6-12 month thread....

[[Fr...]]

Peace - whatever you decide is right for you.  Intuition is a good guide.

 

Right now, a few minute ago while laying down, an odd sensation came over me and all the head pressure and bad feelings lifted.  Has anyone experienced that before - a sudden lifting when dozing off for a few seconds?  I am so very happy about it and hope it lasts.  That was a short wave - lasted 7 PM to 10:30 AM.  Thank goodness for the lift.  I hope the waves are lessening in intensity and duration.  I'm so tired I'm going to try and sleep. 

 

Lisa

[[Co...]]

Good morning Jenny, Peace, Nova, Mommy, Drew, Ama , Free et al ...

....Peace...so happy for you that your depression is easing I know how much it was distressing you. I will be thinking of you today with your MRI.  You are right to decline the contrast if it makes you uneasy. They can always repeat the scan later with contrast if they. want a closer look for any reason. More than likely your scan will show problem free and you will be reassured. I know it doesn't seem like it to you as you are experiencing s/x, but Peace I think you are doing a wonderful job with your recovery and showing progress. ..Good luck..keep us posted.. love to you.

 

...Nova....you are sounding better yesterday after some misery the day before. How is the doubt and fear today? I cycle in and out of the same especially when the head pressure gets me. I. am wishing you the very best of windows as you step into Mobius th 10. .What long journeys are asked of us. I am doing a little happy dance for you in my kitchen with my decaf...Month 10 is such a

very big deal. My

love to you Nova....sending thoughts for healing healing healing . .

Jenny....I am in the same space as you with improvements and some cycling through some s/x. Like you th

 

e head pressure is my most distressing s/x and triggers all of my fear and anxiety s/x. It is is not as constant as it was but I still get bouts. Day before yesterday I had a 6 hour stint of it. My health fears are still very sensitive. Sometimes just hearing a medical term on TV or in conversation will give me anxiety. ...and I also like Peace and Free do not get very many real windows anymore. I used to get slightly euphoric day long windows. Now I see my improvement much more consistently on my baseline. So many of my s/x are milder and some are actually dropping off ( jitters.. 24/7 anxiety..panic...agoraphobia...swallowing issues) . We are going to heal completely too Jenny...We are getting closer day by day. I hope you have a day of peace and relief today.  I will be thinking of you today as I think we are walking the same well worn path today. hand in hand. .  We are making good progress too.

..Life...thank you so much for all of your enduring support. Sounds like you made it through your stress like a ' normal ' person. Really looking forward to your success story.. thank you for remaining with us as you approach success, it sustains our walk through the cave.

 

...Drew....no need at all to feel guilty about a down day. You have dogged it all along. This process is so circular. We just have to do the best we can on any given day. Enjoy your wonderful time on vacation ..

 

....I know I have mixed some of the posts over the last day or so bug will be following today. Wishing happy healing and comfort to every one of you. You guys are my life line through this. I am sure I would have been in a psych unit long ago ( month 6 for sure) , if not for this forum...love and gratitude to each one of you....coop

 

 

 

 

[[Fr...]]

Thanks for all your encouragement Coop.  My window there was brief, only a few minutes.

 

I am really discouraged.  I'm going on three years of being sick and have little hope.  In my progress log toward the beginning I talk about how I got sick, the lyme thing and such.  I don't know how long a person can stay so sick and be hopeful.  I am beyond tired and sad at how sick I've been for so long.

 

Any ideas or thoughts for me?  Thanks,

Lisa

[[Fr...]]

Sorry to keep bugging you guys.

 

I am so tired and down and feeling so hopeless.  I was crying to my husband this morning about how despondent I am and he hates seeing me suffer so much of course and suggested trying the Elavil (my doctor gave me) for one week spaced a day apart to see if it helps with sleep and depression and anxiety.

 

I took the Genesight profile test and it showed that I don't metabolize Elavil or any of the tricyclics.  Oddly enough the Elavil does seem to help me though in the few times I took whereas in the past any other ADs I've tried made me feel worse.

 

What do you all think about me trying a low dose (5mg) to help me through the tough days?  I know Life seems to think it's ok to take meds that help.  The pain doc thinks it's fine, my therapist who went through wd says no, don't.  Parker and others here took ADS successfully.

 

I don't know what to do,  The suffering is so extreme.  Any thoughts much appreciated.

 

xo,

Lisa

[[...]]

Lisa, you listen to your instincts and body! Only you know what you can handle, what you think you need! It's different for each of us!

 

I would certainly not fault someone for trying to help themselves through this terrible ordeal!!

 

Be well!!

 

:smitten:

[[li...]]

To those suffering late in the process and early past the 6 months. I once wrote that recovery from this nasty stuff is like a sputtering engine attempting to turn over and crank into drive. As a wierd example, if my recovery was an engine it would be described like this --

 

6 months - My car would hardly start and when it did the engine would just sputter for a brief monent and turn off.

7 month - My engine would kick over and I could tell that it would start and it did but shut off while down the road.

8 month - My engine turned over and the car would take me throughout my neighborhood and back home

9 month - My engine started and would not shut off but did have an occassional backfire while driving.

10 months - I am driving down I-75 HWY and I hope the backfiring is no more.

 

I woudl like to think that those having big w/d in the 10 plus month are just having the engine backfiring as it tries to clear out all that "gook" in the engine. You are still going forward but the engine just had a backfire! Silly analysis but true for me.

 

Life

 

 

[[Fr...]]

Thanks Life - keep telling us all this, me especially.  I need to so much encouragement.

[[...]]

Life, have you jumped from your Gabapentin?

 

I love your analogy!

 

[[je...]]

Lisa, I was crying the other day about being sick for so long too. I spent 2 years bed ridden in tolerance w/d and this last year tapering and 10 months off. I've lost precious Years with my kids, suffered a miscarriage, and feel completely hopeless at times. But we only can just continue to move forward and hope for complete healing. It truly is a brutally long process, I'm just so glad we have each other I would not feel guilty about tasomething to get you through.

[[Fr...]]

Thanks Jenny,

 

You sound like me in terms of sick time.  I feel bad you've missed out on your kids.  Mine are in their late twenties and I still miss so much like even being able to talk to them on the phone and being upbeat like I used to be.  We used to travel together as a family and have great fun on trips.  That all went by the wayside about 3 years ago.

 

This is brutal and sad.  We are missing out on so much and still must deal with such uncertainty.

 

How old are your children?  Does your hubby help out or do you have household help?

 

I hope you feel better soon and can resume your family life as it should be.

 

I still worry about the Elavil, getting addicted to another drug and the fact I don't metabolize it scares me. 

 

Is anyone scientific here who would know what happens to a med in the body if one is lacking the metabolic pathways?  Does it come out somehow still?

 

Lisa 

[[je...]]

My boys are 5 and 7 and my husband does help some... But they need me. I pretty much have to do the majority of the work whether I am up to it or not. I just wish I could enjoy these years with my family instead of constantly not feeling well. I pray we all make it to the other side soon.

[[pe...]]

I'm holding you all in my heart. My brain is so fuzzy that it's hard for me to read and type much of anything.

 

A couple thoughts- I have no doubts, none whatsoever that you all heal. Given enough time, rest, good nutrition, care for what goes into your body - basic self care stuff- you all heal. Nova, Coop, Jenny, Lisa, Ama, GMIT, Drew, EVERYONE heals and I read all of your success stories.

 

I just can't see it for myself.

 

I had my MRI and refused the one with contrast. I also refused the Valium they offered to calm me before the test. I was very nervous, but I did some deep breathing and visualization and got through it, unmedicated. I wish this had been my approach when that migraine came in October 2012.

 

We are all on long journeys. One by one we will make it.

 

Peace2

[[am...]]

I'm holding you all in my heart. My brain is so fuzzy that it's hard for me to read and type much of anything.

 

A couple thoughts- I have no doubts, none whatsoever that you all heal. Given enough time, rest, good nutrition, care for what goes into your body - basic self care stuff- you all heal. Nova, Coop, Jenny, Lisa, Ama, GMIT, Drew, EVERYONE heals and I read all of your success stories.

 

I just can't see it for myself.

 

I had my MRI and refused the one with contrast. I also refused the Valium they offered to calm me before the test. I was very nervous, but I did some deep breathing and visualization and got through it, unmedicated. I wish this had been my approach when that migraine came in October 2012.

 

We are all on long journeys. One by one we will make it.

 

Peace2

 

Try to stay positive Peace, the chance that you will heal is heavily in your favor. It seems that almost everyone heals, it is just a matter of time. 

[[Fr...]]

Jenny, I feel bad that you're sick now while your kids are so young.  I remember those days, what cute ages for children!  Let's get you up and feeling better soon.

 

Peace, I'm sorry you're feeling in a daze today but happy your test is done.

 

It's funny how you think everyone but yourself will heal.  I kind of am like that too.

 

You will heal and be back having happy family days again soon.

Lisa 

[[li...]]

Life, have you jumped from your Gabapentin?

 

I love your analogy!

 

 

Yes I did . I only had about one week of w/d and then it was over. I was concerned there for a few days as the w/d mimic benzo-- but not as bad ad don't last.

 

Life

[[He...]]

I'm holding you all in my heart. My brain is so fuzzy that it's hard for me to read and type much of anything.

 

A couple thoughts- I have no doubts, none whatsoever that you all heal. Given enough time, rest, good nutrition, care for what goes into your body - basic self care stuff- you all heal. Nova, Coop, Jenny, Lisa, Ama, GMIT, Drew, EVERYONE heals and I read all of your success stories.

 

I just can't see it for myself.

 

I had my MRI and refused the one with contrast. I also refused the Valium they offered to calm me before the test. I was very nervous, but I did some deep breathing and visualization and got through it, unmedicated. I wish this had been my approach when that migraine came in October 2012.

 

We are all on long journeys. One by one we will make it.

 

Peace2

 

Peace,

THIS is amazing and shows that you are stronger than you give yourself credit for!  You WILL make it through this. 

[[He...]]

Hi all,

It sounds like there is a lot happening on the healing front the past several days!  Life, I like your analogy.  I feel as though I am finally cruising down the highway, with only a few backfires every now and then. 

12 months, 23 days and counting.  I cannot stress enough how much better things are for me now compared to how they were at months 6-10!!  Things are continuing to improve, but it really is such a wearisome road to travel.  It will pass, though.  Believe that! 

 

[[Co...]]

Lisa, ..I am so sorry that you are feeling so bad today. I also have come about 3 years along on this.  I was on ativan for 2 years and definitely in tolerance with interdose w/d s/x for at least all of the second year..and my physician kept increasing the dose to treat my " underlying anxiety "..which I didn't have before benzos. I did a 6 month taper off the last 1 mg and am looking at the beginning of month 9 in about 10 days....so I hear ya sista.  tooooo long to keep feeling bad.

....I get day long depression or half day depression but it usually lifts within 24 hours now..still it makes me weary.  I don't know what to say about the elevil ( amytriptaline). Only you can decide and I absolutely understand the misery of every day not feeling good...it creates desperation ..hopelessness and tired tired tired.  I do know that there is not one person in this group who would fault you or jdge you. We are on your side all the way. The only thing I would suggest is that you research the medication. Dr. Peter Beggin has a very informativea book..." Medication Madness " ....Lisa...You are going to get through this .. it doesn't matter how..just keep going. Sending love ...coop

[[No...]]

Lisa ... do you have a pharmacist who would sit down with you and discuss things ... way back when I decided to come off K and was preparing a taper ... I could get no answers, support, or understanding from any GP type doc or psych doc ... all they had were what I would call "platitudes" ... I am not a dummy, I had a good understanding of what I needed to do ... I just needed reassurance that what I was intending was "safe" ...

 

Long story short ... I looked high and low in my area for help ... nobody had any ... one day a person I was speaking with suggested I speak with a pharmacist ...

 

I did ... she went over things with me ... legally she could not "advise" me medically ... however she did tell me that the taper schedule was "safe" ... gave advise on what "might" happen and how to respond in terms of negative reactions ... and told me I was in for a hellavu' ride ...

 

She understood the "chemistry" of the issue ... nothing she told me was incorrect ...

 

Just a thought ...

[[dr...]]

Lisa-do what you need to do. I think there are some great suggestions here.  While you might have to taper another drug, nothing will ever be as hard as a benzo.

 

Glad some of us seem to be getting a bit of a break. Hopeful healing to those who

 

 

It's early in the day but I feel better so far.  The intense muscle pain in my thighs is a constant reminder to my brain and it musts builds my mental symptoms. The physical were more intense too.

I walked and jogged the three miles this am as I overdid it the other day. I remember in boot camp I was wondering why I couldn't keep up with sixty year olds. Now I know it was the benzos. How the hell do they reek so much havoc. The fatigue is just another added bonus.

 

 

[[dr...]]

The connection here is spotty...post get posted before done. 

 

I'm just trying to work through the pain hoping my muscles will get stronger and the pain will lessen. I have no idea if this is the case though.  More guessing in benzomania

[[je...]]

Peace-- I'm so proud of you!! You did it without any drugs and you got through it, this is defiantly a sign of healing!! Peace we are all gonna heal, including YOU

[[Fr...]]

Thanks everyone for support and ideas.  I don't know what to do about the Elavil.  Thus far have I have taken it sporadically and been ok - about 1/2 tablet twice per week in earlier months and in the latest months, none or 1/2 per week just on my worst days for pain and severe depression or anxiety or to sleep if I hadn't slept well in many nights.

 

My husband gets scared and is urging me to try it.  My therapist says no, better to let the brain heal with nothing - I agree but how much does one have to take unassisted?  There is no doctor support other than the pain / addiction specialist who said yes to the Elavil use, but then I only got to see the nurse practitioner there since the wait was over a month to see the doctor.

 

I am really down.  And in bad waves I'm down plus in pain and miserable.  My body feels all locked up and nerve endings seemed too fired up.  I can't adequately describe how awful the feeling can be.

 

Lisa

 

 

[[dr...]]

Lisa-if you've taken it before and it helped I would try it again. I only say this because you sound like you need some relief and to at wits end. From what you said you don't even take much. There is a breaking point we all have. I hit it with the nonstop racing heart. I took a beta blocker for three days. It was what I needed.  I haven't touched them since. I think all of is are very wary of becoming dependent on something. Sometimes to our detriment.

 

Drew

[[Co...]]

Peace...I can't imagine an MRI without pre- medication...( I don't like them with pre-medicatio). ...No doubt in my mind what so ever that you are going to heal Mighty Girl...you are tough and tenacious...the Benzo Beast is no match for you. Time time time...you are so going to get there...coop