18 - 30 Month Plus Group

[[Mi...]]

Started EDMR yesterday with the therapist!  Idk yet if it will help or not! But willing to try anything! 

It started out as visualizing a container to put all you feelings into and visualizing a safe place!  I almost walked out at that point!  I wanted to scream if I had a safe place I could actually visualize I would have been there a long time ago! Lol, and a container?  Well I could grab a bottle of wine and I am guessing after I finish it I could throw some feelings into it!  I know that's horrible!  But it was my first thought! I really miss my whine!  But I am going to continue it! And try not to be such a smart ass about it!  After we got through that part it wasn't all bad! So we will see!

 

Wishing you all some peace today! 

[[Se...]]

Found this on one of the other threads.  I actually laughed out loud.  Lord knows we can all use some relatable humor right about now...

 

 

The 10 best things about withdrawal

 

1. Early Retirement- you can't work, so you might as well enjoy the time off

 

2. There's always music in the air- (well, some people call it tinnitus). It's more like one note being played endlessly. But hey, some people think rap is just noise.

 

3. Your computer skills vastly improve. You'll spend so much time on forums and researching benzo sites on the internet, your speed and efficiency will double in a month.

 

4. You won't waste valuable hours of your life sleeping. You'll now know the exact time your morning paper is delivered. If you watch out the window at night, you'll learn the interesting habits of nocturnal animals, and see what time your neighbors go to bed and get up.

 

5. Out of body experiences- why go through the annoying chore of dying on the operating table when you can just go through benzo withdrawal.

 

6. Save big money on vacations- A trip to the mailbox or to the grocery store is an adventure on its own. Will you panic, will you freeze up, will you sit down and cry...who knows what's around that corner.

 

7. Exercise? Who needs no stinkin' exercise! Your muscles will feel like you just ran a marathon, yet all you did was get out of bed and go to the bathroom.

 

8. Learn how much your spouse and/or family really loves you. Enough said.

 

9. Relive your ill-spent youth- Withdrawal can feel like an LSD trip. Might as well live it up. Crank up that old Woodstock album on the turntable, put on your best pair of bell bottoms, stick some flowers in your hair, and peace out, dudes.

 

10. Save money on vitamins, supplements, herbs, coffee, and alcohol- basically everything you USED to enjoy. All of them rev up your symptoms so you can't take em anymore.

 

 

I think #5 is probably my favorite.  Anybody got any others to add?

 

Serenity

[[so...]]

Funny post, Jen.  You made me laugh and that's not easy.

 

Drew, you are nearing the finish line, bud.  Congrats!

 

Nova, this is your withdrawal sweeping up the furballs on the floor and shoving them behind the toilet where they belong.  You will emerge from this wave healed.  You are probably dealing with the aftermath of the flu and the infection and the antibiotics.  Inflammation rears its ugly head in profound ways.  I know you will calm down after this last storm and this nightmare will be a soft whisper of what once was.

 

Love Sofa

[[so...]]

I typed the 10 best into a word doc.  Somehow couldn't cut and paste.  It's a wall hanger, for sure.

[[dr...]]

good point sofa...of course you feel like total crap Nova.  Teh combo of being sick and the antibiotics are triggering this.  Antibiotics are powerful drugs.

[[Se...]]

Jen...  A person in w/d has to wonder if assorted therapies even "take" in the brain when the brain is undergoing such turmoil.  But I'm told they are worthwhile.  Who knows.  At least they get one out of the house for a couple hours. 

 

Drew... You sound good. 

[[Mi...]]

I was thinking the same thing serenity!  But can't hurt I hope?

[[dr...]]

Jen...  A person in w/d has to wonder if assorted therapies even "take" in the brain when the brain is undergoing such turmoil.  But I'm told they are worthwhile.  Who knows.  At least they get one out of the house for a couple hours. 

 

Drew... You sound good. 

 

I can answer that...I would say no as early post jump nothing I did helped.  What I needed most was someone to just listen to me and not deny what I was going though.  Now that I am further along and really feeling good mentally at times  the things I learned such as CBT, breathing, meditating, etc...can help.  Let me state unequivocally that it doesn't matter  the stuff just leaves and you feel better. If you do choose to try things out and the therapist tells you that you just need to do it more, change this, etc...I am telling you that is not true.  It is so funny you posted this as I just was thinking of calling my therapist to tell him how I felt.  I feel probably the best mentally right now this moment.  I even went to the gym and did some light interval training and had no issues.  I know it can change in a moment but this is a mental wellness and clarity I have had a few times in the last decade.  It is that euphoric, I want to talk with everyone feeling

[[so...]]

Drew, you sound wonderful!  So so sooooo happy for you!

[[No...]]

Don't know where this "you will have a better baseline after this wave" comes from ... likely one of the encouraging mantras that float around BB ...

 

Personally, I have not experienced a connection, that I am aware of ... and ... I know so very little about this stuff that I have no idea if the mantra is accurate or not ...

 

Regarding therapy while using the drug(s) and in recovery ... my experience ... nothing I have done over the last 25 years is "lost" ... it has all been useful, if not helpful in the moment ... has it fixed anything? ... I don't know, probably not ... I learned all my mindfulness stuff while on the drug ... and it has been very helpful ... not curative, helpful ...

 

And I agree with Drew ... when someone tells me I have to just practice more or harder ... I ignore them ... and I don't go back to them ... I need compassion and unconditional acceptance ... if you can't "see" me, I can't "hear" you ...

 

Jen ... can PTSD be helped while in recovery ... I don't know ... and ... what you do with the EMDR right now will not be "lost" ... it is a mystery how all this stuff can work ... and ... EMDR practiced by a skilled, compassionate therapist is safe ...

 

Not feeling any better, just in a bit of respite during this deep, dark wave ...

 

Onward ... 

[[Si...]]

Glad you are feeling better drew. Hopefully you're in the last stretch.

 

Nova, so sorry that you are getting hit so hard. I hate it for you. I thought a few weeks ago that maybe you were getting close to this being over and done.

 

I'm not feeling great today, but I'm better than I have been. Probably been in the most brutal wave yet for about 4 weeks now. That comes right after feeling pretty good for about 2-1/2 weeks before that. I'm trailing right behind you drew. Nearing my 18. Took a epsom salt bath last night which I haven't done since acute. Think it helped some. Went to bed at 12:20am and fell off to sleep rather quickly. Woke up at 4am, but then was able to fall back to sleep until 6:30am. Didn't wake up with the dread as bad, so at least there's that.

[[No...]]

Siggy ... glad you got a good sleep ... always helpful ... have a good evening ... 

[[Mi...]]

Nice list Serenity.  I've definitely saved a ton of money on LSD these last two years!!!  ha!

 

Tiny update/Rant:

 

Bad rut for three days, constant revving, fatigue, pain, DP, burning eyes, sensitive teeth, burning tongue.  I don't know where I am but I still manage to get everything done.  Cook, clean, errands, help with evil common core math homework, doctors appointments, giving 100% to both my wife and son, you name it.  I can do anything when I feel like junk.  I'm a fucking professional withdrawal-er!!  Shit, they should hand out a "most accomplishments achieved while feeling like total ass" award when this is over with!  The best part about being this functional during a bad wave is that nobody knows how much you hate them, hate being where you are, and how badly you want to sleep for two straight days after you get done strangling them for acting so damn happy and relaxed.

 

...but I'm not bitter.  Well ok, some days.

 

About 12 days till month 26 starts, the finish line has got to be close.....it's gotta!

 

Peace and love to all, and sorry about the swearing.  Sometimes it just feels great to talk like a bar patron when you're frustrated with this process.

 

xoxo

 

 

 

[[No...]]

MikeJee ... that's it ... a functional withdrawer ... we get it done even when we feel like crap ...

 

Onward, my friend ... 

[[Co...]]

MikeJee....Perfect post!....love it... you nailed it . We get perfect at faking it while trapped in our sx  and whacked minds. The professional Withdrawer-er ....I have to say I think you get the award for best rant with humor. I can so relate to despising everyone for thier lyrical relaxed 'whistle while you work' painless lives. I used to want to scream at people, " stop smiling.....life can not possibly be that easy!"

    Rant on Mike.  Nice to see you here . .it's been awhile since I have seen a post from you. Wish you were feeling better. 26 months.  You ARE close....I think some of us have have mini waves of less intense sx well into healing. I am at 24 months next week and very much better, but still having some bad days... I am just able to manage them better....less faking....more managing and living life with some sx

    Wishing you that 2 straight days of sleep.    Whoever thought up core curriculum math... it is a complete joke...goid luck with that.    Take care friend.....coop

[[Co...]]

Nova....sitting on the couch with you this afternoon. Had some boatyness and fatigue today that finally made me give it up for the afternoon....took my lavender tea and the dog and went to bed at 530.  It's a cold rainy day here anyway, so a good day to huddle up in bed and read. I so remember the days when I didn't have the concentration or eye coordination to read.. 

    Nova, if it's any cosolation, it took me about 5 weeks to get back on track after less than half a round of antibiotics. I know you know better than all of us how to go with this and be low and slow and ride it out.  Thinking of you Nova.  coop

[[Co...]]

Sig....it seems like alot of us got dropped into a big pit of sx sometime right around months 17/18 to months 22, 23, 24.. 

    Glad to hear that your sleep is coming around.  You are getting there Siggy.  We are almost done....coop

[[Si...]]

Sig....it seems like alot of us got dropped into a big pit of sx sometime right around months 17/18 to months 22, 23, 24.. 

    Glad to hear that your sleep is coming around.  You are getting there Siggy.  We are almost done....coop

 

Thanks coop. You know it takes everything we've got to keep trudging through this bs.

[[Co...]]

Drew..  buddy , you are sounding 2 moves from healed!

  I agree with 100%  Nothing....NOTHING impacts this process in terms of making it easier or advancing it. Some things make it somewhat more bearable in the moment. Supplements, vitamins, homeopathics, otc meds, various counseling/psychotherapuetic techniques, etc etc ; in my experience did not ' help' (lessen or aleviate ) sx....but like Nova says....many of the things I learned along the way, meditation, deep breathing, relaxation, zen-ing, self talk.. .all of those coping and centering practices have not been lost. I turn to them frequently for lingering sx....but also for patience and remaining in the moment just for life. ..like core curriculum math....and talking to customer service at Verizon...

      It is, as Nova says.....it is what it is until it isnt. 

So glad for you Drew that you are at that place of ' better with a chance of sx' ....that place of sx with less anxiety and more ' living life ....while managing lingering sx.....not ideal, not 100%...but so much more doable....I hope you do tell your therapist all the things you are thinking about your therapy....that aline might be the most cathartic and therapeutic thing of all to come out of your time with him. I remember the post in which you commented about your line in the sand moment ...in knowing in your own mind that you were having bona fide w/d sx..  not resistance to exposing yourself to anxiety triggers. In w/d everything is an anxiety trigger. .  I am loving your posts.....coop

[[dr...]]

:smitten:

[[No...]]

Good Morning ... good sound sleep, short, but good ... yep ... I am putting this wave at the feet of the antibiotics ... I sort of expected to get hit, just not this deep ... silly me ... antibiotics are a "deep" med ...

 

Gonna see my physio guy this afternoon ... see if he can feel anything going on in my neck and shoulder and arm ... probably not ... this is just likely all nerves and contraction and inflammation stuff again ...

 

Its Friday ... whatever the hell that signifies anymore ... 

[[Si...]]

Glad you're starting to feel better Nova. Hopefully you'll be back to your baseline (or better) soon.

 

I had terrible time falling asleep last night. Got in bed at my usual 12:30am. Probably didn't fall asleep until 1:30-2. Wide awake at 6:30am. Oh well, at least I slept. Better than nothing.

[[Sk...]]

Glad you're starting to feel better Nova. Hopefully you'll be back to your baseline (or better) soon.

 

I had terrible time falling asleep last night. Got in bed at my usual 12:30am. Probably didn't fall asleep until 1:30-2. Wide awake at 6:30am. Oh well, at least I slept. Better than nothing.

 

Siggy, I see that your sleep  problems are still haunting you, sorry to hear about that.

 

Hello everybody! Long time, no hear, right ?

 

I am here to celebrate my two year anniversary, it was yesterday.

 

I am not going to lie to you, I expected so much more healing. But that's the thing with expectations, I guess.

 

On top of all this, this month has been one of a wave from hell. A creepy wave that brought back many symptoms from acute and the most  dangerous symptom of all, depression.

 

I had pretty much been able to avoid it, most of my wd, but here it was in all its glory.

 

I failed to recognize it until it was over and by then, a lot of damage had been done.

 

Most of my techniques didn't work against it.

 

I don't know if this Godzilla wave was triggered by my stressors, the neverending move and problems we have been having in these last two months. It's very likely, of course.

 

My Internet isolation didn't help either.

 

What was soothing, was to download entire pages from the thread, and read them after online. This way, I more or less kept up with your stories.

 

And I really must thank you guys. Just seeing your posts, amidst last month's horror, soothed me and reminded me that I was not alone and other people were going through this, just like me.

 

Priceless.

 

From here, reading the thread, my impression is that, we all have different stories and are at different stages. But we all seem to have this in common, we are all having a hard time reacting to stressors and it's what is making us sick.

 

MikeJee- I read about your wave, I have had many symptoms in common with yours. Thanks for your angry rant, I couldn't sympathize more !

 

Nova, happy anniversary to you . Was it as much fun for you as it has been for me ? ;-) We should do this more often, right ?

 

Coop, your anniversary and Green's should be coming up too, I wish you the best.

 

Everybody, I hope to soon be able to be here a lot more. In the meantime, thanks for being there in this never ending process.

 

 

 

 

 

[[Se...]]

"In w/d, everything is an anxiety trigger."

 

Yes, indeed, Coop.  That's pretty much the foundation of this experience.

 

In acute, I avoided my two beloved cats as if I were phobic.  They terrified me when they tried to snuggle with me.  It was utter foolishness.  Drug-induced foolishness.

 

But the phobia of doctors and "medical experts" is still very strong, and with good reason.  I will be ok if this particular phobia persists; alas, it could be life-saving for me in future.  No more drugs.

 

[[Se...]]

Nice list Serenity.  I've definitely saved a ton of money on LSD these last two years!!!  ha!

 

Tiny update/Rant:

 

Bad rut for three days, constant revving, fatigue, pain, DP, burning eyes, sensitive teeth, burning tongue.  I don't know where I am but I still manage to get everything done.  Cook, clean, errands, help with evil common core math homework, doctors appointments, giving 100% to both my wife and son, you name it.  I can do anything when I feel like junk.  I'm a fucking professional withdrawal-er!!  Shit, they should hand out a "most accomplishments achieved while feeling like total ass" award when this is over with!  The best part about being this functional during a bad wave is that nobody knows how much you hate them, hate being where you are, and how badly you want to sleep for two straight days after you get done strangling them for acting so damn happy and relaxed.

 

...but I'm not bitter.  Well ok, some days.

 

About 12 days till month 26 starts, the finish line has got to be close.....it's gotta!

 

Peace and love to all, and sorry about the swearing.  Sometimes it just feels great to talk like a bar patron when you're frustrated with this process.

 

xoxo

 

Mike, thanks for this update.  No apologies necessary.  Carrying on somehow with our lives, esp. when in severe waves, is, I suspect, what makes so many of us emerge with near superhuman strength and resilience after all is said and done.

 

Serenity