Post Benzo Freedom Withdrawal Support Group

[[ve...]]

Once you figured out you were in benzo w/d, did you ever doubt that diagnosis and think it was all in your head?

 

Hi SweetP.  It was pretty easy for me to realize it was the benzo because of the agitation and insomnia that occurred shortly after stopping the valium. Then came the vertigo that sent me to the ER .  I was pretty certain that I just knew that getting back on 5mg valium would solve the vertigo and lo and behold it did. When I started to become tolerant to the 5mg after a month and had to go up to 6 and 7mg, a lightbulb went off in my head which told me that this is not a road I wanted to continue on.  I encountered an ignorant physician who thought that lexapro would be the solution to my anxiety and he suggested that I could "taper" the 5mg of valium over 30 days.  I'm sure glad I didn't listen to him.  It really can make one angry to read of so many doctors out there who haven't got much of a clue about benzodiazepenes. Some stressful things were going on that Fall (2008) such as my father's cancer and chemotherapy, conflict with my sibling...  so I waited to start my taper til January 2009.  It's hard to believe that was 2 years ago.  I finished the taper in November 2009 but unfortunately I ended up with Shingles in Janaury 2009 (1 year ago).  So it's been a rough couple of years.  Thankfully, things are finally starting to look up as healing does eventually happen .

 

I hear you Marina.  Hopefully you found some benefit in your four years of therapy other than trying to alleviate benzo withdrawal .  Sorry your doctor did not know any better. De Nile is a river in Egypt .  

 

Best,

 

Vertigo (no more)

[[...]]

SweetPepper,

 

If you are two months post benzo and getting any sleep, you are doing really well. Many of us struggle for months or longer with that symptom.  It sounds like are just getting hit with a bad wave...that could fade any day.   Hang in there...keep healing..

 

TC

[[Sw...]]

Thanks everyone.  TC - Yes, I am grateful for the sleep I have been getting.  The other night was difficult because I had insomnia, anxiety and depressive thoughts all at the same time.  It was hard for me.  Usually I get anxiety with insomnia but not the depression.  The depression really scares me.  I don't think I've ever had depression before this.  Maybe mild and I just called it a bad mood.  God willing that will continue to improve.  Vertigo - so glad things are getting better for you.  Sounds like a rough couple of years.  You made it through and sounds like you are stronger and happier.  I agree about the doctors - you'd think by now they would have caught on.  There needs to be some doctor standards for updating your skills/knowledge base - testing from time to time.  I was so surprised when I went to my doctor for help during this time.  I told her what I thought was happening and she agreed with me - that I was having w/d from Ativan.  She was very compassionate.  She gave me the script for Valium to help me taper.  One question for you if thats ok - how would you describe the agitation you had?  I have been such an easy-going person my whole life, I rarely let anything really bother me, lots of patience (with a tipping point, of course).  Then when I became benzo-free I felt this shakiness when doing things and would have to stop what I was doing because it bothered me.  Really hard to put into words but I think its agitation.

[[ve...]]

Vertigo - so glad things are getting better for you.  Sounds like a rough couple of years.  You made it through and sounds like you are stronger and happier.   I agree about the doctors - you'd think by now they would have caught on.   There needs to be some doctor standards for updating your skills/knowledge base - testing from time to time.  I was so surprised when I went to my doctor for help during this time.   I told her what I thought was happening and she agreed with me - that I was having w/d from Ativan.  She was very compassionate.   She gave me the script for Valium to help me taper.  One question for you if thats ok - how would you describe the agitation you had?   I have been such an easy-going person my whole life, I rarely let anything really bother me, lots of patience (with a tipping point, of course).   Then when I became benzo-free I felt this shakiness when doing things and would have to stop what I was doing because it bothered me.   Really hard to put into words but I think its agitation.

 

Hi SweetP.  Glad your doctor was supportive and provided the valium to taper. Regarding the question about anxiety-  I have also been a laid back person (grew up in California  ). I often hid my anxiety pretty well.  People always referred to me as calm and patient but that's not what was going on inside.  I ended up with ulcers when I was in college and living overseas.  I tend to hold tension in my gut.  I recently tapered off an acid blocker because I don't want to keep taking medications the rest of my life.  Anyway, as for the agitation. I think I post off and on about it on my blog, as it has changed throughout the last year.  During taper, for example, it was a kind of manic revved up anxiety, my wife said I was talking fast and maybe had some ruminations a few days after a cut.  After taper, it seemed to be more physical, like an agitation in the background (not quite shaky but close).  Do you drink coffee or any caffeine?  I stopped it after feeling very jittery one day last year after drinking it.  Anyway, I've tried to be more mindful when tension starts to creep up.  Some books have helped but sometimes it just comes and there's not a whole lot to do but just try and breathe through it, try and be compassionate versus angry or self critical when it shows up.   On a few occasions last year, it started to morph into what I think was becoming panic, but I fortunately was able to talk myself down and be patient and kind with the symptoms and avert a more complicated problem. By the way, I never had anything close to a panic attack BEFORE benzos so sometimes anxiety can come back stronger AFTERWARD, particularly in the first few months but even ongoing.

 

Vertigo (no more but still some agitation )

[[pa...]]

Hi V and all!

Just thought I'd chime in! Was working the last 2 nights so sleep has been disrupted once again.

I started back up with counceling yesterday. Also, I met with our parish priest on Mon in order to get some spiritual guidance.

One thing I got out of the counceling session yesterday was a loaner to a book called "A Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction Workbook". This is a method that has it's roots in Buddism and is taught in classes worlwide. It teaches you how to focus on the present moment in order to permamnetly change the way you handle stress. There is also a mindfulness meditation you that develop from following the excercises in the book. When I was at work yesterday evening, I worked through the first chapter. There was an excercise that had me do a task (in this case, a work task) without focusing or thinking about anything else except my immediate surroundings.

I tell you, that first excercise felt liberating for me and I look forward to the ones that come next! The authors of this book say that more than 90% of our human experience is spent either rehearsing or rehashing our lives. It is only by learning to live in the present moment of our experience and enjoying it's beauty that they say we begin to learn to let go of stress.

It is an interesting book and I look forward to the next excercise where I eat something and focus my complete attention on what I'm eating!

Hope everyone is having a great week!

[[gi...]]

Applying Buddhist thought to my w/d definitely helped me get through it.

[[...]]

pangelingua here is some mindfulness info, it is good stuff!

 

Mindfulness meditation training changes brain structure in 8 weeks

http://www.physorg.com/news/2011-01-mindfulness-meditation-brain-weeks.html

Psychological Functioning in a Sample of Long-Term Practitioners of Mindfulness Meditation

https://webspace.utexas.edu/neffk/pubs/baermeditators.pdf

The Effects of Mindfulness Meditation on Cognitive Processes and Affect in Patients With Past Depression

http://www.openground.com.au/archive/Effects_of_Mindfulness.pdf

Loving-Kindness Meditation Increases Social Connectedness

https://www.stanford.edu/dept/psychology/cgi-bin/drupalm/system/files/LKM+Article.pdf

Short-term meditation training improves attention and self-regulation

http://ppesports.com/uploads/MBM_Short-Term_Impact_on_Performance.pdf

A Randomized, Wait-List Controlled Clinical Trial: The Effect of a Mindfulness

Meditation-Based Stress Reduction Program on Mood and Symptoms of Stress in

Cancer Outpatients

http://shamrockdesign.com/sitesOffline/sp/pdfs/Med_The_Effect_of_a_Mindfulness_Meditation-Based_Stress_Reduction_Program_on_Mood_and_Symptoms_of_Stress_in_Cancer_Outpatients.pdf

Effectiveness of a Meditation-Based Stress Reduction Program in the Treatment of Anxiety Disorders

http://www.physorg.com/news/2011-01-mindfulness-meditation-brain-weeks.html

[[ve...]]

Hi V and all!Just thought I'd chime in! Was working the last 2 nights so sleep has been disrupted once again.

I started back up with counceling yesterday. Also, I met with our parish priest on Mon in order to get some spiritual guidance.One thing I got out of the counceling session yesterday was a loaner to a book called "A Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction Workbook". This is a method that has it's roots in Buddism and is taught in classes worlwide. It teaches you how to focus on the present moment in order to permamnetly change the way you handle stress. There is also a mindfulness meditation you that develop from following the excercises in the book. When I was at work yesterday evening, I worked through the first chapter. There was an excercise that had me do a task (in this case, a work task) without focusing or thinking about anything else except my immediate surroundings.I tell you, that first excercise felt liberating for me and I look forward to the ones that come next! The authors of this book say that more than 90% of our human experience is spent either rehearsing or rehashing our lives. It is only by learning to live in the present moment of our experience and enjoying it's beauty that they say we begin to learn to let go of stress.It is an interesting book and I look forward to the next excercise where I eat something and focus my complete attention on what I'm eating!Hope everyone is having a great week!

 

Hi Pange.  Always good to see you here. I'm glad you got that book and that is is helpful.  As you know, I'm a fan of mindfulness and it has helped me quite a bit on this journey.  That exercise while eating is a well known one and can be helpful when dieting too .  Glad you are not afraid to get some counselling when you feel it might be helpful.  Being able to ask for help is one of those lessons we need to teach our kids too.  Hope your sleep will get back on track soon. 

 

Chat soon,

 

Vertigo (no more)

[[st...]]

Thank you, tron.

 

Patty  xo

[[ve...]]

A quick post and update on the anxiety.  As I approach 15 months off vailum,  I've decided to stop my low carb diet of the last five months and start adding complex carbs to try and rebalance my nutrition.  The last six weeks of anxiety and agitation has been like it was around the 9th day after each cut during taper, but its been going on every morning for a couple of months now .  It's not sustainable.  I'm still gonna try and eat healthy and continue to exercise, but it's time to balance the nutrition a bit now that I'm out of a danger zone in terms of weight, cholesterol and the symptoms of pre diabetes last summer.  Hopefully it'll help some.

 

Time for some oatmeal which I'll try to eat mindfully Pange and Tron )

 

Vertigo (and low carbing it no more )

[[Ma...]]

Ah yes, diet. I cannot diet. What I'm trying to do now is not overeat which is difficult enough. It's way too soon to tell if I'm just not used to feeling this "alive" without drugs and it's unnerving or I'm still just a little unbalanced but I'm trying to learn to not try and soothe my nervous system with food, even if it works, which it does, it's a lousy habit to get into. I worked out yesterday, first time in a long time, well, since the flare up 5 months ago and aside from some slightly scary needly sharp intermittent muscle spasms throughout the day yesterday (that elicited that worrisome oh oh response) I'm FINE now, sore, normal, and fine.  Had heart palps last night (didn't overeat for a change) and still managed to sleep well.

 

I notice that carbs in particular have a soothing effect. I'll bet you calm down substantially V. though it's a good thing you got all those things under control. You really are good at setting your mind to something and doing it. It's very admirable. Have a good day all. It's another lovely one for me. Woke up racy as all hell but no headache which is lovely change, I'll take it

m

[[ve...]]

Hi Marina.  Glad you're feeling pretty good now and getting back to exercising.  What do you think the heart palps are about?  Do you have elevated blood pressure?  Do you think it's anxiety?  Well, hope things keep getting better for you.  As for my situation, I really have no choice but to try and change something, this ongoing increase in anxiety since last month has been gnawing at me.  I think this last 5 lbs just took too much out and I need to start feeding myself properly again.  I'm not trying to soothe the nervous system with food per se, but I think there's something to be said for being mindful about what might be needed to maximize health. I'll give it a try.  I've got a doctor's appointment for a physical in early March so if things aren't improved a lot by then, I might have my cortisol checked.  I am cautiously optimistic that eating a little more calories and complex carbs may help balance my system out.

 

Best,

 

Vertigo

[[Mi...]]

Crud, verti!  You've got so many threads going I can never remember which one's I've posted to.

 

I think I recently posted to your "weight loss, etc" thread.

 

Anyway, love and hugs to you and all my benzo free buddies! :smitten:

[[as...]]

Missy/Vertigo- I'm surprised to hear that you think increasing complex carbs soothes the nervous system. In my experience, foods with a lot of carbs (ie. oatmeal) really rev me up. I've had to eat more protein in lieu of carbs to keep my blood sugar level stable, and to prevent strong heart palpitations from too much glucose (my body turns any carb right into sugar).

[[Mi...]]

Missy/Vertigo- I'm surprised to hear that you think increasing complex carbs soothes the nervous system. 

 

I wouldn't say "soothes",  just more like it gives me a calming effect.

 

Then again, that's just me.

[[ve...]]

I'm not a dietician but my understanding is that carbohydrates facilitate the production and release of serotonin and/or other neurotransmitters or endorphins.  Basically, that's why sugar or treats with sugar makes you initially "happy" after you eat it, even sugary cereals.  The problem is that when eating fast moving carbs such as white refined flour and sugar or HFC as in high sugar cereals, cookies, poptarts,cupcakes..., the "high" is quick but burns out, resulting in a "crash" in mood sometimes not long after eating it.  That's why the slower moving carbs such as whole grains, "brown" carbs like brown rice, whole grain bread/crackers, cruciferous vegetables like broccoli, whole grain cereals with more fiber and protein in them can help maintain a more consistent longer lasting "calming" that Missy  referred to.  I'm sure others might be able to explain this better technically or even more elegantly.  The gist is that slower carbs with more fiber seem to be "better" than faster moving ones with less fiber and let's not forget that fruits and vegetables are carbs, usually thought of as "better" for you but one can overdo the fruit too.  

 

Best,

 

Vertigo (no more)

[[Mi...]]

[[ve...]]

Happy Sunday everyone

 

Vertigo

[[ca...]]

Happy Sunday to you too! Vertigo I forgot to tell you that I have been using my new juicer. I love it so far! Having lots of yummy fresh juice everyday. My favorite one so far is apples, carrots, and kale mixed. Tastes like apple juice but I get to sneak in the veggies 

[[ve...]]

Hi Cantwait.  Do you put the kale in raw or cooked?

 

Vertigo

[[ve...]]

Crud, verti!  You've got so many threads going I can never remember which one's I've posted to.

I think I recently posted to your "weight loss, etc" thread.

Anyway, love and hugs to you and all my benzo free buddies! :smitten:

 

Thanks Missy.  I sometimes can't keep track of my threads either.  Hugs to you and all our buddies, post benzo or not

 

Vertigo (no more)

[[Co...]]

Is it possible to recover when living with unresoled stress and heart break? My husband has gone months wout talking to me, he leaves and goes out of town wout telling my daughter and me. He has told me he wants a divorce afew times. I know its over but I need his help now. We have been together 32 yrs, since we were in highschool. I feel like I have stuck by him. Last monday before he went out of town he said what Im going thru is my fault. He shook his finger at me and said Ive been passed out on the couch for 8 years, which is not true. He also has not been helping very much financialy. He wants to let our house go. I still have alot of sx. I dont think I could manage a move trying to find aplace that will take dogs. Im hoping he will stay until Im better. My best friend who lives out of state thinks I should lock him out not wait for him to leave, thinks it will empower me. Is this situation keeping me from healing? I know I sound pathetic. Im really scared and worried. Any thoughts? Thank you.

[[ve...]]

Sorry to hear this Colleen.  It looks like you're coming up on 11 months since your detox?  How are you feeling in terms of your post benzo withdrawal?

 

Vertigo (no more)

[[ca...]]

Hi Cantwait.  Do you put the kale in raw or cooked?

 

Vertigo

 

I put it in raw.

[[...]]

 

Healing from benzos is very much a physical process. I do not think that your situation is keeping your from healing, but it sounds like a very stressful situation that probably makes it really uncomfortable while you continue to heal.

 

Hang in there...I hope things improve..

 

TC