6-12 month thread....

[[Co...]]

PB...LOL!!!  So good..needed that laugh...

..Peace..itsvok you can laugh at me..its pretty hilarious sometimes where our minds lead us. I have some food issues too. I have added decaf back into my diet, but pretty much wont eat a thing that is not organic or GMO free....I am a little OC. ..

...Free...my heart just goes out to you ..my head pressure was big today to...same as yours..pressure..buzzing..low grade tinnitus..elevated b/p ( from anxiety over head pressure). Drove me to a crying song. I finally took 6 mg of atenolol ..it helped, but I really hate to take it. Free..I am so thinking of you..it is a miserable s/x and scary. I want it to be over for you and Nova and me......wishing you relief and hopes that it never returns...coop

[[pe...]]

I know, Paperboat! I love peas!!!! I don't even remember where I read half this stuff. I just remember that I'm supposed to be afraid, very afraid!

 

Did you go to New York? When does that trip happen, or did it already?

 

Peace2

[[Co...]]

Free...I am picking up that book next week..I ordered it and it just came in...what are your thoughts on it?...I am looking forward to reading it...how is your head doing?...have a good night Free... coop

[[pe...]]

Lisa- I'm sorry today was so bad for you. My brain was in overdrive. I imagine its what ADHD is like, but I was ok if busy. Lisa, despite the bad days, I think you're doing great. You've had so many windows! Your brain has shown you what it's working on. I hope the pressure lets up very soon. You're being able to read is a good sign! I can't do that yet. What did you think of the book?

 

 

[[pe...]]

Life- thanks for the meditation reminder. It's been awhile. I'll try for a bit before bed.

 

Good sleep to all,

Peace2

[[No...]]

Good Evening ... I was "drooping" all day so decided to sleep at 5:30 PM ... slept for five hours ... head and belly and chest pressure must have taken a nap too and have not woken up yet ... even had a few "zaps" throughout the day ...

 

If the "book" is "Recovery & Renewal" ... I found it during my taper ... good stuff ... gave me more confirmation that I had made the right decision to head down this path ... compassion ... and commitment ...

 

From page 43 ... "No matter what you are experiencing, always remember that the source of the problem is being repaired (receptors are being up-regulated) and in time, these symptoms will all go. Let this be the spark that ignites the belief and resolve you need to help you stay afloat while you wait." ...

 

I too recommend reading it if you can, when you can ...

 

Take Care ...

[[No...]]

 

It is 11:00 PM here ... feel like a little kid peaking around the corner ...

 

Thank you all for you kind wishes ... haven't anticipated a birthday in a long while ... this is truly special ... first time in so long being drug free ...

 

It is going to be hot here this weekend ... going to avoid that ... heat and me do not get along at all ... have to give 4 hours to my job sometime over the weekend ... we face the northwest so I do not have to put up with direct sunlight until mid-afternoon ... patio time ... or rather balcony time ...

 

May go to the farmer's market this morning ... I always go very early ... avoid the crowds and as much noise as possible ... need some more veg and eggs if I go ...  we get most of our food there ... eat what is available and hasn't traveled a zillion miles ...

 

Think I will do my 4 hours starting at midnight our time and go to market ... and come back and nap ... feeling chipper right now ...

 

Take Care, Folks.

[[pe...]]

Happy Birthday, Nova!!!!!

 

 

[[pe...]]

So, I'm having a little bit of a window type thing and it makes perfect sense to me why it takes so long, why the windows and waves, why it has to be a gradual awakening. My brain could not turn off and then back on like a light switch. I would blow a fuse. We focus so much on the windows, but it's almost like the waves are a form of neuro-protection, like a buffer or a break as we enter this bright and dynamic world. I'm going to try to be grateful for the process, let it be, trust my brain.

 

 

 

[[Co...]]

NOVA..HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY....may all your wishes big and small come true....glad to know you are feeling better ...enjoy the market...get something special for yourself...coop

[[No...]]

Good Morning (again) ... did my 4 hours work ... off to market in a bit ... feel pretty good right now ... the night owl stuff has never bothered me ... nice and quiet ...

 

Have a good Saturday ...

[[Co...]]

Good morning everyone...A better morning here...working on managing my anxiety about tinnitus and head pressure as the anxiety increases the s/x and elevates my b/p. I have resorted to taking tiny doses ( 6 mg) of atenolol for the time being as it seems to help the headache /head pressure and the anxiety. I hate to do it,  but I am at that place of desperation. ..

......How are you? ...wishing all a good good day. ...Nova enjoy enjoy your birthday...take off those compression socks and dance!..

...Whoot...thinking of you and hoping you are doing ok...sending love to you..

........sunbreaks and looooong windows to all...coop

[[...]]

Good morning all!!

 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY NOVA!!!

 

I hope it's a wonderful Birthday!!

[[No...]]

Hi ... went down to the market ... beautiful morning ... as I was leaving I got slammed with a full-bodied wave ... have not been in this fierce of a place for a long time ... hunkered down and dozed for a bit ... still fierce ... the question for today ... where the hell does this stuff come from ... and why ... and I know the answers ...

 

And this is a birthday without drugs ... no matter how loud the beast roars ...

 

It had the gall to tell me "You don't know how to do this anymore ... stop at the pharmacy." I guess the beast is not omnipotent ... doesn't remember I had the pharmacist destroy the refill script they had on  file ...

 

Oh well, another day in the salt mines, chop wood, carry water.

 

Leaving the socks on, Coop, no dancing today ... maybe tomorrow ...

 

Take Care.

[[...]]

Sorry Nova!

 

Mine is an iffy day to...nowhere to go but into the window!!

 

[[No...]]

Hang on GMIT and Coop ... the windows, they are a comin" ...

[[No...]]

The "negative-thought-director" sure knows how to play the "fear" card ... today, every time I shove it back I get another "boaty" tweek ... this is getting old and boring ... think I will stop playing for a while ... there is no way of winning this contest so I will walk away ...

[[...]]

Nova, you used my exact words..."getting old and boring!"

 

I actually said this to my husband yesterday!

[[No...]]

GMIT ... we will get out of this ... today I am in turmoil and I did have 11 days of freedom ... and that does "hurt" ... sometimes I feel I regret the windows ... just batter me until it is over and go away ... stop teasing ... and I don't like that feeling ... that frames the symptoms as negative ... and they are not I believe ... they are showing me I am healing ... the feelings I have sometimes are negative not the symptoms ...

 

And today that sounds like so much "hogwash" ... and it is not ... I am feeling "hogwash" ... keep chanting, Nova, it might even stick ...

[[...]]

Funny the head games we can, and feel we have to, do to get through things!

 

The fact that we do this, know we are doing it, and yet it can help us is ironic!!!

 

Yesterday afternoon was one of the worst days I have had in a long time (although it still was tremendously to a lesser degree than acute). Today is a bit better! For past experience, I will feel a bit better each day until I enter a window...maybe this time the window will stay forever!! I can pray!!

 

Come on window!

 

[[No...]]

You are right, GMIT, this isn't acute ... for me today is not pulsing and throbbing and overwhelming ... its just messy and dirty ... like somebody just walked with dirty muddy boots all over the nice clean floor I am trying to maintain ...

 

Time to get out the mop, again ...

[[pe...]]

Today is iffy for me too. I am ok with it for now. Many people are counting on me today and I guess I'll push and see where I get. I'm sad with a dose of cotton head and fatigue. I can handle it. I don't love it, but I can do it. I'm tagging along with my best friend to see about a new tatoo (for her) then I've got a puppet show to attend followed by a neighborhood potluck. Tomorrow we're hosting friends for the World Cup game. I love the ideas of it all. I'm just so tired. But at least I've got an ounce of interest. I've got the, "that sounds like fun." Even though I don't quite have the mood or energy to back it up.

 

I hope this day brightens for everyone, maybe most of all for dear Nova. 

 

Peace2

 

 

 

 

[[Co...]]

Awes...Nova...not fair on your birthday....fighting the same battle..My conversation is going like this...ok Benzo Beast..You are not winning this...I am mad as can be...I am young to live my life with or without you...you have had enough of my days..I can die living or I can die ( lots of health fears today) huddled up in bed believing all your lies...I am determined down to the bottom of my soul to die while living. I refuse to stop living for fear of dying...so here I go ...with you on my back...but one of these days I will shake you off ..throw water on you and watch you turn into the nothing that you are.

.....well that's my angry .." had it with this " rant...

 

....GMIT....We are traveling along with you...no one is getting left behind...I hope your day has some sunbreaks....

 

....Nova....I am following your footprints today...very sorry to hear about the boaty motion...does ginger or drammamine helphelp?...dumb question..I am sure that you have tried those...wishing you sunbreaks....love your posts so much...coop

 

 

[[No...]]

Thank you Peace, have a good day ...

 

[[...]]

Sorry Peace and Coop! I sure hope you both feel relief soon!!