6-12 month thread....

[[li...]]

Hi everyone,

 

Got hit with a real bad stressor last night before I went to sleep. It will be my test for my healing. I'm feeling pretty good this morning but lets see how it goes. This is the bad thing about recovery so fragile that you always think in a window "when the next shoe is going to drop". I will not let the benzo beast in -- or as much as I can control it. We are truely all healing.

 

Love,

 

Life

[[am...]]

Hello Life. What dosage of benzo's did you take for 30 years and how long did you taper for? I am always looking at other long term users to try and gauge my recovery against. Hopefully we are both not too far away from the cave door for good. 

[[No...]]

Life ... if we "know" anything about this process ... we know how "to keep the beast at bay" ... don't know about controlling it ... I just try not to "feed" it with my attention ...

 

Take Care ...

[[li...]]

Hello Life. What dosage of benzo's did you take for 30 years and how long did you taper for? I am always looking at other long term users to try and gauge my recovery against. Hopefully we are both not too far away from the cave door for good.

 

 

Ama,

 

I really do not know what doses I took. I was a very ill-imformed users of benzos. I woud take my standard dose ( whatever that was it was large as my pych only believes in big does judging from his other doses he recommended of other meds I did not take) and I would take more as needed. My moods were so up and down due to my inconsistant use. I did not know anything about tolerance that I know now. In the 32 years that I used it I forgot who I was becuase I was a teenager. Anyway, I thank the Good Lord for my healing. Lets see how things go.

 

Life

[[je...]]

Hi guys,

 

Nova, I'm sorry you are still in the fox hole I pray you find some relief later today-- mine seems to let up a little at night.

Ama-- sorry you are going through this too, its no fun and yes the fear is scary as hell! I've been having all kinds of health fear lately.

Well guys, I'm still not doing good. My brain felt like it was on fire yesterday I could feel all these weird burning sensations and squezzing on my brain. Scary stuff... The most scary sx  lately is it feels like I can't breathe which just sends me into panic and then its even harder to breathe. To top it all off I woke up this morning and I kinked my neck so now I can't turn my head... If I wasn't in so much pain, I would be laughing about that one-- I can't catch a freaking break!! Love u all

[[pe...]]

Life- I hope you are staying in the harbor despite your stressor last night. Let us know.

 

Jenny - I'm so sorry for your wave and neck kink. I hate it when that happens! I'm looking forward and just know you'll soon be posting that things are lessening.

 

I need to record I am not depressed today. I need to be able to look back and see there was a break from that symptom. That's a win! What I have is terrible cognitive fog. It's very distressing, but I feel like if I move or create I can get through this. I need color or motion to pass the time because I can't concentrate on anything else. The cog fog causes me distress if I let it. My anxiety ramps up, my sadness ramps up. So, maybe finger painting a mandala for me today. Or, I could wash the floor! Love that.

 

I hope the rest of my buddies are making their way through another day. Looking forward to your reports-

 

Peace2

[[am...]]

Glad to hear that your depression lifted Peace. You are healing too !

 

[[pe...]]

Thanks Ama. I certainly hope I'm healing. It sure is hard to believe. I feel like you've had the cog fog before. Has it improved? Have you found anything that helps? I have to start a new job in a few weeks and I can't remember/process much of anything.

 

Peace2

[[Br...]]

I have been reading all the posts but not commenting because I've been fortunate never to have the depression.  It sounds awful and I truly wish everyone here comes out of it soon.

 

I got misdiagnosed with depression but looking back it seems it was all due to benzos.  I took so many antidepressants and nothing much helped.

 

 

 

 

[[No...]]

Hi Folks ... not a "bad" afternoon ... mostly benzo bloat and stuffed ears ... hopefully this is easing up ...

 

Anyone hear from Coop? ...

[[li...]]

Peace,

 

dI am so happy that you have had relief from the depression. I am doing pretty good concidering. Been in a business meeting all day and help my own. I am 100% sure that you going back to work will be the best for you. I am feeling pretty good after having a major stressor handed to me late last night for which I would not know the answer to untill today.  All is well. God bless and I pray and  hope that all will heal sooner than later!

 

Life

[[je...]]

Life keep us posted on how the stressor affects you-- sounds like you are doing good.

Peace-- no depression today??!!! That is so awesome, I am cheering for you, this is a big win let's hope it holds.

Coop-- haven't heard from you, I hope that means your in a big window and out enjoying life.

Drew- how's the vacation going?

[[No...]]

Jenny ... did you get the kink sorted out ... I am keeping my fingers and toes crossed ... I sense this wave may be lightening up for me ... I will know better tomorrow morning ... I do hope you are getting a little respite today ... and I really dislike the "breathing" issue ... scares me silly sometimes ...

 

Take Care .... 

[[je...]]

Hi Nova,

 

The kink is still there, I have a heating g pad on it right now. Glad to hear your wave may be lifting, I think mine might be too gonna have to wait and see-- my sx  always lift a touch later in the day so its hard to say. Do you gave a hard time breathing through your nose too? Also, is it hard to get a deep breath of air in your lungs- this sx  scares me too. I hope we can post something positive tomorrow 

[[No...]]

Jenny ... that about describes the breathing stuff ... yeah I have been getting the evening easing most nights ... didn't last night ... gosh my mood sure gets lighter when I am not in the pits ...

 

Have a good evening ...

[[li...]]

Peace, I can see by your posts that things are gradually getting better for you. I think like most on this thread that you will be getting better and better in months 7-8-9. I pray everything happens sooner for you!

 

Jenny, Ama, Braben and Nova may your windows come faster and last much longer -- like for life.

 

Life

[[...]]

Jenny, the breathing thing you talk about is exactly how I was up till about a week ago! You described it exactly! I hope you feel better soon!

 

Nova, glad things are lifting for you!! I hope it goes away for good!

 

Hi peace and Life! You sound good!

[[No...]]

GMIT ... things may be lifting ... sitting here tonite not feeling the need to "shut down" for the night ... it has been a while ... you sound good today ...

[[pe...]]

Life-

I hope you are right. At the moment I feel like I'm free floating, it's not painful. I'm just spacey and wondering when I'll touch the ground. Your encouragement is amazing. I feel like you're the band leader or the guy matching behind me with the big loud drum, keeping the beat and pushing me along.

 

I'm glad you are here. I'm glad you are healing.

 

Peace2

[[...]]

I'm alright, this afternoon has brought a few issues...not bad, but not as good as earlier!

 

[[je...]]

Hi GMIT-- so glad to hear I'm not alone, this is a new sx  that scares me. How long did you have the breathing issues for?

[[...]]

2 maybe 3 weeks! I would have to stop, take a deep breath in, then let it out slow. I did this SO many times!

[[am...]]

Life - I agree with Peace. Your encouragement is very welcome when we feel so vulnerable. I will be very happy when I get a little closer to the cave door and I can confidently assure everyone of healing too ! Get well everyone !

[[Fr...]]

Hi Everyone,

 

Peace so happy to hear the depression is lifting.  I was feeling not too bad from around noon on Monday till around 6 PM tonight. It wasn't perfect by any means, but not bad.  There seems to be a slight underlying depression that come and goes.

 

My therapist, who I talk to about once a week says the depression is definitely a symptom.

 

I get quiet during windows because I'm scared they will go away.

 

Everyone else seems to have longer windows than me.  When does that start to happen.  This up and down is hard.

 

My waves are both physical and psychological.  The aches and pains are hard to cope with.  Anyone else have pain of any kind?

 

Feel better to all,

Lisa

[[li...]]

Hey guys and gals,

 

This is not a pleasant experience for anyone. I mean how do you explain to anyone that does not know what you are going through that one day, one moment, one week you are feeling good and life seesm so good and then the next week, hour or moment you feel bad and the end of the world seems imminent? There are no word to explain this process. This process I am convinced leaves trauma on us. That is why I believe we all should see someone and do CBT although it may not help with the chemical side it does help with the trauma healing.  Besides prayer I believe that what has helped me tremendously is "Rapid Resolution Therapy" through hypnosis. My Dr. was Dr. Jason Quitall ( May have spelled it wrong). He is on You Tube. I have to tell all of you if it were not for benzo buddies I think I would have reinstated or think that I have gone mad. This is by far the most scariest process and it has a way of self perpetuating! So attempting ( as hard as it is) to break the cycle really helped me. I believe that for me I had some trauma from all this stuff that needed healing.

I guess I am advocating some sort of CBT for everyone as we will all get to the point where we are well enough for it to have benefit.

 

Life