6-12 month thread....

[[li...]]

Hi everyone.

 

Coop thank you for  your very ind words. Your thoughts and prayers have worked. I have very little anxiety today but I feel like a vice grip is in my shoulder muscles and someone is tightening the inch by inch. There is a muscle pain from this w/d that I have never experience before. There was a time yesterday that every time I swallow it hurt. That is how tight my muscles are. i feel much better today and am grateful to God for the break. It appears that Gabapentin w/d last 5 to 8 days. Im on day 7 and feel much better. Continue to pray for me please

 

Peace, it is a very normal reaction to feel defeated and emotionless  from this whole process. It does go away.I remember not to long ago that I was I was looking at everyone else and feeling so hopeless and useless and almost secretly envious of those going about their life enjoying things. This whole w/d experience is teh most difficult process all of us will ever have to go through. It is so tough to endure but we are so close to ultimate healing. i know you may doubt that but we really are. I was in a bad state a few months ago and little by little it just changes so quickly. Your total healing may be just right around the corner.

 

Also, Peace, it was not my addiction doctor that prescribed Gabapentin. We are all healing!!!!!!

 

life

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Hello all!

 

Peace, I hope you are feeling better!!

 

Life, glad you are feeling better!!

[[je...]]

Coop~ Congrats on your 8th month, you seem to be much better Iam so happy for you!

Life~ I think once the Gabepentin is out of your system you will probably be making some drastic strides towards healing. I will keep you in my prayers

Peace~ It sounds like you are feeling a little better. Iam literally in awe of you!! You have been traveling with little kids, seeing family, completely out of normal surroundings and comfort AND in a nasty wave YET you have overcome and gotten through all of it. Iam so proud of you, and I think it is evident to all of us how much you are healing!! I hope you continue to feel better for the rest of your trip.

Lisa~ How are you doing? I hope your feeling better

Iam doing pretty well today! It is my husbands birthday today too so we are going to BBQ some burgers and enjoy the special flag cake I make for him every year. I bought some wine coolers and I think Im going to try one tonight--Ill let you all know how it goes. (coop I totally get how you were feeling about that wine!!) I really cant see any big progress in my healing, I seem to be up and down, but not making any big strides. My sx are in serious cycling mode! Im still suffering with some nerve pain and very sensitive to stress. Emotionally sensitive too--I take things that people say to me the wrong way and am constantly getting my feelings hurt. I hope you all have a great 4th!! Love you all

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Jenny, Happy 4th, and Happy Birthday to your husband!

 

Take care of yourself! The cycling is difficult...up, down, round and round.

[[ga...]]

I will be one year off as of 7/7/14.  Still some good days and then I get whacked with some nights of little to no sleep.  Makes for a very difficult day of feeling down and depressed.  Unfortunately, I am going through that today.  I am still staying in California, last days of vacation at my mother in laws house outside of L.A.  I was worried how it would go prior to leaving in early June.  Overall, I  can say it has been pretty good.  Sleep okay, some nights not taking anything.  I have enjoyed the cool weather.  Unfortunately, the last few days I have spent just sitting around the house.  I have gotten myself feeling down again having my own pity party.  My wife just wants all this behind us and I can't blame her in the least.  I still can't devote the time and attention that she so much deserves.  I hate making commitments to doing various activities for fear I won't be up to it.  I know I have to just give in and start to plan on doing more with her.  Our marriage can't go on like it is.  I think lots of this is just we both have been so beat up over the years dealing with this and wondering if it will ever end completely.

 

 

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First off, CONGRATS on your year! That's quite an accomplishment!! You should be so proud!!

 

This journey is so difficult for us, and also on our families. We try so hard to just survive so many days, let alone plan for the future. I'm sorry for your difficult time!

 

Be well and celebrate your accomplishment!!!

[[Fr...]]

Hi Everyone and happy fourth.

 

Jenny - thanks for asking about me - I'm not doing very well again and get despondent.

 

I had some good weeks there for a bit where things were improving and am so discouraged now.  The last wave lasted longer than ever with just a few breaks in it.  Now I had one great day - yesterday and am real sick again today.

 

I am worried because my symptoms are so neurological.  The wave starts with an odd neurological pain in my neck.

 

Then lately I get burning in my right ankle, next burning in my forehead and extreme, painful head pressure.  I don't feel like I can handle it so often.

 

I keep wondering if this is normal wd or something else like small fiber neuropathy or something.  I am getting so weary.

 

It's wearing out my husband too because he hates to seem me in such pain.  My legs ache and have slight nerve pain in them too but so far it's not so bad.

 

My sons are visiting and I've been in bed since noon when this started up again.  I miss doing things with them and my husband.

 

I'm so scared and know people who are in year 2 and 3 with waves like this still and don't know how to do that.  Where did some quality of life go?  Sorry.  Feeling really sad and despondent.

 

Lisa

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I'm so very sorry Lisa...I truly hope this improves quickly!

 

I feel bad because I feel warn out as well and I don't have those same issues.

 

Take care of yourself! That's the most important thing right now!

[[pe...]]

I've got to be about me for a minute and I'm gonna talk about the dreaded hormones. So, men that's the warning to stop reading here if you wish.

 

Generally I see improvements, and you, my BB family validate those improvements for me. But every six weeks, when my hormones drop, I fall off an emotional cliff where I can see no reason to go on. Now, my husband can verify the concurrence of these two phenomena. They are absolutely related.

 

Last I saw my psych, I brought this up and asked what to do. Like should I try to keep my hormones level and avoid the drop, with birth control or something. He said no. He wants me to let my body come back into balance. Great! But there's got to be someway to adjust my mood during those two weeks. It seems like it should be easy to do, right? So, what do you think? Should I contact my psych again and sort it out with him? Or should I contact my regular MD or my 'lady doctor'?

 

I also posted all this in the menstruation thread, but not all of you visit that thread.

Peace2

 

[[pe...]]

Jenny,

Happy birthday to your husband! So good of you to make him a cake. I'm sure he loves that and the boys do too! I'm sorry your healing is not more apparent to you. I am thankful you're doing pretty well today and are willing to risk the wine cooler. I think that's a sign of healing, willingness to throw caution to the wind. Report back and let us know the results. Big love to you. I'm glad you're part of this thread.

 

Peace2

[[pe...]]

Lisa,

Hang on sister! I am right there with you.  My symptoms are all mental, but I get the fear of forever and the tired husband and not being able to participate the way you want to. So, lets just go forward into this awfulness together. Because the only way out is through and through has got to be heaven compared to this!

 

I'm sorry for all your pain. Everything I've read about withdrawal suggests it could all be from the drugs. If your feel better getting it checked out, then I think you should. It's sometimes hard to know if it's worth it to talk with one more person about your symptoms. I still bark up that tree though I've yet to find anyone who can make me feel better or give me conclusive answers.

 

Lets not think about feeling like this in 2-3 years. Life gives us hope that it will get better and you recently had some pretty decent days. We need to hold on to those decent days as our truth.

Peace2

[[pe...]]

Life and GMIT-

Thank you, always for your love and encouragement!!!!

 

[[Co...]]

Lisa....So sorry you are in a wavy week. The head pressure is awful. Mine is hanging on too. Today it let up in the afternoon but I really dread it. ..How long has yours been going on? ...Do you have any tricks up your sleeve that help in the moment? The only thing that I have found is hot packs,  but I am getting tired of trying to do housework with a hot pack swinging off my neck and my wrists dressed up in wonky looking ' accupuncture ' bands..lol.

....Have you tried lavender epsome salts soaks for your legs? They help my chest/back tightness. ..Lisa,  I really hope you tel better tomorrow...coop

[[He...]]

Hope....happy happy anniversary!!!....One year ...so huge. I am so happy for you...you are right,  you do have this and you never ever have to do it again. Thank you so very much for posting in the group there are so many of us with that one year mile marker in our sights. You are a great encouragement to us. I cant wait to be at year one..4 more months.

.....Hope are you doing something special for yourself to celebrate..you certainly deserve it. I could be wrong,  but I think you might be the first one in the group to cross the one year mark....we are all following....yay and yay for you.....coop

 

Thanks Coop!  I felt the most improvement from 8 months on.  Hopefully you will be feeling the same!  I guess I have technically have aged out of this particular thread, but I'm going to stick around anyway.  I love our little community of encouragement! 

[[pe...]]

Healinghope-

Please do stick around! I love that idea.

 

Peace2

[[Co...]]

HH....please please stay with us. All of us who are wearily keeping on to year one desperately need all of the encouragement and honest updates from those ahead of us. I am cautiously hoping that month 8 will make my w/d start looking a little better. Actually. I can see improvement.  My waves seem to be lasting at the most a day long. My sunbreaks are a little closer together with a neutral baseline in between. I was remembering this morning that I had continual anxiety while ON ativan. I think it only acted on my anxiety for 6 weeks at the most . I was initially given Xanex in er for sudden onset vertigo but had a huge paradoxical reaction to it and was sent home with a nice little rx for ativan. The paradoxical reaction should have been a neon clue.

.....My anxiety is at a 90% better...sleep is improving...agoraphobia gradually but steadily improving..appetite improving...tolerance for s/x is better.

....Head pressure,  body tightness/ pain,  some up and down depression with moderate d/r d/p ..some health fear with body s/x seem to be my biggest challenges right now. ...It is wonderful to have a 12 month grad. In the group...we really need you here.....wishing you continued healing ...Thanks for coming back on to catch us up.....coop

[[He...]]

Thanks Peace!  And hang in there...my month 5 was really tough.  Not fun AT ALL.  I hope you start to feel some relief soon.  Supplements are really tricky to manage and can have disastrous results, but when my 13 year old was having horrible periods, twice a month and really heavy, our doctor prescribed her the supplement called DIM (or diindolylmethane).  It supports healthy estrogen metabolism.  It is just the compound that is in cruciferous vegetables (broccoli, cabbage, ect) and it regulated my daughter's period within the first month.  I haven't tried taking any myself, so I don't know what it does to w/d symptoms, but this may be something you would like to google and check out.  This was my doctor's first step, but if it didn't work she would probably have been prescribed birth control.  I could hardly believe that it worked so well for her!   

 

Maybe you could increase you consumption of cruciferous veggies and have somewhat of the same effect?  Just a thought.  I hope you feel better soon!!

[[He...]]

Here is the post that I put over on the Benzo-Free Celebration page.  I tried to make it very honest and accurately describe what I'm feeling.  I even was in a bit of a funk while writing it, so if it has that feel to it you'll know why.    I hope you all have a wonderful evening and any wave will disappear.  Love to you all!   

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Well, one year and three days.    I hit the one year mark on July 1 and I'm excited to have passed this big mile marker.  I am feeling pretty good, on the whole.  I am not ready to write a success story yet because I still deal with little symptoms almost every day, but they are more uncomfortable than intense and they are definitely manageable.  I think it's important to chronicle healing so others can read and find hope.  I know I have spent many, many hours pouring over the success stories and the celebrations pages! 

 

My symptoms that I still deal with are:

Anxiety - This is sort of a low background anxiety that is accompanied with a sternum tightness.  The sternum tightness is the most bothersome part for me.  I can't even describe it as "pain", but it is uncomfortable and sometimes will move around my chest area, though often settles right in the middle.  This can trigger health anxiety, although this has lessened so much in the past 4 - 5 months.  I don't truly believe that I'm going to drop down dead from a heart attack anymore...and I used to be almost 100% certain I would at any minute.  I sometimes also get that butterflies in the stomach type of normal nervousness, but it doesn't happen that often anymore.  My anxiety has calmed down significantly and I do not feel it all the time.

 

Intrusive thoughts - This goes along with my anxiety.

 

Morning anxiety - This is also there to a certain extent, though also significantly better.  I used to have horrible morning anxiety that would cause me to jump out of bed and often would lead to tears.  I would shake, dry heave, have trouble focusing.  Now my morning anxiety is often there, but like the regular anxiety, it is just a low background type.  I do still have some nausea that comes with it, and it can still be hard to eat breakfast right away.

 

Internal tremors - These will still randomly pop up, often after a jolt of some kind.  They don't trigger anxiety for me anymore.

 

Boaty feeling - Very occasionally this will pass me over like a brief wave.  This symptom has never stuck around for more than a few seconds.  It hits and then leaves.  It used to happen much more often than it does now.

 

Restless/achy legs - This is a relatively newer symptom that has shown up in the past month or two.  I feel it as I am laying down to sleep.  It doesn't keep me awake, but it can be uncomfortable.

 

Depression - Actually, depression is probably too strong of a word for how I feel.  "Bluesy" or "melancholy" would be a better description.  As with all my symptoms, this isn't something I feel all the time.  It has gotten better and I can be alone now without feeling weepy.  A great example of this is today as I had to stay home with my dog who is recovering from surgery while my husband took our daughters to the lake with their friends.  I have felt a bit bluesy, but not panicky or teary at all.  (In case you feel sorry for me about being left at home on a big holiday, we are all going to a friend's party tonight so I'll get my celebration/family time then.  )

 

I think this list of symptoms is very accurate as to what is holding me back from writing a success story.  I am amazed at how far I've come with my healing in this year, especially from the 8th month mark!  I am also going through some very significant stress in my life as we are in the process of losing our house to foreclosure and will most likely move shortly.  This situation really sucks, but I am pleased with how my still fragile CNS is coping. 

 

Here are the symptoms that have gone:

Insomnia - Oh my gosh, this was HORRIBLE!!  I would sleep maybe 3 hours before waking up in an absolute panic.  Often nights would be spent waking up every couple of hours, starting about 12:00, then 2:00, then 4:00.  After that first wake up, I would only be able to doze in between the other wake ups...never falling completely asleep.  Now I sleep fine and can even sleep in!  I can also take a nap in the middle of the day!!

 

Extreme anxiety and heavy depression- As mentioned above, these are very light now.  This makes me happy because anxiety was the original reason I got on benzos in the first place.

 

 

I have started up my master's degree again after taking a year off, and just finished up my first class while dealing with w/d symptoms and I got an A.    I enjoy social gatherings and just last night we spent with a group of 20 of our friends watching a baseball game.  It was relaxing and fun and I only had one small wave of anxiety, but then my symptoms and my benzo thoughts disappeared.  I feel joy, love, peace, sadness, and all the appropriate emotions that a healthy human being should have.  Things really DO get better and we really DO heal!

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[[Fr...]]

Thanks Peace for the pep talk and friendship - you hold on too - we have to start seeing some improvement soon.  One day is not enough and intense wd has got to stop.  I'm sorry you're having it rough too.  We will make it through.  It's just so scary.  I love my husband and am really sad for him and me for all we are missing.

 

Coop - you are an inspiration to me.  I don't have any tricks for the head pressure. Do you have burning too at times?

 

I am so glad to hear that you do feel better.  Keep it up for all of us.  You are a leader.

 

I do have Elavil on hand for the pain but don't take it much at all - does anyone use an AD or anything else?

 

Greenice wrote and is ok but just coming out of a wave.

 

Love to you all,

Lisa

[[Co...]]

Lisa,  ..yes I get burning on my hands and ankles especially at night sometimes it leads to rls ..but rls is not a frequent s/x for me. I also get that burning electric ' zap ' inside my head...I am so encouraged by HH 's post...I needed to hear it today...one day this will all be a distant memory for all of us...Hold on Lisa...we really are getting there.. .coop

[[Co...]]

HH....Thank you so much for posting your one year celebration statement here. It has given me the hope boost that I really needed today....So happy for you....coop

[[pe...]]

HH- thanks for the supplement idea. I'll take it to my doctor and see what she thinks. Also, thanks for being here and sharing your truth with us, the good and the getting there. It seems that you really are getting there.

 

Peace 2

[[No...]]

Good Evening Folks ... took the day "off" ... sitting here tonite waiting for what is left of "Arthur" to show up tomorrow morning ... should only be a "normal blow" for us ... for me it has been a pretty good week ... my "cycling" stuff seemed to run out of steam last Sunday and has not been around all week ... as I have said I am still getting nibbles but no bites ... and no Chamomile tea bags in the compost ... a good sign ... and no drugs in the cabinet ... forgot that I had ditched my last stash several weeks ago ... a lot of this stuff is drifting off into memory for me ...

 

Hang on gang ... wherever you are on your path to recovery ... I never, never, never in my wildest dreams really thought I could come out the other side after all these years ... and I am standing here in the doorway looking out toward the rest of my life ... this is not over year for me ... there is still some "tidying up" to live through ... I am recognizing that I now have to get my head around really being drug-free ... no other way to say it ... if there is hope for this old coot there is hope for all of you ...

 

Many Blessing To All Of You ...

 

 

[[Co...]]

Nova, ....what a great post...6 days and holding...do happy to hear it. Just nibbles and tidying up..wonderful. Maybe the '8th month '' charm is going to sprinkle glitter on all of us. ...You so deserve this Nova. You are giving us big hope tonight ...thank you..

.....I have been thinking about you as I follow Arthur on the news. Glad it turned into just a " blow " ....Wishing you days and days of sunbreaks and windows...coop

[[Co...]]

Greenice ...thinking of you and sending you wishes for sunbreaks and healing... coop