Post Benzo Freedom Withdrawal Support Group

[[ve...]]

Good morning everyone.  Still travelling and and still waking up at 3:30AM and having some rough sleep issues with jet lag.  Hopefully it will improve tonight or tomorrow. Anyway, hope everyone is having a nice weekend.

 

V

[[An...]]

Thanks Vertigo. Have a good trip home and catch-up on your sleep.

 

Angek xx

[[do...]]

I have been getting better for a while but today I had the most humiliating setback. I went to get more Keppra from the chemist and also do some shopping. I was OK first, got Keppra but started feeling sick (pre-epileptic stuff - incoherent, sudden fear, dizziness, everything is too bright, double contoured) on my way to the supermarket. Theere I almost lost consciousness (seizure), took a half of Keppra, drank water but it didn't help. I tried to navigate my way out touching the wall. Got out and then had another seizure! Sit on the bench and then some truly stupid advert person approached me "how are you?" it was clear she wanted to talk about her advert compain. I said "I am trying not to faint and about to try to reach the taxi rank". She said "good luck!" and left...

 

I managed to make 200m to the taxi rank. I was barely walking. I approached the taxi - I haven't noticed that the driver (who popped out of the car) had someone in the taxi. I asked him if he could drive me home. He was rude - he blurted "what do you want? - I am busy" - he actually went to another taxi behind and started a conversation with the driver there - and when I approached that taxi (the only remaining) he looked at me like I was piece of shit and asked again "what do you want?". At that point I was almost fainting again and said "nothing to do with you - I need a taxi to take me home!" And that guy still was staring at me and kept staring while I was getting into the car.

 

I may looked like I was drunk (very pail, had difficulties with walking) but what was it?

 

Guys, I feel SO humiliated!! It was awful. Is it my fault I have this damn epilepsy and WD issues? I was getting better but I am approaching my period I think and this is why epilepsy worsens.

 

Now I am afraid of taxis... :'(

[[ve...]]

Sounds scary being out and having that happen to you Doublewave.  I wonder why the taxi drivers were so rude.  Hope you are feeling better soon.  I wonder if you doctor can prescribe something that will work better for epilepsy.  I don't know much about keppra.  Is that a standard medication? What about neurontin?

 

Vertigo

[[gi...]]

Hi V,

 

I hope you catch up with the jet lag. That's really horrible, especially for our worn-out CNS's.  I remember Italy earlier in the year was just brutal for me; it took me until the last day to get on schedule. SA was worse; I never did catch up. I paid for it handsomely.

 

My trip to SA was great. Details in my blog.

 

I agree w/ symptoms coming up in times of stress. It's crazy how that happens. Worse: how formerly simple things now are interpreted as huge stressful events, like getting cut off while driving or being late to an appointment. It's insane how my body reacts now.

 

How's your dad?  How's your puppy, BTW?

 

 

Keep fighting the good fight -

 

g

[[ro...]]

Hi All post benzo beeps:

 

Ginger; Thank you for your explanation of the GABA receptors working for awhile and then "exhausted" return to step 1.  That's my theory on how this stuff works in the repair of the GABA receptors post taper.  It is pretty much a not fun roller-coaster ride. 

 

I appreciate your feedback on this dilemma -- us newly tapered benzo beeps need so much reassurance that this is a normal process. 

 

Got to run, but will post more later in the day.

 

GBYB,

Rocko

[[ro...]]

Hi V and other post benzo beeps:

 

I'm laughing - I thought I had an appt. this am. and it's not until tomorrow -- brain still in benzoland this a.m.

 

V;  Good to hear you are traveling and having some family fun times.  We will miss you terribly when you move on, but understand how one needs to move into the next phase of this experience.  I know you will be one heck of an ambassador with mighty knowledge of the devastating results of benzos.

 

Last week, I started taking 1/2 tab of Unisom an hour before bedtime to help normalize my sleep patterns.  I also take melatonin at lights out.  I feel traumatized by the last series of waves I had in early and mid September, and one last week.  Good news is the one last week lasted only 2 days but horrible sxs with it.  So, I am in a 6 day window again.  I had taken Unisom for about 4 months (April - mid Juy) and it seemed to help with sleep.  I tapered off it mid-July.  It feels like a "crutch" to go back to it - but I think it just might deter or lessen some WD stuff. 

 

Anyone else have experiences with Unisom (good or bad)? 

 

I am looking forward to my one year post benzo anniversary more than my upcoming wedding anniversary.  How very flipsided and crazy is that?

 

Best regards to all,

Rocko

 

 

[[do...]]

Hi Vertigo,

 

I have no idea why one taxi driver was so rude (another was fine). I know many and they are mostly OK. Perhaps I looked like I was drunk, I don't know.

 

As for Keppra it is the only anticonvulsant I could tolerate so far. It is a good option for my case of TLE. I haven't tried Neurontin yet. My problem is that my epilepsy is hugely hormonal-driven, i.e. it is connected with the cycle. I made a very big mistake when I started using Progesterone cream for epilepsy while still WD from Clon. By duing that I effectively reinstaed and soon could not stop using Progesterone although I had too, every month. Two months ago I stopped Progesterone. It is awful! Right now I must tolerate WD for a while. Hopefully, in a few months I will be able to use Progesterone again for two weeks per cycle.

I am raving and raging here... it is hell. I was positive and patient before but now I am just @#$^%!

 

 

Sounds scary being out and having that happen to you Doublewave.  I wonder why the taxi drivers were so rude.  Hope you are feeling better soon.  I wonder if you doctor can prescribe something that will work better for epilepsy.  I don't know much about keppra.  Is that a standard medication? What about neurontin?

 

Vertigo

[[gi...]]

I have been getting better for a while but today I had the most humiliating setback. I went to get more Keppra from the chemist and also do some shopping. I was OK first, got Keppra but started feeling sick (pre-epileptic stuff - incoherent, sudden fear, dizziness, everything is too bright, double contoured) on my way to the supermarket. Theere I almost lost consciousness (seizure), took a half of Keppra, drank water but it didn't help. I tried to navigate my way out touching the wall. Got out and then had another seizure! Sit on the bench and then some truly stupid advert person approached me "how are you?" it was clear she wanted to talk about her advert compain. I said "I am trying not to faint and about to try to reach the taxi rank". She said "good luck!" and left...

 

I managed to make 200m to the taxi rank. I was barely walking. I approached the taxi - I haven't noticed that the driver (who popped out of the car) had someone in the taxi. I asked him if he could drive me home. He was rude - he blurted "what do you want? - I am busy" - he actually went to another taxi behind and started a conversation with the driver there - and when I approached that taxi (the only remaining) he looked at me like I was piece of shit and asked again "what do you want?". At that point I was almost fainting again and said "nothing to do with you - I need a taxi to take me home!" And that guy still was staring at me and kept staring while I was getting into the car.

 

I may looked like I was drunk (very pail, had difficulties with walking) but what was it?

 

Guys, I feel SO humiliated!! It was awful. Is it my fault I have this damn epilepsy and WD issues? I was getting better but I am approaching my period I think and this is why epilepsy worsens.

 

Now I am afraid of taxis... :'(

 

 

Double!! It is not your fault and you have nothing to feel humiliated about!!  If you'd been drunk, yes; but you have a medical condition!  For the longest time I carried a card that said "I am not drunk. I have an illness that makes me look like I am. If I have handed this card to you it's because I need your help."  No one would understand benzo w/d, and the term "withdrawal" puts people off.  How about making a card that fits in your billfold so you can take it out if you need it? 

 

I hope the wave has passed by now -

 

ginger

[[ve...]]

Hi Doublewave and the rest.  I believe there are several buddies here who also had issues with the progesterone cream and/or escalation of symptoms during the monthly cycle.  I think SummerMeadow might be one of them.  Anyway, hope you feel better soon.  I'm going to be traveling for a few days so I'll try to check back in a few days.

 

Have a good weekend everyone,

 

Vertigo

[[do...]]

Hi ginger

 

I know my feelings were irrational... I guess I was most of all scared of being helpless.

As for the card I can see the reason for it but I couldn't do it. Out of stupid pride I guess. For a while I was thinking of getting an epilepsy braslet but gave up this idea out of pride as well.

I am feeling a bit better today, thank you )).

 

Double!! It is not your fault and you have nothing to feel humiliated about!!  If you'd been drunk, yes; but you have a medical condition!  For the longest time I carried a card that said "I am not drunk. I have an illness that makes me look like I am. If I have handed this card to you it's because I need your help."  No one would understand benzo w/d, and the term "withdrawal" puts people off.  How about making a card that fits in your billfold so you can take it out if you need it? 

 

I hope the wave has passed by now -

 

ginger

[[do...]]

Hi vertigo

 

Thank you. I searched "progesterone" topic on this forum and found quite a lot. It matches my experince. Yesterday I was begging my husband for pogesterone but he didn't give in. I am glad he didn't because today I am feeling better.

 

Have a good trip.

 

 

Hi Doublewave and the rest.  I believe there are several buddies here who also had issues with the progesterone cream and/or escalation of symptoms during the monthly cycle.  I think SummerMeadow might be one of them.  Anyway, hope you feel better soon.  I'm going to be traveling for a few days so I'll try to check back in a few days.

 

Have a good weekend everyone,

 

Vertigo

[[ve...]]

Hi DoubleWave.  Glad you're feeling better. Yes, I came across several buddies in the last couple years who had impact from progesterone cream,since I have participated in this forum.  Hope you find some answers as you continue to heal.

 

On another note, I just returned from a short trip out of state while visiting a family member on the W. Coast.  I am happy to report that it was a good trip without any significant issues.  

 

I have decided that it is time for me to move on from this forum, after nearly two years.  You all helped me a lot as I navigated my taper and post taper experience.  I have tried to give back to the best of my ability since my taper ended in 2009. Tomorrow and Tuesday will be my last days in which I will post to this thread. Perhaps others will continue to post or find this helpful in some way.  Or maybe it will fade away.  Either way, you all have helped me get through some rough times during and after my valium taper.  Many thanks.  Meanwhile, I wish all you post benzo buddies much healing and success in your lives.

 

Best wishes

 

Vertigo

[[An...]]

Vertigo

 

I just wanted to thank you for all the support you have given me during this horrendous period of my life.  Your words of encouragement have eased this process for me no end.

 

You are right to want to get on with your 'healed' life and it is truly wonderful you have hung around to help and support others.

 

I do hope this thread continues too although, without you at the helm, maybe it will die out .. I hope not.  I am recovering from the longest wave I have experienced and also hope to be off and away in the near future. 

 

Wishing you all the best and a happy and a healthy benzo-free life.

 

Wow, this has been some learning experience hasn't it?!  I think all of us on this thread are now benzowithdrawal experts after all we have gone/are going through!

 

All the best

Angel

:smitten: :smitten:

 

 

[[ib...]]

Hi V,

 

Just wanted to stop and thank you for all you have done for me and all the buddies. I will miss reading all of your post they are so comforting.

 

Take care, God Bless and  as Angel said wishing you a happy and healthy benz free life. 

 

Ibmom

 

[[Al...]]

Hey John,

 

We haven't connected in a while so I'll give you one last update. I've had a few more health problems, another back tweak, torn rotator cuff, and a pretty good scare with pretty low blood platelets. But alas, the back is healing, the shoulder is pesky but I'm tolerating cortisone shots and the platelets, thank god, are going back up. Not sure what the heck caused that, we think it's a combination of medications.

 

Still hanging in there fine without any benzos, opiates or z drugs. And working on cutting nicotine. Now 15 months clean. If I had to put a number on it, I'd say I'm about 75-80% healed at this point.

 

Essentially all is pretty well. And, as you well know, things could be much worse!

 

But most of all I just wanted to say, Thanks for all the support through the months!  You've given lots of wonderful and advice and encouragement to this forum. You've been great to chat with and truly an inspiration.

 

I wish you all the very best and many years of health, peace and happiness.

 

Take Care and Best Wishes,

 

Albie

 

[[ro...]]

Hi V:

 

Sorry to see you leave our little site of benzo worries but you have provided me with many posts of reassurances and support.  And one can never have too many reassurances or too much support when going through this process. 

 

Thanks a m-i-l-l-i-o-n for all your dedication and comforting words!  I wish I had a big OSCAR to give you for your mantle!  

 

I'll miss my DPT twin!

God bless,

Rocko

[[ji...]]

Hi V:

 

Sorry to see you leave our little site of benzo worries but you have provided me with many posts of reassurances and support.  And one can never have too many reassurances or too much support when going through this process. 

 

Thanks a m-i-l-l-i-o-n for all your dedication and comforting words!  I wish I had a big OSCAR to give you for your mantle!  

 

I'll miss my DPT twin!

God bless,

Rocko

 

Rocko...haven't heard from you lately. How are you?

[[ro...]]

Hi Jittery:

 

I'm doing much better -- one bad nite last week and then into another window.  Oh, the ups and downs of this stuff can really wear us down. 

 

But this month is proving to be much better than last month for me. 

 

How about you?  Are you getting some sleep?  Feel like you are pulling out of your wave?  I hope the worst is over for both of us and from here sxs that are more manageable and more sleep. 

 

God bless,

Rocko

[[Su...]]

I everyone...I haven't posted in this thread for a while, but I thought I'd give some good news...I am 13 months off now and doing pretty darn good! I have a bad day here and there, but it's always in relation to my menstrual cycle, or rather the week before it. The constant nervousness.anxiety/fear that I used to complain about is pretty much gone.  I get it every once in a while, and it usually only lasts about 15 min. If i get myself distracted, it disappears completely.

 

I'm at 50mgs of Trazodone and going to keep tapering off of it very slowly. I have a bad night here and there, but I at least get 5 hours each night...several 7-8...life is good now.

 

If this is as good as it gets, I can totally live with that..however I know that it will continue to get better over the next year and I look forward to it.

[[do...]]

Hi Sunny71

I everyone...I haven't posted in this thread for a while, but I thought I'd give some good news...I am 13 months off now and doing pretty darn good! I have a bad day here and there, but it's always in relation to my menstrual cycle, or rather the week before it. The constant nervousness.anxiety/fear that I used to complain about is pretty much gone.  I get it every once in a while, and it usually only lasts about 15 min. If i get myself distracted, it disappears completely.

 

It's great news indeed! And very encouraging too. Thanks for sharing.

 

----------------------------------

 

To everyone -

 

I got so sick with panic attacks (mostly at night or when I sit still) which I tend to take for "heart attacks" (I know intellectually that it is not so but have difficulties to believe it) that I tried to create a heart attack deliberately. For this purpose I walked very fast in the heat of the morning so my heart was pacing madly. I made 7km like this. Guess what? - no puffing, no chest pain, nothing at all. Hopefully it will help my fears.

[[mt...]]

Dear John (Vertigo)

SO sad to read you are moving on...its like an end to an era.  I do understand as I am back here very rarely.  I find that on most days I completely forget about benzos and my taper...which is wonderful.

 

I do want to (again) express how deeply I appreciate your support over the past few years.  I send you heartfelt blessings for being a beacon of light and hope to me and so many others here.  I just posted my success story and you are a huge part of me being successful in getting off one of the hardest drugs in the world!  Thank you dear friend for seeing me through some of the roughest days of my life.

 

If you get up north I would love to meet up for a cup of decaf!!

 

Big big hug to you!

Mimi

[[pa...]]

Hi John (V)

Just wanted to wish you well in the future and to let you know I am almost finished with this taper myself  its taken me far too long but am almost there. Thanks for all your help and wonderful posts, and am so glad you are healed and having a good time with your lovely family.

Luv Pauline  :smitten:

[[ve...]]

Hi John (V)

Just wanted to wish you well in the future and to let you know I am almost finished with this taper myself  its taken me far too long but am almost there. Thanks for all your help and wonderful posts, and am so glad you are healed and having a good time with your lovely family.

Luv Pauline  :smitten:

 

Hi Pauline.  I was happy to hear that your taper is almost over .  What a journey, eh? We've all got some battle scars but hopefully they've made us a little wiser and we've learned something valuable along the way.  I've still got about two weeks before the 2 year mark.  I'm very happy to be off the valium.  I may have to have a procedure in a month or two which will requires anethesia.  I think I will avoid versed and go with propofol despite what happened to Michael Jackson.  Thanks for your update Pauline.  You will have much to celebrate this Christmas and beyond .

 

Vertigo/John

[[ve...]]

Dear John (Vertigo)

SO sad to read you are moving on...its like an end to an era.  I do understand as I am back here very rarely.  I find that on most days I completely forget about benzos and my taper...which is wonderful.

I do want to (again) express how deeply I appreciate your support over the past few years.  I send you heartfelt blessings for being a beacon of light and hope to me and so many others here.  I just posted my success story and you are a huge part of me being successful in getting off one of the hardest drugs in the world!  Thank you dear friend for seeing me through some of the roughest days of my life.

If you get up north I would love to meet up for a cup of decaf!!

Big big hug to you!

Mimi

 

Hi Mimi.  Thank you for your kind words and congrats on being able to pen a "success story".  8 months, eh?  Wonderful.  That is fantastic to be able to travel with your 12 year old grandson.  Glad you were able to enjoy your holiday and with complete recovery.  I'm pretty close to 100% With a few minor exceptions, which are not really benzo but shingles related.  A couple battle scars stlll remind me that stress is nothing to be taken too lightly and that how we interpret events and people can have a huge impact on our health.  In addition, what we eat and getting a little exercise can be a good thing too.  Yes, hopefully we can meet one day and enjoy a decaf.  Looks like your grandson and my son are almost the same age.  We were talking the other day about maybe doing Yosemite next summer since my son was a little young to enjoy the more rigorous hikes like Vernal Falls.  Anyway, it's nice to be feeling well enough to be planning trips that include a 4 or 5 mile hike.  Take care and let me know how you're doing from time to time .  I'd love to hear more about your trip.  I was in Orlando a few weeks ago and my son loved the Harry Potter World at Universal.  It's a reminder of how life can throw a few surprises at you but there is still magic in the world and much to be grateful for. Well, today will be my last day on forum.  I will try to check back one more time this evening before this old dog fades off into the sunset.

 

V