6-12 month thread....

[[je...]]

Healing hope! Thank you for your one year update, I'm right behind you and praying I will be close to where you are!

[[...]]

Stopping in to say good morning!!

 

Hope all feel well today!!

[[wh...]]

Hi everyone

Coop - congrats!  Almost there.  it has been a tough ride for you. I'm glad we can at least talk to eachother and you guys are so kind and supportive.

I understand what Peace is saying about doing things but still feeling down or wondering if you might panic etc.....it takes the joy away from the moment for sure.

I kept busy yesterday too.  Swimming; running; a deep tissue massage......I did it but I didn't enjoy it really.......ugh

Soon we will feel like our old selves.

Thanks for the info about gabapentin and thanks Coop for sharing the validation from your neighbor..........

This stuff is unbelievable.....but alas it is real...........ick....

Love to all ; have a great day

[[Fr...]]

Nova - so happy for you that things are lifting!!!  Keep us posted as you progress more.

 

Coop - sounds like you're feeling better too!!!  Wonderful.

 

Peace I hope you're feeling better.

 

As for me, the bad wave- at least the painful headache part went on for about 8 hours then released and I felt so sleepy and slept great.  This morning it has morphed into mild to medium anxiety.  Let's hope my noon it has lifted completely.

 

Love to you all,

Lisa

[[...]]

Lisa, glad your wave let up, and hope this one goes away quick!

 

Hope everyone else is feeling well!!!

[[Co...]]

Whoot and Free....

....I am sharing your s/x this morning....up and doing things, but with the same sense of discomfort that you speak of Whoot. Its like functional in spite of s/x as opposed to up and doing things and enjoying them ... so tiring...

Also like you Free,  morning headache...shakes.  anxiety ( moderate) and mild depression. As much as this is discouraging I realize that 2 months ago I would have called this relief. So I am grateful that the head pressure is better and many s/x ( intrusive thoughts,  jitters,  total insomnia,  agoraphobia,  and panic are all better). My morning s/x usually burn off considerably by afternoon. Free,  do your s/x let up later in the day as well?....

......This is not where I want to be,  but so much better than 2 months ago so I will take it...

.....Hope everyone has a better day...thank you all for the support and sharing....coop...

[[ga...]]

HH...I'm curious about the insomnia issue.  You dealt with it in the past and now are fine.  I am having on and off issues with this as well.  I have days were I sleep poorly maybe a couple of hours to some nights hardly at all.  Then it improves a bit.  I take unisom now and then and melatonin.  I hope to get to where you are at now.  The blues hit me now and then and I think that contributes to the nights of poor sleep.  Oh well, a long journey to recovery.  Slowly but surely getting there.  Hope you continue to progress!

[[...]]

Ahh, I can relate...

 

Rough night! Sheesh...in hopes to sleep longer I took a melatonin, which I had done many times early on and worked great. Not this time! I was up at 2 am, and felt VERY anxious. Fell back asleep at 3 something hoping that when I woke I would feel less anxious...not to be, it was worse. I confess, I broke down and took an antihistamine. I try VERY hard not to do anything through this, ride it out, but this was very bad, I needed help. I fell back to sleep about 5 and woke at 6:15. The anxiousness is greatly reduced now, greatly.

 

My stomach is not feeling well, either. I've had gastric issues long before this, but this is causing my acid reflux to go beyond out of control every day. I was trying to quit my PPI, but that's just not going to be possible right now, my body can't take it. I feel a bit sick to my stomach.

 

Wonder if doing so much yesterday kinda threw me off...dunno but resting today.

 

I hope you all feel better!

 

Galton, the unisom does not give you sx?

[[ga...]]

I am not aware of any sx's from the unisom.  Lately, it has worked quite well for me.  Sorry to hear you're dealing with the sleep issues.  I empathize with you.

[[...]]

Thanks! I haven't had any since the beginning of wd, then now they pop up! Darn!

[[He...]]

Ahh, I can relate...

 

Rough night! Sheesh...in hopes to sleep longer I took a melatonin, which I had done many times early on and worked great. Not this time! I was up at 2 am, and felt VERY anxious. Fell back asleep at 3 something hoping that when I woke I would feel less anxious...not to be, it was worse. I confess, I broke down and took an antihistamine. I try VERY hard not to do anything through this, ride it out, but this was very bad, I needed help. I fell back to sleep about 5 and woke at 6:15. The anxiousness is greatly reduced now, greatly.

 

My stomach is not feeling well, either. I've had gastric issues long before this, but this is causing my acid reflux to go beyond out of control every day. I was trying to quit my PPI, but that's just not going to be possible right now, my body can't take it. I feel a bit sick to my stomach.

 

Wonder if doing so much yesterday kinda threw me off...dunno but resting today.

 

I hope you all feel better!

 

Galton, the unisom does not give you sx?

 

Hi GMIT,

Every time that I would take melatonin it would cause me to wake up in a huge panic, drenched in sweat, a few hours after falling asleep.  It was awful! 

[[...]]

Never had that problem early on, it worked like a charm! Obviously, something has changed in my body!!

[[He...]]

HH...I'm curious about the insomnia issue.  You dealt with it in the past and now are fine.  I am having on and off issues with this as well.  I have days were I sleep poorly maybe a couple of hours to some nights hardly at all.  Then it improves a bit.  I take unisom now and then and melatonin.  I hope to get to where you are at now.  The blues hit me now and then and I think that contributes to the nights of poor sleep.  Oh well, a long journey to recovery.  Slowly but surely getting there.  Hope you continue to progress!

 

Hi Garton,

My insomnia seemed to be made worse by low vitamin D....or maybe it was just a coincidence.  However, along about the time that my insomnia was off the charts miserable and I had been struggling with it for months, I went to get blood work done.  The doctor tested my vitamin D levels, among other things, and it turned out my D was quite low.  One of the side effects of low D is insomnia.  My level was 24 and the level for optimum sleep should be 50 - 60.  She put me on 8000u of D per day for 8 weeks, and within the first 2 days of taking it I started to sleep better.  The first 5 days of taking large levels of D, I had slept better than I had in months.  My sleep began getting better around the 8th month mark.  Like I said, it could be total and complete coincidence, both things just happening in the same time frame.  I don't know.  It may be worth getting your D levels checked if you haven't had that done. 

[[ga...]]

Matter of fact I did that a couple of years back.  I was down around 30 at that time and started adding 5000mg. tablets in hope -80that might improve my sleep.  Psych doc also said it may help with blue moods.  Can't say for certain that it helped though.  Retested and my levels were to high.  I now take an occasional 5000 and hold at levels around 70-90.  Thanks though.  I feel that over the years I have read and tried just about everything out there.  At least I am not using the hard core meds anymore and actually have found that I can get some sleep taking nothing at all.  I still fall back to the unisom when I am having a difficult time.

[[be...]]

Hi all,

Have to share my yesterday with you.

My granddaughter was in the Fourth of July parade with her karate class. For a month she has been so excited about the parade and asked me to come watch her, I looked that sweet child in the eyes and told her I would be there.The night before I was ill in a wave and so worried about the next day.

I went to bed and prayed that I would be able to see my granddaughter in the parade. I woke symptom free, I ate breakfast got dressed and off to the parade.

It was a wonderful day shared with my family, I really needed this.

Today I feel a little rough but it was all worth it.

This is true healing!!!! Baby steps and prayer!!

 

Much healing and hugs to all.

 

[[He...]]

Hi all,

Have to share my yesterday with you.

My granddaughter was in the Fourth of July parade with her karate class. For a month she has been so excited about the parade and asked me to come watch her, I looked that sweet child in the eyes and told her I would be there.The night before I was ill in a wave and so worried about the next day.

I went to bed and prayed that I would be able to see my granddaughter in the parade. I woke symptom free, I ate breakfast got dressed and off to the parade.

It was a wonderful day shared with my family, I really needed this.

Today I feel a little rough but it was all worth it.

This is true healing!!!! Baby steps and prayer!!

 

Much healing and hugs to all.

 

Beulah,

This is so great!!  What a wonderful thing...thanks for sharing! 

[[pe...]]

That's great Beulah! I'm so glad your prayers were answered. We all need a few of those wonderful days to help us keep going!  Happy for your healing.

[[Co...]]

Buelah...yay!....so happy that you got to see your granddaughter...Those grandiose the best motivaters ever. I had to cancel things on my grandsons this winter...made me feel so low. My family is coming tomorrow for a swim and a bbq and a movie...today is so so...I will be following your strategy...prayer and a restful day today. In my former pre- benzo days I could have run circles around a little family bbq...last summer I couldn't get out of bed to do a thing so I will take it.

.....You are do close to 12 months Buelah...I cant wait to see your progress at that point and celebrate with you. I am a few months behind you...

.....wishing you days and days of windows that just don't go away...coop

[[Co...]]

My big step forward for today....drinking decaf with no.bad effects...knock on wood....and head pressure and yuckky feeling that I got up with lifted. Not really a window but a very decent baseline and enables me to push myself gently...

......Hoping everyone has a very good day...coop

 

.....Ps. ...Amidst the lingering and sometimes new and returning s/x on this thread there seems to be a definite theme of improvement. ...One thing I have been noticing for myself in just the last month is that even when I feel bad I don't want to be in bed anymore. Even 2 months ago on bad days I would get up to tan my dog out and push myself through at least noon but couldn't wait to go back to bed...many mornings I didn't make it to noon.

....What are your one or two things that are changing in the improvement direction?

.......take care all ..off to soak in the epsome salts...just because that lavender is so soothing.....coop

[[li...]]

Hi everyone,

 

I am so glad to see that so many of us are improving. Well, I feel much better today (now at least) but not before going into a deep depression last night ( my last symptom). Today I claimed the healing that God has given me and I started to feel much better. My last symptom to go away is depression. It may be that this depression was caused by my discontinuation of Gabapentin last week but I am not too sure as depression has been my last w/d symptom for some time. Intrusive thoughts, major anxiety, major restlessness, muscle aches, paranoia, all gone!  I am like anyone guessing if this is going to be with me forever?

 

Just a few questions? How many of us have had depression before benzos? How many of us have or had serious depression during w/d or now? Has it left? Is it getting better? Is it still around?

 

 

I think I am also going to post this on the major board. I now we are all healing and although I hit a wave 2 days ago I feel that I am already starting to exit the wave. God bless.

 

life

 

[[He...]]

I am definitely feeling "bluesy" today.  I'm home, for the second day in a row  , all by myself.  Last night my younger daughter stayed with her friend's family at their cabin at the lake, and today my husband headed over the hill (about a 70 mile trip) to go shopping for a suit to wear to our niece's upcoming wedding.  My older daughter went with him to get some highway, and bigger city, driving practice in...and then on their way home they will stop at the lake to pick up our younger daughter.  I would have loved to go with them, BUT I am stuck home having to finish a huge assignment that is due tonight.  Blah... 

I think, though, that days like yesterday and today are helpful in my healing process.  I have to learn how to function and push through feelings of depression/blues, and relearn how to be content with myself while I'm alone and not going, going, going.  It's easy for me to ignore these feelings when I have something that I must do, like go to work or some other obligation, but it's much more difficult when my schedule is free and I am alone.  That is when my blues creep up.  I am pretty proud of myself though because several months ago these two days would have had me full of tears, panic, and depression...and I probably would have been curled up in bed.  Instead, I feel lonely and rather empty and a bit sad, but I have been getting things accomplished that I need to do and have had no panic and am not even close to tears.  Progress! 

 

To answer your question, Life, I was never depressed pre-benzos.  This feelings of depression/blues kind of snuck up and came around while on them and then I've been dealing with it during w/d and healing to various degrees.

 

Coop, you have inspired me with your coffee talk.  I'm going to put down my assignment and head to my favorite coffee shop for an iced decaf skinny latte.    Yum!!   

[[li...]]

Thank you Healing very much.  I can relate with you when you say that "going, going , going " we avoid our feelings. That is what I have done all my life. One thing that helps me is to sit with the feelings and feel them -- not run from them. It deminishes their importance. One of the silver linings to this w/d process is that we are forced CBT techniques that are helpful. I feel the depression is lifting already after two days. I hope and pray it was the gabapentin w/d. If so I will take that as a sign to stay away from all meds. I am concerned about depression symptom though - as it has been my last symptoms.

 

Healing is depression something you had as of just a few months ago?

 

life

[[pe...]]

Hi Life and everyone-

Depression has been my most constant and difficult symptom. I had episodes of depression before benzos. The depression was mostly transient and lifted with little intervention. I had been completely free of depression for six years before benzos and became depressed in a mater of weeks when they were prescribed. I have been spending a lot of time here:

 

http://benzowithdrawalhelp.com/

 

reading the posts of Don Killian. He went through withdrawal and suffered mostly from depression during his recovery. It really has calmed me to read about his struggle and his recovery. I think there's even a way to contact him as he counsels people in withdrawal. He's also familiar with BB.

 

I'm here for you, Life. The depression is also my biggest bother.

 

Hugs and love to you,

Peace2

[[pe...]]

Healing and Coop-

You are both showing signs of healing. I like this idea, Coop to see the differences along healing. It sounds like Healing, your depression is less tenacious. That's mostly true for me too but it still gets pretty dark for me and I'm not ready to be alone for any length of time.

 

Coop, you've got the courage to try decafe and wanting to stay out of bed on your list.

 

One thing I notice about myself is that I want things. Like, I want to get my hair done. I might not be able to, but I'd like to where as before I could care less. Or I want those organic blueberries at the store because they taste good to me instead of eating because I know I'm supposed to. Or I want my boys to have clean faces, because I think they look cuter instead of not caring if they leave the house covered in schloop.

 

Peace2

[[He...]]

Thank you Healing very much.  I can relate with you when you say that "going, going , going " we avoid our feelings. That is what I have done all my life. One thing that helps me is to sit with the feelings and feel them -- not run from them. It deminishes their importance. One of the silver linings to this w/d process is that we are forced CBT techniques that are helpful. I feel the depression is lifting already after two days. I hope and pray it was the gabapentin w/d. If so I will take that as a sign to stay away from all meds. I am concerned about depression symptom though - as it has been my last symptoms.

 

Healing is depression something you had as of just a few months ago?

 

life

 

Life,

I just went back and checked on my posts, and the first time that I really mention feeling very depressed was right around 8 months out.  I was turning a corner in a lot of ways, but depression was starting to hit harder than it had before.  I even posted once in the depression section, which is a place that I never have the desire to even look at.  I noticed that I posted about an increase in depression at 9 months, 9 1/2 months, and the last one at 10 months.  These waves were characterized by feeling very weepy, depressed, lonely, with zero optimism, in addition to the usual suspects of anxiety.  They didn't last too long (a day or two or three), but they were pretty intense.  It's funny how I forgot about these, even the ones as recent as 2 months ago!  My depression in waves has most definitely lessened compared to how that period of 8 - 10 months was. 

 

My overall baseline was going up during that time, but the waves were still very tough and depression seemed quite vicious.