Post Benzo Freedom Withdrawal Support Group

[[...]]

Little update:

 

Almost to 3months now.  Feeling better.  Still eating very healthy, staying active, and staying away from caffeine, high sugar, as well as alcohol.  Headaches have finally stopped.  I was able to resume my hobby of mountain biking last weekend.  It was fantastic to go back out after so many months away.  Hard though.  But made it.  I was VERY VERY VERY dizzy after the first 3 miles though.  Much more then ever before.  I guess my central nervous system is still in recovery mode and has to get used to this more extreme exercise then just a spin around the neighborhood.  It was a bit scary to feel that dizzy, but I just kept telling myself it is all part of it and will pass.  It did after the next 3 miles and eased up. 

I kept the weight off that I had lost during this healing process.  I guess it was mostly fat from unhealthy diet and alcohol.  Went from 175lbs down to 161lbs.  It makes me very skinny being 6'2 but wife likes it.  So I guess I will just do what I do and it will stay off.

Still have anxiety at times.  Not as much, but it still comes.  Especially in the late afternoon.  The adrenaline still builds up and sticks for few hours every other day or so.  Hope that eases up as it isn't very comfortable.

Hanging in there!

 

This is really great news! I too have started to ramp up my exercise and experience some hardcore dizziness, but it passes after a few minutes. So glad that you are feeling and doing better!  I am coming up on my 2 month free anniversary and am sooo looking forward to the hearling that I will do this coming month. I know everyone seems to say month 3 is sometimes a shock and sxs tend to creep up and waves tend to get worse, but I'm prepared for the worst, hoping for the best.

[[Un...]]

Thanks everyone.

I really stuck to my healthy eating and I do think it has helped the healing process.  I still get small waves for a day every week or so.  Also sometimes during the day I get moments of high anxiety building up.  I guess it is just part of the game.  I try to not let it scare me like it used to.  That has helped, but of course as we all know, it doesn't actually stop the thoughts racing in your head.  Oh well.  Nothing much I can do.  I believe accepting has helped a good bit as well.  Accepting that I am dealing with something that isn't going to kill me, but make me feel very uncomfortable for a while.  These last 2 day I have actually had the tingle feeling in my right leg again.  I am not sure if it is my 6 miles trail biking and legs being sore, or part of a sxs.  I had it in my early stages of withdrawal a lot and it feels very very similar.  I honestly hate the thought of experiencing another big wave at 3months.  Those are just hard to handle when they come full on.  These small ones I think I can deal with, the major big ones that strike I have issues with.  Nothing I can do but sit there and take it.  Meh.  Wish someone could come up with a fix for this stuff. 

[[Mi...]]

Hi Verti! I logged off before I saw your shout.  How have you been doing?  I was thinking of you yesterday. Yes, there are 2 potter movies we've not yet seen.  Our little video rental place closed down so I'm hoping at least one of them will be on TV soon. I really need to get by this thread more often to see how some of my buddies are doing.  This place keeps me hopping and I don't get around to the threads I'd like to. I'll check back later today when I return from "the city".

 

Hi Missy.  Hope all is well with you.  Sorry it's taken so long to reply but we've just been to Orlando where we took my son to the Wizarding World of Harry Potter at Universal's Islands of Adventure as well as a visit to the Disney EPCOT Park.  Without spoiling, let me say that Harry Potter was a fabulous ride, best ever according to my son.  However, it was slightly more jerky than I expected.  I won't say more than that.   I rode it three times and had no adverse impact despite my history of vertigo.  My wife and son rode it a couple more times, three times as single riders to cut back on the wait.  The key is after going through the normal line which is worthwhile since there are things to see while you walk through the line, if you wish to ride multiple times, the single rider line was much faster.  We were able to get on the ride twice in less than 10 minutes using the single rider line.   The Spiderman ride also at Universal's Islands of Adventure, which I had previously heard from friends was the best ride ever,  was a slight problem for me as there are a couple full spins on that simulator.  I only rode it once due to fears of vertigo after experiencing a little bit of dizziness during the  ride, not terrible but enough to keep me away after Spiderman took care of a few villains .  The Poseidon attraction is worthwhile at Islands of Adventure despite it being a walking experience.  I stayed away from Tower of Doom and the Hulk roller coaster which had a loop and no doubt fun for those who like those kinds of rides. I did try the smaller more family friendly coaster ride in the Harry Potter section, called Flight of the Hippogriff which was just ok.  By the way, EPCOT is having an International food and wine festival this Fall, which is worth checking out as well as the fireworks at night.  Also one of my favorite all time attractions, "California Soaring" is available at EPCOT. Make good use of fast track and cut down on the waits.  My son also loved the Test Track ride there which we also rode multiple times.  Also if you're a Michael Jackson fan, the 3D Captain EO at EPCOT is nostalgic and worthwhile.  This was my first time back to a full scale amusement park since my valium taper ended a couple years ago.  Even before the valium, I was not one for loop roller coasters or rough rides.  I was glad to be able to take my son to two parks and enjoy many of the rides with him.  He's not into loop roller coasters anyway. It was a great weekend.  I will try to reply to some of the other posts in the coming days.

 

Cheers,

 

Vertigo

 

Sounds like you guys had a blast!

 

We usually stay at Universal's Portofino Bay Resort, so we get an express pass and never wait in line for the rides in either park.  We could zip through the same ride 3 or 4 times and still see the same people in the regular line when we would exit. Poor people.

 

I can't wait to see the new Potter attractions.  Our current favorites are: The Hulk ( when it shoots you out at the beginning, it's a blast!), The Mummy, Twister, Earthquake and Spiderman. I liked Jurassic Park, but did not appreciated walking around with wet clothing after the fact.  Earthquake always gives us flashbacks since we lived in Cali and were at Candlestick Park during the 89 quake.  It's still fun, though.

 

My favorite area of the park is New York.  We would crack up laughing because they always had Dean Martin's, "That's Amore" blasting through the speakers, and every person you would walk by was singing along with the song.  We were, too.

 

I also love the San Francisco part of the park because we used to live in the Bay area and it always brings back memories.  It's absolutely AMAZING that they have it built as an exact replica.  Even the restaurants. We went into one of them (the name escapes me at the moment), and hubs said he felt like he was having a flashback.  You would never have known we were not in the real restaurant on the SF pier.

 

We'll be there for 10 days at Christmas time, so I can't wait to see all the decorations and the nightly Macy's parade.  We are going to try to hit EPCOT when we go, but we'll pass on Discovery Cove this time. Swimming with dolphins was fun, but not $500.00 worth of fun, and the "private" evening dinner was a total bust - we were highly disappointed in the whole Discovery Cove experience.

 

Glad you had so much fun!  Now I'm all excited about going again.

[[ve...]]

Hey Missy.  I did not recall that you were at Candlestick for the 89 quake.  I  was also in San Francisco for that 89 quake .  That was a pretty big one despite the epicenter being down in the Santa Cruz area.  We've been back to the SF area a few times in the last five years.  How about you?  As for Universal, we only did Islands of Adventure/Harry Potter this time because we've been to the Los Angeles Universal a few times in the last couple years.  We were on a budget so we did not pay for the bipass the line  express pass and it wasn't necessary when we went.  It might be during Christmas though.  We never had more than a 30 minute wait for the Harry Potter ride (twice) and three times rode it as single riders which was 5-10 minutes max each time.  The way the ride is set up, there is no real benefit to riding together, except maybe the first time,  because you can't see your partner as you sit side by side on a kind of school bench and must hold on for dear life anyway .  I've never been to Discovery Cove but I've heard the dolphins are pricey.  EPCOT was fun though and for a short weekend, we managed to pack in quite a bit.  Glad we were able to correspond, Missy,  before I leave the forum.  I will be around for about one more month and then I will be moving on for good.  I know you will have fun on your trip.  How are you feeling these days?  Any lingering s/x or sleep issues?

 

,

 

Vertigo

[[Mi...]]

Oh yes!  We were at Candlestick for the Bay Bridge World Series - we were huge Okland A's fans. As you remember, this was back when Mark McGuire, Jose Canseco, Ricky Henderson et al were popular and know as "The Bash Brothers".  It took us almost til dawn to get home, and only then did we realize how extensive the quake had been. Scary stuff.

 

I'll miss you when you leave, but I'll be leaving myself at the end of the year. 2 days from now is my 1 year off mark and since I'm so involved in other stuff, it's time for me to be moving on. Plus, you and all my old buddies will be gone, so I feel it's time for a changing of the guard, so to speak.

 

I still have insomnia, which has only recently flared back up. I wake up around 2:30 each and every night.  Makes me think that when they roll the clocks back, it won't even be worth going to bed.

 

The pruritis has recently flared up as well, but I'm thinking it's due to allergies.  My doc was surprised when I saw her last week, because both she and I had always thought the itching was a benzo related side effect.

 

Don't you DARE go off and leave without saying goodbye.  I'll keep checking this thread every day to see how you and my other "free" buds are doing.

 

[[do...]]

I am certainly feeling better. I am more and more myself, every day. However, I realized one weird thing: during the worst of WD I had one uniform huge unbearable depression (death, doom, gloom motto) but now I have many small depressions and person tortures/ issues. I suspect that huge depression was, to a some extant, a protection from a real life and smaller painful things!

 

I feel like I am a very raw snail without a house. I don't know how to live.

[[ve...]]

Oh yes!  We were at Candlestick for the Bay Bridge World Series - we were huge Okland A's fans. As you remember, this was back when Mark McGuire, Jose Canseco, Ricky Henderson et al were popular and know as "The Bash Brothers".  It took us almost til dawn to get home, and only then did we realize how extensive the quake had been. Scary stuff. I'll miss you when you leave, but I'll be leaving myself at the end of the year. 2 days from now is my 1 year off mark and since I'm so involved in other stuff, it's time for me to be moving on. Plus, you and all my old buddies will be gone, so I feel it's time for a changing of the guard, so to speak. I still have insomnia, which has only recently flared back up. I wake up around 2:30 each and every night.  Makes me think that when they roll the clocks back, it won't even be worth going to bed.   The pruritis has recently flared up as well, but I'm thinking it's due to allergies.  My doc was surprised when I saw her last week, because both she and I had always thought the itching was a benzo related side effect. Don't you DARE go off and leave without saying goodbye.  I'll keep checking this thread every day to see how you and my other "free" buds are doing.

 

Thanks Missy.  I do remember those power days for the A's.  Canseco had some attitude, saw him hit a couple out in Oakland a few times, before McGuire left for the Cardinals.  I guess Canseco ended up becoming a kind of snitch regarding the steroid juicing that many of the players were involved in, including Barry Bonds!  I wonder if any of them took benzos after a tiring game .  As for the 89 quake, it took us about 3 to 4 hours to get across the Bay.  My friend wanted to get on the Bay Bridge but I thought the San Mateo bridge would be safer.  Little did I know that San Mateo was actually closer to the epicenter, although it turned out that part of the Bay Bridge had in fact collapsed, as you recall.  Well, dare I say "congrats" on one year off.  Sorry to hear you still have the insomnia. I hope the time change won't make things worse.  I usually am able to get to bed earlier when it starts getting darker sooner.  Also, the cold weather tends to make me want to hibernate.  I find that the cooler weather seems to help with sleep, as long as you don't turn the heat up too high.  Have you tried benadryl or other antihistamine for the allergies.  This time of year, I take allegra and it may also help with sleep.  I'll miss you too, no pun .  I guess maybe it is coming up on time for a change of the guard, so to speak.  Next month will be 2 years since my taper ended. I'll make a final post in November and fade off into the sunset.  By the way, when I logged in just now, a message popped up that I had a personal message but since there is no PM system, I was not able to read it. Maybe it's a glitch in the software.  Anyway, I'll be around here and there til 2nd week November.

 

Take care,

V

[[ve...]]

Thanks everyone. I really stuck to my healthy eating and I do think it has helped the healing process.  I still get small waves for a day every week or so.  Also sometimes during the day I get moments of high anxiety building up.  I guess it is just part of the game.  I try to not let it scare me like it used to.  That has helped, but of course as we all know, it doesn't actually stop the thoughts racing in your head.  Oh well.  Nothing much I can do.  I believe accepting has helped a good bit as well.  Accepting that I am dealing with something that isn't going to kill me, but make me feel very uncomfortable for a while.  These last 2 day I have actually had the tingle feeling in my right leg again.  I am not sure if it is my 6 miles trail biking and legs being sore, or part of a sxs.  I had it in my early stages of withdrawal a lot and it feels very very similar.  I honestly hate the thought of experiencing another big wave at 3months.  Those are just hard to handle when they come full on.  These small ones I think I can deal with, the major big ones that strike I have issues with.  Nothing I can do but sit there and take it.  Meh.  Wish someone could come up with a fix for this stuff. 

 

Hey Unre3l.  Good job on the healthy eating and getting back on your bike.  I found that some exercise and reduction of sugar helped a lot with my recovery.  I also agree that Acceptance can be healing.  You're right, this isn't going to kill you.  In fact, it may eventually make you a stronger person.  Sometimes it's the painful and difficult things which we go through and survive that builds character.  Sounds like you're doing as well as you can at 3 months.  I have no doubt that in another 3 months, most of this will be behind you .

 

 

[[ve...]]

Little update:

 

Almost to 3months now.  Feeling better.  Still eating very healthy, staying active, and staying away from caffeine, high sugar, as well as alcohol.  Headaches have finally stopped.  I was able to resume my hobby of mountain biking last weekend.  It was fantastic to go back out after so many months away.  Hard though.  But made it.  I was VERY VERY VERY dizzy after the first 3 miles though.  Much more then ever before.  I guess my central nervous system is still in recovery mode and has to get used to this more extreme exercise then just a spin around the neighborhood.  It was a bit scary to feel that dizzy, but I just kept telling myself it is all part of it and will pass.  It did after the next 3 miles and eased up. 

I kept the weight off that I had lost during this healing process.  I guess it was mostly fat from unhealthy diet and alcohol.  Went from 175lbs down to 161lbs.  It makes me very skinny being 6'2 but wife likes it.  So I guess I will just do what I do and it will stay off.

Still have anxiety at times.  Not as much, but it still comes.  Especially in the late afternoon.  The adrenaline still builds up and sticks for few hours every other day or so.  Hope that eases up as it isn't very comfortable.

Hanging in there!

 

This is really great news! I too have started to ramp up my exercise and experience some hardcore dizziness, but it passes after a few minutes. So glad that you are feeling and doing better!  I am coming up on my 2 month free anniversary and am sooo looking forward to the hearling that I will do this coming month. I know everyone seems to say month 3 is sometimes a shock and sxs tend to creep up and waves tend to get worse, but I'm prepared for the worst, hoping for the best.

 

Hi Amy.  Glad you are starting to get back to exercise.  I had to take it easy when I got back to exercise, due to some blood pressure issues that I never had before benzos. I think some of my off balance "dizzies" was a result of adjusting to being off the benzo, which apparently involved some bp fluctuations.  I think if you gradually increase exercise and monitor yourself, things will improve.  I went too fast, lost about 30lbs in three months. It was good to get rid of the benzo belly, but was too much too fast.  I've since gained back half of it but feel much better with a more balanced diet and exercise program.  I would like to lose about 5lbs from here though. I have no doubt that healthy eating and exercise are a good part of recovering and feeling one's best.

 

 

[[ve...]]

I was able to resume my hobby of mountain biking last weekend.  It was fantastic to go back out after so many months away.  Hard though.  But made it.  I was VERY VERY VERY dizzy after the first 3 miles though.  Much more then ever before. 

 

This IS impressive! Congratulations. It is sad but I, unlike you, being one month off am unable to walk much. I'm used to do 10-20 km per day - I just love walking - but now I can do 1 km and often end up seizuring.

I can see I am making progress though but last few days I could not help myself and drank, out of depression.

However, I can see that I am making a progress. And I will walk/ swim/ roller skate again.

 

Hi Doublewave.  Sorry to read about your depression and drinking.  I did have some wine on occasion after my taper ended.  I mostly found that I got more blue the day or two after having a couple glasses of wine in those first six to seven months off so I tried to avoid it as much as possible.  I hope the blues lift soon for you.  It's pretty common to alternate between anxiety and blues in the first months off the benzo, particularly if you had some blues or anxiety before benzos. 

 

Hang in there,

 

Vertigo

[[do...]]

It's pretty common to alternate between anxiety and blues in the first months off the benzo, particularly if you had some blues or anxiety before benzos. 

Hi Vertigo

Yes, I have had a few major depressive episodes in the past. It is good to know that my experience is not unique, thanks a lot for the encouragement.

 

I am trying to stay away from alcohol but find it very difficult . Today I realized how extremely unfit I've became. I used to do 100-150 squats per day but today could barely complete 20 - I almost collapsed. I haven't been doing yoga at all for many months... I feel I have become a jellyfish. This is a revelation. I probably was too overwhelmed with acute WD symptoms to notice who I have become (( .

[[An...]]

I'd been making steady progress and thought I was over the hump.

 

An overseas trip and associated stress has thrown me into the biggest wave ever. I want to jump off the tallest building.

 

 

I am devastated.  I should have done a long taper I suppose.  Will this ever end??

 

Angel

[[Mi...]]

Oh yes!  We were at Candlestick for the Bay Bridge World Series - we were huge Okland A's fans. As you remember, this was back when Mark McGuire, Jose Canseco, Ricky Henderson et al were popular and know as "The Bash Brothers".  It took us almost til dawn to get home, and only then did we realize how extensive the quake had been. Scary stuff. I'll miss you when you leave, but I'll be leaving myself at the end of the year. 2 days from now is my 1 year off mark and since I'm so involved in other stuff, it's time for me to be moving on. Plus, you and all my old buddies will be gone, so I feel it's time for a changing of the guard, so to speak. I still have insomnia, which has only recently flared back up. I wake up around 2:30 each and every night.  Makes me think that when they roll the clocks back, it won't even be worth going to bed.   The pruritis has recently flared up as well, but I'm thinking it's due to allergies.  My doc was surprised when I saw her last week, because both she and I had always thought the itching was a benzo related side effect. Don't you DARE go off and leave without saying goodbye.  I'll keep checking this thread every day to see how you and my other "free" buds are doing.

 

Thanks Missy.  I do remember those power days for the A's.  Canseco had some attitude, saw him hit a couple out in Oakland a few times, before McGuire left for the Cardinals.  I guess Canseco ended up becoming a kind of snitch regarding the steroid juicing that many of the players were involved in, including Barry Bonds!  I wonder if any of them took benzos after a tiring game .  As for the 89 quake, it took us about 3 to 4 hours to get across the Bay.  My friend wanted to get on the Bay Bridge but I thought the San Mateo bridge would be safer.  Little did I know that San Mateo was actually closer to the epicenter, although it turned out that part of the Bay Bridge had in fact collapsed, as you recall.  Well, dare I say "congrats" on one year off.  Sorry to hear you still have the insomnia. I hope the time change won't make things worse.  I usually am able to get to bed earlier when it starts getting darker sooner.  Also, the cold weather tends to make me want to hibernate.   I find that the cooler weather seems to help with sleep, as long as you don't turn the heat up too high.  Have you tried benadryl or other antihistamine for the allergies.  This time of year, I take allegra and it may also help with sleep.   I'll miss you too, no pun .  I guess maybe it is coming up on time for a change of the guard, so to speak.  Next month will be 2 years since my taper ended. I'll make a final post in November and fade off into the sunset.  By the way, when I logged in just now, a message popped up that I had a personal message but since there is no PM system, I was not able to read it. Maybe it's a glitch in the software.  Anyway, I'll be around here and there til 2nd week November.

 

Take care,

V

 

I agree about the cold weather.  I usually feel great during winter months, so I am very much looking forward to cold weather.  Hoping we will have snow again this year.http://i17.photobucket.com/albums/b55/thewrensnest/smileys/snow.gif

 

I can't believe how fast this year has gone by.  Hard to believe you are almost at 2 years.  Where has the time gone?

 

Regarding Canseco, when I was a junior on the legal team of a financial institution in Cali, we had a company box for both the A's and the Giants.  One afternoon me and a few others skipped work and went to an A's game. Shame on us, I know.   Anyway, I was a big Canseco fan at the time (can't stand him now, though), and after one too many Budweisers (can't stand those anymore, either), me and a few others snuck into what they called the "grand hall", where the players would go from the field to the locker rooms.  We waylaid Canseco and got pics taken. I spent half the day yesterday looking for them, and when I finally found them me and my hubs laughed our fool heads off. 80's fashion - gotta love it. Remember the stupid shoulder pads in women's clothing back then?  I was wearing an A's tee-shirt with shoulder pads!  We laughed til we cried!

 

I'm not sure about the PM's.  I hope Colin reinstates them soon.  Fingers crossed. 

 

Anyway, here's a smiley of you and me enjoying the snow. http://i827.photobucket.com/albums/zz200/pepper2010_bucket/smiley_letitsnow.gif

[[do...]]

Hi Angel,

 

It will end I am sure (I've just seizured and became more positive).

Seriously - an overseas trip is a huge stress indeed! I know it sounds awful and boring but we have to be patient.

[Guest [Si...]]

I'd been making steady progress and thought I was over the hump.

 

An overseas trip and associated stress has thrown me into the biggest wave ever. I want to jump off the tallest building.

 

 

I am devastated.  I should have done a long taper I suppose.  Will this ever end??

 

Angel

 

I might as well join this group because I will soon be off, 10mg of Valium is not much compared to what I have been on.

 

Will be due to be off in Dec. or Jan. So, I will start posting here.

 

Angel,

 

I have done a very long taper (Kinda). in a surreptitiously way, really.

 

Honestly when I c/t the 5mg of Klonopin, I remember the feeling.. it was bad.

 

Now, I am feeling that effect again in a more understanding way.

 

So, I think you are doing well.. I mean considering you are travelling.

Honestly at the time.. I can't travel.

So, you are doing better than you think.

 

I hope you start feeling better soon.

I think we all have setbacks tapering or whatnot.

 

Yes, it ends.. I may not be off yet, but I say it does because if it didn't.. common sense would tell us that this forum would still have old timers here.

They have healed and moved on, or post less and less because they are getting better.

 

It will end I am sure (I've just seizured and became more positive).

Seriously - an overseas trip is a huge stress indeed! I know it sounds awful and boring but we have to be patient.

 

Doublewave,

 

Hi,

 

I see you have TLE Temporal Lobe Epilepsy ?

I am on a Epilepsy forum because I have a seizure background and was diagnosed as Epileptic.

 

Most of my seizures happened as a kiddo. I remember I would just fall out like I was in a dream state and wake up.. with headaches.

I had headaches horribly and still do.

 

I was prescribed Klonopin for Panic Attacks that led to seizure activity.

 

My concern is once off the valium, will the seizures come back sequentially or will they not?

That's what worries me the most.

 

I am on Trileptal as I mentioned to you in another thread.

 

I see you are on Keppra. I was on that last year for a month or two, 7,000mg a day (7 gram).

It really didn't agree with me.

 

All the best.

 

 

 

[[ve...]]

I'd been making steady progress and thought I was over the hump. An overseas trip and associated stress has thrown me into the biggest wave ever. I want to jump off the tallest building. I am devastated.  I should have done a long taper I suppose.  Will this ever end??

Angel

 

Hi Angel.  It's pretty "normal" to have waves after travel in the first months and year off the benzo.  I know some folks who feel travel is too stressful and have avoided it.  I have had no choice since I have an elderly parent who I must visit several times a year.  In fact, as my taper was ending back in 2009, I was out of town with my father who was in the hospital with pneumonia. I've probably flown about seven times in the last two years.  The first couple times, including the family stress, was pretty exhausting.  In fact, the next trip after I finished my taper, I ended up with Shingles (January 2010), which was six weeks post taper.  It was a unique situation where I was not only early in the recovery process but a very stressful family situation came up that compounded what I was going through after taper.  Most people will not get Shingles after taper although a handful of buddies have reported having had it.  More commonly, a wave as you describe might happen when we stretch ourselves or expose ourselves to more than ordinary stress, as in a business trip or family visit. I think if it is possible, it's probably best to wait 3 months before taking major trips, but sometimes there is no choice.  I wonder how Mtmimi did with her trip to Florida? I know Mimi waited about six months and had a family visit scheduled around this time.  Anyway, I hope the wave will get better for you Angel.  I have been able to take many trips since that one where I got Shingles, without problems.  It helps to not have the middle seat on a plane!  I have found that it helps if I can watch my diet and get some exercise when I am out of town.  I tend to return feeling a little wiped out but it gets better with time.

 

V

[[ve...]]

It's pretty common to alternate between anxiety and blues in the first months off the benzo, particularly if you had some blues or anxiety before benzos. 

Hi Vertigo

Yes, I have had a few major depressive episodes in the past. It is good to know that my experience is not unique, thanks a lot for the encouragement.I am trying to stay away from alcohol but find it very difficult . Today I realized how extremely unfit I've became. I used to do 100-150 squats per day but today could barely complete 20 - I almost collapsed. I haven't been doing yoga at all for many months... I feel I have become a jellyfish. This is a revelation. I probably was too overwhelmed with acute WD symptoms to notice who I have become (( .

 

Hi Doublewave.  The alcohol can provide a temporary panacea but it can re-stimulate GABA and lead to longer recovery time.  I understand it can get frustrating to be feeling crappy for so long, one just wants to feel better even for a day or a few hours.  I did have a few glasses of wine both at five weeks and at about 5 months off so I can't preach to anyone.  If possible, it would be best to limit it.  Even at 8 months, I felt I was well enough and resumed with some social drinking (no binges) which led to a mild to moderate setback (some issues with cog fog, fatigue and elevated bp).  Some say it's wise to wait a full year and others abstain completely. 

 

Feel better,

 

Vertigo

[[ve...]]

"I might as well join this group because I will soon be off, 10mg of Valium is not much compared to what I have been on. Will be due to be off in Dec. or Jan. So, I will start posting here"

 

Hey Sigma. No worries.  You've come a long way.  Congrats on getting down to 10mg .  Your posts are welcome here as this thread is open to anyone on the benzo journey.  In fact, I'm glad others have found this thread helpful, since I plan to leave forum next month.  So post away and hopefully others like you will keep the torch going for however long it remains useful.

 

Cheers,

 

Vertigo

[[An...]]

Thanks for responding Vertigo, your words help.  I am feeling pretty bad and I don´t think I will be able to make it to see my Mum tomorrow, I will see.

 

I just want to get home to Spain and my dog

 

Angel

 

[[An...]]

Thanks Sigma and welcome to this thread

 

Angel

[Guest [Si...]]

Thanks Sigma and welcome to this thread

 

Angel

 

Thank you,

 

I'm starting to feel these cuts.

 

I know I'm getting there.. but I feel pretty bad in the mornings.

 

Hopefully you will feel better as the day / evening goes.

 

Thank you for all your help too.

 

[[ve...]]

Hey Missy.

I agree that the last year or so has gone by exceedingly fast.  I guess it's one of the s/x of getting older .  Yea, I don't drink beer anymore either except on a rare occasion like when we were at the Anheiser Busch brewery. Sounds like you and your hubby had some laughs going down memory lane the other day.  Laughter is sometimes the best medicine.  Well, I don't know if the PM system will be back before I leave forum but I know it was something I enjoyed having access to when I was more active, particularly during taper.  Thanks for the pic of the snow .  Who knows, maybe we will get some again like last year.  Hope you're having a good weekend.  Getting ready to watch the Packers/Falcons game.  I think the Packers will win but hope it's a close game.

 

Cheers,

 

V

 

 

[[do...]]

Hi Sigma,

 

>> I see you have TLE Temporal Lobe Epilepsy ?

 

Yes.

 

>> I was prescribed Klonopin for Panic Attacks that led to seizure activity.

 

Clonazepam, i.e. developing tolerance to it, certainly led me to incresed seizure activity. I had epilepsy before though but with years it had subsided to some extent so I could make it without anticonvulsants.

 

>> My concern is once off the Valium, will the seizures come back sequentially or will they not?

 

If Valium has anticovulsant properties (like Clon) then yes, at least temporary. If it doesn't then not I guess.

[[do...]]

Hi Vertigo,

 

Thank you for your advice. Actually, I've just realized I am drinking not so much b.o. WD but b.o. huge problems with my ex-family - relationships problems. By ex-family I mean the family I was born, on another continent. My family was very dysfunctional and emotionally abusive; twelve years ago I ran away to a different continent. This is why, five years ago, I embraced the study of psychology, personality disorders in particular (as an addition to my art).

It is a pure coincidence that now, during WD, I realized an awful truth about my family of origin and this adds to my depression. I ran away from them without the realisation why but now I know why, at last. I am shocked with the fact that with all my acquired knowledge of psychoanalysis only now I understood the whole picture.

I am glad that I am so far from them but I still have to talk on a phone with them occasionally and every time after that I feel suicidal. I am now working on reducing such contacts to almost zero point and feeling guilty for my intention.

 

Actually, I started taking Clonazepam because otherwise I could not face my family when I went to visit. This is how everything started: piles of Clon watered down with red wine.

 

I am sorry for venting such painful things.

 

I am determined to stop drinking now, for the sake of my husband who did not deserve all this.

[[ve...]]

Hi Doublewave.  Thank you for your post.  No need for apologies for posting something honest about your family and some reasons for taking klonopin.  I also first took valium in part due to a dysfunctional family situation.  A couple of books have been helpful to me. One is "Codes of Love" by Mark Bryan and "Toxic Criticism" by Eric Maisel along with some others.  I used to put up with a lot of toxic behavior for my son to be able to visit with his cousins each year.  For now, things have gotten to a point where the price is not worth it.  I know what you mean about wanting to avoid contact with certain family. I've had to do so this past year in order to fully heal.  I've got to run but will come back later to post more.

 

Best,

 

Vertigo