6-12 month thread....

[[...]]

10 months off is SO awesome!! How wonderful!!

 

You should be SO proud!!

 

[[He...]]

Good morning! 

Some good news to report.  I'm still feeling 90-95%.    I am doing really well, with just some very light waves hitting me now.  I hope this pattern of light waves is the new normal...at least as long as I still have waves.  They are light and short.  For example, I went to a movie with my family last night and got hit with some anxiety on the drive to the theater and for about the first 30 mins of the movie.  It didn't stop me from enjoying it, though I had to actively keep myself present, rather than allowing my mind to drift off into the wave-land of what-ifs.  I'm feeling as though I am getting better control of these times.

 

Another positive is how much less my morning anxiety/cortisol rushes are. I slept in until 8:30 today!  I woke up about 5:00, but was able to drift back to sleep.  I still feel the vibrations, but they are diminishing.

 

I hope and pray you all have a wonderful day today!  I'm off to take my dog for a walk before it gets too hot. 

[[...]]

Healing, I am SO happy for you!! What wonderful news!!

 

Thank you so much for sharing!!

 

:smitten:

[[pe...]]

It's so nice to read all this good news!

Congratulations to Life and Jenny for reaching the 10 month mark. I really hope the window Life is in spreads far and wide to encompass us all.

 

Life- my depression is so very hard! I want to get on meds and make it poof away. Everyone is against that idea. What makes them so sure it will leave on it's own? I'm not sure I'm up for this part of the game. I hate being sad around my sweet family. I want to feel joy! Did you have long spells of depression, or just short bursts? I feel like it's been my hardest symptom since starting the benzos. I want relief. I feel like it will be with me forever unless I take some action.

Thoughts?

 

Peace2

 

 

[[pe...]]

Coop and Healinghope-

Hurray! I'm so glad you're both feeling good. It's a blessing to read that today. You are both well on your way to being completely healed. Please keep sharing. I'm hoping it's contagious!

 

Drew- amazing! Traveling on your own to a beautiful place, that's a sign of strength. I hope you have a beautiful and relaxing trip. Keep us posted.

[[li...]]

It's so nice to read all this good news!

Congratulations to Life and Jenny for reaching the 10 month mark. I really hope the window Life is in spreads far and wide to encompass us all.

 

Life- my depression is so very hard! I want to get on meds and make it poof away. Everyone is against that idea. What makes them so sure it will leave on it's own? I'm not sure I'm up for this part of the game. I hate being sad around my sweet family. I want to feel joy! Did you have long spells of depression, or just short bursts? I feel like it's been my hardest symptom since starting the benzos. I want relief. I feel like it will be with me forever unless I take some action.

Thoughts?

 

Peace2

 

Peace, my dear buddie  -- I'm so sorry for your pain. Depression for me is the toughest symptom because it leaves you so hopeless and feelings of doom. It will lift. My depression was so bad in month 6 that I went on Gabapentin. I am not recommending that but it helped. I just discontinued it as some people say that it is very hard to get off of. I took me one week of side affects and I'm over it. My depression would last weeks 2 month ago and now it lasts 2 or 3 days max. My last spell was on the 4th of July. It is like a very sad, lonely, deep type of depression -- one that just took everything out of me. i would feel so down that I could not be there for anyone. it is so hard to fake it when I was so depressed. I am without any depression right now.

 

Healing, as we heal it's like the symptoms are easier to control. Like if I think that I am going into a wave I can actually prevent it by thinking differently. That is why I say I am 75%. It's tolerable. I am definitely now in a 15 day window - the day after the 4th. I pray to God that it lasts for ever an that I can feel better and better. I stick around while in a wave because I feel that it helps me to help others. It  seems that the trend is that when people feel better they leave. I hope and pray that you feel better and better each day!

 

Life

[[Co...]]

Peace...you are so close to a turn around ..but. nobody can tell you what to do. My suggestion ( hope this is not too intrusive) , is to please please read The Benzo Book by Jack Dupont- Gibson and anything by Dr. Peter Breggin before you decide. I thought your doctor 's recommendation to not add medications was sound.....However...having said that...I understand your desperation There have been points along the way where I thought I just couldn't do one more day of anxiety. or deprewszion ...or head pressure.  What helped me was to set an arbitrary time line out ..." if this is not better in one more week I will consider something ".  Some months I limped along week to week. ..I have taken a few half doses of benadryl for near panics...and I do take 6 mg of atenolol for spiking. b/p.

.....I will tell you that the closer I get to month 9 the easier this is getting. I still have wavy days and my mornings are consistently iffy.  BUT my s/x last hours instead of days including depression.  I am getting at least half day windows every,3-4 sways recently and am managing my s/x on a reliable decent baseline.

.....my thoughts for you are to do some research first and try to know ( very difficult because every s/x you have is telling you differently) ,that with time s/x leave ...for good. Did you have problems with depression before benzos? ...if not ..or only the usual up and down blues,of life you can be reasonably sure that your depression is w/d. ...No matter what you decide we are on your side.  I hope your day gets lighter....coop

[[Co...]]

* Hobson *...Jack Dupont - Hobson*.....

[[...]]

Hello all!

 

Peace, I'm sorry you aren't feeling well! Have you had any good windows? I hope you feel quick relief!!

 

[[No...]]

This is curious ... getting good rest ... about 2 hours after getting up the "navel to top of head" axis starts ramping up ... after about 2 hours it is intense ... stays there until early evening then drops off some ... go to sleep ... get up ... start over ...been going on for about 9 days now ...

 

What is curious is that I can "distract" ... go about my daily stuff after a fashion ... work my fours hours ... if I do any direct "intervention" like deep relaxation, a nap, guided imagery ... things get much worse very fast until I stop ... and then goes back to just "intense" ... it feels like whatever is going on cannot tolerate any additional "pressure" ...

 

Tried for half an hour this afternoon the go through the "wall" of this with deep relaxation ... had to stop ... could not "endure" any more ... and things settle back almost as if a switch was thrown ...

 

The early evening "drop off" allows me to sleep ...

 

And a change in daily "schedule" does not effect the "schedule" of whatever is going on in the healing process now ...

 

I have never experienced this "conflict" between deep relaxation and a symptom process before ... has me baffled ...

 

Any thoughts? ... (Will post this over in Post-Withdrawal as well) ...

[[li...]]

Nova, this whole w/d process is so confusing. If its not one thing its another.  No one that has not endured this process themselves could come close to understanding it.

 

I often think how blessed we are for those that have family their for them. They must be going through allot -- wanting their mom, dad,partner back again. I pray for all of you.

 

 

life

 

[[Co...]]

Nova...My head pressure is/was exactly like that...ok for a few hours after getting up and then pressure so intense...nothing took me away from it. It is just now after about 5/6 weeks of almost 24/7 it is releasing ..( maybe...afraid to think so in case it comes back). Next to palps it has been my most difficult physical s/x. The only thing that gave me even momentary relief was a hot pack around my neck....and my go to epsome salts hot bath soaks. I searched on the search bar and found posts about head pressure.  How long have you been getting this?....My friend 's husband is w/d ing from depakoate after jumping ativan last year and he gets the kind of pressure that you do...chest / neck / head.

....Nova, I had such a hard time ( and still do on and off) with this one. I am so sorry that it is hanging on.....I am sending you so many thoughts for your window to come back...coop

[[Co...]]

HealingHope....thank you so much for your post...it is so very encouraging. I have 3.5 more months to go to my one year mark and it keeps me going to read posts like yours and Life 's .

.....I hope you will keep posting along the way...we need stories like yours...so happy for you...coop

[[No...]]

Coop ... I am not "worried" ... I am just curious how a "practice" seems to increase the intensity of a symptom ... maybe I am just so bored with all this that having something I think is "new" to chew on gives me something different to think about ... I am certainly not in any "distress" ... mentally at least ...

 

I am hoping to get some feedback from those who have been around for a while and perhaps have worked with "energy" practices ... over on the post-withdrawal board ... and ... I believe this is just another aspect of the healing process ...

 

Take Care, Folks.

[[Co...]]

Sorry Nova...I missed the point of your comment...glad you are not worried..you are braver than me,  that s/x made me frantic for awhile...hope you get some replies from some who have worked more with practice and energy themes. I will be following....coop

[[pe...]]

GMIT- I don't know if I have had any good windows and that scares me. I know I've had better days that felt very manageable with low symptoms and I have had moments here and there where I've felt good for a few hours. I hope those things are promising, but these big glorious wide open windows I read about are foreign to me. Overall, I've experienced a lessening of symptoms overall. Depression is and has been my biggest battle since being prescribed benzos.

 

Coop- I do believe medication is a last resort and at this point I don't think anyone will give me any anyway. Everyone in my family and my three doctors are adamantly against it. I guess they can see the forest while I'm still lost in the trees. So, I'm probably best to find other relief and quit barking up that tree. I will think more about having a time frame  around my desperation and decision making. I think it's a good idea. For now, I've been hitting the supplements hard. This has proven to have mixed results already. I feel my mood is slightly improved, but now I feel spacey. I went a little hog wild and was not at all scientific in my process. Boof. I really hope you're right about a turning point coming my way. I feel like a few weeks ago I could see improvement and now I'm stuck in my catastrophic thinking. It's certainly wrapped in passing the six month mark and having a new job to start in a little over a month. 

I thought for sure I'd feel better by now. Again, I'm not sure why I thought this.

We do have that benzo book by Jack Hobson. My husband read it some time ago to get an idea of what I'm going through. He found it very helpful. I'll give it a look over, especially the parts about depression.

I hope you're still feeling good today.

 

Life- I'm so glad you're having such a good long break from the depression. With every window, I hope it's the one that stays open forever for you!

 

Peace

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[[No...]]

Sorry Coop ... the symptoms are very lousy ... what got me "going" on this is when I tried to do my deep relaxation the symptoms intensified ... when I stop the intensity dropped back to where it was before I started the deep relaxation ...

 

I am coming to the thought that my using the compression socks and doing some directed Tai Chi is somehow "interfering" with my healing right now ... I may have been premature to initiate this level of practice right now ... I do intend to "back off" and not "engage" the healing process directly ... what I have been doing for the past four years has worked ... I am thinking I broke one of my "rules" ... I got in my own way ... disappointing ... but for now a lessoned learned ...

 

[[je...]]

Life---- happy 10 months!!! I remember wanting to get to month 3 because I thought I would feel better by then-- I was a little off in my timing    I feel I'm in some sort of set back right now, I haven't felt this bad in a long time. The only thing I've done is stop taking magnesium, some say it hits the gabba receptors. In normal people its probably not a big issue, but in someone with a highly sensitive CNS it may cause problems. I guess I just have to keep pushing through and hoping for a better baseline. I did okay today at my sons birthday, but I was nauseous all day and felt very off along with some Dr/Dp-- but I did it!! Peace-- so sorry you are suffering with the depression I know how miserable it can be. I still think it will get better in time-- your still early off nova and coop-- I have the head pressure too its no fun! I hope you both get some relief very soon. I  try to look at the pressure as my brain healing. HH-- I'm so happy to hear how well you are doing!! Lisa-- how are you feeling?? XOXO jenny

 

[[li...]]

Jenny, this whole process is brutal. I thought after 3 months this w/d/ thing would be gone too! Nothing could prepare me for the severity of the ups and down. It is a very frustrating process. I never thought this process would be the hardest thing that I ever would have done. That is not an overstatement. After 32 years on this stuff I guess it is what I had to go through. I hope you feel better real soon.

 

life

[[dr...]]

Jenny I'm glad you made it through the party! 

Coop and peace-feel better

I made it out to Hawaii with about 8 hours of travel time and no major symptoms!  They seem to be lessening. I just got my weird brain symptom at the pool, but it is passing. In my room relaxing. I had no sleep and travelled far w less symptoms than in the last few weeks. It's not a window but I feel progress. Flying in a cramped aluminum tube and felt good?  Crazy. 

[[li...]]

Drew this is a great opportunity for you to get distracted in a new location and heal even more. You will heal very much on this trip -- I just feel it!

 

Life

[[pe...]]

Much accomplished today, Drew and Jenny!

Jenny, I'm so glad you made it through the party. I hope those symptoms scoot out of here so you can get back to enjoying summertime with your boys.

 

Drew, the pool! How awesome. I hope each of your days shows up with as few symptoms as today did. I agree with Life, there is something healing about being in a beautiful place. I'm glad the flight went well and that you've landed safely.

 

Me, well after taking fistfuls of supplements my depression has lifted a little. I feel strange but I'm not sobbing. For now, I'll take this trade. I wish I was strong enough not to take anything, but spontaneous crying in front of my children for days on end is where I draw the line. I know some things are so much better than they once were. I really feel if the depression would lift, I'd be ok with all the remaining crap. But then, that's probably not true. Something else would become the symptom of distress. For example, my teeth are starting to hurt. What's up with that?!?! The last thing I want to do is go to the dentist. Yuck.

 

Another day in recovery is coming to a close and that means we're all one day closer.

Peace

[[He...]]

Peace,

Are you able to exercise?  Studies have shown that exercise is as, if not more, effective than antidepressants for relieving depression.  There are some amazing articles about how exercise promotes healing within our brains in BB.  It helps so much, not just the depression.

Praying for you! 

[[No...]]

Good Morning ... can I ever get myself "tangled" up ... too much "doing" to avoid "being" ... an old, old pattern for me ... and self-inflicted stress ... I suffer the curse/blessing of too much "thought power" ... thinking I can get myself out of this process with "awareness" and "action" ...

 

Simply put, after my eleven day window I got "disconnected" from being sick ... I believe one would call it denial ... let me rephrase that DENIAL ...

 

I posted some time ago how it took me a very long time to "admit" to myself and to those around me that I was "sick" ... to stop struggling, to stop trying to "hide" it ... and that allowing myself to "feel" sick was the lifting of a burden ... to "be" sick ...

 

This "pattern" goes back a long, long time for me ... and I believe contributed to my getting on the drug ... I am not "blaming" myself here ... rather "re-accepting" where I am right now, right here ... and acknowledging that my past and my old patterns do circle around and catch up with me from time to time ... they are not forgotten, just forgiven ...

 

I have often said that I post sometimes as much for myself as for others ... having this "space" in this community is a blessing ...

 

So here I am ... a little battered and a little bruised ... living through this next phase of my healing ...

 

Sorry if some of my posts have been "confusing" lately ... when I start scurrying around and trying to "think" my way out of this process I confuse myself as well ... my mind and my awareness are powerful tools ... and they can never replace "being" ...

 

Wherever each of us finds ourselves today on this journey ... a blessing to each of us ...

 

Have a good Sunday ...

 

[[pe...]]

Hi HH-

I do exercise. I walk or jog for 30 minutes everyday and have started biking some days as well. I think it is helping, but I'm still getting depressed. I'll keep at it, maybe try to make sure I get 30 minutes twice a day. I think it's the nature of this depression that it just doesn't respond in a predictable way.

 

Hope everyone has a peaceful Sunday,

Peace