6-12 month thread....

[[ga...]]

Glad your husband will be with you.  He certainly can fill the neurologist in on what you have had to deal with.  I haven't a clue in how to try and explain to a medical doctor what these drugs have done and are continuing to do to you.  If you are fortunate she will understand and be sympathetic.  As to what I would say, I would express exactly what symptoms you are experiencing and let her take it from there.  Maybe with some luck she will have some suggestions that might make it easier for you going forward.  Best of luck!

[[li...]]

When anyone is up for advising, I could use some. I have two appointments this week and I'm trying to figure out how to best use them.

 

One is with a therapist. I think she's awesome, but she doesn't get benzo withdrawal and doesn't know best how to help me. How can I steer her? What is a useful thing to do in therapy when in recovery and how do I help her understand withdrawal? Is there something simple she could read? I really want to work with her but I'm not sure how when my brain is mush.

 

The second appointment is with a neurologist. My primary doctor just wants to have someone check out my brain since my symptoms are so weird. Well, of course they are! She's having a hard time u set standing how the healthy woman she knew is now laden with bizarre and somewhat debilitating symptoms. She wants this neurologist to order images of my brain. And if it is a result of the drugs I've been given in the last two years, she wants to know if I can actively do anything to help my brain heal - like the kinds of things you might do if you'd had a stroke. Ok, so what approach do I take with the neurologist? Maybe I should explain to her what I just explained to you?

 

I'm just really in no place to expend a lot of energy in the way of explanation or defense. My husband is coming with to the neurologist as my character witness so he can express that I'm not exactly crazy.

 

Thanks for any suggestions,

Peace2

 

What to say: "There have been extensive clinical studies on benzodiazapine long and short term users and the protracted symptoms are common among many suffers."

 

" Sources can be found in the The Ashton Manual or through most addiction specialist that see these protracted symptoms in benzo users only. Not even opiates have these long term withdrawal symptoms."

 

In terms of your therapist. See if she has ways of dealing with PSTD as benzo w/d causes many PTSD symptoms. Hypnosis, EMDR, etc. would be great!

 

Love

 

Life

[[Co...]]

Its great to see you Jenny....I have head pressure too...in contrast to your polite light hearted mention of it,  I am on every other hour crying..complaining..catastrophising and going on and on. ....Does your b/p rise with the head pressure?....

...Believe me I know the misery....and I wish you were not having this s/x ...You are getting really close to year one...this will soon be over...how are your other s/x coming along?...

....sending you wishes for windows that stay open ..all the time

..coop

[[Co...]]

Wow...well said Life....I am going to get coaching from you too the next time I go to the doctor..  hope you are getting some rest Life. You seem to be doing good with the slowed down pace and relaxing into life ...and healing every day. ....love your spirit....coop

[[je...]]

Coop-- I don't think my blood pressure rises but I haven't checked it. My sx  right now are head pressure, can't breathe, depression, POTS ( heart rate jumps about 30 bpm when I stand up) dizziness, and jittery feeling. I just feel so sick, not well like I need to go to the er. Let's all feel better tomorrow guys

[[dr...]]

Jenny, I hope you feel better by tomorrow.  We all survived another day!

[[je...]]

Thanks Drew!! 

[[No...]]

Hi Drew ... glad to see you here ...

 

Good Morning Folks ... settled in early last night ... slept about an hour ... then hit the dozing cycle ... stayed in chair all night ... still in wave after a bit of a break yesterday afternoon ... gradually through the night the full bodied anxiety returned and general aches, pains, and twitches ... and the internal head pressure is back ... much "easier" than over the weekend ... everything feels internal ...

 

This "feels" okay for now ... with a large case of the blahs ...

 

More later, got to find some "energy" for today ...

 

Have a good Tuesday everyone...

[[No...]]

Peace ... regarding your doc and the neurologist ...

 

If it is possible I would take someone with me even to see the doc ... as comfort, a witness, and perhaps another voice ...

 

The "issue" (according to NovaScotia) ... first you ... you have done what you did regarding your med(s) because you felt it was in your best interest ... you are now in recovery ... there is no "intervention" known to mankind that will speed up or alleviate recovery ... if there were, we wouldn't be here ... dear doc ... how can you support me in this process ... I appreciate you wanting to help me by ruling out other medical possibilities ... and I will follow thru with your suggestions if I feel the testing process is safe for me at this time ...

 

With complete compassion on your part ... let your doc know you know how frustrated she may feel when comforted with a person in "recovery" ... what I need most from you is your hearing and seeing where I am right now ... I know there is nothing you can do to lessen my suffering ... what I need most, what I have found most helpful is the quiet recognition and loving support of those who accept where I am ...

 

And ... it didn't work for me ... my doc ignored what I said in the moment and went right back to doc mode ... and I said it ... it was good for me to do so ... I need my relationship with a doc ... I don't care why she doesn't get it ... that is her issue, not mine ... I tried ... I need her for my BP meds ... and as the entryway when something other than recovery may occur ...

 

Regarding neurologist ... if you feel safe and the visit has the possibility of reassurance ... I would follow through ... you never know what wisdom and compassion may be behind that door ...

 

Take Care, my friend ...

[[No...]]

Just found this in my home inbox ...

 

WORD FOR THE DAY

Tuesday, Jul. 15

 

Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.

 

Viktor E. Frankl

Man's Search for Meaning

 

I believe that is one of the freedom's I have in the face of this process ... when that twitch or spike or grab or unrelenting flow occurs ... how I respond affects my experience in the moment. Maybe not always ... and I have found the more I can do this ... sometimes the lighter the load ... no cure here ... just a pinch of comfort in the moment ...

 

 

[[Fr...]]

Thanks for the wisdom Nova.  I hope you get back into that long window again soon.  For all of us, keeping a positive attitude can only help us feel better. 

 

I'm sorry for everyone's pain and suffering, Coop, Peace, Life, HH, Garton, Jenny.  I am not feeling as good as yesterday but not awful either.  In a bit of a wave here - neck aching, feeling yucky a bit and don't know why.

 

Yesterday was a good day - spent the whole time with my son taking a drive, eating lunch and a snack out, watching movies - I even worked on two poems, something I haven't felt up to in ages, so it was good.

 

Now today, funky wunky day.

 

Welcome Drew!  Nice to meet you.

 

I hope everyone has bright windows ahead.

 

xo,

Lisa

[[No...]]

Lisa ... funky wunky day ... has a beat to it ...

 

I am with you ... not as good as yesterday afternoon ... and not awful either ... which way to the window ... anybody got a map ...

 

Cheers.

[[Co...]]

Free....yay! for your happy day yesterday..it sounds wonderful,  like normal happy creative life....more to come for you I am sure...your post upped my ' hope ' factor...hope your funky wunky day morphs into another window... coop

[[No...]]

Hi Coop ... up with the birdies I see this "morning" ... how are you doing today? ... wishing you a window today ... has to come today ... it is the only third Tuesday this month ... have a good one ...

 

[[Co...]]

Nova...I am with you ..head pressure continues...constant hot pack to my neck....epsome salt soaks but not quite as freaked about it as I am reading on the boards that it is a frequent common s/x that can hang on for long periods of time...lucky us. Today I am just going to try to ' let it be ' and not check my b/p constantly. I think my atenolol has mild side effects ( intensifies any depression that is lurking and nausea) so I would like to get my b/p back to 110/ 66.  ...

....Nova...sending you thoughts for a good day ...with the disappearance of your head pressure.....coop

[[...]]

Good morning Lisa and Coop (and again to you Nova!)

 

I sure hope everyone gets bit by the relief bug soon!!

 

I feel a tad better today!!

 

:smitten:

[[Co...]]

Positives!....Happy happy to say my day has opened up into a window after a few hours of s/x. ...I wrote all over the forum and received a lot of reassurance about head pressure...yesterday my anxiety was at peak and no amount of reassurance rose above the Benzo voice....( needy needy I was). Thank you so very much to every single BB who sent posts and pms ..it truly prevented a trip to the doctor.

....Today my friend came for a walk...her husband is w/ding from lorazapam and depakoate and he has been complaining of exactly the same thing.. bad head pressure for last 3 weeks. ...Today I let it go...head pressure less...b/p a nice 120/66...( on 6 mg atenolol)......Now I am happy ( smiling at the dog..) ...planning to fascilitate an infant /toddler Mommy and Me play group this fall...and some volunteering at my grandsons' classrooms and the local dog rescue....I am not dead yet. I knowcmy stability is still very iffy,  but the very fact that I can feel an enthusiasim and joy in anticipating these things is a huge leap forward for me.

........thank you Life,  Nova,  Peace,  Jenny,  Garton,  Free,  Buelah, 'Greenice Drew, GMIT. and everyone ...it is because of all of you that I was able to move past month 6

....I am thinking of every one of you and wishing you peace and healing....coop

[[Fr...]]

Coop - it's ok to be needy while going through all this and you are a great supporter of others.  I hope you're out there having a nice day still.  It show real signs of improvement that you're making exciting plans. Keep at it.

 

Nova - lol I need a map too.

 

I graphed my waves as of late and they seem to reverse every other day - what does that mean?  Duh, probably not much.  I want to see if they are becoming regular.  If not, maybe they need more fiber.

 

The waves lately are losing power.  I hope that continues in the right direction.

 

I hope everyone else is doing well today.  Hi everybody.

 

Lisa

[[...]]

YESSSS! Lisa, glad to hear you are doing better!!

 

I am feeling better today!!

 

[[pe...]]

I'm having a really bad day. I think a lot of it is my thinking, as my symptoms are all the same garbage. I'm just feeling doomed and like there's no way out. I'm sure it's not an original thought in benzo withdrawal. I just can't believe this is still happening.

 

I'm nervous about meeting the neurologist tomorrow, just hate facing another doctor who can't help me out of this.

 

Peace2

[[...]]

Oh no Peace, you are doing so great! It's the stress of your appointment tomorrow!

 

I'm here! I sure hope you improve quickly!!

 

[[Fr...]]

GMIT - so happy to hear you're feeling better today!

Peace - one of my friends who I met here who is way farther out says we have psychological waves too - you sound like you're in wave.  It will pass.  Have you looked back over your history to see if you've had breaks from this?

 

 

[[Co...]]

Peace...I think your last sentence says a lot...." not looking forward to seeing the neurologist .....another doctor who cant help me out of this "....Peace I would get panics and waves just going to PT. ...It is ok and really normal to get s/x before stressful appointments that in our former lives would not have caused us to blink twice. I am glad your hubby is going with you. It might trigger a wave,  but if it does it will pass and you will return to your baseline. You are brave to go. Remember that you can say no to any rx or test that you do not feel is needed. In the end it could be a source of reassurance as more than likely all of your results will come back showing no problems.

....I will be thinking of you tomorrow...take it easy on yourself...rest...I am sure you will come through ok...we are all supporting you...coop

[[Fr...]]

Hi Everyone,

 

Ever since getting sick in tolerance wd and not knowing what was wrong with me I haven't done much writing at all (I'm a visual artist and poet.  I usually write contemporary narrative poems).  Yesterday was so good, I felt like creating for a while.  My son and I had a nice day out in the countryside, driving, eating and we stopped in a small antique shop near the bridge.  This poem came out of our afternoon together.

 

TEACUPS FOR KATE

 

On a front shelf, hand-picked

from a farm estate sale,

modest china and glassware sit

waiting for the next owner

to come along.

 

I notice a pair of demitasse,

Victorian china teacups

a bit larger than dollhouse size

blossoming with tiny pink rosebuds,

perfect for a little girl’s hands.

 

My great niece will be six soon,

an age where girls want

the bric a brac of grown-ups 

to help them dream their way into womanhood

ahead of their time.

 

My adult, unmarried son laughs

when I explain feminine matters like this to him. 

One day, if he has a daughter of his own

he’ll remember our moment in the antique shop,

but for now, at least he understands

 

the pleasure on my face

as I buy the small china cups for Kate,

the next woman who will own them,

who will sip and share with me and her friends

what two rose teacups really hold inside.

 

[[No...]]

Lisa ... inside the turmoil of another afternoon ... my mind slips away and reads "Teacups For Kate" ... and I am soothed ... Bless You.