Post Benzo Freedom Withdrawal Support Group

[[ve...]]

I everyone...I haven't posted in this thread for a while, but I thought I'd give some good news...I am 13 months off now and doing pretty darn good!

 

Great news Sunny  Thanks for the update.  It's great to hear from people like you who feel mostly better except during occasional times of the month or year. I can relate although not having to deal with the hormonal impact each month.  Sporadic travels and stressful situations during the last year or two have intermittently presented challenges to sleep and anxiety.  With time, many of these things have improved significantly despite life still occasionally throwing some pretty stressful situations at us. Time along with a little effort can work miracles.

 

Cheers, 

 

Vertigo

[[ve...]]

Hi V:Sorry to see you leave our little site of benzo worries but you have provided me with many posts of reassurances and support.  And one can never have too many reassurances or too much support when going through this process.  Thanks a m-i-l-l-i-o-n for all your dedication and comforting words!  I wish I had a big OSCAR to give you for your mantle!   I'll miss my DPT twin!

God bless,

Rocko

 

Thanks Rocko.  I have enjoyed your posts and participation on this thread as well.  Thank you for the "virtual oscar" .  As Sally Field once said, "you really like me" Its nice to see fellow buddies come around to help others once they've reached a point in their own healing where they know things are moving in the right direction.  Even when things are not feeling so great, I think you're right that the reassurance or words of encouragement can mean a lot to so many who are also struggling through a difficult taper or post taper recovery. Much continued progress and healing Rocko.  I hope you will be able to pen your own success story in the not too distant future.

 

God Bless,

 

V

[[ve...]]

Hey John,We haven't connected in a while so I'll give you one last update. I've had a few more health problems, another back tweak, torn rotator cuff, and a pretty good scare with pretty low blood platelets. But alas, the back is healing, the shoulder is pesky but I'm tolerating cortisone shots and the platelets, thank god, are going back up. Not sure what the heck caused that, we think it's a combination of medications.

Still hanging in there fine without any benzos, opiates or z drugs. And working on cutting nicotine. Now 15 months clean. If I had to put a number on it, I'd say I'm about 75-80% healed at this point. Essentially all is pretty well. And, as you well know, things could be much worse!But most of all I just wanted to say, Thanks for all the support through the months!  You've given lots of wonderful and advice and encouragement to this forum. You've been great to chat with and truly an inspiration.I wish you all the very best and many years of health, peace and happiness.

Take Care and Best Wishes,

Albie

 

Hi Albie.  Thanks for you update and kind words.  We've sure been through a heck of a lot, eh?  Many congrats on getting to a point where you are feeling 80% and still focusing on moving to a healthier lifestyle which will be tobacco free. 15 months is awesome.  I remember that I had a setback at 14 months but it's been mostly smooth sailing since then.  I wish you the same.  I've enjoyed our chats and exchanges over the years.  Hard to believe it's not months but years!!!  Well, I wouldn't change anything.  It's been a real learning experience and I think has led to many insights and opportunities to truly become self aware and not take things for granted.  So many times, we walk around like zombies, going through the motions and not really living or appreciating the blessings around us.  There was a time when I'd regret and whine about the things that happened to me, but that's a thing of the past.  I don't know if I would have reached this stage without having gone through some of the unpleasant things involving benzos.  I'm not saying I wouldn't prefer if I hadn't had vertigo, anxiety, insomnia and all the rest, but I think one can try to make lemonade from lemons. 

 

All my best,

 

V

[[ve...]]

VertigoI just wanted to thank you for all the support you have given me during this horrendous period of my life.  Your words of encouragement have eased this process for me no end.You are right to want to get on with your 'healed' life and it is truly wonderful you have hung around to help and support others.I do hope this thread continues too although, without you at the helm, maybe it will die out .. I hope not.   I am recovering from the longest wave I have experienced and also hope to be off and away in the near future.  Wishing you all the best and a happy and a healthy benzo-free life., this has been some learning experience hasn't it?!  I think all of us on this thread are now benzowithdrawal experts after all we have gone/are going through!

All the best

Angel

:smitten: :smitten:

 

Hi Angel.  I am glad if you found this thread and some of my posts and others to be helpful.  I've enjoyed our recent conversations and hope that you will continue to heal in the coming months.  It's a bummer to still have waves after months off the benzo, but so many here like you have come to understand that this is sometimes a longer process thanexp ected.  At least, the comfort and support from others can maybe ease the pain a little.  I don't know if the thread will continue or not.  I suppose it's up to folks like you and others behind you who may find the need for a post benzo spot where folks who are done with their tapers can find others who have finished  for weeks or months and still have a few issues to sort through. There are so many great sections of forum to check out too.

 

Take care ,

 

Vertigo

[[ve...]]

Hi V, Just wanted to stop and thank you for all you have done for me and all the buddies. I will miss reading all of your post they are so comforting.

Take care, God Bless and  as Angel said wishing you a happy and healthy benz free life.   

Ibmom

 

 

Hi Ibmom. Good to hear from you. I hope you are doing well and continuing to heal.  I was glad to stick around long enough to see you finish your taper and enjoy your summer travels.  I hope you are enjoying this Fall weather and looking forward to a benzo free Thanksgiving .  Well, I will try to check back this evening before this old dog fades into the sunset .

 

 

V

[[Mi...]]

Hi Verti! http://i38.photobucket.com/albums/e105/CommentCrazyGirl/Smileys%20Hello%20Wave/bfwitchwave.gif

 

 

Notice anything different?http://i1132.photobucket.com/albums/m575/maxmoo/Funny%20Pics/Decor%20Smileys/Fall-Halloween-Thanksgiving%20Smilies/thwohmy.gif

[[mt...]]

HI Verti

Yes my trip to Florida was just wonderful.  My grandson and I were on the beach from 11am to 730pm each day.  Just swimming and riding the waves...I didn't even read a book-I would just sit and look at the clouds and listen to the surf and think back to the nights when I so longed for this day to arrive...soooo grateful.    So inspirational to realize your dreams...especially when overcoming a seemingly impossible obstacle.  

 

Unfortunately my visit with my mother was pretty much a mess and I immediately realized I had unrealistic expectations in being able to have any real connection with her.  She is 84, bad back, in pain, on pills and extremely bitter and negative.  The second day of my visit she started in with her old tricks (unable to use her "stealth" manipulation tactics as my brother says)  informing me that my brother said I owed him $ and when I said I had no idea why he would say that and I would check with him, she immediately started in on how my brother is a liar and would never admit he said it blah blah blah... And that was just the beginning....  So I just stayed at the beach and stayed away and have a newfound appreciation that my taper forced me to remove myself from the toxic family dynamics.  I must say after all I have overcome I was completely unwilling to tolerate the negativity for one second.  I have learned to love myself and I am happy to be with myself for long long periods of time.  So much to celebrate!  

 

As you fade off into the sunset please remember it is a sign of our glorious healing that we are now able to leave one another and get back to our living our lives with newfound appreciation and profound gratitude for all we have overcome and for the dear friends who "had our back" as we walked that long and lonesome benzo highway!

 

Happy Trails to you until we meet again....

Mimi

 

[[An...]]

Mimi. That post has helped me as I have a 'toxic' mother - 83 years old, she has dementia but sounds rather similar to yours.  Each time I have visited her during w/d I have had a bad wave, in fact the last planned trip I had to cancel because the thought of the visit brought on another wave!  I have yet another visit planned in a few weeks, I am feeling somewhat stronger right now than before as am in a window ... But I shall follow your examnple and just step back from the situation if it gets too difficult when I'm with her.

 

So glad you are healed.

 

Best wishes

Angel

[[mt...]]

HI Angel

Sorry to hear about your own struggles with your mother.  I kept myself fairly "coccooned" during my taper and an unexpected benefit was a dis-engagement from a rather toxic family dynamic...one I was actually unaware of I suppose, since I was pretty much wrapped up in it all!  The old can't see the forest for the trees perspective.  A large part of the turmoil was due to the fact that I have always been the placater-peace maker and once I was "off duty" due to illness -things got very ugly.  Very sad to witness when in the throes of benzo withdrawal!  Once I let myself grieve I found myself rather enjoying the peace and calm of my new enviroment.  In addition I sure have more time and energy to devote to my well being which is long over due!

 

Take good care of yourself and love others from a distance for a while if you find the need!

 

Blessings to all for continued healing!

Mimi

[[ve...]]

Hi Mimi and all post benzo pepes out there.  I'm glad to read that you have a handle now on your toxic mother.  Wonderful that you could travel with your grandson and have a great time with other family members. As you know, I have a toxic family member who has caused quite a bit of grief over the past two to three years in particular (seems to have gotten worse with time) but who has always been difficult.  I have had to really limit contact in order to maintain my own health.  I used to think I could just go in there and be a punching bag  and come out ok,  but I've realized that I'm much happier without the constant battles and conflicts.  It's sad because for many years I thought it might be possible to work things out or that there might be some movement on the other side in terms of change and better behavior. While I remain open to that possibility, for now it seems best to not put energy into something that usually turns out to be a constant drain.  It was an extended family trip with my father and sibling that led to taking that first valium.  NEVER AGAIN! Anyway, I do relate to your post and Angel's post because while my elderly father remains competent and sane, I fear that one day dementia might creep up and the combination of coping with that while once again having to interact with a dysfunctional sibling, would be rather disturbing.  Whatever happens though, I know I am strong enough to handle it now and without an artificial pill to calm things down.  Well, on that note, I want to thank all of you for your participation on this thread.  I will be stepping away now.  Next month will be two years since my valium taper ended.  The time has come to put benzos and benzo forums behind me.  Perhaps some others will find this thread helpful in the future, maybe some of you who occasionally read or lurk will post occasionally to keep it going.  If not, it's been a nice run. You've all been great.  I've learned so much from all of you. 

 

God Bless,

 

Vertigo (and valium NEVER AGAIN)

[[do...]]

I stopped drinking entirely two weeks ago. To my shock it made a big difference. I still have many symptoms still but I am feeling much more normal - in fact so normal that it is even scary .

[[do...]]

Vertigo (and valium NEVER AGAIN)

All the best and thank you very much.

[[ro...]]

Hi Doublewave:

 

You were on BHRT progesterone for awhile according to your sign line?  Are you post menopausal or was there another condition that progesterone was recommended to you?  You stated that you felt "addicted" to progesterone and now going withdrawals again.  I tried BHRT with progesterone too and I couldn't wait to slap the stuff on.  I felt like I was getting addicted to it too. 

 

How are you feeling now?  How long have you been off the progest?

 

Best regards,

Rocko

[[do...]]

Hi Rocko

 

I have been using Prog for a half a year.

My prog. is called Bioidentical Progesterone Cream. It's done by a compound chemist according to a prescription.

I have PMDD and catamenial epilepsy (i.e., epilepsy worsens dramatically around an ovulation and period). Both conditions can be treated with Prog because Prog has anticonvulsant and antidepressant qualities.

 

As for my WD from Prog I regard it as an extended WD from Clonazepam. After C/T Clon. I endured a few months but then got SO epileptic that decided to try Prog. I t worked but, as I understand now, only because it affects GABA receptors the same way as benzos do. Basically, I "reinstated", substituting Clon with Prog. Very soon I developed tolerance and could not stop for two weeks every cycle as I should of.

 

I gradually reduced Prog to 1/3 of the dose and then stopped.

 

Right now I am feeling good! Thank God. I mean I have fevers and muscle pains, seizures, headaches and even panic attacks BUT I don't have depression and my creativity is back. Mentally I am feeling just great.

 

This is my second menstrual chicle after I stopped Prog. The first one was an absolute awful nightmare - so I "helped" myself with alcohol. This was a huge mistake.

 

I think Progesterone can be very helpful but certainly not to everyone and not during benzo-WD. I have used it in the past for PMDD and didn't have any problems.

 

 

Hi Doublewave:

 

You were on BHRT progesterone for awhile according to your sign line?  Are you post menopausal or was there another condition that progesterone was recommended to you?  You stated that you felt "addicted" to progesterone and now going withdrawals again.  I tried BHRT with progesterone too and I couldn't wait to slap the stuff on.  I felt like I was getting addicted to it too. 

 

How are you feeling now?  How long have you been off the progest?

 

Best regards,

Rocko

[[mt...]]

Hi Rocko and Doublewave,

 

Here a link for some information on Hormones and Benzos.  I usd to use wild yam cream many years ago with good results. I have been holding off

using any hormone replacement until I have a couple years from my taper under my belt.

 

You may have already read this info but I think its a good read to understand why Progesterone has such an effect for so many women tapering.

 

http://www.benzosupport.org/Hormones%20and%20benzo%20diazepines.htm

 

All my best

Mimi

[[do...]]

Hi Mimi

Thank you. I read it and it is very good material, and I think it is very useful to have it for anyone interested.

[[gi...]]

John!!!!!!!!

 

I hope you check in here one last time...

 

I understand your leaving here; I'm planning on making my 3rd anniversary my last post and am currently "tapering" off this forum to prepare for my jump off this, my last attachment to benzos.

 

I'm proud of you for taking a final, healthy stand against your sibling and getting a handle on all that has caused you so much anxiety in the past.  You should be proud of yourself!

 

Kudos to you, thank you for your support over the years, and take good care of yourself and your family.

 

Much happiness to you my buddy -- 

 

ginger

[[ji...]]

Thanks for the info about hormones I hope my bc pill is not affecting my healing.

[[Li...]]

John, in case you check back in one more time, I wanted to say thank you for supporting me in the early days off benzos! You've contributed so much to this forum and I just wanted to say thank you. All the best to you in your life!

 

Libby

[[...]]

hi vert geez it is so amazing reading these posts as u guys start to close the door to this chapter of your life - what an extraordinary read.  the names you know are different from the ones i know.  it gives me hope to think i will bid adieu to this necessity to be on here as i sit here with tears on my face wondering if it really will end.

 

i just hit my 4 month off mark with klonipin and i had 6 real tough days in a row.  such fatigue and sadness and the weirdness stuff scares me so.  

 

i came on this to ask u guys if that is normal for this - but i know it is; it just helps to hear it i guess.  i was having 3-4 halfway good days a week.

the miracle is i made it to my job all week

i so agree with how this is making me a better person.  it has changed my soul

 

i know u will be so thankful in your life now. so different

 

nothing compares to this.

thanks for being there

i saved the stuff on the hormones; thanks for that too mimi

 

[[pa...]]

See what happens when I stay away too long! V is retiring!

Congradts V with your success and getting through life... Thank you so much for all the devotion you've put into this forum. Thanks to your generosity and loving presence I know that this forum has been influenced in very positive ways.

Best wishes to you, soldier as you bravely continue on! You are a true benzo warrior and it's been a pleasure having you here to chat with and share life journeys.

Take good care my friend and may all blessings be upon you!

[[...]]

i hope

[[Ma...]]

I am coming up on one year on Nov. 4th, can't believe it, this time has gone by so fast! I was on benzos for 20 years, I think that because I did such a slow taper, I did pretty well post w/d. I have also come off of 2 ad's in this year. I do still struggle with sleep, I was put on Requip during w/d, for restless leg, it helps me to sleep. The bummer for me right now is that I found out that if I want to get off of this one, I have to do yet another slow taper. I just got through c/t it, what a nightmare, there is no way I can get off of this fast! Oh well, I take it in stride.

The one thing I wanted to mention that realize I have become post benzo is...I feel again, I actually cry, I have emotion. I don't think I could while on benzos, I was numb, my feelings were flat. I am also more alert, I don't hesitate when someone asks me a question, I don't feel the need to numb every time life throws me a curve.  My memory has improved as well. I am feeling more present in life, and when I start to get anxious, I know I will be OK w/o a pill! It's FREEDOM!!! 

 

 

 

[[ve...]]

To my post benzo pepes and fellow buddies. Many thanks for all your kinds words.  Ginger, Libby, Pan, Rocko, Angel,  Pangelingua and the rest (you know who you all are ).  Ok, I lied.  I've returned for one last post.  Also, I promised I wouldn't leave without a "goodbye" to Missy . 

 

The past few years on forum have been a truly unique experience.  Going from one who needed support to gradually becoming a member here who successfully tapered off and traversed the post benzo journey, has been both a painful and rewarding couple of years. I hope it won't take you all 18 months to reach full recovery, but whatever the timeframe, the important thing is that you're healing. The strange thing is that things really got to a very manageable state for me by 5 or 6 months.  It was that last 20% that seemed to leave some stubborn lingering symptoms.  It's important to keep hope and faith alive, especially when a setback occurs. Once you expect setbacks and realize the non linear nature of benzo recovery, it becomes easier.  Thanks MaryS for your update at a year off. I can relate to the experience of "feeling again" and that includes anxiety, loss, frustration and some of those painful emotions that one may have first taken a benzo for in the first place.  I think ultimate recovery is in not having to eliminate those painful feelings or experiences, but becoming better able to cope with and tolerate some of life's curves without having to numb them.  Special thanks to Pangelingua for your prayers and good wishes. You've been a wonderful presence on this forum as well.  I am glad I was able to stick around to see you pen your success story.  Also to Mimi, you have been a light here to me and many here as well.  Thank you for your support and for continuing to help others in your first year off.  Too many others to name specifically. I wish all of you continued healing and health, a full recovery in the coming months and year.  With that, I hand the torch off to anyone who will have it.

 

God Bless ,

 

John/vertigo

[[Li...]]

Hi Vertigo,

 

I don't know that you will be back to look at this thread again today, but I wanted to leave a little Good Bye here for you just in case.

 

You have been a great Buddie here on the forum and I know many have benefited from your help!  Thank you so much!

 

I wish you all the very best in your future.

 

Love,

Lily