much done....and I have a little skip....so hoping its a start of more better days...

 

Hugs to everyone...Marj....thinking of you......sending you extra hugs!

 

TM

[[...]]

Aw TM, you sound brighter and I hope it is the start of better days for you too. It is inevitable that it will soon, just keep believing.

 

hugs back to you 

[[so...]]

Marj,

 

I'm so sorry you had to go through all that with your pup.  That would drive anyone nuts, even without withdrawal.  You are a trooper.  Please continue to come on here and post.  I need you all very much.  It's important, I think, for all of us to have some security, stability, familiarity and friendship during this process.  This thread going quiet has kind of rocked my world.  Please stay on here and get support from us.  We're all friends and comrades.

 

Siggy,

 

Your sleep will come back.  I read somewhere on BB about the cycling of symptoms and how people get discouraged because they don't understand how healing works in withdrawal.  I will try to find the link, but the gist of it was this:  We look at the healing and symptom cycling like a flat disk when, in fact, it works like a tornado spiral, with a wide top and a narrowing funnel.  Healing occurs in the brain in a non-linear fashion because the brain doesn't repair an area completely, then move on to the next area.  You get reappearing symptoms further into the process when your healing cycles back to a previous area in need, but at a deeper level. 

 

Bottom line:  Your sleep is repairing in levels, according to this research, Siggy.  Soon the repair job

will be complete and your sleep will be 100%. 

 

TM,

 

You sound like you are healing big time.  Your pain is decreasing.  That's fabulous!

 

Drew,

 

I pray for your wedding and honeymoon to be magical.  I hope you keep popping in to say hi and let us know how you're doing.  Live your life and move beyond this nightmare.  You've earned it.  We all have.

 

Love and healing to all my buddies, Sofa

[[Si...]]

Hi everyone!!!! Drew, sofa, Marj,

 

Yes I've had to take a break for a while as I was getting to a point where I was working myself up into a frenzy. I'm still thinking about all of y'all every day.

 

Marj, sorry for the frazzled time you had. They'll be a time where you'll be able to not have such a huge reaction to stress. Mine is still up and down, but I think slowly getting better.

 

Drew, good luck on the wedding! NZ should be amazing.

 

Soda thanks for the pep talk. I've needed a good one this week. Hope your doing good.