6-12 month thread....

[[li...]]

Kids, I'm in the last day of my vacation and big time symptomatic.  Please send me good vibes and words of encouragement.  Please send me good words.

 

Have to go out on a boat.  Will check in later. 

 

MommyR

 

MommyR,

 

sending you a big prayer!

Life

[[Fr...]]

Life - I'm so happy for you.  You sound great.

 

This is the toughest situation.  I am so worn out from feeling cruddy.  Today started out really rough, has semi-eased but not much.

 

Keep forging the way to full healing.

 

Lisa 

[[...]]

Hello Drew, Lisa, Life, Mommy, and everyone!

 

I pray for relief for all!!

 

:smitten:

[[pe...]]

Dear Nova, I want to give Coop credit for these words.  "You cant ' talk. ' yourself into it...it just happens bit by bit that you begin to feel more reassured."  We are all living it. It's that Time thing, again and again. It's time and really good self care.

 

It has been hard for me to come here and read of your sadness and struggles. I want so badly for all of us to feel well. I feel so useless. I can be nothing more than a witness and I feel like it's not enough.

 

MommyR, I am praying for you. And Lisa, Jenny, Coop you are in my thoughts, never very far at all really.

 

I'm not in a wave and I'm not in a window. I am sad and weary. It feels very much to like being stranded in the doldrums. Others have mentioned this feeling of hitting a plateau. So, I'm waiting for a strong wind to come along and blow me out. But you never know when the wind will blow through. So I'm filling my day and trying to be pleasant toward my family. It's my big work. I went to breakfast with my husband and I did not cry! That felt like a big job. I went to a movie with him. I had my eyes closed for a good portion of it. And then I got a massage from my friend who is on the other side of recovery. She is a light in the darkness for me.

 

I hope we all get a break soon. I'm looking forward to your happy reports whenever they come. And I know they will come.

 

Peace2

[[No...]]

Peace ... as I see it ... there is nothing anyone else can "do" for me ... the "doing" is my responsibility ... what I find so very helpful and encouraging ... and you used the word ... is to be "seen" as I am, be accepted as I am, be loved as I am ... that requires a "witness" ...

 

This is a big issue for me ... not being seen as I am by the medical community ... others have been more fortunate ... I spent almost four years "alone" during taper and the first few months of recovery ... the only witness I had was my wife ... now I have a wonderful chorus of witnesses ... for me you are not "doing nothing" ... you are not "helpless" ... you are giving me what I need each and every day ...

 

I believe we look after ourselves and we are encouraged by those who "know" ... that is priceless ... you are a blessing to us all ... as we all are to each other ...

 

[[No...]]

Hey Coop ... any room on your boogie board ... I think mine ran off to find another rider ... sure can't rely on those things anymore ...

 

Lousy late morning and afternoon ... pressure stuff from my navel to the top of me old bald head ... settling down some ... where does this stuff get its energy from ... if I could bottle it and I could make enough for a round the world cruise ...

 

Hope you all have the best evening you can ...

 

Take Care.

[[pe...]]

A cruise. I like this idea. We all get better and then take a cruise to somewhere beautiful. Where would you go? Wherever we go, we'll be the ones shining - maybe even glowing- with light and love and oceans of possibility.

 

[[Fr...]]

Oh Peace and Nova and Jenny, and everyone else

 

You are in my heart and prayers too.  We all need to see some significant healing.  We truly do.  All we can do is carry on and help carry each other over the bumps.

 

Feel better everyone.  I'm here struggling along too.

 

xo,

Lisa

[[li...]]

Peace ... as I see it ... there is nothing anyone else can "do" for me ... the "doing" is my responsibility ... what I find so very helpful and encouraging ... and you used the word ... is to be "seen" as I am, be accepted as I am, be loved as I am ... that requires a "witness" ...

 

This is a big issue for me ... not being seen as I am by the medical community ... others have been more fortunate ... I spent almost four years "alone" during taper and the first few months of recovery ... the only witness I had was my wife ... now I have a wonderful chorus of witnesses ... for me you are not "doing nothing" ... you are not "helpless" ... you are giving me what I need each and every day ...

 

I believe we look after ourselves and we are encouraged by those who "know" ... that is priceless ... you are a blessing to us all ... as we all are to each other ...

 

 

Nova, I know what you mean. It is truly a lonely voyage. We will overcome this! You seem to have a very understanding and caring wife. It seems that many here have an empathetic partner. I am grateful for my wife. God bless!

 

life

 

Life

[[je...]]

Hi guys,

I wish I had time to comment on all your posts.. You are all in my thoughts today. I'm not doing good...at all. I feel like I'm in acute today, my panic and anxiety is through the roof I forgot how bad acute is. The worst part is I can't hide in my room and wait for it to pass. My sons  birthday party is tomorrow at our house so I've had to suck it up and get my house clean and ready for everybody. I don't know how I'm going to get through tomorrow, I'm visibly skakey.... So on top of feeling like I'm in acute I have the added stress of "performing" for my guests. I'm so sad that I just can't enjoy the day like normal people. Thinking if all of you, I hope we all wake up to big windows tomorrow.

[[dr...]]

Jenny,

 

Tomorrow is another day!  Don't add to your situation by stressing about how you'll feel tomorrow.  If we know one thing about this trip is things can change in a moment. Hope you get out of this asap

[[pe...]]

Jenny, there is every reason to believe the clouds will part tomorrow. I'm going to bank on this. But I understand the fear and disappointment that surrounds not feeling well during the passing of milestones, especially when it involves your children!  Even if you are symptomatic, your sons are going to have a blast and feel incredibly lucky and loved. They will be focused on all of the people, not just on you and your guests will be focused on them - not on you. Moms get sick, Jenny. It's fine for you to be sick tomorrow, if that's what comes. It's ok for you to delegate to your husband or trusted relative so that you can take a little break during the festivities if needed.

 

But in my heart, I think you're going to wake up to a different day and it will be kind to you.

Keep us posted and happy birthday to your little guy!

 

Peace

[[Co...]]

Nova...yes,  lol...climb on ...( totally dating myself with the ' boogie ' board...do they still exist?). Nova I sm so sorry you are still having such tough times...I know you are going to heal completely. We all love you too. You are wonderful enduring support to all of us and we want to support you through this too. So glad you have Mrs Nova.  The pressure thing is so difficult.  This might not be your style,  but I truly find that hot epsome bath soaks really help the chest /rib /back tightness...and lowers b/p..I use Teals Lavender but it comes in eucalyptus ( sp?...auto correct doesn't know either)..

......We are not leaving the cave without you..you are our buddy of wisedom....wishing you good sleep tonight...coop

[[Co...]]

Peace...your presence to us is everything helpful. Just ' being with ' is the core of compassion and is what is needed most. The fact that you understand and take the time to read our posts and reply ...when you yourself are suffering sometimes ..is huge help. ...One of the hardest things about this is that our friends and families can not understand what we are going through ..unless they have gone through w/d too. Sharing with each other here is what gets me through and you are so supportive

I appreciate immensely your voice here...Is the fasting helping?

.....wishing you healing every single day....coop

[[pe...]]

Thanks, Coop. I hear what you and Nova are saying. I definitely take heart in being heard here, among people in the struggle. I certainly honor the importance of being present.  I just feel like I want to do more, something that raises awareness but to do that I'd have to be better and I'd have to come out of hiding. I have so much shame around this experience - like - How did I let this happen? What if I've really just gone mad? Those are the two big ones. My perspective is bound to change once I've recovered. But I have this idea that no one will believe what I'm going through - even though many do! My good friends do, my husband does, my sister does, my psychiatrist does, the neurologist does. Maybe it's just me and a few other skeptics waiting for the other shoe to drop, waiting for healing that might never come.

 

I tried to fast for 24 hours but only made it to 20. I felt ok during that day, but haven't noted a lasting effect. Depression is really coming up for me and I've decided to open up my supplement stash and see what I've got to throw at it. I'll move cautiously, but I want to move. I just feel like the doldrums are not a place I can manage right now, not with out some short or subtle break in the clouds. We'll see. For sure, I will not be trying any new drugs. Every time I toy with that idea, the chorus chimes in with a resounding, NO!

 

I hope you are feeling better, Coop. However you feel, I am always so glad you are here. Love you, Coop.

 

Peace

[[Co...]]

Jenny...Its true...tomorrow could be better than today..its all so unpredictable...and Peace is right...lean on those who will support you...if you have to ' fake it until you make it ' it will still be wonderful for your son and usually people can not tell when we are going through the motions slogging through the syrup of cog fog,  d/p,  d/r and blunted emotions. I am sorry that your s/x prevented you from enjoying the birthday preperations. I hopecyou have a big break in s/x tomorrow.

....I honestly believe that we are all going to see a leap in healing in the next 2 months...Jenny,  you are a Mighty Mom for throwing a birthday party in the middle of a wave. I can hardly take my poor dog out when I am in a wave...wishing you fun and icecream tomorrow...coop

[[Co...]]

Some positives to share....I was all prepared for another wavy day after yesterday and waking up at 330 am this morning and not being able to go back to sleep. This morning started out very iffy and I was doing all the mental bracing for getting through another hard day. ...but it lifted..even though I was dog tired. I went to PT ..no anxiety ..no head pressure..not even momentary surges of mini- panic. A good window for the second half of the day...unbelievable....still feeling normal ..

....Jenny,  Free, Peace,  Drew,  GMIT, Nova,  Life ...everyone..

..Our worst days are behind us..our best days are right in front of us. ...things are getting better...unevenly and unpredictably ..and in a wave it seems as though not at all. ..but things really are getting better...a few more months

......wishing all a peaceful night and very good tomorrows....coop

[[je...]]

Drew, coop, and peace-- thank you all for the encouragement I really needed it. I pray tomorrow is a better day. Love to all of you 

[[dr...]]

Awesome coop! 

 

I'm off on a solo trip to Maui in the morning. First real vacation in 1 1/2 years!  I figure I can ride on a real wave in the ocean along with my own wave  .  8)Night to all. 

[[...]]

Coop, that's GREAT news!! I'm so happy to hear of your relief!! Isn't it wonderful!!

 

:smitten:

[[je...]]

Drew-- I was in Maui exactly 1 year ago. That is where I got my avatar pic from. I was trying to taper back then so I wasn't able to fully enjoy my trip, but it is absolutely beautiful there. I hope you have a wonderful time

[[Fr...]]

Have a great trip Drew!  Hawaii is a beautiful state to visit.

 

Coop - I'm so happy to hear you're feeling good.

 

Top o the Morning everyone.  Let's all have great days.

 

Jenny - I hoe you feel better today and have a nice time with your son and friends at his party.

 

Lisa

[[No...]]

Good Morning ... darn near afternoon here ...

 

Have a good vacation, Drew ...

 

Not much change today ... same old, same old ... did go for long walk for a couple of hours this morning ... just going to hang out for the weekend ...

 

Have a good Saturday.

[[li...]]

Drew-- I was in Maui exactly 1 year ago. That is where I got my avatar pic from. I was trying to taper back then so I wasn't able to fully enjoy my trip, but it is absolutely beautiful there. I hope you have a wonderful time

 

Jenny, I just wanted to remind you that you made it!!!! It's ten months for both you and me. That is allot to be grateful for. You are so strong. Do you know that the relapse rate is 85% prior to 6 months. If you go past 6 months it is a major accomplishment. I got those numbers from a "home detox" md about 1 year ago. Girl, TEN MONTHS!!!!!! Yes!

 

Life

[[li...]]

Coop, Nova, GMIT, Peace, Free, Drew,

 

We are all survivors! It is so hard when we are in a wave to understand that fact. I am still in a great window and believe me when I say -- If you are in a wave right now your perspective is never to be blieved.  Whatever you believe in a wave, just repeat "My brain is exagerating the negative aspects of whatever it is that I am believeing at this moment. I will think more clearly soon and understand my truth soon."

 

Love to all!

 

Life