18 - 30 Month Plus Group

[[dr...]]

Uh oh....starting to get palms and mild adrenaline feelings... Hoping to avoid this getting worse. 

 

Hey sigs...glad your better. Circles 1-3 are much better.

[[Si...]]

Thanks drew, yes previously circles 1-3 would have any of us fret, but now after riding around the lower levels of the amusement park, they are welcome. Sprung wide awake at 4:45am this morning. Oh well, just laid in bed until my 7:15am alarm. After going through so many nights not sleeping at all, I'll take it. Hope everyone else had a decent night and will have a nice day.

[[...]]

No sleep hardly for 2 nights after thinking my sleep was getting better. It's weird as I'm tired and relaxed when I go to bed but my chest feels tight and heart feels like its racing.  Really don't know how I got up this morning and then the fear hit that I'm going to end up going down the plug hole. I'm at work, relatively calm but so spaced out lol. Chest still tight and can't breathe properly. If it's not one thing it's another, really sick of complaining and feel like hypochondriac. When this is gone I will never complain again. Apart from that not too bad and felt ok yesterday evening.

 

Hope you are all ok. Nova I really want you to be done with this for good 

[[No...]]

Marj ... so do I ... and ...

 

Slept well last night ... and this morning feel like I am back to 18 months ago ...worse than the wave last evening ...

 

Tried to go out, made it to the library and back ... had to use the bus ...

 

Now my mind is playing the drug game ... well just try some and see if this stuff goes away and then you will know for sure ...

 

How freakin' crazy is that ...

 

So ... go slow ... distract ... and wait out another one ...

[[...]]

Nova, It is the cruelest thing ever. It is like it gives with one hand and snatches away with the other. 'It' cannot do it for much longer as you are so much stronger. Also you NEVER go back, even when it feels like it. Forwards is the only way 

[[No...]]

Marj ... yep ... forward is the only way ...

 

This stuff it just there ... and it will move on again ... in the meantime ... 

[[Mi...]]

Marj,  I used to completely come unglued when my sx would Rev!  In all honesty sometimes I still do! But, I always went way back in my mind to a few nights after my cold turkey!  I always imagined  I was going to that place again and worst case senerio! Since I truly almost died....    Then I think I am surly going to loose my mind again and be locked in my closet for wks on end like during acute!  And I start down the path of will I not recognize my house again? Will I not recognize myself in the mirror again?  Will I Will I Will I Again..........        My naturopath has helped me BIG TIME with this!  And releasing some of theese emotions/ traumatic beliefs!  ( Idk I am pretty messed up just from the experience of all of this I guess?...). But Anyways I really have to literally yell out loud stop!  My worst fears have NOT Once come true!  I have literally never went that far back! And my naturopath says, He PROMISES AND KNOWS, my body has healed to the point I will never go that far back again with this benzo experience!      But for me the anticipation of how big will this wave really get is WAY WAY WORSE then it actually ever gets!    And, if I can find that comfort and really accept it during a mild to moderate wave I ride it out much much better!   

 

So today if you can, tell yourself I am still here, I have experienced the very worse and I have survived!  And right now this wave is as big as it's going to get! There is absolutely nothing more going on this is it!  And I am surviving it.  Yes I am scared and that's perfectly fine! But I have felt this 100% stronger than I feel it now, and I am just fine! 

 

You are doing great don't forget to be ever so kind to yourself!    Give yourself that mothers love, you know the kind you would give to one of your children if they were experiencing this!   

 

[[Mi...]]

Sorry Nova to hear your getting a wavy ride right now!  I have had a few myself today!  All manageable so far!  I am going to go for a run around the lake and see if I can get rid of some of this anxiety!  As there is no possible way to relax enough for yoga or meditation!  Maybe I can leave some of these waves with the lake, we will see! 

 

                                                                       

 

 

[[Mi...]]

Drew,  I hate that mild adrenaline feeling!  When I get it I have to do my stomach breathing ASAP! Or it gets out of hand!  I have found if I can get calm and not feed it I have at least a 50/50 shot of it quieting instead of raging! Hope it's getting better for you!  I just found a new recipe for honey cashew chicken! I think I am going to give it a whirl after my run!        My daughter is really in to baking and got a stand mixer ect for her bday! So she's been non stop baking!

 

I indulged in a small sugar treat last night!  Won't be doing that again!   

 

[[Li...]]

Just got on here live been hanging around for sometime. In the 18-30 range now. Its hard these days feeling so detached from everything and jack up along with it. I feel at times I am doing it all wrong then I come here and read and I know I am not, just have to hang in there. Just trying to do something different. Thanks.

[[Mi...]]

Siggy,  Ninth circle of hell, I can relate to that one!  So glade you are getting a sun break!

 

Enjoy it

[[Mi...]]

Sofa, yes my sx usually get better toward evening!  Idk why exactly?  I always thought I was just so exhausted by evening I stopped caring as much but I have no idea really!  Hope you are doing better today!

                       

[[Mi...]]

Welcome Little Man! 

 

I am a newbie to this thread also!  Just joined in last month! It's a great place to be! 

[[Mi...]]

Alright off for my run!  If my face keeps up this burning feeling and insists on flushing to a almost purple color I just may jump in the lake!  Yep a Minnesota lake in October?  May get interesting!

 

[[sa...]]

Tinnitus is horrible today. I feel like I'm at the bottom of a very deep pool. Electric shocks go hand in hand with this for me. Beatings will continue until moral improves I guess.

[[so...]]

Hi My Buds,

 

Nova, I'm sorry you're whirling around the symptom tornado.  Dorothy's house eventually landed on top of the witch and so will yours.

 

Sasquatch, I have the "bottom of the pool" head feeling all the time.  It was constant during acute, and I rarely get it now.  We are healing!

 

Jen, you are always so upbeat and encouraging.  Thank you!

 

Marj, keep ranting. I'm ranting along with you.  This is a trudge through hell, but two steps forward are two steps we will never trudge again.  You are getting better every day, even if it doesn't feel like it most days.  You had a semi quiet evening and that is you healing.

 

Drew, you will keep the nasty migraine at bay with a baseball bat, if necessary.  You are recovering nicely, my brave man!  Your 100% healing is right in front of you.  Keep walking towards the sun.  You have come along so so far.  The tsunami days are over for you.  Just a matter of brushing off a few sand crabs.

 

Love to all of you.  Back to my poop soup. 

 

Sofa

[[so...]]

Siggy, I wake up at 4am every morning with anxiety, head whooshing and heart palps.  I'll be ecstatic when my wee hour body alarm STOPS!  You and Drew are almost there, Siggy.  Just a few more steps.

[[so...]]

Welcome Littleman,

 

Pull up a chair, or couch, or bed and set a spell.  You'll be okay.  You will get through this holding hands with the rest of us.  This will not beat us.  We are over the worst of it, never to return to the depths of hell.  Some days may feel like we're there, but it leaves a lot quicker than when we thought it would be permanent.

 

Love, Sofa

[[dr...]]

for my records....Got a visual aura migraine thingy on Sunday and I knew it was coming.  I can tell the pattern now.  On the bright side, the after effects of crawling out my skin anxiety are gone.  Got a bit of it last night with adrenaline but so far never progressed.  It is day two post event and I have a few flashes of anxiety/panic which is caused by my brain thinking thoughts.  All in all I guess that is progress.  I just have to avoid ALL stress as it triggers a response.  I honked my horn and cursed at another driver this am and I immediately have trouble breathing and my brain hurts...weird but it is what it is.  If I wasn't working and didn't have obligations/plans it would be easier but I am sure i'd be going crazy.  I don't get killed with symptoms non stop anymore and this week my morning yucks are gone. No glutamate storms either.  I am in the wandow phase.  Not good at all but I can manage and have some good moments.

 

Jen-I know exactly what you're talking about.  Right now I get trauma thoughts of something happening and I immediately get a flare of anxiety/panic. It is instantaneous and subconscious.    Like you I can usually control it with the strategies of breathing or CBT I have learned. 

 

still sorry nova...

 

Hope everyone else has a manageable day

 

amendment to post-got a glutamate storm 1/2 hour after posting

[[No...]]

Hey Drew ... all my days are manageable ... just need to find the right manager ... I have fired the last eleven ... 

 

Now I am really ticked off ... this morning was ugly ... so I decided not to go to my tai chi group that works with folks who are healing from an illness ... and now things have settled down ... and I am at home ... 

 

Would someone mind pointing me in the direction of the instruction manual ... I seem to have lost it again ... 

 

Hi Little Man ... welcome to the daily confab ... 

[[sa...]]

Not getting much done at work today. Concentration is shot. I paced around the building much of the day. Good thing it has 3 floors. I just want to go home and take a hot shower. Amazing how hard is is to read email and do basic tasks on days like this. Note getting the usual afternoon break of good feeling. Maybe tomorrow it will show up.  Stay strong gang!

[[so...]]

Sasquatch, 

 

I'm so sorry these last two months have felt like acute days.  Many say this happens just before complete healing.  You had two great months before this and almost felt healed.  It will come back for you, then DONE.  Hang in there!

 

Nova,

 

You missed your class, but you'll feel better by the next one.  You are near the finish line.

 

I feel like pull dated milk that sat out all night.

 

Love, Sofa

[[sa...]]

Hopefully baseline improves more after this. My waves are always a re-visit of Acute. It's never left me. It's tiring, but what can you do. Only 15 minutes left of work and I can go home and take a nice hot shower. Simple pleasures... Then we get to do it again tomorrow yeah!

[[No...]]

Hey Sofa ... yep ... the old curdled milk symptom ... they say we feel like curds when we lose our "whey" in this stuff ...

 

Okay ... that's it for today, only one attempt at humour today ... the humour police are liable to fine me for that one ... 

 

The only good thing about today was pancakes and bacon for dinner ... now I get to sit back and wait and see if the old benzo-volcano erupts again this evening ... 

 

Hope you have a quiet evening ... 

[[No...]]

Sasquach ... tomorrow will be better ... I insist ...