Post Benzo Freedom Withdrawal Support Group

[[pa...]]

Hi V!

Long time no post. I've been keeping busy these last few weeks and I'm just making back to the forum. I'll have to say that I'm doing much better this year when I compare how I felt last year. As I recall, I started having some problems around Aug/Sept last year do to worries over a health condition. Next came trying to get some health coverage back so that I could afford to see a doctor and get things looked at. That was followed by the youndg lady parishoner and her emotional issues and trying to keep her away from staying with us, etc. Plus some moody choir members who seem to have anti social/ grouchiness when it comes to singing at Holiday time.

I remebered that all those things snowballed last year to the point that I felt miserable in Jan/Feb. In fact, I felt so bad that I even considered reinstating to valium and doing another taper!

Fortunatley, I had a new head psych at the medical facility that through talking to him, it was agreed that benzodiazepines were out of the question for me because they never really did me much good. It was then that I went back to small doses of remeron and I've done well since...

In looking back at this same time last year I can see how things unraveled for me. I just had too many worries and issues that overwhelmed me. This year, I am making myself a promise not to stew about things so much. Things may bother me (especially other people's behavoir-- I wish I could say that all people I know were easy-going, but that just isn't possible) and I may think about them for a time. But, it's not worth it too allow it to follow me day after day. I am really looking forward to a better Holiday season this year and I'm going to try to make it work that way all that I can. As for outside people staying with us, it's just not going to happen this year. I haven't heard much from this young lady except that she got a job at Home Depot and seems to be working out there fine.

Also, a big warm welcom to Sigma! Sigma, I have seen that you are nearing the finish line and I also appreciate your posts to Tompaul who is a new member and just starting. I sincerely hope that these last remaining parts of your taper will go as well as possible. There are stress responses that I seem to have incured from being on benzos. I accept them as part of my life for now and they go away quickly. Mainly, nerve tingling. With all the pain comes going through it and from that comes acceptance followed by easing of symptoms. That seems to be the way it works. Again, Sigma, congradts on nearing the end of yout taper!

This is all for now, V. I wish you a great week! Also, I'm hoping for you a happy Holiday season as it comes upon us. Does your son still trick or treat? My son still likes to dress up although my daughter's gotten to an age where she feels too dignified to! This is always a fun time of the year for me and I certainly hope it is for you! Take good care and I'll blog with you later on in the week.

 

 

[[do...]]

Hi Vertigo,

 

Thank you for your understanding and book recommendations. I wrote the titles and authors down.

 

I am glad you made a decision which is necessary for complete recovery.

 

In my case, I first started stuffing myself with Clonazepam b.o. relationship with my mother (only by doing that I could manage eleven days of my last visit) but then my husband suffered a terrible break of his leg - surgery etc so I continued with Clon. but then stopped C/T. I have no idea how on earth I managed to take care of him (he could not move around, even to wash himself) and do C/T and endure WD .

 

I am feeling better though and I am sure my decision to reduce the contact with my family helped enormously. I too, just as you did, came to "enough" point. I regret I realized it a bit late though. I regret about lost years.

[[ve...]]

Hi V! Long time no post. I've been keeping busy these last few weeks and I'm just making back to the forum. I'll have to say that I'm doing much better this year when I compare how I felt last year. As I recall, I started having some problems around Aug/Sept last year do to worries over a health condition. Next came trying to get some health coverage back so that I could afford to see a doctor and get things looked at. That was followed by the youndg lady parishoner and her emotional issues and trying to keep her away from staying with us, etc. Plus some moody choir members who seem to have anti social/ grouchiness when it comes to singing at Holiday time.

I remebered that all those things snowballed last year to the point that I felt miserable in Jan/Feb. In fact, I felt so bad that I even considered reinstating to valium and doing another taper! Fortunatley, I had a new head psych at the medical facility that through talking to him, it was agreed that benzodiazepines were out of the question for me because they never really did me much good. It was then that I went back to small doses of remeron and I've done well since...In looking back at this same time last year I can see how things unraveled for me. I just had too many worries and issues that overwhelmed me. This year, I am making myself a promise not to stew about things so much. Things may bother me (especially other people's behavoir-- I wish I could say that all people I know were easy-going, but that just isn't possible) and I may think about them for a time. But, it's not worth it too allow it to follow me day after day. I am really looking forward to a better Holiday season this year and I'm going to try to make it work that way all that I can. As for outside people staying with us, it's just not going to happen this year. I haven't heard much from this young lady except that she got a job at Home Depot and seems to be working out there fine.Also, a big warm welcom to Sigma! Sigma, I have seen that you are nearing the finish line and I also appreciate your posts to Tompaul who is a new member and just starting. I sincerely hope that these last remaining parts of your taper will go as well as possible. There are stress responses that I seem to have incured from being on benzos. I accept them as part of my life for now and they go away quickly. Mainly, nerve tingling. With all the pain comes going through it and from that comes acceptance followed by easing of symptoms. That seems to be the way it works. Again, Sigma, congradts on nearing the end of yout taper! This is all for now, V. I wish you a great week! Also, I'm hoping for you a happy Holiday season as it comes upon us. Does your son still trick or treat? My son still likes to dress up although my daughter's gotten to an age where she feels too dignified to! This is always a fun time of the year for me and I certainly hope it is for you! Take good care and I'll blog with you later on in the week.

 

Always good to hear from you Pangelingua.  You and I are good examples where the work was not over once finishing the taper.  We both had toxic family situations that impacted us before benzos and afterward.  I am happy that you have had some therapy and read some books which have helped you to learn better ways to deal with stressful situations for which you once took a pill to alleviate.  We also both had sleep troubles in part because of the difficult circumstances which we found ourselves in.  In my case, it began with a family "vacation" a few years ago that my elderly father (who has cancer) wanted all his children and grandchildren to take together.  I felt that it would be fairly harmless to try a low dose of valium for a few weeks while enduring the toxicity of being around my wacko sibling and his wife for an extended period.  In retrospect, it would have been much better to just deal with it although I must admit that the valium did help with sleep and took some of the sting out of the dysfunctional attacks, criticisms and poor behavior. It's all water under the bridge now.  Overall, my sleep has been very good this past year with the exception of waking about 60 to 90 minutes earlier than I absolutely "need to".  This morning, I type this at 5:45 despite not really needing to be up before 7AM.  I also still get some significant jet lag when I travel. I've tried melatonin but it doesn't seem to help. It usually takes a week before I stop waking up at 2 or 3AM when I travel to the West Coast.  I usually go to bed earlier (by 9PM) and at least get five or six hours of sleep but it is frustrating to still have sleep impacted after two years of being off the benzo.  Truth be told, I did have similar jet lag issues before benzos which is also partly why I asked my doctor for the valium before that trip to Europe back in 2008.  Like you Pange, I love the Fall season, the cooler weather and change of colors.  We have much to be grateful as the season of Thanksgiving approaches.  I am glad you did not reinstate the valium and hope you will one day be able when the time is right, to taper off the remeron.  Good advice to not let things "stew too much".  Our health is much more important!

 

Cheers,

 

Vertigo

[[ve...]]

Hi Vertigo, Thank you for your understanding and book recommendations. I wrote the titles and authors down. I am glad you made a decision which is necessary for complete recovery.  In my case, I first started stuffing myself with Clonazepam b.o. relationship with my mother (only by doing that I could manage eleven days of my last visit) but then my husband suffered a terrible break of his leg - surgery etc so I continued with Clon. but then stopped C/T. I have no idea how on earth I managed to take care of him (he could not move around, even to wash himself) and do C/T and endure WD .  I am feeling better though and I am sure my decision to reduce the contact with my family helped enormously. I too, just as you did, came to "enough" point. I regret I realized it a bit late though. I regret about lost years.

 

Hi Doublewave.  Sorry to read about your husband's broken leg and surgery.  That must have been a lot to handle at a very difficult time.  Eleven days visit with your mother?  What about the 3 day rule . We had a neighbor about ten years ago who once told us that fish start to stink after three nights and that she only allows visitors/family or whoever to stay in her home for three days and also when she visits her family.  My mother in law was not too keen on the idea when I mentioned it to her some years ago .  That being said, she used to come visit us for a full week despite things getting very stressful and everyone being irritable by the end of her visits.  We all finally came to the conclusion that five nights is the max that we all can enjoy and that it was silly to make visits a full week.  As a matter of fact, our next visit to her is already planned for five nights .  As far as the decision to reduce contact with your family, I do understand completely.  I hope that Mtmimi will read these posts because I know she has had some similar experience with such matters.  I have a very difficult sibling who often does not take "no" for an answer and he often does not respect personal boundaries.  He is disturbed on many levels.  I spent a lifetime trying to accommodate his poor behavior, but it became too difficult a couple years ago when my father became very ill.  While I worked on developing better coping skills for managing the situation, the bottom line was that I finally realized that minimizing my exposure would be best for my health moving forward.  Interestingly, my brother has had a number of friends who have either terminated their relations with him or significantly reduced contact in the last five years.  It seems I was the last to learn this, although I did have a great deal of apprehension about traveling with him for two weeks back in 2008, something that unfortunately led to taking my first valium.  It's been just over three years ago since I first took that first valium and almost two years since I finished a 10 month taper off it.  I will be writing my final thoughts and 24 month update next month before I leave this forum.  Meanwhile, I've been blessed to have met many fine folks such as yourself who have had similar experiences with dysfunctional family and stress.  It has been helpful to read and share some of our experiences as we have gone through the healing process. 

 

Best,

 

Vertigo

[[ve...]]

Thanks for responding Vertigo, your words help.  I am feeling pretty bad and I don´t think I will be able to make it to see my Mum tomorrow, I will see. I just want to get home to Spain and my dog

Angel

 

Hi Angel.  I hope you will feel better soon.  Have you always lived in Spain or did you retire there?  I've always wanted to visit Spain, particularly Barcelona and maybe visit Portugal as well.  I have some relatives in England who enjoy visiting Spain each year.  I hope to get to visit there some time in the future.  Do you have somebody to take care of your dog when you travel?  We always have to pay $30 a day since we got our puppy beginning of the year.  It was not fun housebreaking him, caused some insomnia and anxiety spike but within a few months, things got much better. 

 

Cheers,

 

Vertigo

[[An...]]

Hi Vertigo  We moved to the south of Spain, Marbella 2 years ago - we still have a business in the UK which we are able to run from being connected by laptop and frequent visits (mainly my husband, I am not so involved now and since the benzo saga am almost incapable!).  The dog is with dogsitter and yes we pay about the same as you.

 

It was interesting reading the above threads because I believe my panic attack which led to benzos was caused by the strain of caring for my unstable Mum since my Dad died 6 years ago - and any subsequent visits to her now have caused me huge and terrible waves, one of which I am still in.  I had to cancel the trip to see her and am trying to recuperate in London but I feel very very nervy and not so good.  I made myself worse by reading someone´s blog today of a really short-termer on low dosage still suffering almost 2 years off.

 

Glad you enjoyed your recent trip.

 

Angel xx

[[ve...]]

Hi Vertigo  We moved to the south of Spain, Marbella 2 years ago - we still have a business in the UK which we are able to run from being connected by laptop and frequent visits (mainly my husband, I am not so involved now and since the benzo saga am almost incapable!).  The dog is with dogsitter and yes we pay about the same as you. It was interesting reading the above threads because I believe my panic attack which led to benzos was caused by the strain of caring for my unstable Mum since my Dad died 6 years ago - and any subsequent visits to her now have caused me huge and terrible waves, one of which I am still in.  I had to cancel the trip to see her and am trying to recuperate in London but I feel very very nervy and not so good.  I made myself worse by reading someone´s blog today of a really short-termer on low dosage still suffering almost 2 years off.

Glad you enjoyed your recent trip.

Angel xx

 

Hi Angel.  Sorry to read about your mother, your panic attack and the passing of your father.  No doubt your mother is more needy without your father and very difficult for you to support her from long distance.  It's been a rough couple of years for my elderly father who has had cancer for over five years but he really had a rough time two years ago just as I was finishing my valium taper.  I'm about 4 hours away by flight which makes it rough sometimes but at least it's non stop.  After hospitalization for about five weeks, he was finally able to return home but with round the clock caregivers since 2009.  That has made it easier in some ways but there's always some issue to help him deal with, including occasionally firing or hiring new caregivers.  He's made much progress though and he is able to enjoy many facets of his life which is pretty good considering he's almost 90 and almost didn't make it just about two years ago.  By the way, I wouldn't worry too much about one person's blog.  Everyone is different and has many variables impacting the recovery time and course.  I'm almost 2 years off and have been very active despite some minor issues during the first 18 months before I wrote my "success story" in another section of this forum.  You'll be able to pen your own story eventually.  Meanwhile, you have some more healing to do in the coming months but things do steadily improve despite the occasional minor setback.  I had a couple mini panics at 3 and 6 months off, after never having a panic ever before.  I think once the benzo is out of the system, sometimes the body will overcompensate and react to not having it there to calm you like it once did. 

 

Hang in there,

 

Vertigo

[[do...]]

Hi Vertigo,

 

I certainly agree with "three days rule" - despite such a rule is considered to be "very rude" in my country of origin. However, I sacrificed my "image of a good girl" long ago and stopped complying. I don't care any more about cultural rules which in fact do not have anything to do with individuals. I need lots of space and time on my own and this does not make me better or worse than others.

 

As for the eleven days visit, it was actually me living in my flat in my country of origin. I had to stay there between two European trips - I thought it was easier and cheaper to wait there for my husband who returned back home than to go with him. I regret terribly that I did not choose to go somewhere else. My flat also belongs to my mother (a joint property) who has a personality disorder and I remember how in a few days my consciousness became completely clouded... I even failed to visit any exhibitions but one. I saw a neurologist (for epilepsy) and this was worthwhile, and I also bought excellent pair of roller blades. But I cannot skate now due to stupid fear! - and I have been skating since I was three years old.

 

I don't know if it is of any help to you or a person you mentioned (who has similar family problems) but I learnt a certain technique which I call "sanity injection". When I feel overwhelmed by all this accusations from mother I write them down in a column, on the right of them my immediate reactions/ emotions/ thoughts and then challenge them with a logic. It is CBT actually. Sometimes I even draw my emotions next to my mother's words.

 

You will be missed here.

[[An...]]

Thank you Vertigo for your kind advice.

 

You will be very missed as Doublewave says but it is more than time for you to move on as all of us hope to some day.

 

  In fact it gives me encouragement to see the unfamiliar  names from the beginning of this popular thread.

 

Angel xx

[[ve...]]

Many kind regards Angel and Doublewave.  Thanks for the suggestion about CBT, Doublewave.  I think we could all use a "sanity injection" once in a while .  I have also found REBT (a precursor to CBT) and ACT therapies to be worthwhile reads.  Books on existentialism and existential therapy by Emmy Van Deurzen, of the United Kingdom, can be illuminating as well.  ACT therapy, for example, while having some foundations in CBT, incorporates mindfulness and acceptance into its philosophy.  I agree 100% that there are times when reinterpreting and reframing our thoughts can be very helpful in exposing irrational thought patterns and habits.  That being said, sometimes a mindful and still acceptance of core criticisms (whether coming from difficult or disturbed family members or regurgitated by one's own "inner critic")  can be freeing.  Acceptance, by the way, is not giving in to one's inner or outer demons. Rather, it is to develop a deep awareness of the process of one's own mind and cognitive patterns rather than demanding that one change them.  Neurolinguistic programming is another approach that might be somewhere in between ACT and CBT therapies.  Whatever approach one finds helpful, can hopefully enable one to adapt and learn coping mechanisms for at least some of what led to some of the anxiety, fear and perhaps other issues such as insomnia, blues or sleep disturbance that contributed to the "need" for a benzodiazepene.  Some folks may not need therapy or feel they do not need to read books like the ones I have mentioned and that is fine too.  I personally needed a better approach to manage stress and dysfunctional family of origin issues.  I suspect there are others who have also benefited from reflecting on similar matters.  There is probably no single approach that works for all, but for what it's worth, I have found that taking some time to focus or meditate on one's emotional and cognitive health can be beneficial. 

 

As for my departure from forum, I think it is getting close to time for me to move on.  Today is exactly 23 months since my valium taper ended.  After I reached the one year milestone last November, I was feeling between 80 and 90% on many days.  A few stubborn lingering issues, some of which I had before benzos, remained.  Also, I had/have some post herpetic neuralgia from the Shingles, which I suspect may have been compounded by my weakened CNS after the valium taper ended. I'm not sure whether it was the chicken or the egg, but the combination of getting Shingles and finishing the valium led to some on and off symptoms which extended to 18 months.  I closed my blog about five months ago and have continued to post on this thread, allbeit less frequently.  I believe had I not gotten Shingles, I would have had a more rapid recovery time.  In any case, my plan is to post a final update at 24 months, which will be next month.  Meanwhile, I have enjoyed meeting some new "posties" as someone referred to us .  I hope others will find reading this thread helpful.  I started it at about 3 months off around March 2010, when another buddy of mine and I realized that we were still experiencing some "post benzo" issues and thought it would be cool to have a thread where others could post some of their experiences.  I have some travel coming up this month but I will try to post when I can.  I hope there will be much healing forthcoming.

 

Best,

 

Vertigo

[[ve...]]

Hi V! Long time no post. I've been keeping busy these last few weeks and I'm just making back to the forum. I'll have to say that I'm doing much better this year when I compare how I felt last year. As I recall, I started having some problems around Aug/Sept last year do to worries over a health condition. Next came trying to get some health coverage back so that I could afford to see a doctor and get things looked at. That was followed by the youndg lady parishoner and her emotional issues and trying to keep her away from staying with us, etc. Plus some moody choir members who seem to have anti social/ grouchiness when it comes to singing at Holiday time.. There are stress responses that I seem to have incured from being on benzos. I accept them as part of my life for now and they go away quickly. Mainly, nerve tingling. With all the pain comes going through it and from that comes acceptance followed by easing of symptoms. That seems to be the way it works. Again, Sigma, congradts on nearing the end of yout taper!This is all for now, V. I wish you a great week!

 

Hi Pange.  I wanted to make a comment about part of your above post that I did not address in my previous post to you a few days ago.  First, I'm glad that your health problems have subsided.  I remember that you had much leg and back pain in that first six to nine months off the benzo.  Also, I recall you had mentioned the stress your family incurred when you agreed to take in a church member who had fallen on hard times.  That is the ultimate in sacrifice, to try to help others while you yourself were still healing from the trauma of dealing with the loss of you father, difficult siblings who gave you a hard time and not much family support, the illness of your sister... all while dealing with insomnia and sleep issues and other health problems largely impacted by your valium cross over,taper off and post benzo recovery.  I know what you mean about having a heightened stress response once off the benzo and in the first year off.  Others have also posted about an increase in sensitivity to stress.  I have experienced some similar things in the last year but fortunately, things did significantly improve  from about a year and by 16 months, the worst was over finally.  Although still not quite 100%, I think it has taken longer than expected.  it is important to note that most folks will not go through a year or more of symptoms.  Probably 50% or more will feel close to 90% healed by six months.  Others may take a little longer, perhaps a few lingering symptoms and depending on circumstances and an individual's make up and environment. But most will heal more quickly than it took me. One other thing about stress. While I think it is probably helpful to keep stress to a minimum if possible in the first six to nine months off the benzo,  I also believe that gradually challenging oneself can be a good thing.  Whether it's with work, social engagements, travel, family visits... anything that will give your system an opportunity to deal with stress and build skills and confidence that one can survive situations that previously caused distress, insomnia or some other ailment for which one was once on a benzo, can be a positive thing.  Well, I'd better run.  Hope you're having a good week as well.

 

Best,

 

Vertigo

[[4l...]]

Ok, so my husband is almost 2 weeks free and I am posting a few questions if you don't mind...

 

Based on most of your experience, is the first month off the worst? first week? is acute withdrawal considered to be during the first month off?

 

He says he feels really good mentally, but his physical symptoms are off the charts... chest pressure, muscle pain stiffness.  Seems to only make sense that the nerves/muscles need to readjust to not being numbed.  Just seems the panic sensations are worse now then during the taper (and yes he tapered slowly).

 

Any thoughts are much appreciated...

[[ve...]]

Ok, so my husband is almost 2 weeks free and I am posting a few questions if you don't mind...

Based on most of your experience, is the first month off the worst? first week? is acute withdrawal considered to be during the first month off?

He says he feels really good mentally, but his physical symptoms are off the charts... chest pressure, muscle pain stiffness.  Seems to only make sense that the nerves/muscles need to readjust to not being numbed.  Just seems the panic sensations are worse now then during the taper (and yes he tapered slowly).

Any thoughts are much appreciated...

 

Hi 4lovofpat.  It is not predictable what will be the "worst" period post taper as it can depend on many factors including acute or chronic ongoing stress, physical condition, other things going on, an individual's sensitivity to being on and off the benzo, type of benzo, rate of taper.... I noticed that your husband was on a fairly high dose of klonopin (3.5mg) which was tapered down and eventually crossed to 15mg valium some time last year?.  How long was the last 15mg valium taper?  I saw that the cuts were .50 every week at the end with the jump being from 1mg two weeks ago.  Some folks are sensitive to .50 cuts especially below 5mg.  That could be partly why your husband is currently experiencing some intense withdrawal.  Also, valium can take up to about a month to process out of the system so some of the heaviest symptoms may likely be in that first month off.  After that, if you've been around forum and read threads such as this one, it is probable that the 2nd month off will not be symptom free either. It is usually not a straight progression from worst to best.  There may be some windows and then waves.  He may start to feel a little better in a week, then have a few days of feeling crappy.  It ebbs and flows and is not linear for most.  For me personally, I did a c/t off about 6mg and my worst symptoms were at weeks 2 and 3.  After reinstatement and a slow taper, I did not have significant symptoms early on but the combination of anxiety, fatigue and family stress eventually led to a problem with Shingles at about 5 to 6 weeks off.  Best thing is to try and get rest whenever possible and to minimize stress during the first months off.  Congrats to your husband on getting off the benzo and I wish him well in his recovery in the coming weeks and months ahead.

 

Vertigo

[[ve...]]

Apologies.  I went back and saw that your husband's crossover to 15mg valium was back in June 2011.  So taking off 5mg valium per month for three months in a row could be part of the reason your husband is experiencing strong side effects now.  Some folks can taper faster without problems.  In my case, I chose to take 10 months to taper about 7mg valium.  So 3 months to taper off twice that amount seems quick.  If things get significantly worse in the next week, perhaps he could consider a reinstatement to 4 or 5mg and taperi that last 5mg much more slowly from here.  Taking off 10mg from June would be a significant amount.  If he can handle the side effects from here and prefers to not reinstate and do a slower taper, it's hard to say how long the recovery will take and how intense symptoms might be.  I would guess it would be some number of months rather than weeks before he is feeling great.  Does you husband have a doctor he can work with regarding his medications?

 

Vertigo

[[gi...]]

Ok, so my husband is almost 2 weeks free and I am posting a few questions if you don't mind...

 

Based on most of your experience, is the first month off the worst? first week? is acute withdrawal considered to be during the first month off?

 

He says he feels really good mentally, but his physical symptoms are off the charts... chest pressure, muscle pain stiffness.  Seems to only make sense that the nerves/muscles need to readjust to not being numbed.  Just seems the panic sensations are worse now then during the taper (and yes he tapered slowly).

 

Any thoughts are much appreciated...

 

Hi there -

 

Recovery from withdrawal is non-linear. The average time for withdrawal symptoms is 3-9 months. During this time he can have very good symptom-free days ("windows") followed by very bad days. While everyone is different, there are a few constants: very bad days gradually become decent days, and it seems we "pay" for really good days (i.e., if I had 2 good days in a row, the next 3 would find me back on the couch in misery).  Eventually my payback only lasted a day, then just a couple hours, then bad and good started to blend.  It seems to be that way for everyone; what varies is how long the up/down lasts, how intense each day is and how frequent the bad days vs the good days are.

 

For me, while my 6-week taper was brutal, things didn't get really bad for me until my 3rd month. Until month 9 I didn't think I'd survive the year.  I hope your husband (and you) have an easier time of it than I did. If you haven't already, check out the Ashton manual; arm yourself with as much information as you can about withdrawal symptoms. He needs support, but you need it, too.

 

good luck -

 

ginger

 

[[ji...]]

I really need support. On benzos for 3 months, did a four week taper. Mostly pretty good days, however I have had consistent insomnia. Now at 3.5 months out I'm having a slam of symptoms...horrific insomnia. 6 hours of sleep in 4 days. Please tell me I will sleep again. I have a little baby that needs her mommy.

Thanks,

Jittery

[[ro...]]

Ginger:

 

I started a thread called "longer windows but tougher waves."  BBs are talking about having some longer windows and then getting slammed with horrific sxs being months out from their jump.  I am one of those and so is Jittery. 

 

I liked what you wrote about a few good days would mean three days on the couch.  I just had a 12 day window and the last two days I'm in a bigtime wave with 4 hrs. sleep for 48 hrs. with other intense sxs.  Jittery is in one of these horrific sleepless windows too.  I am 6 months out and she is 3.5 months out. 

 

You said you did not get slammed until 3 months out.  Do you have any idea why the big waves came when you were so far out with your taper?  I feel like the GABA upregulation can only last awhile and then it poops out and one is faced with bigger waves than ever. 

 

Other BBs report that intensity of sxs get better the farther out.  I am baffled by being 5 then 6 months out and getting slammed worse than ever. 

 

Would love to hear your thoughts -- Vertigo, what do you think?  Others also.

Best regards,

Rocko

[[do...]]

Hi Jittery,

 

I believe your insomnia will pass. However, in my own experience, it is one of the longer-lasting WD symptoms. Also, it comes and goes. I was lucky to have a few insomnia-free weeks but now I am insomniac again. Why I have no idea... Take care.

[Guest [Si...]]

Hi Sigma,

 

>> I see you have TLE Temporal Lobe Epilepsy ?

 

Yes.

 

>> I was prescribed Klonopin for Panic Attacks that led to seizure activity.

 

Clonazepam, i.e. developing tolerance to it, certainly led me to incresed seizure activity. I had epilepsy before though but with years it had subsided to some extent so I could make it without anticonvulsants.

 

>> My concern is once off the Valium, will the seizures come back sequentially or will they not?

 

If Valium has anticovulsant properties (like Clon) then yes, at least temporary. If it doesn't then not I guess.

 

doublewave,

 

Hi there,

 

If Valium has anticovulsant properties (like Clon) then yes, at least temporary. If it doesn't then not I guess.

 

Yes it has an Anti-Convulsant property.

I think all Benzos do besides Xanax. (I am not sure on that).

 

I see the Neurologist at the end of this month, so I will have to see what he says.

 

I have been on Gabapentin, Depakote, Keppra, Trileptal.

Once Lamictal was prescribed.

 

These cuts catch up. I am still trying to adjust "Tolerate" them and it has been a trip.

 

Nervous about finishing up this taper, but I have to do what I need to.

 

Thanks,

Billy.

[[pa...]]

Hi again V!

Thanks your input to my previous post.

This has been a slightly tougher week than most in that I worked late Mon night and Wed night. This has probably been my toughest challenge post taper having to deal with an irregular schedule. When I work the late nights, I don't get to bed until 3:00am. It can be a real challenge to try to sleep in when going to bed so late. I hear you about the jet lag and sleep shifts. I don't seem to adjust to these too well either.

I do agree with your stats on recovery as far as the percentages and the fact that many will recover sooner. I will also add that you and I have had some rather tough challenges through all this and I think that has impacted our recovery in some ways. I'm pretty hopeful that both you and I have been through the worst and I do see a light at the end of the tunnel for us both!

My emotions can still run pretty high sometimes. Mostly, I still seem affected by adult bad behavoir in that it can sometimes cause me to stew. I do recognize this more now, and I'm quicker about identifying this tendancy and then letting it pass. When I was younger, I was never great at letting people know when they were bothering me or crossing the line. I have gotten to a point now where I no longer feel the urge to keep quite if someone is getting out of line. One of the things I've read about people that suffer from anxiety problems is that they have a tough time expressing their emotions. I know I did. Probably, I still sometimes do. The main thing for me now is that when I'm dealing with an adult that's out of line, I'm going to let them know about it. As a result of taking action, I'm sure that my 'stewing' tendencies will diminish and so will my sad moods. In any case, I'm on a brighter path now and I'm thankful that most of my troublemakers are somewhere else...

This is about where I'm feeling now. Again, thanks for your reply and input. You have a great way of thoughtfully responding and covering all the bases! I wish you a great end of the week and a great weekend also.

Hope to blog with you again soon!

 

 

[[Un...]]

Been a while since my last post.

Approaching the 3months mark now.  I been doing a ton better over the last few weeks.  But I am still not all there.  I still get occasional headaches that aren't the normal ones but just like the ones I experienced hardcore for months during and after the Xanax.  Odd how they can be gone for a week then return for a few days.  I feel like my anxiety has really been calm lately.  That is a major plus.  I haven't gotten the DP and anxiety attacks at my usual time anymore.  Fantastic!  However I still get my feelings of being down and sometime some strange muscle twitches, especially in the legs and arms.  My right leg has been bothering me for almost two weeks now.  It feels weak and unsteady.  It was just like this during the 2nd or 3rd week of c\t.  But in the past it went away after a couple days.  It has stuck with me for a while now.  I hope that goes away soon since it is such a hard reminder of whats going on with me.  Distractions do help a lot.  When not focusing on this, I feel better. 

I still do not drink alcohol, caffeine, or soda.  I have had a sprite or sierra mist a couple of times in the last month, but really minimum intake of sugar.  It seems to have really helped with sleeping!

 

I have set a date to drink a beer again.  November 24th.  That will be 4months since I last took xanax (or any medication for that matter).  As I slowly approach, I still feel uneasy about it.  I did experiment with a beer many months back and got the most raging headaches from it.  I learned my lesson then. 

Liquid vitamins and magnesium supplement are still a daily thing for me.  I believe those are helping the healing process along.  Your mileage may vary.

I strongly believe that a major step to getting over this is knowing.  Knowing it is withdrawal.  Not freaking out about every little symptom.  Accepting what is happening to you.  It will make you a much calmer person.  It has helped me tackle those moments when I felt and anxiety coming on.  You know, that feeling how everything around you becomes dreamy and unreal.  The sense that sounds are muffled.  The rush of adrenaline in your stomach, back and chest and it floods into your head and starts to freak you out.  Just telling myself that whatever triggered this feeling is just part of the healing has kept this anxiety in check.  It has stopped it from becoming a full blown panic attack.  No medication needed!  It is easier to control now that time has passed.  For people just off the meds, sorry to tell you this, but my method will not work.  That anxiety after benzo is unlike any beast I have ever encountered.  Comes when it wants to, hits as hard as it feels like it, and I never found a way to truly stop it from taking over my head.  Best was slowing it down and going with it but never able to stop. 

Ok, I am just rambling on here.  Will update again in a few weeks if thing have changed.  Feeling like I am on my way to recovery now though.  I don't think I will have these funky feelings forever, too many windows and too many changes have happened to make me think it will always be like this.  We will all prevail!

 

 

[[st...]]

You sound very upbeat Unr3al.  Thanks for the update and I am wishing you the very best for a speedy healing.

 

Patty  xo

[[gi...]]

Ginger:

 

I started a thread called "longer windows but tougher waves."  BBs are talking about having some longer windows and then getting slammed with horrific sxs being months out from their jump.  I am one of those and so is Jittery. 

 

I liked what you wrote about a few good days would mean three days on the couch.  I just had a 12 day window and the last two days I'm in a bigtime wave with 4 hrs. sleep for 48 hrs. with other intense sxs.  Jittery is in one of these horrific sleepless windows too.  I am 6 months out and she is 3.5 months out. 

 

You said you did not get slammed until 3 months out.  Do you have any idea why the big waves came when you were so far out with your taper?  I feel like the GABA upregulation can only last awhile and then it poops out and one is faced with bigger waves than ever. 

 

Other BBs report that intensity of sxs get better the farther out.  I am baffled by being 5 then 6 months out and getting slammed worse than ever. 

 

Would love to hear your thoughts -- Vertigo, what do you think?  Others also.

Best regards,

Rocko

 

I agree with you. I firmly believe that the CNS works so hard at normalizing, that it reaches a point where it just "hits a wall" and stops down in exhaustion.  It's like that in physical therapy/rehab: You get to a point in your therapy when you start feeling really well, and end up overdoing it. Then you end up taking a step back in your recovery, and have to work back up to your previous level of wellness.  Little baby step up, little baby step back. Big step up, little step back. Big step up, big step up, big step back.  That kind of thing. 

 

Regarding myself, I have no idea why I didn't get really slammed until the 2 month mark (I keep saying 3 but it was 2). I landed hard when I jumped from .25. A month to the day later, I had a stroke/seizure-like episode. But then a month after that, I got really slammed - 24 symptoms at once - and ranged between 24-19 symptoms over the following 3 months.  I think I got hit when I did because it took 2 months for the stuff to completely leave my system.

 

Sx come and go, intensify and wane. Some replace others, some "morph".  There is absolutely no reasoning for any of this.  It doesn't matter if you took/take other pharmaceuticals, did/do smoke dope or drink, are M or F, old or young; sx happen. Definitely other drugs and/or alcohol complicate w/d and impede healing, but I don't think they dictate what kind of sx someone will develop.

 

I think there's a correlation between previous ailments/conditions and the kinds of symptoms develops. For me, I've had very mild tinnitus in one ear since I was a kid. Now, it's horrific in both ears. I've had astigmatism in my right eye forever; now I have a blurry right eye all the time. I was prescribed klonopin for anxiety, and so of course now my anxiety is worse, but the difference is now I am susceptible to the physical symptoms of anxiety in times of stress and I never had them before.

 

Does this help? I'm having a foggy day today!

 

g

[[do...]]

Hi Sigma0123,

I don't remember what I wrote to you regarding listed meds before (my memory is bad these days).

I wish I could take Trileptal! - it was great, truly great med for me - my mind was so clear, no seizures. But I developed skin rush and had to stop.

 

Right now I am trying to adjust Keppra dose. I am feeling very apathetic but don't now it it is due to Keppra 750mg or to WD itself. I am currently trying to reduce Keppra but cannot see any result so far.

 

 

I see the Neurologist at the end of this month, so I will have to see what he says.

 

I have been on Gabapentin, Depakote, Keppra, Trileptal.

Once Lamictal was prescribed.

[[ve...]]

On a trip to visit my elderly father and its the third day waking up at 3AM on the W. Coast. Frustrating to be back to the early morning wake ups .  Yesterday I did manage to get back to sleep around 5am for a couple of hours though. 

 

Hey G.  I can relate to getting hit hard with symptoms at a "month out".  After I did my c/t, it took three weeks before the vertigo hit that summer 2008.  I thought I was also having a stroke.  Then after my ten month valium taper ended back in 2009, I got hit 5 weeks later with Shingles in January 2010.  Coincidence?  Hey, how was your trip to South Africa?

 

Hey Rocko.  I can relate to "getting slammed" with a few s/x even at 5 to 6 months out. I was surprised to have a  second "mini panic" at six months out myself.  I had never had panic attacks before valium or during taper.  I thought I had come far along and it did cause me to wonder but it did pass fairly quickly. I guess the body was adjusting to not having the artificial calming effect of the valium. 

 

Also had a wave of symptoms after a long summer trip in 2010 which culminated in a series of symptoms such as elevated blood pressure, jelly legs, feeling faint and feeling cog foggy. Some of this I believe was in part caused by resuming coffee and moderate wine consumption along with unhealthy eating for a period of weeks that summer.  With a little exercise and healthy diet, things improved pretty quickly though.

 

  The last major significant setback I had was at 14 months after getting that puppy at the beginning of this year.  The housebreaking and sleep deprivation back in January did seem to cause a spike in anxiety along with a brief return of vertigo. I was pretty darn surprised that the vertigo would come back but I am convinced that stress plays a large role in how health is impacted.  I think as you get back to normal living after the benzo, whether it's having a couple beers as Unr3r mentioned or taking some trips to see your family or starting a new venture or job, our bodies get tested when we do push the envelope with stress.  The good news is that each new situation will eventually make us a little stronger and we'll know that we are resilient and can bounce back.

 

Best,

 

Vertigo