18 - 30 Month Plus Group

[[He...]]

Thank you for the feedback.  I wish so badly that this was over for all of us!!

 

I'm realizing that I am slipping into a depression. I am going to try and be proactive about it, by getting out for walks (maybe even trying to run again) and taking a probiotic.  I do NOT want to go on an anti-depressant, though I think that many in my family (husband, mom, dad, and sister) feel like I should try one.  I feel like I'm being eaten alive by this thing.  I made myself go for a short walk, which was only 20 mins, and I felt terrible the whole time.  I know that it doesn't help that I am sick with the head cold that is going around, but that doesn't explain how badly I was feeling previously.  This month has thrown me for an absolute loop.  I don't know that I can DO this again!  I feel like I used all my strength up the past 2 years.  UGH!!  :'(

 

Love to you,

HH

[[dr...]]

Healing...you are not going to have to do this again.  You felt great and it came to a halt for a short bit.  You are not stuck like this.  It will end and you better tell us how good you feel

[[Co...]]

HH....I am so sorry you are wavy....it is particularly hard after weeks and months of feeling normal ....I am thinking of you...I hope it lifts for you....you don't deserve this at all. ...You have come through such a hard thing....you shouldn't have to do more ' benzo time'. .sending you sunbreaks from crappy depression.  Love to you HH..  ..coop

[[mr...]]

HH, I agree with drew. You know, just because the two-year mark has passed and just because you've posted a success story doesn't mean you have to feel pressured to feel 100% all the time. Waves can, and will, happen. They're just part of the process. I think it's normal - and healthy - to expect waves in year three, year four, and even year five...they lessen significantly each passing year (remember comparing Year One to Year Two waves ~~ no comparison!), so I'm sure by Year Four and Year Five they feel more like a tired day than anything else, LOL! Anyways, I think that what you're experiencing is normal, toots, IMO And I KNOW that it will pass for you.

 

How's the hubbs doing? And all the kiddos and their sports?

 

Mrs.

[[pe...]]

HH,

I'm sorry you're feeling some symptoms. I know all about the depression. Yesterday I was depressed badly, enough to try fish oil, probiotics and digestive enzymes. Today is much better and I don't think the supplements had much to do with it. I think it's just the way this goes.

 

I'm clearly not against trying to find something that helps. I will always go natural first and exercise and sleep are major as is physical affection in my book. My therapist would encourage me to hug my husband or ask him to hold me when things were going dark and it helps. Not a fix but it helps. We are here for you always.

 

Peace2

[[He...]]

You guys are fabulous, thank you!! 

[[Qu...]]

Been putting off joining THIS group, but what the heck - the support will help. 21 months and having some windows, but some terrible days and nights as well.

[[Mi...]]

Qui, welcome we are about the same time line!  This is an amazing group of people! 

 

HH,  I know this is one crazy ride we are all on!  A lot of times it's just to intense for words!  You literally couldn't make this shit up!

But, with saying that I can also say I am no where near the state I was in during the first 18 months!  And I know how utterly depressing it can be when you go backwards a bit! These waves could knock the happiest person on the planet into a depression!  But it's in my opinion Ofcourse, that taking pills is what got us here...  I don't know enough about anti dep, other than being completely poly drugged out of my mind by last ditch efforts by my doctor who obviously didn't know anything about  tolerance.  But IMO adding any chemical or brain altering drugs may hurt us more than help us, Ofcourse that's IMO!

 

During waves I do get depressed but I think this is a normal reaction! Look at what we have been through, look at what we have all endured and look at what we have all survived!  You are doing so great! 

 

[[St...]]

Hey just reached my one year anniversary but seen the 12-18 month group is no more? Which was a bit of an anti-climax LOL

 

Is it ok to post in here? Just like the day i turned 6 months, i'm finding today extremely depressing because i had such high hopes for being a year off this poison.

 

A little bit about me, i realise now that i definitely kindled, i stopped and started so many times over the two years because my doctor told me i could take Xanax as and when so that's what i did, sometimes i took it every day for a few weeks then i wouldn't take it for a few weeks, i realise now i was literally in tolerance/withdrawal the whole time not only because of when i took it but because i also refused to up my dosage.

 

I have been completely housebound for a year now, literally the day i went cold turkey my life just fell apart. I remember a few days after i stopped i tried to watch TV and my nervous system just couldnt handle it, and i'm still like that 12 months off I honestly don't know how i've got myself through these 12 months without even being able to have TV as a distraction, i'll tell you how a load of spa music!?!

 

I am so exhausted the whole time that i can't even go for a walk. I've made myself a few times over the last year just to try and stay sane, but each time i crash hard for doing it. It's not agoraphobia, it's not that i'm afraid of going for a walk, there's nothing i'd like to do more that go for a nice walk, but literally my withdrawal symptoms stop me from being able to

 

I guess it would be amazing to hear from someone who was as bad as i am at 12 months but then they saw some improvement. I mean could anyone else still not even watch TV at 12 months? I'm not even focused on making a full recovery i just want to be semi-functional again for my family.

 

I am yet to experience any windows, i'm either at a 5-10% baseline or i'm in a nasty wave, the wave i'm in at the moment is quite possibly my worst one yet, started about a week ago, just in time for my one year anniversary

 

- Toxic Energy

- Insomnia

- Inner Vibrations

- Benzo Belly

- Anxiety

- Nightmares

- Leg Pains

 

Hope to hear back from some of you

 

Keep up the good fight

[[so...]]

I'm at 12 months out and cannot watch TV.  It's hard to find things to distract from anxiety that aren't themselves anxiety causing.

 

We will get better.

 

Sofa

[[so...]]

The 18-30 thread is really quiet.  Has everyone healed?

[[be...]]

Hey sofa, yes..the thread is quiet....I think that's a good sign..sometime people just need a break from here. How are you doing?

[[so...]]

Hi Beulah,

 

Thanks for asking about me.  I'm feeling pretty crummy and I'm very scared.  Par for the course, I guess.  I hope everybody heals and I that I don't end up protracted for years because I CT'd.  Sorry for the whining.  I really hate who I've become in withdrawal.  Just so scared I'll be like this forever, completely mired in anxiety and feeling so sick all the time.

 

How are you feeling?

[[dr...]]

hi Sofa and Beulah....I just take a break form here as all the suffering can drag me down.  once your windows start appearing you will be the same way.  it is just the natural progression of healing and a good sign.  At your time I was still feeling crappy 95% of the time.  As a matter of fact new symptoms showed up which were the worst for me.  Don't even worry about protracted.  there is nothing you can do so just concentrate on each day.

[[so...]]

Ok.  Thanks so much Drew.

[[Te...]]

I'm just hiding....mouth is starting to feel better from surgery on Monday but I think I flaired up my symptoms with Novocaine or the stress of surgery....feel like shit......sorry....

 

Then Tuesday read some stuff on protracted side...some thoughts about healing....worried I might not ever heal..no window.....and reading more stuff on not everyone heals.....scaring the crap out of me

 

I'm sorry to be like Debbie downer....but not a lot of healing going on with me sooooo how can I say positive things to you all....sorry....but you all are so sweet...caring....loving people....I enjoy your company ....my family doesn't understand the amount of pain I'm in....just trying to stay upbeat for them....but you all...I feel understand more of what I'm really going through....the pain...physical and mental...on going pain

 

I hope you all understand...I'm here for each of you....really...I just wish I'd see a little improvement so I could have more positive things to contribute...

 

But I love you guys! TM

[[so...]]

Thank you TM.  I just feel so lost with everyone leaving the thread.

[[Te...]]

Soooo...has everyone healed?

 

Gosh.....friends share you secrets....but if i was feeling better...I'd be christmas shopping...or maybe a movie.....but I'm so happy for everyone.....but feel a little left behind...

 

TM

[[so...]]

Me too, TM.  I guess I should have expected it since I'm 6-12 months behind everyone on the thread at 12 months out.  I hope you stay on here with me.

 

Love, Sofa

[[Te...]]

Yes....I will....just wish I'd see some improvement....like so many others....you are only 1 year...so I'm like almost two years....so this is awkward for me...my ...I most love it here....but I'm not going anywhere...this helps me cope with pain...

 

 

Hugs! TM

[[Mi...]]

Hi guys I am still here!  I am getting knocked down real bad with this staph infection! I have never been so physically sick in my life!  So I will be back as soon as I am a bit better!  My 104 fever finally broke! So hoping for the best....

 

 

I was actually doing ok before this infection wow it's really screwing with me bad!  But idk maybe all these health fears and anxiety right now is a natural reaction to such a huge infection idk! I hope my baseline stays with me after this!  I was not healed but I was just getting to a ok place!   

 

Hang in there gals! Your doing great and we will all heal!  Remember that!!!!

[[so...]]

I'm so glad you're on the mend, Jenn.  It must be tough on top of WD.  You'll be good as new soon.

 

Sofa

[[Mi...]]

Texas Mama,    Stay off of those sites!  We heal!  We really do!  It can be slow and a very bumpy windy road but WE DO HEAL! 

We have no idea what others are doing ect.....    Some maybe drinking, other drugs, other psyc conditions ect....

 

I refuse to believe anything other than complete healing!

 

And look at Coop and HH and now Drew!  Sure they still get hit but they have come so so far!  And I am starting to take extra small baby steps!  Sure I get hit hard still and yes some days I can barely get out of bed and the anxiety coarses through out my veins but some days I am running around town and attending hockey games and smiling laughing out loud! It's a 50/50 never know what to expect when I wake up but last year this time I would cry if I had to leave the house! 

[[Mi...]]

Thanks Sofa, You are doing great at 12 months! Keep going!

[[so...]]

Jenn,

 

You make me feel wonderful when you tell me I'm doing well for 12 months out, especially when I don't feel like I am.  My heart rate is over 100 again, and my blood sugar is 72.  I took a new probiotic.  It's the only thing I did differently.  Must be that.  Returned it immediately to Amazon.

 

Got my blood sugar back up to 84, but feel really beat up and shaky. Bought a steak at the store and will force it down.  If it isn't one thing....