6-12 month thread....

[[No...]]

Coop ... today is a tug of war between my guts and whoever is trying to "strangle" me ... spasms in the guts generate the acid which drives up into throat and sinus ... with anxiety tending the fire to keep the guts heated up ...

 

Ginger Aid tea does dampen the belly somewhat ... Chamomile does dampen the anxiety somewhat ... I just want to rap the knuckles of the goof who is rocking the boat ...

 

This seems like another spasm event ... muscles and nerves a bit out of sync ... the orchestra is out of tune and the conductor is not pleased ...

[[...]]

Nova, stress also has the acid in my stomach goin today...grrr

 

Feeling lightheaded today to...such a bummer!

[[No...]]

GMIT ... yeah ... I assume I had some stress, maybe more than some, from anticipating today ... and you know, (this is not polyanna talking), this is on the one hand a good lesson, I am dealing with life as it is drug free ... pretty good birthday present despite the card I got from my wife (I quote ... you have vision, and fortitude, and character, who needs hair? ... the cover picture is a big-beaked bald eagle) ....

 

Yep, stress ... the fire in the belly ...

 

[[...]]

Love the card from your wife!!!

 

[[No...]]

So does she ... things seem to be flattening out a bit ... thanks for listening - really appreciated ... gonna drop off for a while - maybe have a nap ...

 

[[be...]]

Peace, all we are saying is give peas a chance!

 

http://www.buttonempire.com.au/media/catalog/product/cache/1/image/1200x1200/9df78eab33525d08d6e5fb8d27136e95/g/i/give-peas-a-chance_17336_.jpg

Lol.

I love peas. I have them a couple of times a week, potatoes and peas are the two veggies that don't bother me symptom wise. I have found it to be very hard to get the intake of veggies my body needs.

I think potatoes and peas will work for a while.

I have been trying to add different foods to my diet, I have to start very small.

I tried eating a few cooked carrots the other day.... nope not yet, I will try again at a later date.

I will stay with my safe foods till I've had more healing.

Still riding out the waves, they are easier to ride, but I sure wish they were gone.

 

Peas to all...lol. Much healing

[[...]]

Sure thing Nova! Have a god nap, hope you wake up in a beautiful window!

 

[[...]]

Beulah, I like peas to!!

 

That's a cute sign!!

[[Co...]]

Nova...you are a mighty eagle...soar above this crape when you can...nap and regroup for the next window coming your way...You are so right about the triumph being found in the fact that we are drug free and living our lives from a place of authenticity...however I have caved today and took nibble of atenolol and nibble of mclazine.....

....rest up Nova....coop

[[li...]]

The "negative-thought-director" sure knows how to play the "fear" card ... today, every time I shove it back I get another "boaty" tweek ... this is getting old and boring ... think I will stop playing for a while ... there is no way of winning this contest so I will walk away ...

 

 

I hear you Nova. I am so sorry that everyone is feeling "so,so" today. Hey HealingHope where have you been? You ok today? I took a look at this quote above by Nova and it is so true Nova. I once went to a doctor at a walk in clinic when I was traveling. This was when I was first off the crap "benzos".We talked about drugs and benzos. He knew allot about it. I was surprised because he was a GP at a walk in clinic. He said that he had worked with a "Home Detox" program out of Miami. He would provide medical advice for the Detox company. He said that out of all the drugs benzos were the hardest of all and had an 85% relapse rate within the first 6 months. So the first thing I want us all to take out our right hand and pat ourselves in the back and congratulate your self for being one of the strong ones.

 

I thought about the GP just today. No wonder the relapse rate is so high. If it were not for the "benzo beast" being exposed foe what it is here in BB we would have probably been a statistic too. I am so grateful to all of you. We are all going to make it as we are on the other side of 6 months. Things do get better after 6 months and I see it through the posts here and what professionals have told me.

 

In terms of the "Negative Thinking" that is what really kills us. I know when I have windows I simply might have had just a small chance that it is the last window. So, over time, I would get a window and I always have that little voice say "You know its not over"  -- the benzo beast talking to me. My latest fear is "Ok you know that your baseline is much improved but how do you know you will not be stuck here for the rest of your life"? I consider myself at 70% baseline and I sure hope that it is not the baseline for life. I also am thinking about my reactions to stress. Here is why I know that I am improving. I hope this list can help some here to ask similar questions because I think the baseline with all is improving.

 

1. I get very mad at people sometimes that let me down but it does not automatically throw me in a wave ( that was not the case 2 months ago)

2. I get guilty about things but it does not automatically throw me in a wave.

3. I can take allot more stress now but it does not automatically throw me in a wave

4. My ultra anxiety has been gone for 1 1/2 months.

5. I think negatively sometimes but I do not go spiraling into panic and total doom and gloom.

6. I get depressed deeply at times but I come out of it within days. My psych who does not believe in w/d (asshole) says that true depression never lifts. So it is w/d related.

7. I am able to read and write and stay focussed. That was not the case 2 months ago.

8. I  get more windows than waves ( at 70%  to 95%) and that was not the case two months ago.

9. I was able to detox from what some call a strong drug Gabapentin but I would never thought of doing that two months ago.

10. I get glimmers of hope and am planning for the future. ( I am no where as optimistic as I was before all this)

11. I was emotionally absent/blnted 2 months ago and I am not now.

12. The biggest one for last -- My intrusive thoughts have all but stopped.

 

 

I think that this benzo beast tells our brains subliminally " Yeah your in a window NOW but are you really going to fully healed?". This messes with our brains. I am trying to desperately find a way around not creating my own waves. The only thing that I have found that helps is to remind myself of the 12 items above and  and say

 

" ok I am anxious right now, so what!!!!!?. Everyone in the world get anxious." It does not mean i am going into a wave."

 

That is what has helped me allot. It is so hard because when the beast comes out it sometimes feels like we are helpless to it. Are we? I  am not sure but I try like mad to not care. I thank you all for being on this journey with me. I am feeling pretty good today despite a family member really letting me down.

 

LOVE,

 

Life

 

 

[[...]]

Thank you Life! I love your post!!

 

[[li...]]

Hey GMIT and everyone. I pulled this from "Healingtime's" success story. So true.

"I feel hope in my old dreams again which I thought, felt, even "knew" were dead. Now I know my brain was struggling... but it truly did repair itself. It is a miracle to me. I tried to give it healthy ingredients but I really could not give it positive affirmations. I wish I would have tried, but the deep emotional blocks and pain and dark despair were absolutely all consuming. It was like someone or something else was in there. My brain just WAS NOT me anymore. I am still figuring out who this new person is, but I recognize myself brain-wise, if that makes sense. For the most part, I am back. Still a ways to go. Hoping for the best. Even with these miraculous improvements, hope is still hard. It is still a daily/hourly struggle, but I look to the success for evidence of the power of ? self-healing, I guess? Prayer from other people has helped too."

 

Life

[[No...]]

When you get far along in this process we may forget some of where we have been ... I forgot about all the throat stuff and nausea and the choking feeling ... this morning really hit hard ... didn't nap this afternoon, just sat around and the memory came back ... I have been through all this before and many others have spoken about these same symptoms ... nothing has gone away much but I am settling down ... this not something "new" ... I have weathered this before and will get through this again ...

 

Got tripped by this one and pretty tangled up for a while ...

 

Take Care.

[[...]]

Thanks Life!!

 

So sorry Nova! I certainly hope you feel better soon!!

 

:smitten:

[[li...]]

Hey Nova we are all here for you. This is such a brutal process with the ups and down. It is a true test in endurance! We are stronger than most -- we are all almost 6 months and more out!

 

life

[[No...]]

Thanks folks ... put up a post in post-withdrawal ... this is getting really rough ...

[[No...]]

This such a "fun" ride ... not ... just trying to stay "connected" and to stay as slow and calm as I can ... thank the goddess for BB ...

[[No...]]

After such a long window ... now another bout of intense healing ... just trying not to go down the rabbit hole of "health issues" ... hard stuff ...

[[No...]]

Took another "dose" of my own advice ... an hour out on the balcony ... "sensory" stuff ...nothing really goes away ... but it keeps the rabbit hole at bay ... helps with the "connection" issue ... that was the really scary one this morning ... "disconnection" ... and remembering all the issues I had with it during tolerance ... get your cute little butt out of the past, Nova ... right here, right now ... you old coot ...

[[...]]

So sorry Nova!

 

Take good care of yourself!!

 

[[No...]]

Thanks GMIT ... I am ... sort of ...

[[pe...]]

Hi Nova,

How are you now? My therapist told me to ground myself and get sensory input when the disconnected feelings come. He suggested doing something like walking barefoot in the grass, digging in the dirt,  washing dishes in warm sudsy water. I'm not sure if that could help- earth, air, water - but maybe.

 

Your brain is working hard. Pushing through some more (last) esssential repairs. Close your eyes, sit in your chair, let it pass through.

 

Keep us posted.

Peace2

[[No...]]

Peace ... that's what I do ... trying to stay out of that "helpless" place ... do not want to ever go there again ... there is nothing else to do ... I had forgotten the intensity of this stuff ... thank you ...

[[pe...]]

Nova-

 

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Zy24gu0NmS4/U7i43zSdfrI/AAAAAAAAC00/EqZEmg3HplI/s1600/Grounding_Exercise.png

 

The idea is to move through each sense, breathing 3 times after each one. Sight-breathe, smell-breathe, etc.

[[pe...]]

Officially completed month 6....and 5, and 4, and 3, and 2, and 1. And then there was that taper business. Oh, and just being on a drug that made me sick everyday before I knew what was going on. Thank goodness ALL of that is over!!!!