6-12 month thread....

[[Co...]]

Free...I get these frequently now at month 8.5...especially when resting or drifting off in the afternoon. They are little mini chemical anxiety attacks. They are what used to signal a panic or more dramatic anxiety episode, but they just kind of die out. I also get them out of the blue while talking...they are over quickly but they rattle me for a few minutes. ...Its do great that they no longer morph into terrible anxiety episodes.

....I am also able to take little naps in the afternoon now but they often end in the experience you describe. ...

....I think its a good sign...I hope it is....we are getting there....coop

[[pe...]]

Hi All - my crummy mood is making it hard for me to be positive. I feel badly about not addressing each of you, especially those of you feeling down. I'm thinking of you and hoping my light will shine again soon, that we will all be shining and blinding that damn benzo beast.

 

My appointment today was reassuring in some ways. I was fairly certain she was going to tell me I'm just depresssed and to take an AD. She didn't say anything of the sort. She essentially said - no more meds for you. They messed up your brain. I hope it gets better in the next 12 months. If you recover you should never let anyone give you another medication ever again. It's rare, but you're very sensitive. -

 

I think I already know those things.

 

I'm tired, feeling tired of the whole thing. I can tell she's got a fair bit of curiosity in her. We'll see what happens next.

 

Hoping tomorrow is a better day-

Peace2

[[ga...]]

peace..sounds like this doctor is on the ball.  Good luck to you.  Hoping things start improving.

[[...]]

Peace - Good to hear your doctor is supportive. Why would she say "if you recover"?  Did you get the impression she saw this before?

 

I have yet to see any solid evidence that anyone doesn't recover, the only reason I even continue this is because I believe I will recover.

 

 

Hope everyone is doing alright.

 

 

Fonz

[[No...]]

Hi Fonz ... how are you doing ... I just woke up after a decent amount of sleep ... waiting for it to untangle ... some mornings it feels like I have to wait a while until "everything" gets on track and starts functioning ... hope you are doing well ...

[[No...]]

Good Morning Folks ... hoping Thursday is a "good" day for all of us ... reading through last evening's posts ... I too experience those intense short-lived storms of "anxiety" ... no rhyme or reason ... they pop up ... give me a good bite and fade out quickly ...

 

Can't call this morning a window ... and it is not storming either ... I guess the "doldrums" again ...

 

Have a good Thursday everyone.

[[No...]]

Hi ... this is "fun" ... got the head zappies and ear and face pressure and a cute quivering upper lip ... not real heavy ... the neurological woollies ... and a nice rhythmic pulsing tinnitus ... something to tap my toe to ...

 

Anyone remember that movie "If This Is Tuesday It Must Be Belgium" ... this has nothing to do with Belgium ... just a stray memory ... if this is Thursday is must be head woollies ...

 

My wife gave me a poster many moons ago ... "Beware!, my mind has chewed through the leash again and is on the loose!"

 

[[Co...]]

Good morning Nova.....love the quote..lol. ...Glad to hear that you are holding on to your decent baseline. ...I also am beginning to wonder how long head pressure is going to be with me. Yesterday..it completely cleared up....this morning here it is again. ...you are right...boring boring. ...My PT therapist showed me a very simple neck exercise that is effective ( not effective every time, but often)....  : relax your shoulders with a few shoulder roll...face forward and lean lean your ear directly over your shoulder as though you were touching your ear to your shoulder ( of course you can not touch your ear to your shoulderbut that is the stretch you are going for) ..with the arm of the same side raise your hand to your head and gently...gentlyvuse your index finger to apply light pull of head towards the shoulder...you will feel a gentle stretch on the opposite side of your neck.Hold this stretch to a count of 10...repeat 5 times....this often helps my ear/head pressure...

......Nova...hope your " Woolies " clear out today leaving you with relief and continued good baseline and sunbreaks....coop

[[Co...]]

* your index finger is placed at the top of your head and used to apply light pressure...or 'pull ' of your head towards the shoulder ...*

[[No...]]

Interesting exercise Coop ... I will "play" with it ... thanks ... hope you got a good sleep ... have a good day ...

[[pe...]]

Hi Fonz- I think she's doing that doctor thing of being careful of her claims. She basically said your brain is a mess and so there's no clear line of treatment. We hope it corrects itself.

 

I think she's hesitant to be definitive because brains are complicated and she doesn't know what will happen. I'm guessing she's seen lots of weird stuff and sometimes people probably don't recover. I'm not sure how many benzo related cases she's seen. Maybe she lacks the authority to speak confidently about an outcome. She was, however, certain that the best way forward was to leave my brain med free and let it try to reset.

 

None of us really know with certainty what's going to happen. We're all hoping we do get better and from the limited research available it seems that given enough time most do. So, I'll hope for that.

 

When I woke up feeling bizarre today, I did say to myself - nothing to fear, relax, it's just your poor brain trying to find balance.

 

And the beat goes on.

 

Peace2

[[Fr...]]

After reading your posts, we all sound similar.

 

I too wake up most days (unless in a window), feeling funky and off - it's not true happiness - it's just feeling blah and a tad anxious.

 

Thanks for the neck exercise Coop - it helped my neck which is stiff quite a bit.

 

Another day.  Does anyone else seem to feel better as the day goes on?  I think cortisol burns off so we feel less tense and thus less pain and depression.

 

I think it was Megan who said for about a year she woke up feeling sick and then almost normal by evening.  By a year, it started lifting.

 

Feel better everyone,

Lisa

[[je...]]

Hi everyone,

I feel so sick again today, head pressure, can't breathe, my brain feels like its revving -- such a weird feeling. I just feel so off mentally and irritable.... I never feel good, its like  I'm stuck in this sick body and I can't escape-- such a scary feeling. Sorry for the negative post, I need some prayers today....

[[pe...]]

Hi Jenny-

I'm so sorry your symptoms have kicked up. I will be praying.  If you were my neighbor, I'd invite your boys over for the day. I hope you can find a little relief in a bath or a cup of tea. I'll be thinking of you.

 

Peace

[[be...]]

After reading your posts, we all sound similar.

 

I too wake up most days (unless in a window), feeling funky and off - it's not true happiness - it's just feeling blah and a tad anxious.

 

Thanks for the neck exercise Coop - it helped my neck which is stiff quite a bit.

 

Another day.  Does anyone else seem to feel better as the day goes on?  I think cortisol burns off so we feel less tense and thus less pain and depression.

 

I think it was Megan who said for about a year she woke up feeling sick and then almost normal by evening.  By a year, it started lifting.

 

Feel better everyone,

Lisa

 

Hi all,

Yes Lisa, I feel better as the day goes on. I have been staying up late just so that I can feel less symptoms in the evening. A lot of nights I will stay up till 2 or 3 am because that's when I feel the best. I like to sleep thru the anxiety filled mornings as much as possible. I will continue this sleep pattern till my symptom get a little more manageable of the early mornings.

I have also been trying to limit my car rides because they cause to much anxiety and cause me to stiffen up.

Hugs and much healing

[[je...]]

Peace-- thank you so much.. I wish we all lived next to each other so I could give all of you a hug. No one understands except all of you.

[[li...]]

Peace, I really do think that there is allot of evidence that things do get better. I think until we are past 14 month or 18 to be safe we do not know. I see on this thread, success stories and the regular posts that allot of people heal in months 8 -14. I pray that we all heal earlier but to me there is no doubt that we are all going to heal. You are such a wonderful mom and person in general -- don't let the benzo lies make you think otherwise. I see improvements in you already by your posts. 6 to 7 months is hard for all. I remember in those months feeling like you. God bless you and everyone here.

 

life

[[pe...]]

Thanks Life!

I woke up with a general feeling of yuck. Head pressure and sadness, vibrating sensation and tingling extremities. So, I decided to fast. Why not?!? I've read it's helpful to some. It's just a 24 hour thing. I'll let you know. So, far I feel pretty ok, which is good for me. 

I'm really working on distraction. My busy days are my better days. I am feeling less stress after getting through my neuro appointment.

 

Peace

[[dr...]]

I hope everyone gets a break soon.    extra healing thought to Jenny.

 

Peace-why would be be different and not heal?  We are not different from everyone else since we are all in the same boat.  Most of the people ahead of us healed.  We see the ones who don't(which is a small percentage) because they still post.  Every few days someone pops in and posts they came back to let us now they healed.  I am know keeping that 14month number in my head.  If I still have shit by then I will cross that bridge when it comes.  I just remember how good I have felt in windows so I know that feeling is there.  It feels like we are never going to get better(I feel that way now)but I know it's the benzo lies.  Also, why predict the future when we can't.

 

just did the exercise in my cube

 

i had three waves of head feeling weird and just pure confusion.  In the AM, at noon, and at 6pm.  It's a pattern.  After about two hours they clear.  Rinse and repeat.  Woke up today and it is here again.  I like the word doldrums....that's what I am in.  I am not in a terrible wave nor do I feel good.  doldrums....

[[Co...]]

Lisa...yes...my pattern exactly...mornings pracitically acute feeling....afternoon practically window feeling. Some mini anxiety surges ( lasting a few minutes..can be intense and then burns off)....head and ear pressure predominant physical s/x ...doubt and fear predominnant psychological s/x.  sometimes on again off again intrusive thoughts.

....Having said all of that...it is still so much better than months 5-7.. I am beginning to look at my baseline for signs of healing as it is consistently day to day improving and a more reliable voice than the s/x by s/x fear that still grips me with physical s/x. Health fear has been rampant and persistant for me from month 5-7.. and bouts of it in month 8. I am finding that when I am not in a wave I can for the most part manage them. Of course in a window they are mere whispers far in the background. At a baseline they come and go without gaining too much attention from me....this has taken nearly nine months..post 6 months of taper....tooooo long.

.......I wish also that we all lived together in that Healing Abbey where we could travel this difficult journey in real time with real people....Having tea with Nova...encouragement liturgy with Life...hearing the laughter of Peace 's children...reading Lisa 's beautiful poetry...eating clean green and organic from the community garden...listening to chant and chimes in the peace of the evening.....well....this is very close and I am so thankful for every one of you....wishing all a day without fear or anxiety...lovecto all....coop

[[Co...]]

Peace...I had a similar traumatic event like your er migrating medication that started my benzo nightmare. I had a sudden onset vertigo ...in an eyeblink the world was unrecognizable. Up was down down was up....absolutely down the rabbit hole. I went by ambulance to er where I was right away given Xanex...with a paradoxical reaction....then valium and then eventually sent home with ativan ( I would think the paradoxicál reaction to Xanex would have been a BIG neon sign not to give more benzos)....I was instructed to take 1-1.5 mg "as needed " of ativan....well we all know where that went.

.....Like you I have worried all along that the vertigo was misfiagnosed.. that I have been damaged permentently by the event and by the medications...It is only now that I am beginning to trust that my brain is healing itself gradually.  I think your fear of not recovering your brain is a combination of a horrible medical event and the Benzo Beast screaming at you daily that you are damaged beyond repair...I found getting checked out as needed by my new pdoc and taking the minimal tests that he ordered to be reassuring. Gradually...really gradually I am believing that things are eventually going to be ok. You cant ' talk. ' yourself into it...it just happens bit by bit that you begin to feel more reassured. You are a Mighty Girl with distraction and ' busy days '. I am beginning to feel better too when I am busy....I think distraction is one of our best defenses in this painful proceeds...Time...Distraction ...and BBs....

......Peace...you are doing an awesome work....love,  Coop

[[...]]

I sure hope everyone gets relief soon!!

 

[[pe...]]

Drew- I do believe we get better. And I have certainly seen improvements. It's just hard and long and I'm the kind of person who will believe it when I see it. My reporting of the doctor's uncertainty is not exactly shared by me. I do have doubts. I don't think they're very real, though.  I'm fairly certain I'll get better. It seems only natural that living things strive to adapt and return to homeostasis. It's a waiting game for sure. I'm certainly willing to keep my fear in check for the next 8 months and reevaluate at the 14 month mark. Hopefully things will be better then.

 

Coop- we have lived a similar story with the sudden onset of strange symptoms, over treated with medications by cowboys in the ER. I am glad you are beginning to trust that your brain is healing itself. I very much agree with your prescription of time, distraction and BB.

I also agree with this statement:

 

You cant ' talk. ' yourself into it...it just happens bit by bit that you begin to feel more reassured.

 

So, I'll keep following your prescription and healing will happen. It already is. And yes, it is great work.  . I'm very absorbed in this work.

 

I appreciate all of you, your thoughts and attention today have been very encouraging. I hope we're doing ok. I'm on hour 18 of my fast and feeling pretty good.

 

Peace

 

 

[[Fr...]]

Coop - keep telling me this gets better in the coming months - it that's true.

 

Today is really bad again, but it's mostly mental.  I just don't feel right in the head.  It's like endless thick head and dull depression.  It's awful.

 

Does the depression lessen in later months?  It's like internal anxiety and depression as I walk around and do stuff.  I have to fake smile and carry on but I felt miserable inside me.

 

I hope everyone else is seeing some lifting.

 

Lisa

[[Fr...]]

Glad to hear you're feeling better Peace.

 

Do you think the fasts helps or is it the wave ending?

 

Like you, I am skeptical until I see things but then again supposedly that is a wd symptom.  I empathize with you.

 

Lisa