Post Benzo Freedom Withdrawal Support Group

[[ro...]]

Hi All Post BBs still on the mends, V, and Pange:

 

Pange, I read through your success story, and that you are!  I hope you just keep getting stronger and enjoy everyday to its fullest!  Shiftwork can be sleep problematic but you have identified ways to work with it.  Do you still take melatonin at nite?  I have found melatonin to be my most helpful nitetime supplement except on the worse WD nites with sxs.  Then nothing works but just accept it. 

 

I have been in a bad WD slump since last Tuesday nite (9 days ago).  My sleep and other nitetime WD sxs have been worse this week than during taper or post taper.  Wed. nite was a 0 sleep nite - the first one since 8/9/11.  My nitetime sxs slowly began getting worse towards the end of July.  Nitetime Sxs have been increasing and finally hit full force like a hurricane last week.  Nitetime sxs have always been my worse ones, i.e., can't get to sleep; warm then cold sensitivity all nite, wake up and can't get back to sleep, and busy mind. 

 

I might have posted that I felt 80% healed back in mid-July, but not that way today.  Just accepting what it is - good days, some bad ones, repeat, repeat.  I have lost 3 lbs. since my last window ended last week.  That is also a very telltale sign that I am in a WD slump. 

 

Love hearing other BBs recovery posts -- Unr3al and Amy -- we're done and now we just need our sleep BACK!!

 

Staying the course.   Big thanks to V and Pange for their help and care in keeping this post going until we are all success stories.  

 

GBYB,

Rocko

[[pa...]]

Hi Rocko!

Again, thank you so much posting to my success story!

I'm sorry to hear about the sleep issues. That was a tough one for me. I had that 2 month stretch of bad sleep back in Jan-Feb. If I had not had those setbacks, I would have posted a success story much sooner than I did.

Yes, I still take melatonin. I have heard different opinions about whether or not it's OK to take this long term. Right now, I usually get by with 1.5mg, which isn't very much. There is an ex-coworker that I talked to the other day who worked as a pharm-tech who told me that (in her oipinion) 1.5mg isn't much and I need not worry about that. She says that there are elderly patients in rest homes who are prescribed up to 14mg nightly just so they can get to sleep.

I guess what my feelings are about melatonin is that if you can sleep fine without it, it's definetely better to. Right now, I'm in the unfortunate position of dealing with the shiftwork that causes me to have to stay up late some nights and makes my sleep rythym off at times. Sometimes, all I feel I need is a regular shift and then I can throw away the melatonin bottle!

Right now, it sounds like you're dealing with a lot. Believe me, I know how lack of sleep can affect my mood the next day (my wife can testify to that!). It sounds like you continue to feel positive despite the setback. Sometimes having a diversion at night can ease the tension of a bad night. You may have tried this already, but on those really bad nights when sleep just didn't want to appear, I would tell myself, "OK, so you don't want to sleep, so I'll just do something enjoyable in the meantime..."

I'm sending you my best wishes, Rocko, and I pray that your slump passes soon!

[[ve...]]

Hope all are having a decent weekend.   Glad you're doing well AmyA. Hope62 is right.  What other people post on this thread or on forum will not necessarily happen to you.  I started this thread for encouragment, but unfortunately, sometimes it can be a downer to read where folks are still symptomatic at six months or a year out.  There are some folks who heal nicely and move on after about two or three months.  I wish that were the case for me, but I had some complications like getting Shingles six weeks after my taper ended.  I was also sensitive to the valium and had the vertigo after the c/t off it.  So even without Shingles, I might have taken a good six months to heal.  Others are able to heal more quickly.  Hopefully you'll be one of the lucky ones and be able to move on more quickly .

 

 It's been a rough month for you Rocko but I think you'll pull out of it soon.  I tried melatonin once when I had bad jet lag and it didn't do much although maybe I did not take enough. It's looking like I will need to fly next month so I get a little concerned about the jet lag and sleep troubles coming back.  

 

GB,

 

V

[[re...]]

Hi vertigo.

 

I don't think it's necessarily a downer to read that others are still suffering at 6 months+  I see it as a confirmation that we all have individual healing schedules and that it is quite normal for some recoveries to take longer than others.  Didn't Ashton say 6-18 months average?  I take that to mean that some heal more quickly and some may take even longer.  I have read many reassuring success stories from people who took 2 years (or more) to fully heal.  The bottom line is that people recover.

 

In a few days I will hit 9 months off.  I am not fully healed but I am SO much better than I was even 3 months ago.  This can be a slow process.

 

This thread is very encouraging and I'm happy you started it.

 

Wishing all a healing day.

 

Becca

[[ro...]]

Hi All in Post Recovery (and our benzo mentors):

 

I have had three good days and nites (3 day window) and count my blessings.  We entertained friends at our house last nite with dinner and cards, and we laughed bigtime. 

 

Everyone's on a different time table for healing but it can be difficult to find you're not as far along as you hoped to be.  I know some others who jumped before or shortly after me have rallied through and feel quite recovered (IBMom, Oleander, and Ashros84).  I am very happy for them and wish them all the best. 

 

Rebecca; sounds like you are doing well too 9 months post benzo.  Thanks for your posting. 

 

Staying the course and spreading the word about benzos (...that is empowering).

Best to all,

Rocko

[[ve...]]

Hi Rebecca.  Thanks for your post. Glad to hear you are doing much better at 9 months off.  I am glad you found some encouragement from this thread.

 

Hey Rocko.  Nice to hear you had some company over and caught a few laughs.  Last I heard, Ibmom was doing pretty well, though still healing.  I agree that everyone is on a different time table.

 

Interestingly, I noticed that I just hit 22 months yesterday and I think it was the first time I didn't actually think about it on the day.  Maybe it's a good sign.  I've still got some nerve tingling from the Shingles virus last year which I had gotten about five weeks after my taper ended.  Anxiety is significantly more manageable than just six months ago when it was pretty high after we had gotten a puppy early in the year.  Getting that puppy really revved me up at the start of the year when I was 14 months off.  My sleep was disrupted with the house breaking and the constant vigilance to watch for chewing or some other destruction caused some escalation in anxiety in addition to the  return of some insomnia.  Things settled down after about six weeks. Then I had to travel to the W. Coast to help my father with a roof leak at his house, jet lag caused more sleep troubles.  After about ten days of waking up at 3AM and not falling asleep for several hours, I managed to bounce back. I still feel a little on edge when stress gets high.  I think others have termed it a "heightened vulnerability" to stress which can last into the second year off the benzo.  It doesn't have to be a major stressful event. Sometimes I notice it with a mundane household task.  For example, the other day I was washing the dishes and I felt like I was hurrying and I could feel like my blood pressure was elevating and I was rushing for no reason.  It was a subtle revved up feeling and completely unwarranted!  I was able to take a few breaths and bring some mindfulness to the experience.  I think it is an off balance fight/flight reflex.  I think I was rushing to get to some other tasks or errands, but the sense of urgency was off the charts unrealistic.   Mindfulness can help a lot and it did.  Yet it is frustrating that in the second year, reactions would still be so intense to seemingly small things sometimes.  It was not a big deal but still a sign that the last 10% of healing is still in progress.

 

Vertigo

[[pa...]]

Hi V, Rocko, and others!

V, I read your recent post here about heightened sensitivity to stress to events that are not normally stressful and it rings true for me also.

I agree with the way you illustrate this. I can't think of a specific example right now but this seems to be a common accurance with me. There are life events that cause me to feel rushed and then I do get that "heightened sensitivity". Mine seems to result in a rapid heartbeat and nerve tingling headaches. Especially the headaches seem to be a holdout from w/d benzo days. These were very troublesome for me when I was tapering but now I just recognize them to be a newer form of a stress response.

Also, my month anniversaries come and go and I don't always recall anymore when they've hit. The one thing I do remember is that mine corresponded to Ash Wednesday 2010. By the way, happy 22 months to you! Hope your upcoming trip goes well although I know this is high maintenance. These kinds of family situations do settle with time. How is your puppy doing now? Perhaps your pet is helping you to feel less stressed now that he's grown. They say that a pet is good for stress relief. That is, one that's house broken and isn't having health issues. You recall we lost one back in May. Best wishes to you V and may the healing continue!

Rocko: Thanks for the update and I'm glad to hear that you are having some good windows! Everyone in recovery deserves these. Eventually the good windows and bad days blend in more to how you naturally respond to stresses and life in general. May the healing keep coming your way!

Rebecca, thank you for stating this the way you do. Sometimes those of us who are so far out feel self conscious about posting about the downs that we might have because we don't want to discourage others who are still tapering or have just jumped. At least, that is how I sometimes feel. Also, there was a bad setback I had after about 9 or 10 months out. It may have been do to a second taper from an A/D that triggered it but I'm unsure. Anyway, I did bounce back eventually. I think one bit of advise I might add is that if you are on more than 1 meds it is probably a good idea to wait several months before attempting a second taper. Best wishes to you also as you continue!

Hope all my post benzo buddies are doing well. Have a great week!

 

[[ve...]]

Hi Pange.  Congrats again on posting your "success story" last week.  I'm glad that you are doing well despite a few lingering issues.  Sometimes an unexpected loss or stressful situation can cause a spike in anxiety or some symptoms that one has not had in a long while.  Getting that puppy really created some issues for me at the beginning of the year.  Thanks for asking.  He has been housebroken since last March and yes, he has added a lot of life and love to our home.  We finally found a food that he does not seem allergic to.  It took a while but he's doing well now.  He was quite ill the first couple months after we got him from the shelter.  I do recall you lost a pet last Spring.  It can be quite sad to lose a pet after years of taking care of it.  Hope you have a good upcoming weekend and all my best.

 

Vertigo

[[Cl...]]

Hi all - I had a good therapy session yesterday with my therapist who is very helpful in guiding me during this process of w/d. She had a "simple" and helpful way in getting me to understand why s/x can spike throughout the process of healing. It got me wondering, do others have a way of understanding what it is that happens when we heal? What helps you embrace the idea of the healing process instead of fighting it? Hope this is an ok place to post this...

 

Thanks for the input 

 

Clem

[[ro...]]

Hi Clem:

 

I'd like to hear your therapist's version of the healing process of benzos, i.e., to help understand these up and down periods.

 

I have been cruising along for several months until the start of month 4 or so, and now I have been in a WD slum like no other. 

 

 

Thanks,

Rocko

[[Cl...]]

Sure Rocko - I got the abbrv. lame mans explanation - and perhaps it's not medically exact but it helped me understand the process better...the short of it was - the brain has may routes/pathways to get to the same location - when closing off the main route (healing one pathway) the brain will go look and recruit a new pathway and may strike upon one that needs to heal still - therefore causing w/d s/x. Depending on that pathways healing status, the s/x may present themselves as intensely as another pathway, etc. And on and on it goes until the pathways are healed. Like I said - maybe it misses the mark in complete accuracy - but it helped me accept it and grasp the understanding better.

 

[[ib...]]

Last I heard, Ibmom was doing pretty well, though still healing.  I agree that everyone is on a different time table.

 

Hi V & Rocko,

 

Rocko, hope you are doing better, I am still healing, it is about 5 months off and the past few days I feel like I have hit a brick wall. My whole body hurts, the muscle pain/tention is pretty intense, experiencing some headaches and today the ringing in my ears was pretty constant but it has finally let up this evening.

 

Well it is pretty late and I need to get some sleep....back to work in the morning.  I will write again when I have more time.

 

Take care and God Bless

Ibmom

 

 

[[Un...]]

Another slow down here.  Been a few days of crappy, but today I am terribly dizzy.  Really getting tired of all these symptoms. 

[[Li...]]

Hello all-

 

Wanted to join in on this thread. I'm almost exactly four months off and not doing too bad overall, but still have bad days and need support through those. Things I'm still struggling with: insomnia, occasional headaches, some IBS-type stuff, hard time concentrating, intermittent fatigue, muscle spasms, blurry vision (comes and goes). I'm sure that's not all but it's a start! Anyway just wanted to introduce myself and look forward to getting to know the other folks on this thread!

 

Libby

[[ve...]]

Hello all-Wanted to join in on this thread. I'm almost exactly four months off and not doing too bad overall, but still have bad days and need support through those. Things I'm still struggling with: insomnia, occasional headaches, some IBS-type stuff, hard time concentrating, intermittent fatigue, muscle spasms, blurry vision (comes and goes). I'm sure that's not all but it's a start! Anyway just wanted to introduce myself and look forward to getting to know the other folks on this thread!

Libby

 

Hi Libby.  Congrats on making it to four months off.  My condolences again on the loss of your uncle recently.  I read your list of symptoms at four months off.  I had most of them in the first three to four months.  I think you will likely start to see some significant improvements in months 5-7. 

 

Have a great weekend everybody,

 

Vertigo

[[ve...]]

 

Hi V & Rocko, Rocko, hope you are doing better, I am still healing, it is about 5 months off and the past few days I feel like I have hit a brick wall. My whole body hurts, the muscle pain/tention is pretty intense, experiencing some headaches and today the ringing in my ears was pretty constant but it has finally let up this evening. Well it is pretty late and I need to get some sleep....back to work in the morning.  I will write again when I have more time. Take care and God Bless

Ibmom

 

Hang in there IBmom.  You've made it through the worst of the post benzo withdrawal.  Setbacks can of course still occur, but I know you will find relief in the coming days and weeks.

 

V

 

[[ve...]]

Another slow down here.  Been a few days of crappy, but today I am terribly dizzy.  Really getting tired of all these symptoms. 

 

Hi Unr3l. Hope the dizzies have gone away.  It's a pain to still be symptomatic after a few months, but stay the course.  I read you also had some headaches.  I found that we all have different stress areas.  For me, it's been the gut.  And when things get super stressful, I've apparently got a weakness for the dizzies too.  Others get migraine headaches or something else when stress gets high.  Just being in withdrawal can raise stress levels over time.  Some people end up with elevated cortisol or elevated blood pressure or both.  Others experience hormonal issues or something else.  Time does heal eventually. 

 

Hang in there,

 

Vertigo

[[ve...]]

Sure Rocko - I got the abbrv. lame mans explanation - and perhaps it's not medically exact but it helped me understand the process better...the short of it was - the brain has may routes/pathways to get to the same location - when closing off the main route (healing one pathway) the brain will go look and recruit a new pathway and may strike upon one that needs to heal still - therefore causing w/d s/x. Depending on that pathways healing status, the s/x may present themselves as intensely as another pathway, etc. And on and on it goes until the pathways are healed. Like I said - maybe it misses the mark in complete accuracy - but it helped me accept it and grasp the understanding better.

 

Hi Clementine.  

I think your doctor's explanation of alternate neural pathways in healing, seems valid.  I have read where people who had head trauma or car accidents have been able to relearn language and other things using the other side of the brain as well as learn to write with alternate non dominant hand.  I think it can be helpful to improve cog fog or memory to use the non dominant hand and to try different tasks that one may not have attempted in the past.  I think I read that was a helpful strategy with some types of autism as well. In terms of benzo recovery, I agree that there are other applications that may be valid as well.  If one has a lot of anxiety symptoms, intrusive thoughts... meditation and mindfulness is one way to approach things from a different neuro pathway. Learning new ways of breathing and accepting thoughts can be quite healing.  One therapy approach that incorporates mindful meditation is ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy).  A good introductory book about it is "The Happiness Trap" by Russ Harris.  Also Jon Kabat Zinn books highlight mind/body connection.  A classic is "Full Catastrophe Living" which has an updated preface.  Others by him are quite good too.

 

Have a great weekend,

 

Vertigo

[[...]]

Hi Vertigo - thanks again for your support on my thread.  i just ordered two of harris' books on amazon.  i am staring to calm down some; this is one intense experience; unbelievable. 

i will read thru this thread little at a time; so many amazing and bright folks on here who have learned so much about life and living.

you're awesome.  thanks again

[[ja...]]

2 1/2 months off and almost feel like I went back to square one last night.  Had a window or two the past month-I think I just got my hopes up.

 

Where does one draw the line between cutting yourself some slack for healing and "wallowing"... I feel certain I will make it through-just thought I would share.  Thanks.

[[...]]

jazzy - u are reading my mind.  i know i have times when i can't take action but then i settle some and i am still unmotivated but wonder if i could somehow push myself out the door somewhere.

i am so obsessed with this process; it has me big time.

 

[[ve...]]

Hi Vertigo - thanks again for your support on my thread.  i just ordered two of harris' books on amazon.  i am staring to calm down some; this is one intense experience; unbelievable. 

i will read thru this thread little at a time; so many amazing and bright folks on here who have learned so much about life and living.

you're awesome.  thanks again

 

Hi Pan.  I hope you will find the books to be helpful.  Glad you are starting to calm down.  Yes, this is a long thread but I have re read it a couple times in the last year and there are some really good posts which I found helpful too.

 

All my best,

 

Vertigo

[[ve...]]

2 1/2 months off and almost feel like I went back to square one last night.  Had a window or two the past month-I think I just got my hopes up.

 

Where does one draw the line between cutting yourself some slack for healing and "wallowing"... I feel certain I will make it through-just thought I would share.  Thanks.

 

Hi Jazzy.  You bring up some good points.  Sometimes, we just need to "wallow" and vent.  Cutting ourselves some slack is very important. Ultimately, I think acceptance and forgiveness are big parts of healing in the long run.  Congrats on 2.5 months off .  The first few months can be rough.  You're getting through it though.

 

Best,

 

Vertigo

[[gi...]]

2 years 9 months off

 

Major resurgence of symptoms.

 

In addition to the tinnitus, (now) minor burning mouth, blurry R eye and memory & concentration problems I've had for all this time,

in the last week the following has come back. Some have gotten worse over the last couple days:

 

burning bones/pounding back (peripheral neuropathy) 

nausea in bones (one of those crazy wtf?/have no other way to describe it symptoms) :'( 

sizzling brain and/or pounding headache

incredible fatigue/heaviness :(

bad, bad cog fog. really bad.

The woozies are back once again! 

Bouts of bad d/r

insomnia...just when I started to get a handle on it (i.e., sleeping 4 hours before tossing), I'm once again waking up after 2 hours!

intrusive thoughts over-the-top 

and my tinnitus?  I cannot believe it. It's even worse than it's ever been. :'(  :'(

 

Yay!  10 simultaneous symptoms - I'm right back to where I was at month 9! Month 9!!!!! 

 

 

WHOO FREAKING HOO!!!!!! :'( 

 

 

And from Monday 1pm-Tuesday 7AM Sunday, I'm going to be sitting on planes (the last one for 16 solid hours) !

 

Can I attribute this resurgence to the stress of my impending trip? Probably. Does that make it any easier to bear? No. It's worse actually; because this shows me that I cannot live a normal life (i.e, deal with a stressful event) without getting sick over it.

 

Damn this. Damn this, damn dear Dr M, damn the pharma co's, damn all who don't think these drugs are a problem, damn fate, damn my lot in life, damn it damn it.

 

[[ve...]]

Hi G. Sorry to read of the resurgence of symptoms.  I absolutely believe it is the stress of your coming trip.  You have probably riled yourself up a bit with all the packing, anticipation of the long flight and trip...  Take some deep breaths.  You are living your life G.  Remember that you've pulled yourself together before and you will this time. It will be an incredible trip.  You're probably anxious about that 16 hour flight.  I would be too.  Long flights are never fun so I won't sugar coat it.  It's the price we pay to see some incredible sights and parts of the world.

 

V