Post Benzo Freedom Withdrawal Support Group

[[mt...]]

Hi Verti (and all)

Verti if you check back in I wanted to give you a heads up about the Documentary Fat Sick and Nearly Dead by Joe Cross.  Just amazing and inspirational.  My brother had me watch in Florida and I am now on my 8th day of juicing.  Itd been fun as my brother and I are doing it together.  I am amazed at how much better I feel.  My energy went through the worse.  So great to feel like I am able to do something healthy and actually feel the results and NO symptoms.

 

For all you post benzo buddies you might want to check it out as well.  To watch the tranformation and healing that takes place as well as the commitment they have to overcome their illness is very inspirational.  As Benzo survivors we can all relate!!

 

Best wishes to all....

Mimi

[[af...]]

Verti-

 

It's always sad to say goodbey. But this is inevitable. However, you're not done yet: you and i are a couple of weeks away from the 2-yr mark, and i insist that you celebrate this milestone by posting either on this thread or in ur successs story. I certainly intend to do so in my success thread.

I wish that the light of god never leaves you. Enjoy life! 

Kev

[[km...]]

Vertigo,

Thanks for all the support and I hope the rest of your days be blessed and Grand!!

 

Hugs

Kristin

[[Un...]]

Well it has been 3 months now.  I had a fantastic 4 day weekend.  Felt just like myself again!  Had a little head pressure and a tinitus happen briefly.  Other then that, felt like me again!  This is sooooo great!  There is hope everyone. 

Feeling a bit down again today.  Case of the Mondays? lol.  Might be cause I am back in the daily grind.  Maybe it is just lack of sleep and daily life taking over after such a relaxing weekend.

Either way, I am getting there now.  I feel that maybe another month and things will be back to normal.  What a horrible drug Xanax is.  6 months of my life living in hell.  Not how I had planned to spend 2011 that is for sure. 

[[...]]

Geez here I am in the beginning of my 5th month off and I just sit here crying for no apparent reason - I guess just because of how  terrible I feel.  i have the stress and the extreme fatigue.  it's interesting to read how ill we all are and i sit here in this fear that i am worse or that it is me or that i am fundamentally a mess now.

it is hard to face the idea of going thru this for many more months.

i asked someone how she did it and she said "i just kept breathing"  i guess that's it; face it; accept it; live and breathe through it.

i am so happy the people on this blog are mostly past this intense hurting.  i am just weary from it.

it is wonderful to think of people going from this to normal lives; and i know there is a sparkle inside them from a gratitude of being out of this confusion.

 

[[do...]]

Well it has been 3 months now.  I had a fantastic 4 day weekend.  Felt just like myself again!  Had a little head pressure and a tinitus happen briefly.  Other then that, felt like me again!  This is sooooo great!  There is hope everyone. 

...

6 months of my life living in hell.  Not how I had planned to spend 2011 that is for sure. 

I certainly understand. Coincidentally, I've had 3 or 5 days of excellent health but a day dropped again. However, I can see the progress and it feels just like you wrote, "sooooo great" )).

Also, I can fully relate to 6 months in hell. In my case it was almost a year but I am getting over it. The next task for me is to get used to normality.

 

Take care.

[[Un...]]

Geez here I am in the beginning of my 5th month off and I just sit here crying for no apparent reason - I guess just because of how  terrible I feel.  i have the stress and the extreme fatigue.  it's interesting to read how ill we all are and i sit here in this fear that i am worse or that it is me or that i am fundamentally a mess now.

it is hard to face the idea of going thru this for many more months.

i asked someone how she did it and she said "i just kept breathing"  i guess that's it; face it; accept it; live and breathe through it.

i am so happy the people on this blog are mostly past this intense hurting.  i am just weary from it.

it is wonderful to think of people going from this to normal lives; and i know there is a sparkle inside them from a gratitude of being out of this confusion.

 

 

You WILL get back to normal.  I promise you this.  I have felt my world was ending as well.  I would be depressed for weeks at a time.  Constant headaches, anxiety, and what I would consider the worst derealization.  I honestly don't think there is much more out there as horrible as the daily derealization.  Feeling like I was just part of life and not living it.  So terrible.  Like a movie...no a nightmare...everyday when I woke up.  The anxiety, shakes, panics, headaches, twitching, spasms, vision problems, dizziness, loss of feeling in limbs...you name it.  But what makes me confident that it ends is the fact that I don't have those anymore!  Sure there is that occasional headache (got one now actually), a little burst of anxiety and the tingling in the hands, but I take that over the realization anytime!  

You will get past all the horrid feelings and enjoy life again.  

[[gi...]]

Geez here I am in the beginning of my 5th month off and I just sit here crying for no apparent reason - I guess just because of how  terrible I feel.  i have the stress and the extreme fatigue.  it's interesting to read how ill we all are and i sit here in this fear that i am worse or that it is me or that i am fundamentally a mess now.

it is hard to face the idea of going thru this for many more months.

i asked someone how she did it and she said "i just kept breathing"  i guess that's it; face it; accept it; live and breathe through it.

i am so happy the people on this blog are mostly past this intense hurting.  i am just weary from it.

it is wonderful to think of people going from this to normal lives; and i know there is a sparkle inside them from a gratitude of being out of this confusion.

 

 

You WILL get back to normal.  I promise you this.  I have felt my world was ending as well.  I would be depressed for weeks at a time.  Constant headaches, anxiety, and what I would consider the worst derealization.  I honestly don't think there is much more out there as horrible as the daily derealization.  Feeling like I was just part of life and not living it.  So terrible.  Like a movie...no a nightmare...everyday when I woke up.  The anxiety, shakes, panics, headaches, twitching, spasms, vision problems, dizziness, loss of feeling in limbs...you name it.  But what makes me confident that it ends is the fact that I don't have those anymore!  Sure there is that occasional headache (got one now actually), a little burst of anxiety and the tingling in the hands, but I take that over the realization anytime!  

You will get past all the horrid feelings and enjoy life again.  

 

pan, ditto was Unr3al said.

I call 2009 my Year in Hell.  It was extremely rough going for 6 months and then at month 9 things really started to turn around.

I'm almost 3 years out and am 90% healed. I know where you are it doesn't seem like it's possible you'll get through it, or you'll ever feel better than you do now. It will happen for you too. Trust me on this.

ginger

[[An...]]

Geez here I am in the beginning of my 5th month off and I just sit here crying for no apparent reason - I guess just because of how  terrible I feel.  i have the stress and the extreme fatigue.  it's interesting to read how ill we all are and i sit here in this fear that i am worse or that it is me or that i am fundamentally a mess now.

it is hard to face the idea of going thru this for many more months.

i asked someone how she did it and she said "i just kept breathing"  i guess that's it; face it; accept it; live and breathe through it.

i am so happy the people on this blog are mostly past this intense hurting.  i am just weary from it.

it is wonderful to think of people going from this to normal lives; and i know there is a sparkle inside them from a gratitude of being out of this confusion.

 

 

You WILL get back to normal.  I promise you this.  I have felt my world was ending as well.  I would be depressed for weeks at a time.  Constant headaches, anxiety, and what I would consider the worst derealization.  I honestly don't think there is much more out there as horrible as the daily derealization.  Feeling like I was just part of life and not living it.  So terrible.  Like a movie...no a nightmare...everyday when I woke up.  The anxiety, shakes, panics, headaches, twitching, spasms, vision problems, dizziness, loss of feeling in limbs...you name it.  But what makes me confident that it ends is the fact that I don't have those anymore!  Sure there is that occasional headache (got one now actually), a little burst of anxiety and the tingling in the hands, but I take that over the realization anytime!  

You will get past all the horrid feelings and enjoy life again.  

 

pan, ditto was Unr3al said.

I call 2009 my Year in Hell.  It was extremely rough going for 6 months and then at month 9 things really started to turn around.

I'm almost 3 years out and am 90% healed. I know where you are it doesn't seem like it's possible you'll get through it, or you'll ever feel better than you do now. It will happen for you too. Trust me on this.

ginger

 

Hi Ginger

 

So glad you are doing well but why do you feel you are only 90% healed?  What symptoms haven't gone away?

 

Thanks

Angel

[[gi...]]

-Screaming tinnitus - goes from horrible to excruciating

-Burning mouth - mild now, for the most part. But I still can't feel my lower teeth and on occasion food continues to fall out of my mouth as a result.

-Insomnia

-Cognitive abilities severely limited: concentration & comprehension are gone; retention of new information and instruction is gone; mid-term memory loss; can no longer spell, use (or know) many 3+ syllable words; can't read maps or understand written directions or instructions; I still get lost occasionally.

-These 3 never existed before I went off klonopin: physical over-reaction to stress; quick to anger; horrible sweet tooth

-Prone to headaches (but thank God they're nothing like they were! I had 1-6 kinds simultaneously, non-stop, for 9 months. I go into serious PTSD whenever I get one now!)

 

But still....I am SO MUCH better!

I live 100% of my life, just with the above damage.  It makes me cry, still, sometimes...but I only allow myself 15minute pity parties.

 

Ain't ya glad ya asked? 

 

ginger

[[Mi...]]

Verti, you will be missed very much.  The support and encouragement you have given the past year(s) have been invaluable.  Love ya buddy.  

[[An...]]

-Screaming tinnitus - goes from horrible to excruciating

-Burning mouth - mild now, for the most part. But I still can't feel my lower teeth and on occasion food continues to fall out of my mouth as a result.

-Insomnia

-Cognitive abilities severely limited: concentration & comprehension are gone; retention of new information and instruction is gone; mid-term memory loss; can no longer spell, use (or know) many 3+ syllable words; can't read maps or understand written directions or instructions; I still get lost occasionally.

-These 3 never existed before I went off klonopin: physical over-reaction to stress; quick to anger; horrible sweet tooth

-Prone to headaches (but thank God they're nothing like they were! I had 1-6 kinds simultaneously, non-stop, for 9 months. I go into serious PTSD whenever I get one now!)

 

But still....I am SO MUCH better!

I live 100% of my life, just with the above damage.  It makes me cry, still, sometimes...but I only allow myself 15minute pity parties.

 

Ain't ya glad ya asked? 

 

ginger

 

Oops!! Sorry!

[[km...]]

Wow Ginger how do you do it?  I still have mental symptoms at 14 months out and I feel like I will go crazy at any moment and I mean that literally.  You impress me being as far out as you are with the symptoms you have and you still have such a great attitude can you teach me how you do it

hugs

Kristin

[[2w...]]

Geez here I am in the beginning of my 5th month off and I just sit here crying for no apparent reason - I guess just because of how  terrible I feel.  i have the stress and the extreme fatigue.  it's interesting to read how ill we all are and i sit here in this fear that i am worse or that it is me or that i am fundamentally a mess now.

it is hard to face the idea of going thru this for many more months.

i asked someone how she did it and she said "i just kept breathing"  i guess that's it; face it; accept it; live and breathe through it.

i am so happy the people on this blog are mostly past this intense hurting.  i am just weary from it.

it is wonderful to think of people going from this to normal lives; and i know there is a sparkle inside them from a gratitude of being out of this confusion.

 

 

 

 

You WILL get back to normal.  I promise you this.  I have felt my world was ending as well.  I would be depressed for weeks at a time.  Constant headaches, anxiety, and what I would consider the worst derealization.  I honestly don't think there is much more out there as horrible as the daily derealization.  Feeling like I was just part of life and not living it.  So terrible.  Like a movie...no a nightmare...everyday when I woke up.  The anxiety, shakes, panics, headaches, twitching, spasms, vision problems, dizziness, loss of feeling in limbs...you name it.  But what makes me confident that it ends is the fact that I don't have those anymore!  Sure there is that occasional headache (got one now actually), a little burst of anxiety and the tingling in the hands, but I take that over the realization anytime!  

You will get past all the horrid feelings and enjoy life again.  

 

pan, ditto was Unr3al said.

I call 2009 my Year in Hell.  It was extremely rough going for 6 months and then at month 9 things really started to turn around.

I'm almost 3 years out and am 90% healed. I know where you are it doesn't seem like it's possible you'll get through it, or you'll ever feel better than you do now. It will happen for you too. Trust me on this.

ginger

 

Thanks you for both of your posts. I am almost at 4.5 months Benzo free, and I have some good days, but the bad days just scare the hell out of me. I worry that I'm not making enough progress and I never know how to determine where I am in this journey. I appreciate your comments and please know that you give me hope so that I can push on today even though I feel like I am going to fall apart.

 

[[...]]

Boy each of u has told my story; the dr/dp is crazy - the whole experience is beyond belief. but the windows - man oh man - what a thrill.  that is when i can see this has changed my soul.  this is changing me.  i am better for it. but i still wish it was over...

i can accept that it is not over; i just thought oh geez after 4 months i'll be great.....it takes what it takes. my job is helping me get thru the days

[[...]]

continued - and i said my job is helping me...well it was vertigo who was one of the people who told me i could handle the classroom; i was terrified; went on medical leave awhile last year even

only from the support on here was i able to believe i could do it - and subsequently do it - one day at a time.

a million thank yous for the hope dear ones

[[Ma...]]

Hello! Stopping off to report some good news at 18 months out (18!!). It would seem that I really am doing quite a lot better. Went through a terrific week of stress and while the Vertigo did come back for a couple of days, with a little head burning, I had a similar experience a year ago and it knocked me out for quite a long time. Actually slept pretty well through most of it (amazing). Yes, all and all, while it's still uphill, at least I'm making headway up the mountain. Good luck to everyone!

m

[[gi...]]

-Screaming tinnitus - goes from horrible to excruciating

-Burning mouth - mild now, for the most part. But I still can't feel my lower teeth and on occasion food continues to fall out of my mouth as a result.

-Insomnia

-Cognitive abilities severely limited: concentration & comprehension are gone; retention of new information and instruction is gone; mid-term memory loss; can no longer spell, use (or know) many 3+ syllable words; can't read maps or understand written directions or instructions; I still get lost occasionally.

-These 3 never existed before I went off klonopin: physical over-reaction to stress; quick to anger; horrible sweet tooth

-Prone to headaches (but thank God they're nothing like they were! I had 1-6 kinds simultaneously, non-stop, for 9 months. I go into serious PTSD whenever I get one now!)

 

But still....I am SO MUCH better!

I live 100% of my life, just with the above damage.  It makes me cry, still, sometimes...but I only allow myself 15minute pity parties.

 

Ain't ya glad ya asked? 

 

ginger

 

Oops!! Sorry!

 

I forgot one: blurry right eye. I've had that since the beginning, too.  By bedtime it's pretty bad.

[[gi...]]

Marina, great news! 

 

Kristin:  I know how you feel re: feeling on the verge of insanity. I feel the same way, all too often!

  I have 3 philosophies:

  1- Accept and accommodate

  2- Keep passing the open windows (from "Hotel New Hampshire" by John Irving; i.e., don't jump out of one when you walk by it)

  3- Fake it till you make it

 

Oh, and I've said from the very beginning, "what choice do I have but to keep going?"  I had a sister who suffered from type 1 diabetes since she was 10 and use her example of strength. If she could handle what she endured, I have no excuse to give up.

 

Keep passing the open windows,

 

ginger

 

 

[[Li...]]

Mimi-

 

I haven't seen the documentary yet (Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead) but my good friend has and told me all about it. Got me really interested in raw food eating and/or juicing. Did you have any detox reactions? Any difficulty in the beginning? I SO want to do it, but I'm scared!

 

Libby

[[mt...]]

HI Libby

I am on Day 10 of juicing and it has made an incredible difference in how I feel. In one word-fantastic.  The first 2 days I had SO much energy I actually put on a work out tape!  This from someone who has spent the last 2 years fairly bedridden.  Fatigue has been a major complaint.  Since I started adding juice twice a day I have more energy than I have felt in years. 

 

I would not juice if I was tapering as the detox response could make the liver kick in and wipe out benzo levels and cause symptoms.  But I can't imagine it would not hurt to give it a try if post benzo.  Day 3 I felt a bit funky but I assumed I was detoxing and it passed.  I am also feeling much "clearer" mentally, focused and less "reactive".  I am sold and "juiced" every day now! 

 

While the film focuses on how adding fresh vegetables and fruits into our diet can regenerate our health, it is the story of Phil a 429 truck driver who that touched my heart.  I was crying at the end.  He overcomes tremendous obstacles and witnessing his determination to be healthy once again really struck a chord.  Reminded me so much of the long and arduous journey we have all taken in our struggles to be free of benzos.

 

Alot of it is nothing new as far as the healthy benefits of eating vegetables etc.  But a great inspiration to see folks struggling with their health and completely turning their health around.

 

Check it out...you can rent on netfix.  I bought it on Amazon for about 13.00 as I am showing it to family and friends.  I juice every night at 500pm and starting to get drop bys looking to get juiced as well!! 

 

Thanks for asking!!

Mimi

[[ve...]]

Verti-

 

It's always sad to say goodbey. But this is inevitable. However, you're not done yet: you and i are a couple of weeks away from the 2-yr mark, and i insist that you celebrate this milestone by posting either on this thread or in ur successs story. I certainly intend to do so in my success thread.

I wish that the light of god never leaves you. Enjoy life!  

Kev

 

Hey Kev. Yes, we are both very close to 2 years off.  I guess my decision to leave forum sooner was based on the realization that I am feeling great and don't really need an artificial timeline to count down to.  I've actually been doing pretty well since 18 months (last May) in terms of pre benzo comparisons and essentially been hovering between 80 and 90% from November 2010 to May 2011, with one setback in there after we got a new puppy in January.   That all settled down by March. Since May, there was a jump to 95%, sometimes higher.  I still have some mild nerve tingling/itching from the Shingles last January 2010 but I don't view this as a benzo symptom. Anyhow, I should stop "lurking" because you got me to post!!!

 

V

[[ve...]]

Hi Verti (and all)

Verti if you check back in I wanted to give you a heads up about the Documentary Fat Sick and Nearly Dead by Joe Cross.  Just amazing and inspirational.  My brother had me watch in Florida and I am now on my 8th day of juicing.  Itd been fun as my brother and I are doing it together.  I am amazed at how much better I feel.  My energy went through the worse.  So great to feel like I am able to do something healthy and actually feel the results and NO symptoms.For all you post benzo buddies you might want to check it out as well.  To watch the tranformation and healing that takes place as well as the commitment they have to overcome their illness is very inspirational.  As Benzo survivors we can all relate!!

Best wishes to all....

Mimi

 

Hi Mimi.  Some of you really know how to get a "retireee" to come out of retirement .  As you know Mimi, I started a whole thread on alternative green supplements and "blending" in another section of forum last year.  I've not been juicing per se, but have been "blending" for about a year now, since last December.  I typically use frozen blueberries, some plain Greek yogurt, half a banana, some walnuts and sometimes a little protein powder if it's more of a meal than a snack, and a scoop of super green powder (either Amazing Grass or sometimes Green Vibrance).  I try not to do it more than 3-4 times a week to give the liver a break. Are you using a vitamix?  I've come close to getting one of those at Costco so I could just add my own fresh vegetables sometimes instead of the supergreens.  I think that might have to be a Xmas present to myself this year.  Anyway, the only thing I would say is to watch the amount of fruits you juice because you really can get very high sugar levels when juicing and unless you have a very high quality blender like the Vitamix which incorporates the pulp, the juice alone can be a little less healthy if done in excess, which I'm sure you know. Thanks for the movie recommendation.  I'll check it out.  Time to go make a smoothie .

 

Vertigo (going back into forum retirement . It's hard to c/t this forum!)

[[mt...]]

HI Verti

HA HA WE GOT YOU!  I have a Blentec Blender which is just like a Vitamix.  I make a blended smoothie in the am with banana berries an apple a few cups of spinach a tiny hit of almond milk and .5cup yogurt.  At 5pm I make the green juice with Kale apple celery cucumber beets sometimes a pinch of ginger and lemon.  I started juicing back in 1973 when my niece was diagnosed with Leukemia.  We traveled with our juicer but I stopped once I met my husband as he was macrobiotic and I studied that diet for many years.  For me it was not a good diet.  I feel so much better back on vegetables and fruits as my main foods.

 

I am a member of Dr Fuhrmans website and use his EAT TO LIVE diet most days.  I know the benefits of juice with and without pulp.  I need both at this time.  I feel the non pulp juice go straight to my blood and Love the energy I feel almost immediately...its kinda of addictive.

 

Check out the movie in your "free" time off the forum!  Its very inspirational!

 

Hope you are enjoying winter!!  It arrived here a few days ago...

 

FYI maybe no CT off the forum...just 2 times a week...then once etc.

 

So happy to hear from you

Mimi

 

 

[[Li...]]

VERTIGO, GET A VITAMIX!! I got one for my birthday a few months ago (my boyfriend and mom together paid half and I paid the other half) and it's hands-down the best purchase ever. I got it direct from the company and it's refurbished, which saved me a couple hundred dollars. It comes with the same seven-year all-inclusive warranty, so I figured, why not?? I've been making green smoothies with spinach, kale, and a random variety of fruits, whatever I have on hand. It's the only way I get enough greens in my diet! I've also used it to make soup (broccoli, carrot, and cauliflower, all of which turned out delightfully and were ridiculously simple to make) and the kids in my life (niece, nephews, goddaughters) all LOVE green smoothies and/or homemade ice cream now. My favorite ice cream is strawberry- some frozen strawberries, a couple of dates as sweeteners, and half and half, and voila, the most delicious preservative/dye-free ice cream ever. I'm working toward doing a 30-day green smoothie detox, but as of right now I've only managed to do a green smoothie maybe 4 days a week. REALLY trying to increase that because I know for sure I will start feeling better. I'm also interested in adding juice as well, just for the more concentrated vitamins. I would love to do carrot juice in a juicer because I haven't loved carrot juice from the vitamix (yet...but will keep trying it). Anyway, just had to share! I found out about green smoothies somewhere in my online benzo-withdrawal search and am SO GLAD I came across that info because it started me on this quest to increase my nutrition. And I really think I'm going to find some relief from my fatigue and other symptoms (benzo withdrawal? Chronic fatigue? etc?) using good nutrition.

 

Mimi, so are you only juicing (a juice fast), or did you add juicing to your regular diet? I would LOVE to add juice to my diet, but am wondering if I should do a juice fast like they did in the documentary. That's what terrifies me! But if you're saying you've gotten tremendous results, I am definitely leaning toward trying it whichever way you've done it. Thanks so much for your info!

 

Vertigo, I'm cracking up, because I think I'll have a hard time quitting the forum as well.  

 

Libby

 

P.S. Mimi you posted while I was posting! So disregard my question to you as you just answered it! Thank you so so much for sharing. I really feel better equipped to do this now having read how you're doing it.